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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sex after monogamy?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BlooFlame
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 15
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Sex after monogamy?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
If I didn't feel established enough to have sex, I wouldn't be establishing anyone as my boyfriend.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 16
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:19:29 PM
A wide variety of views and perspectives on this. The important thing is to find someone on the same page as you. Don't compromise your integrity for the sake of a relationship.
 Jaded_Travesty
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 17
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 7:30:40 AM

So as the saying goes, No sex before monogamy. What if you establish your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend but after 4 dates? Would you give it up then or would you wait until your a bit more established in the relationship?


The only REAL rules for sex are "Safe, Sane, and Consensual". Really. The rest of the rules are imposed by the people in the equation. If you want to wait, wait. If you don't want to wait, don't. Your body, your rules, but don't forget the other person has a right to rule their body as well (that whole consensual thing).


Sex is for marriage only.


Sorry, Gail, but not everyone drinks the same Kool-aid as you...
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 18
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 7:53:39 AM
How about sex anytime? There are no rules for biology!
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 19
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 11:04:00 AM
No sex before monogamy? Screw that.

I am actually old fashioned when it comes to sex. I don't rush in and would have no problem going 1-2 months to truly get to know someone (foreplay would have to be included though. But even I am not going to commit to a woman unless I know we have sexual compatibility. It would be like buying a car without test driving it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 20
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 11:30:16 AM
Other than a one night stand, sex can happen on the 2, third, or even after two months. It not only varies from woman or men, but from relationship to relationship. Two things, one let it flow naturally. That means have some sexual tension on it. Second, don't become pushy. Let it flow. In earlier days I would try to get the intimate part as soon as possible, but after being in some longer term relationship that were more fulfilling than any quickie. I would rather let it flow and get there together.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 21
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/13/2015 11:28:18 AM
Sex AFTER monogamy is awesome. First of all, sex before being exclusive is more about the conquest. It's more of a hunt. The woman becomes your pray, the hunt becomes the seduction, the give an take, the kill is having sex with her.
This is fine and dandy, but, be real, how often are you hunting for new meat? It takes a lot of set up, dates, what not and then you have sex, now what. How many times, that first time you had sex was actually inadequate, weird and border line mediocre. How many times you had good sex, but compared with having sex with that person for the 100th time was a million times better?

When you seek exclusivity and instead of sex feeling like hunting, sex feels like a deep spiritual meditation where you get to the innermost spiritual side of your partner. Each session with your partner discovers something new. One day you explore anal, another day submission, another day some different poses, places (public or private), locations, or even clothes.

So I find sex after monogamy to be about 3,000 times more fulfilling that sex before monogamy.

But that is just me and I am definitely weird.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 22
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 5:57:26 AM
Uh im trying to get to the 5th gate of hell and I keep ending up here.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 23
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 6:33:54 AM

However, it seems the paramount thing about online dating these days is DONT EVER MENTION you want to have sex, because then you are only seeking a "booty call" anyway.


This point is very important and too often ignored. The reasons go beyond catering to the spiritual wrecks of the blue rinse brigade. Sex simply isn't a fit subject for any electronic arena, telephone included. The nature of it is so personal that it is best left to face to face. You can't actually do it without being face to face so why even open the subject until then?
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 24
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 6:55:17 AM
I would only have sex when monogamy has been achieved but try to not be in a relationship/monogamous for as long as possible to see whats out there and have some non-sexual fun ;)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 25
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 2:11:07 PM

So as the saying goes, No sex before monogamy. What if you establish your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend but after 4 dates? Would you give it up then or would you wait until your a bit more established in the relationship?


I'm not sure you understand what monogamy is. It has two meanings that are very similar. The original definiton of the word was based around marriage. Being monogamous meant only being married to one person, nothing at all about sex. Under that definition, you cannot be unmarried and monogamous.

If you meant it as marriage, then your question kind of answered itself. If you're waiting for monogamy, you're waiting for marriage.

Monogamy also took on a sexual meaning, basically that you're only having sex with one person. Basically the opposite of polyamory.

If you meant it sexually, then you still answered your own question, it's your bf/gf, they should be the only one, and since you're not waiting on marriage, go for it.
 qwertyui204
Joined: 9/27/2014
Msg: 26
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 6:18:34 AM
True story
true story
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 27
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 7:33:42 AM
Sex after monogamy? It was absolutely great! Who knew it was necessary to divorce to get good sex (albeit not with the ex!)?
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 28
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 11:36:01 AM
forumonly

I don't know. Ex sex can be great and you would be surprised how many do it.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 29
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 11:44:52 AM
I don't get the big deal about when to have sex and when to
not have sex.

Adults should have sex with other consenting adults whenever
they want.

Just know you're in charge of your own decisions and don't
complain to people when you "gave it up" and you didn't get
what you wanted after.

Kisses and sex aren't promises.
 Muttonforpunishment
Joined: 2/20/2015
Msg: 30
Sex after monotony?
Posted: 2/24/2015 11:56:53 AM

However, it seems the paramount thing about online dating these days is DONT EVER MENTION you want to have sex, because then you are only seeking a "booty call" anyway.


Women assume we want sex so if we feel the need to bring it up ( the subject that is ), it comes across like we're just chomping at the bit for it .

Might as well say " So , are we gonna do it now or what ? "
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 31
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 6:16:43 PM
Holding out with sex and dangling the carrot before the donkey is just manipulation and he may not wait until the 5th date for sex from someone who sees it as giving it up. As others have said there is no "hard" and "fast" rule because some of us like it hard and fast lol!!. I have had long term with a guy I had sex with on the 2nd date, another guy we waited, that didn't work out. So if you want to have sex for the mutual pleasure it is supposed to bring, then do it without a timetable. A man who is right for you will not think you are too easy because you didn't hold up for some mythical number of dates.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 32
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 6:22:29 PM


When you seek exclusivity and instead of sex feeling like hunting, sex feels like a deep spiritual meditation where you get to the innermost spiritual side of your partner. Each session with your partner discovers something new. One day you explore anal, another day submission, another day some different poses, places (public or private), locations, or even clothes.

So I find sex after monogamy to be about 3,000 times more fulfilling that sex before monogamy.


I know what you mean. It's been quite an amazing experience for me, too. I didn't not think I could be so passionately in love and have so much chemistry with expressing such immense care and concern for somebody else in such a deeply loving, monogamous relationship.

Mind-blowing everything has been experienced in this relationship: shared life experiences, sex, conversation, learning together, everything...I want to and do share as much of my heart, soul, body, and mind with this wonderful human being as he has and does with me...a spiritual exchange occurs and a committed bond forms.


But that is just me and I am definitely weird.


There isn't anything weird about loving your partner, so passionately and unconditionally.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 33
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/24/2015 6:25:49 PM
There's an equitable exchange of gifts and talents, skills and interests -- though are quite different between the two parties of the couple -- bring intense and immense excitement to the relationship -- I had never experienced this before, until I met this beautiful human being.
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