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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

If a man really wants to take you out, it won't take him long to ask.


I wish I could agree with this statement but I don't. I am one of those people that do not want to waste computer time. I tend to ask a girl out by the end of our 3 email. Or if anything, try to set up the real thing, like mentioning the type of places I like to go.

But there are a lot of guys that have their cojones in the freezer. They are so afraid of the rejection, that they never ask. Consequently they miss the opportunity.

Now, for a girl that is old fashioned, I can understand that you want the guy to take the initiative. But asking does not make you look desperate, it makes you look confident. Second, you can still hint. You can tell them after a long email the following "this is nice all you are telling me, but I am not for long emails, and I prefer face to face." That is a smack on your face hint for him to then say "Okay, do you want to meet?"

So you see, you can still have him ask you out.
 Scotti1989
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 33
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:05:12 AM

"If a man really wants to take you out, it won't take him long to ask"

Because when we do ask and the woman doesnt feel enough time passes she gets weirded out and then stops responding to your messages. Its the same thing with asking to talk on the phone.

Asking for a date and asking to talk on the phone is like the kiss of death when it comes to online dating


I thought I was alone for a second there..

Either you're too desperate or a creep if you message too early... Or you're a gay time waster who's already married or has a g/f because you haven't asked her out in less than a week... Because well... Clearly she has attractive pictures on her profile.

Why bother trying to find common interests or personalities. Clearly she's cute and wants to date.... "hey you're cute, want to grab coffee"... "hey f**k off jerk I'm not a slut".

Uh too bad you chose option A. Fail. Better luck next time. Hah.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 34
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:30:12 AM
You're so "old fashioned" you're on an online site asking strangers what to do pertaining to dating.
And here's a thought: you are e-mailing not one, not two, but three guys. (Old fashioned??) Why not determine who you are acutally interested in and ASK ONE PERSON? Doesn't sound like you are particularly interested in any of them, and maybe they pick up on this? The types of responses and interactions you provide kind of help them determine interest. Maybe they are confounded by you?

Your profile sounds completely canned by the way. Reads like every American one, interestingly. I thought there might be SOME difference, but no. Sad.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 35
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:12:14 AM
Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking. Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?


Borrow a technique from successful sales professionals and treat it as an "assumptive sale". Get things rolling and ask the guy, "So -----, when would you like to meet for a drink?" If he doesn't pick the ball up at that point and suggest a time and place, move on---he was not really that interested, or could already have a girlfriend.
 loveItaly7619
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 36
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:52:00 AM
lol. Or the best is when you spend 2 weeks e-mailing and then you ask for a date or a phone call and she says " I dont even know you" and I'm left thinking well then what did we just spend the last 2 weeks doing?
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:55:30 AM

Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up. What am I meant to do to get them to ask me out? Theres been plenty of chat with all of them, its not like its just been one-liners. I would quite like to actually go out on a date as im not the sort of person who wants to just live through their computer. And also I think that there comes a point with emailing on here (well for me anyway) that the chat is kind of coming to an end and its either 'date or break'.

Presuumably they like communicating with me as they reply every time I send a message. We are all on here to potentially meet someone we are compatible with but how is that gonna happen if nobody ever meets up?

Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking. Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?


It depends on the guy, but speaking for myself, I can think of three main reasons:
1) I am gun-shy and afraid of rejection and getting my heart stomped on when I'm not sure what you really want gets old really, really quick. So it could be that the man in question could be afraid to "take the leap."

---IF that's the case, the easiest way to solve the situation is to be direct enough to say "I like you... I REALLY like you... Let's go out..."

2) Men like to be chased and wanted as much as women do. Seriously. It's nice to have a woman want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. But being a guy and having to constantly chase and chase and not know if she desires you or said "yes" because nobody else asked first or whatever sucks.

---If this is the case, surprise him by planning out a date (the restaurant, evening, etc...) and romance him.

3) Pardon the phrase, but "he just isn't into you."

---If this is the case and he doesn't commit, walk away.
 Womac911
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 4:44:53 PM

Do be honest, it wasn't that bad, and I do know exactly what you're talking about. Big Python fan.

Good to know it's only a flesh wound, then =)
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 39
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:51:01 AM

Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up.

I don't know what is holding you back from making the suggestion, but go ahead!

I have done this on several occasions, and never regretted it.

Maybe it won't work out or whatever, but at least you get to meet the person face to face and know what you're dealing with.
 ChocoMamicita123
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 40
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:37:24 AM
If a guy really likes you he will want to meet you and he will make some type of effort in doing so.
If a guy hasnt made his move on me yet and he isnt "stepping up" then I believe I am his "second best" or "last minute choice" to me that shows he is not really interested in meeting if doesnt initiate anything.
And if he is shy then...sorry I dont do shy boys I like MEN :)
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 41
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:05:45 PM
If a woman responds to my initial email and I like what I read, I respond and ask for her number. Then when she gives it to me, I respond with mine, and I call her. I talk to her 10-15 minutes on the phone to see if there is any initial chemistry and if there is I set the meet for the following week. Then a few days prior to the meet, I confirm via email and banter back and forth with her for a few emails to build comfort. However I barely talk to women at all online before meeting. I treat it just like the real life dating process. I prefer to get to know a woman in person and base my judgement on that instead of expectations I create in my head from extended email communication.
 Extollere
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 42
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:18:51 PM

Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate.


It seems I missed the memo. I've never been given that message.


And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking.


Then there really isn't much you can do but wait it out and see what happens. But by doing that you're at the mercy of his dating timeline, so if he feels like taking a week, two weeks, or more to ask you out, you've got little choice aside from moving onto someone else or waiting for him to get his act together. You can hint drop but I guess I don't really see the point when you can just make it happen yourself.

Me personally, I'm long over the "women don't ask" thing. This woman asks, if need be. I don't mess around with hints, flirts, and pokes, either. I just get the guy on the phone and say, "Sooo...since you're taking your sweet time over there I'll just ask your cute butt out my damn self. Let's go do something fun this weekend." Works like a charm.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 45
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:10:52 PM
The second you start buying into the book mentality and trying to live by someone else's rules you are done. All the books do is cause you to over think and analyze every situation which leads to game playing. You don't need a book to tell you that if a guy has not asked you out after a week, he is not interested. Your best weapon in dating is common sense.

However, here is an idea. If you like a guy, ask him out. It always cracks me up when women talk about equality in every aspect of life except for dating. This is the 21st century. It is perfectly OK for a woman to ask a man out, plan a date, and god forbid.. even pick up a check once and awhile.
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 47
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/24/2012 6:11:02 PM
Pass them by. Stop communicating with them. Wait for a REAL man who isn't so passive and timid.


Well said Fair Oaks Chick....I have been emailing this guy now for about 2 weeks. He keeps dropping "hints" to ask him out. I just flat out told him...if you are waiting for me to ask you out, you are gonna be waiting a LONG time. I just don't do that....He knows I am interested...gave him my number, suggested a meet and greet....but he won't take the initiative. If they are that lazy now I can imagine what else they are lazy at...LOL !! I don't do lazy.
 PetitBella
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 48
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:39:48 PM
If a guy hasnt asked me out within a few days its pretty obvious hes only toying with you.

Id rather grab the bull by the horns and ask him out...if they run for the hills and dont reply then yuo know they arent serious about meeting anyone. I mean why waste time and energy on guys who just want to chat and chat and chat. Its pointless.

Its not about a women being desperate or anything like that, I like to know where I stand with someone and if he hasnt had the courage to ask you out forget it.

Next!
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 49
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 5:00:42 AM
I don't get you really, OP. Why wait for the man to ask you out? Why don't you do the asking? I do. It doesn't esmasculate men - real men, that is. Most are perfectly happy with this arrangement. And it doesn't make us look "desperate" as you put. It just gets the ball rolling, and that's the whole point.
 LoveMyDog55
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 50
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 5:24:48 AM
If they're too slow for you just keep fishing. You can never tell what's going on in a person's head, all you can do is keep looking if you're not finding guys who are simpatico
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 51
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 9:59:35 AM
Pass them by. Stop communicating with them. Wait for a REAL man who isn't so passive and timid.

How many dates with ``Real'' [men has that strategy gotten you?

I have been emailing this guy now for about 2 weeks. He keeps dropping "hints" to ask him out. I just flat out told him...if you are waiting for me to ask you out, you are gonna be waiting a LONG time

Maybe he's got other options.

I don't do lazy.

Maybe he doesn't either.


Well...abelian...HE was the one who contacted me first....which wasn't lazy on his part now was it? So with that being said...if he had other options then he should have just left me alone and stopped emailing me, right? What's the point? Testing the waters is one thing....when I give someone the green light and they don't GO....but pause and wait...then that tells me they are not that interested or they are just really insecure. He knows I wanted to meet him. But he didn't GO when the light was green. If I take the initiative to email a guy first, and he gives me the green light to meet, I go. I don't wait for him since I pursued him. I'm not lazy...just keepin' it in perspective.
 notsostarvinartist
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 52
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 1:59:17 PM
Woman up an grow some breasts an ask them out...this is an age where women want equal rights an 50/50 relationships so no need to wait for dude to ask you out. Believe it or not females hold a lot of power i guarantee you that if you were to send an email to any dude on this site saying "let's meet up at such an such" they gonna jump on it like a sack of Mexican jumping beans.
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 53
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 2:34:33 PM
Some men like me, we need to be asked out. Why won't i take inititive? Way I see it, if a woman is interested in me, she needs to approach and ask me out. Why should a man do all the work?
 LoveMyDog55
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 54
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 2:42:38 PM

Why should a man do all the work?


They should only do it if they enjoy it. I've found that if a man pursues me it works out better than the other way around.
 remaining_optimistic
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 55
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 3:34:21 PM
All depends on the guy as some others said they could be shy or tired of rejection. I was at first on here but then i was hit in the head with a hammer and realized that if a girl/women was going to reject me based only on our online activity she wasnt worth it from the start.

Some like to play games just like some of the women on here. Once you ask them out they vanish.

A casual way of asking a guy out with out directly coming out and asking him is to say im going to such and such place on this night to see a band game whatever if want something to do stop by for a drink. Bring a girlfriend or to with you and tell them whats going an if he shows just have them cut and run like you just happened to run into them there. Worst case you have a girls night out.

I myself wouldnt care if a girl/women asked me out in fact i would respect it. Shows that the women can be independt and strong if thats your kinda thing.
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 56
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 6:55:15 PM
Woman up an grow some breasts an ask them out...this is an age where women want equal rights an 50/50 relationships so no need to wait for dude to ask you out. Believe it or not females hold a lot of power i guarantee you that if you were to send an email to any dude on this site saying "let's meet up at such an such" they gonna jump on it like a sack of Mexican jumping beans.


I have sent emails to few guys that never responded. They didn't jump...as I wasn't their flavor. So yes...I can initiate....I'd just prefer it the other way around....And my breasts are just fine...thanks. How are YOUR balls?? And as long as men are in power in gov't and business there will never be equal rights or 50-50 anything. It's a man's world although I do agree that women have come a long way. We just ain't totally there yet. When the congress and senate consists of of men and women equally... talk to me then....and we could use a female president. So how's that...I am woman hear me roar?? LOL....
 notsostarvinartist
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 57
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 9:30:55 PM
Lol...I heard you roar indeed...and my balls are great thanks...also glad to see your breasts are fine. But yea you're right though i may of over exaggerated a little bit but it is true though...some men nowadays prefer to stay at home an cook an clean while the woman goes out an makes the bread or even be in a relationship where the female has the power. As for women in power...well it's getting there slowly. It's a shame though that people look into gender, race, and and the such instead of the person is really about for said positions...but wouldn't mind having a female president at all...would give me a really good reason to watch those presidential speeches. ..men moving their lips doesn't interest me much...also more power to you for initiating contact.
 PetitBella
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 58
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:06:54 AM
does it really who asks who out, if you're meant to meet you will meet, otherwise I wouldnt waste any more time on these 3 guys..when you could be arranging a date with someone on here that actually wants to meet you
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 59
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/27/2012 4:00:41 AM

Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up. What am I meant to do to get them to ask me out?
A bit radical I know but have you considered asking them ? They will either say Yes or they will say No but if you want to meet them, you have the ability to move that forward.


Presuumably they like communicating with me as they reply every time I send a message. We are all on here to potentially meet someone we are compatible with but how is that gonna happen if nobody ever meets up?
It's not but here's the thing. Men spend most of their lives trying to move things forward and the majority of the time, they get declined. I imagine, over time, they either become very used to it or wait until they have a very clear signal that they will receive a positive response. What's so hard about you asking to meet ? Make it casual if that's more within your comfort level but they might never feel at the level where they are going to ask and you might miss out because you are too concerned with being coy.


women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate.
I don't believe this. A confident, sure-assured man is not going to have this view. Address it causally rather than making a red-carpet event out of it. A coffee, an ice-cream, a 'hey, I'm headed into your part of town this weekend, are you available to meet up as I'd really like to meet you in person'. Men are just people too.


And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking.
And how's that working for you ?


Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?
Yes, agreed. So if you ask, you'll get a quick response.

When I was about 6 years old, an ice-cream truck used to come around our town in the summer time. It played a jingle of music to alert people that it was on route. My parents lived in a cul-de-sac and so, the ice-cream man would drive into my parents street, turn at the top and come back down, stopping almost outside my parents house.
I have never liked soft serve ice-cream so normally, I would decline when my parents asked if I wanted one. However my friend had told me that he also sold Rocket Popsicles which were shaped like a rocket ship and striped with different colors and flavors and wow, I so wanted to try one.
When the ice-cream truck next came, I stood there waiting and waiting for my father to ask if I wanted an ice-cream because then, I would be able to ask for a Rocket Popsicle. I was jiggling up and down with anticipation. But my Dad didn't ask - and before I knew it, the ice-cream truck had served it's customers and driven off. I burst into tears and when my father asked why, and I explained, he said all I had to do was ask. He didn't know I wanted a Popsicle because I hadn't said but next time, speak up if you want something as no one is a mind reader. And you know what ? That's made life a whole lot simpler.

EDIT

HE was the one who contacted me first....which wasn't lazy on his part now was it?
And ? Just because he initiated contact, does that mean he has to initiate everything ? What about that first kiss ? What about each and every step of the potential relationship ? It's all on him to initiate ? That is completely illogical.
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