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 WiseBurro
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 60
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
'Cause they know about each other and are waiting with synchronized Timex watches to all ask you out at the exact same time on the exact same day to meetup at the Olive Garden downtown.
Who will you choose?
Would you be OK with a PolyAmourous arrangement?
Will you lose all prospects by choosing one over the others?
Will the hunter become the hunted?
A train track is 300 miles long. On one end of the track, Train A leaves the station at 4 p.m. On the opposite end of the track, Train B leaves leaves at 6 p.m.. If Train A travels 45 mph and Train B travels 60 mph, when will they meet?
 Sydney Sunnyboy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 61
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 4:53:45 AM
""A train track is 300 miles long. On one end of the track, Train A leaves the station at 4 p.m. On the opposite end of the track, Train B leaves leaves at 6 p.m.. If Train A travels 45 mph and Train B travels 60 mph, when will they meet?/""


ANSWER: They will will meet at 8:00PM, 4 hours after Train A leaves its station and 2 hours after Train B has departed its own station.

Now, how does this relate to men and women asking each other out ? See below:

EXAMPLE 1: Guy A is a cautious dater who has suffered rejection in the past. He is willing to initiate online contact with a woman, but he wont go a step further towards making contact IRL until he gets a clear positive signal from the same woman. So, anyway, he sends an introductory email to Girl A. Girl A is an assertive, liberated woman with a positive attitude who believes in gender equality. So she writes back to Guy A and says that she likes most of his hobbies & interests (as described in his profile). Guy A interprets her email reply as a "positive signal", so he replies to her and states that he is free to share one of his hobbies/interests with her on a weekend day, either this weekend or the weekend after that. Girl A replies & suggests that they meet up at Positive Persons' Bowling Alley this weekend (ten-pin bowling is one of their mutual hobbies)...... Question: When will they meet ?

EXAMPLE 2: The same Guy A emails Girl B, who is a dour & old-fashioned woman with a "holier than thou" attitude. She expects the man to do all the legwork in the dating game. She wont make any active moves herself towards arranging an actual date. So, anyway, Guy A sends an introductory email to Girl B. Girl B merely sends him a flirt back. Guy A is somewhat taken aback, as he was hoping for an email reply to his own email. He feels that her response is rather coy. So he responds in kind: he selects Girl B on the Meet Me feature. Girl B interprets his Meet Me response as lacking confidence and manliness. So she doesnt make any more moves until she gets an email from him asking her out for a date..... Question: When will they meet ?
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 62
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:06:13 AM
A lot of guys are waiting for a cue. A woman doesn't have to ask as guy out...just write something positive like ...'I'm so pleased to hear from you again'....'I'd like to hear more about'...' is your smile really as nice in person?', etc.

This way you've opened the door and given him permission to come through. hopefully he'll then ask you out but, if not, then it's clearer that it's probably not their intention.
Also, go back and reread their messages to you. Sometimes a guy won't ask a woman out directly but throw out a comment to test the water. Woman are probably more used to picking up this approach in real life when you know a guy is showing interest in you but dances around the issue you by asking you what movies you like or type of food, etc.
 Sailing78
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 63
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 10:56:16 AM
Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking. Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?


If you are old-fashioned and wanting to have the guy ask you out, then you have to accept that he may not ask you out when YOU want him to ask you. He will only ask you out when HE wants to, and in fact he may never even ask you out. YOU chose to wait for him, so you have to accept his decision. You can't really complain if you leave it up to him.

If you want to meet sooner then make some kind of a hint, or woman-up and ask him out yourself.
 Sailing78
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 64
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:11:04 AM

And as long as men are in power in gov't and business there will never be equal rights or 50-50 anything. It's a man's world although I do agree that women have come a long way. We just ain't totally there yet. When the congress and senate consists of of men and women equally... talk to me then....


Don't quite know what this has to do with dating...So you're saying that because a majority of politicians are men, therefore women should continue to perpetuate the stereotype of being passive when it comes to dating and not take charge? Since women represent the voting majority in most developed nations (51-52%) but apparently keep electing men, perhaps being passive is part of the problem?
 AxeMurderer75
Joined: 6/6/2012
Msg: 65
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:11:21 AM
Sydney wins this thread.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 66
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 12:09:56 PM

Some men like me , we need to be asked out. Why won't i take initiative ? Way I see it, if a woman is interested in me, she needs to approach and ask me out. Why should a man do all the work ?


Yep! We have an identical mindset bro. If I were a man and I am not enterested with her kind of woman ,it will be forever waiting for me to ask her for a date.

If she ask me for a date, she better lure me that the tab is on her for I always forget to bring my wallet with me...
 RetiredWindowshopper
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 67
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 6:00:14 PM
Perhaps they are working on getting a date with someone else as well and if that did'nt work you could be the back up plan just like you are doing all is fair it seems like that is what is going on a lot on these sites. Or perhaps they have been lead on by women on this site by telling them if you pass this test we will move to the next level I will give you my personal e_mail, and if you pass that I will give you my phone number and sometimes this will last for weeks before you even get that far and personally when someone starts that I just move on I am not into head games while they could be possibly dating someone else while you are doing your best to get to know this person, I don't mind a little but when they want to just keep lagging it on then something is not right that is why you are not getting asked out they have been lead on by several and just got to take there time to find the right one for them.
 luvspjs
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 68
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/29/2012 4:42:09 PM
im wiht you.... i like men who take charge... mostly its wanna go out sometime...... and i say sure.... then they say when where what are we going to do........ immediately I am turned off. yes it is nice they want to but come on take charge. whatever happened to the whole tumy tingeling tryign to figure out a reason to ask them out ... going otu for pizza slice or hitting a movie or concert..... some reason esp one they might like.... and then asking with that in mind?

So I hear you on the old fashioned bit!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 69
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:56:31 AM
seriously, why is taking charge a masculine thing? i would love to physically hit you women as punishment for being attracted to dominant, confident, take-charge men.

Well aren't YOU a charmer? A whole 23 years old and already so bitter and angry. Maybe when you're older and have some actual life experience, you'll UNDERSTAND why women gravitate to confident, take-charge men - and not passive little bullies who want everything given to them because they 'don't like challenges.' Yeah, your posting history speaks volumes.
 alexvanlee
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 70
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/30/2012 1:45:51 PM
maybe he guys your emailing aren't the type of men your looking for

1. your on a dating website. both genders on here are of low quality. men who cannot approach and women who don't get approached
2. you guys haven't even met up yet and your ****ing over these dudes
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 71
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:09:55 PM
why is being passive a feminine thing?


Because it just is....I don't consider myself to be passive all the time nor aggressive or assertive all the time. But men who are considerate "alpha males" suit me best. So a man who is passive all the time is a turn off to most women...I don't know if being passive is a "feminine thing" per se....but women take the more passive role in the dating chase not the guy. I dunno I don't equate passive with testosterone either. LOL
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 74
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/31/2012 7:59:31 PM
so, let me guess this right...

you slate the OP for waiting a week for 3 guys to ask her out telling her to drop them and wait for a REAL man who isn't passive or timid...then you tell us you're in contact with a guy for 2 WEEKS and he still hasn't asked you out...why haven't got dropped him and waited for a real man then?


Why don't I drop him? Drop what? There isn't anything or wasn't anything to be dropped. I don't email him unless he emails me. But if he does communicate again...at this point I would most likely not respond. So I guess that would be "dropping" him....does that answer your question??
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 76
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/1/2012 10:17:25 AM
But men who are considerate "alpha males" suit me best.

Then don't complain when they don't do what you want them to do.

but women take the more passive role in the dating chase not the guy.

Men don't chase women they want to keep, just the ones they want as notches.


And they shouldn't complain when we don't respond or reject them...as we are being alpha females and making our decisions as well....

Notches? That is so lame and such bullshit...as this might apply for you...but not all. So if men don't pursue...then how can they have "notches?" or better yet any type of meaningful dating/ relationship at all???
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 77
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/1/2012 11:13:26 AM
Didn't read all the posts, But sometimes when you talk to a woman. If she don't come across as intrested or if you not sure what she wants. It just easier to not ask her out. If a woman is intrested and shows her intrest its easier to ask her out. With out having that akward moment with your foot stuck in your mouth.
 sactowndude
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 78
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:47:04 PM
Didn't read all the posts, But sometimes when you talk to a woman. If she don't come across as intrested or if you not sure what she wants. It just easier to not ask her out. If a woman is intrested and shows her intrest its easier to ask her out. With out having that akward moment with your foot stuck in your mouth.


You sir win the prize and I couldn't agree more.

If you women are interested in us then give us a hint, online dating is tough and we don't get signals like in the real world. In the real world if a woman smiles and says "hi" we know she's interested, when you meet in person women also flirt which shows they are interested. When messaging online or talking on the phone we have to guess if she's interested, verbalizing how you feel goes a long way.
 Orionthehunter9
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 79
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/3/2012 1:41:40 AM
I've noticed that if I put it off a bit longer I give myself the chance to truly assess our potential compatibility through casual chatting. Or somebody's nutbar tendencies will shine through at some point. Either way, I win. Otherwise you walk the fine line of becoming a serial dater. A its lame, and B its expensive!

Also consider that we all know how many nutbars ask women for a date in having said two words to one another. Some of us prefer not to get lumped in with that shite pile.
 panamazing
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 80
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/3/2012 5:23:27 PM
There is nothing wrong with having a little fear of rejection, which is what I think is the likely culprit here. They could also be CHAT-AHOLICS as well. I am having a similar problem with a girl I am talking with right now. I asked her out after 4 days of messaging and sh said she worked the whole week and didn't know her schedule for the following week. I thought that was ok and so we chatted for a few more days. Then she gave me her number without me even asking for it, so of course I think its ok to try to ask her out again after a couple more days of texting and she said she didn't know her schedule yet again which is just stupid in my eyes. I'm convinced she is teasing and just loves to flirt. It's too bad I haven't come across someone like you, at least we would have gone out by now and see if we are actually compatible. Either way, the three you're talking too aren't women so it could just be the fear which I think is perfectly normal. When I ask a girl out I get an uncomfortable feeling deep in my gut lol. Go ahead and ask , if they really want to go out with you it would be more of a relief for them.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 82
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:26:33 PM
There juggling their options.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 83
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/4/2012 8:29:54 AM
Some women will ONLY date a guy when they can feel in control... if he asks her, then she maintains her aloofness (rather than showing direct interest) and puts him in the position of "trying to win her over".

It's not about having an alpha male, it about being able to control the man you're with.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 84
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/4/2012 10:38:17 AM
I've never been out with a woman who wanted 'to control' me. Many women rightly want to feel that they are special...a damsel worth slaying dragons for. That was always fine with me because I want a woman that I'm in love with to feel secure in knowing that I'd do absolutely anything for her. She comes first in everything. A woman can thus be at ease and has no need to control anything...she holds back nothing of herself and is honest and giving.

 sactowndude
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 85
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/4/2012 10:41:23 AM
Some women will ONLY date a guy when they can feel in control... it about being able to control the man you're with.


Good luck with that attitude, I don't like a controlling woman and I would feel smothered. There's a difference between caring and being controlling.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 86
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/4/2012 2:20:38 PM

Some women will ONLY date a guy when they can feel in control... if he asks her, then she maintains her aloofness (rather than showing direct interest) and puts him in the position of "trying to win her over".

It's not about having an alpha male, it about being able to control the man you're with.


A woman's desire to feel in control of a situation involving a man (as opposed to feeling helpless), and wanting to control a man are two entirely different concepts.

For instance, I need to feel in control in certain dating situations where my personal safety could be a factor. I always met dates in public places, bought my own drinks, never drank to excess, had my own transportation, and carried enough cash to cover the cost of the date, plus emergencies.

On the other hand, I have no desire to control or manipulate a man's behavior. I have never acted aloof to a man who interested me---neither did I expect the man to always "take charge". In fact, I was the one that first asked my current partner out for a drink. For our next date, he asked me out to dinner at his favorite restaurant.
 Mrgiveitright
Joined: 7/24/2010
Msg: 87
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/4/2012 5:07:42 PM
I think you're confused.

You want a relationship, but you want to date more than one (3 men) man? Otherwise, why would you care that they (all 3 of them) haven't asked you out?

You may need to figure out which one is your type, then zero in on him, rather than waiting for all three of them to waiste their time on you, not knowing that you are considering two other people besides (one) him.

I think they suspect that you are interested in more than one man, at the moment.
 trvlngman
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 88
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/5/2012 8:15:45 PM
Online if a guy asks a girl out to soon. She will stop speaking to him. Almost every time
in real life if he takes a while. He likes you and is nervous. The longer he takes the more he likes you and the more nervous he is

Take pity on these guys. Save them some heartache
ask them out first
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