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 Ole Miss
Joined: 11/15/2004
Msg: 89
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I would like to ask you out,but
it wont let me email you. So maybe alot of guys
have tried to send you email and it won't send.
 Sailing78
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 90
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/6/2012 1:57:11 AM

Some women will ONLY date a guy when they can feel in control... if he asks her, then she maintains her aloofness (rather than showing direct interest) and puts him in the position of "trying to win her over".

It's not about having an alpha male, it about being able to control the man you're with.


Sounds quite a bit like playing games to me, rather than genuinely getting to know someone and trying to find compatibility...
 Scotti1989
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 92
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:26:34 AM

I would like to ask you out,but
it wont let me email you. So maybe alot of guys
have tried to send you email and it won't send.


That's a shame.

You should join the club... Or you could try becoming a Doctor/Lawyer. I hear that works well.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 93
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:01:48 AM
I'm going to paraphrase what my friend Sandie says... if a man is too lazy...(to ask her out, etc.) then he's probably too lazy to be in a dynamic relationship.

I don't think it is that most women do not want to be the one who asks the man out, but rather, they want the man to put in an effort into the potential relationship.

OP, in your particular case, the men are intimidated by your very stunning appearance. You may have to set up 1st meets, perhaps indirectly, & then see who steps up after you've met! Otherwise, all you'll get are players, who don't really want a relationship, but just sex.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 94
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:30:45 AM
Some possible reasons.

1. They are afraid of rejection.
2. They are looking for an email buddy.
3. They have better options and you are their backup option.
4. They like to spend some time getting to know someone by email / phone before asking them out.



>Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking.


Asking a man out does NOT make a woman looks desperate. A woman that is "old fashioned" and "passive" could lose out on a potential match to a woman that was more aggressive and was willing to ask a man out.
 Outsideofthebox1
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 95
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/31/2012 8:22:09 AM
Just over a week? is that to long? whats the rush? Good grief slow ya roll there rock star. If you cant wait just ask them out... I havent even made up my mind if I want to date or even meet a chick after only a week of emails. Its emails, not like you work together, or hang out at the same book store..
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 96
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 8/31/2012 1:47:23 PM
Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking.

That sounds like the most contrived excuse I've ever heard. If you want to go on a date with them then ask. If you want to wait for them to ask you or not ask you then wait. I don't understand what kind of third option you're looking for. And if you're going to permanently defer the decision to men then at least do the favor of not complaining when the results aren't to your liking. You obviously have no one to blame but yourself.

Now I wonder if I could get away with saying that I am very old fashioned and so I don't expect the woman to vote ...
 Justcallmeleez
Joined: 8/16/2012
Msg: 97
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/3/2012 11:31:17 PM
Now this makes sense...
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 99
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:11:15 AM

i'm sick and tired of having to do the approaching, making the first move, asking out, etc.

Only guys that are constantly shut down are "tired" of doing the asking.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 100
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 7:35:44 AM

Only guys that are constantly shut down are "tired" of doing the asking.


I think many men ( not just the ones who are always shot down ) would like to women initiate things more often.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 101
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 8:48:17 AM
I'm not in the market but 'shoulds' are irrelevent.

It doesn't matter a hoot to the ninth girl you ask out that you had to initiate a date with the previous eight. It doesn't matter if women should ask out guys more often. What counts is asking out 'the woman' you are attracted to.

If one is 'tired' of asking women out, then that's a guy's own issue to deal with. I'm not sure what great effort it took to compose a few sentences in a message. If one finds it exhausting emotionally then best to remain single as a relationship involves having energy to be there for someone. Nobody cares if you get angry, sit in your room and pout. Women won't even know you exist and meantime some other fellow is asking them out

One of the keys to success with a woman is to make her feel special. A woman likes to know that you want 'her' and make an effort. When asking her out instead of writing 'I'd like to meet you'...instead write 'You seem special and I'd really like to meet you'. Put her on a pedestal. She deserves to be on one if she's the woman you might spend the rest of your life with.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 102
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 10:13:22 AM

Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up.

Even if they're not one-liners, how far beyond that are they? What's your tone? Did you have a friend who is happily critical of you take a look-see?

Also, OP, you're very pretty -- the guy may be playing the 'safe route', especially if conversation included complaining about all the werido guys emailing you wanting to jump your bones, etc. A guy you've elected to talk with may be wanting to separate himself far away from that as possible. He doesn't know that you are the type who just wants to meet in a timely manner -- as there are more than enough women who don't -- they want to "get to know a guy first", which entails more like 2 weeks, not 1. Being a pretty-catch, a guy's willing to stretch it out, and my guess is he's assuming it's the safer/not-bungling it route.

As a gal, you can throw it out there that you don't like talking online much -- and that maybe you and he could meet up for a drink or something sometime. He then could take the leadership role and pick out a time/place, etc. It's not anti-old-fashioned, as you are in a different scenario. I agree the guys you've mingled with on here haven't been ideal in their approach, but then again, I wasn't there to see what may be heeding them, if anything.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 103
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 2:22:29 PM
Maybe the dudes that won't ask a woman out adhere to the idea that whomever suggests going out has to finance the activity....and they just don't want to have to pay for someone else.

Ugh, I'd better stop before I start ranting, ha. :D
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 104
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 4:35:10 PM

you see, not only do men have to do all the work initially to get a date, land a relationship, but even while in the relationship as well, we have to lead the relationship, etc.


Woe is you.

To quote John Wayne..."life is tough, it's even tougher when you're stupid"
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 105
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/4/2012 4:49:08 PM
THey are probably married or just playing around. If they dont want to meet within a week or so, move on.
I may suggest a meeting if we have chatted for quite a while and on the phone as well and if he doesnt respond, then forget it. It is a cyberspace free dating site and you will come across all kinds. Not everyone wants to meet someone in reality.
 AndrewEsq
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 106
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Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/5/2012 4:19:30 PM
You say you are old fashioned. But, if you were truly old fashioned, you would not be using online dating, a modern technology. Actually, you wouldn't believe in using e-mail or any other type of social website at all. You would feel meeting guys should be strictly old fashioned, such as meeting face to face or through a blind date. Actually, truly being old fashioned would require a chaperone on a certain amount of dates (aka 'Victorian Dating', I believe..)

Do you work? An old fashioned woman would believe that only men should work. You don't have to answer this question...

I have a strong feeling that you, like every other person on this site by default, are really not truly old fashioned. I think the real issue here is you are afraid of rejection. You are afraid of the guys ending the conversation or saying no to you when you bring the subject of a date up.

My opinion is that you should ask them. If they say yes, then great. If not, you know and you can move on. I can't agree with some of the posters here who just say "drop it." If you just drop it, you will never know if they would have said yes.
 j2488
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 107
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/6/2012 12:12:21 AM
I'm trying to figure out why ppl are attacking her for saying shes old fashioned. Seems like everyone is disecting her words, I'm sure all she means is AS FAR AS DATING GOES and FOR THE PROCESS OF DATING ITSELF(like courting), she's old fashioned. Calm down people.
But anyway, OP my 2cents to is theres nothing wrong w/ initiating the 1st date or at the very least dropping the hint.
 j2488
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 108
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/6/2012 12:20:41 AM

You're so "old fashioned" you're on an online site asking strangers what to do pertaining to dating.
And here's a thought: you are e-mailing not one, not two, but three guys. (Old fashioned??) Why not determine who you are acutally interested in and ASK ONE PERSON? Doesn't sound like you are particularly interested in any of them, and maybe they pick up on this? The types of responses and interactions you provide kind of help them determine interest. Maybe they are confounded by you?

Your profile sounds completely canned by the way. Reads like every American one, interestingly. I thought there might be SOME difference, but no. Sad.



Whoa wtf was that? lol You just went in on her for NO reason
 popcultureloverguy88
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 109
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/8/2012 1:12:30 PM
women only want equality when it benefits them, understandable, don't blame them at all for that
 Sailing78
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 110
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/9/2012 9:55:51 PM

I'm going to paraphrase what my friend Sandie says... if a man is too lazy...(to ask her out, etc.) then he's probably too lazy to be in a dynamic relationship.


We could say the same thing about women. If she's too lazy to ask a guy out, what else is she too lazy to do?


I don't think it is that most women do not want to be the one who asks the man out, but rather, they want the man to put in an effort into the potential relationship.


Perfectly acceptable expectation. However, can a man not also expect some form of effort on the woman's part? Is the woman really supposed to simply passively sit back and let things happen as they may? Some guys also want a woman who is going to be an equal and active partner in the potential relationship...
 Xray86
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 111
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/10/2012 12:33:16 AM
I'm sure everyone already told the poster, but just ask the guys. Or better yet, get to know more about them before fretting over when to meet. And honestly, you're talking to three men at the same time. Most of us are happy with a profile view. And it's total crap to assume that a man is weak or playing if he hasn't been "assertive" or whatever after a few freaking days. I would love to be the assertive, alpha-male but here's my (personal) problem. In American society, an assertive or outgoing Brown/Black man is automatically viewed as hyper-aggressive and treat women like crap. I could never take the alpha role without getting labeled because I did what women want. That leads to the other problem. I have to either be very friendly and nice, or silent and introverted. These are self-defense mechanisms I always have to use in dating and social settings. But then it leads to yet another problem. If I'm being nice, it's viewed with suspicion or I break the "friend zone" when I do make a move and lose the person completely. If I'm being quiet, no one notices me and automatically think I'm weak or a creep. I know all this from personal experiences, so I think I know exactly what I'm talking about. Excuse me if I choose self-preservation over "manliness" when it comes to dating. Now when I'm in a relationship, I get much more assertive and outgoing but mindful of the woman's needs. Too bad only two women ever experienced what I can bring and offer. And it's still not good enough, so tell me why I should "assert" my "manhood" if I want to "date?"
 indigo1357
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 112
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/11/2012 5:43:23 PM
almost all the women I dated off here over the years sent me a first message. Why? Because they were obviously interested in me.

I estimate I have sent out 1000 messages easily. That has generated barely 15 dates or so. Why? Clearly most women are not interested. Why am I going to waste my time cold messaging so many women? If they message me they are showing enough interest I will actually pay attention to them.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 113
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/12/2012 6:18:30 PM
Sounds like you may dealing with men who are too shy to step off of the internet. You are better off talking to new men who are bolder.
 Nice_guy907
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 114
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 9/14/2012 10:45:25 AM
If woman on this site actually wanted to me to go out them on a date I would jump on it. I can't even get a reply to all those messages I send out. I will go out with you lol
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