Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
In my experience, if a guy actually wants to go out with you, it doesn't take him long to ask.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 142
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 6:52:36 AM

You need to be more mindful about how you frame your opinions around here, lest you come across as a know-it-all. If it's your opinion, you should say "in my opinion", rather than stating everything as a fact.

That's like the pot calling the kettle black "in my opinion."


In my experience, if a guy actually wants to go out with you, it doesn't take him long to ask.

+1

And Paderic, my preference is my preference despite my personal experiences with women who took an keen interest in me first and made me more than a tad cautious, suspicious is more accurate, with a woman who would ask me out.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 143
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 7:08:49 AM

And I said threatened masculinity has nothing to do with it.


What is it? I'm just trying to understand why men object to being asked out by a woman, because that hasn't been my experience.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 144
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 7:40:28 AM
That's like the pot calling the kettle black "in my opinion."


I don't believe I come across as a know-it-all in the least---in fact, quite the opposite. I tend to ask questions when I don't understand someone else's point of view. That's why I'm still waiting for you to answer the question I posed to you in message 139, which is:



If a man knows a woman is interested in him, and he is interested in her and hasn't asked her out, he's not much of a man.


So are you saying that such a man has no balls and a woman shouldn't ask him out because she should aim higher and seek out more self-confident men?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 145
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 11:12:30 AM
hounddog,

Do you understand that just because a woman asks the guy out, to meet up sometime, or asks for the phone # first, that, in and of itself, doesn't mean the guy was puzzy-footing around?

Do you understand that if a guy wasn't asking a girl out or for her # all that quickly, that doesn't mean, in and of itself, that he was chicken, has no balls, was fearful, etc?

When it's obvious as hell that the girl has interest, there's nothing to fear for the guy. If he's not asking her out, he's just not interested... or lacks enough interest where he's not jumping to ask her out.

Fear/being-chicken comes when the girl MAY be interested, or may not be. The uncertainty. He doesn't know. And yes, I agree, in those cases, if he's taking too long (objectively speaking) to ask for her # or to go out, he's lacking self confidence, and I can see how a girl may be turned off.

But just because she "asks first", doesn't mean he was puzzy-footing around. It doesn't imply he was taking too long when he should have. Her "asking first" is too general. And when a woman does "ask first", it's the guy who LACKS masculinity when he's turned off by that.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 146
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 12:37:48 PM
If a man waits for a month or longer to ask a woman out, then perhaps he is afraid of rejection or isn't that interested in her. However a woman asking a man out doesn't mean he is less "masculine".
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 147
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 4:00:18 PM
If a man acted insecure or dragged his feet, I'd get annoyed & write him off, period.

Let's say I ask him out & he goes...is he gonna drag his feet on the date? Is he gonna stand me, up, cancel, etc?

No thank you, my time is too valuable.

Some men like to play games & act coy to try to get the woman to pursue. That makes me feel un-feminine.
I don't like that dynamic AT ALL!

I'd let a man know I was interested/flirting, then put the ball in his court. If he can't hit the ball over the net, IMO HE HAS NO BALLS!


yes, I agree, in those cases, if he's taking too long (objectively speaking) to ask for her # or to go out, he's lacking self confidence, and I can see how a girl may be turned off.

Totally!
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 148
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 6:11:07 PM

Fear/being-chicken comes when the girl MAY be interested, or may not be. The uncertainty. He doesn't know. And yes, I agree, in those cases, if he's taking too long (objectively speaking) to ask for her # or to go out, he's lacking self confidence, and I can see how a girl may be turned off.

But just because she "asks first", doesn't mean he was puzzy-footing around. It doesn't imply he was taking too long when he should have. Her "asking first" is too general. And when a woman does "ask first", it's the guy who LACKS masculinity when he's turned off by that.


Totally agree.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 149
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 7:59:14 PM

Let's say I ask him out & he goes...is he gonna drag his feet on the date? Is he gonna stand me, up, cancel, etc?


The bold part can just as easily happen when a man asks out a woman out.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 150
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/9/2013 9:51:49 PM
Guys are worried about coming on too strong, rejection, and being labeled a creepy stalker person.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 151
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/10/2013 2:01:39 PM

What I do know is that in virtually every single post you make, you make derogatory remarks about people who don't march in lock step with your opinion. The posts on this thread are no exception.


Like what? Like who? If my comments seem derogatory to YOU, it’s because you disagree with me and don’t like what I have to say. I suggest you skip my posts altogether if you find them so distasteful to your tender sensibilities.


The bold part can just as easily happen when a man asks out a woman out.


That’s not the point, I don’t think. If a man doesn’t have the balls to ask a woman out, how can she imagine he will suddenly grow balls for the date SHE asked HIM out on? Not only the possibility of standing her up or cancelling…..but how will he converse? WILL he converse? Will he have the guts to touch her hand, or kiss her, if he can’t ball up to ask her out? Doubtful. I mean that’s how I feel about it….don’t mean to speak for SWEET_MAVERICK.

If a man is worried about a woman standing him up, cancelling, etc. why would he ask her out in the first place???
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 152
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/10/2013 2:42:30 PM
That’s not the point, I don’t think. If a man doesn’t have the balls to ask a woman out, how can she imagine he will suddenly grow balls for the date SHE asked HIM out on? Not only the possibility of standing her up or cancelling…..but how will he converse? WILL he converse? Will he have the guts to touch her hand, or kiss her, if he can’t ball up to ask her out? Doubtful. I mean that’s how I feel about it….don’t mean to speak for SWEET_MAVERICK.

If a man is worried about a woman standing him up, cancelling, etc. why would he ask her out in the first place???

SPOT ON, TOTALLY!

I have no issue w/ flirting & letting a man know I like him. After that, if he can't make some effort, it is not going anywhere IMO. I like a partner who wants me as much as I want him.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 153
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/10/2013 3:35:42 PM

I have no issue w/ flirting & letting a man know I like him. After that, if he can't make some effort, it is not going anywhere IMO. I like a partner who wants me as much as I want him.


Exactly. I know just what to do if I want a man’s attention…it’s not that difficult.

Honestly I find it more difficult to dissuade a man than to persuade one…..subtly, of course.

If I let a man know I might be willing and he wimps out….oh well! I wouldn’t have wanted him, anyway.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 154
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 6:22:17 AM
There's some pretty funny stuff in here. Every man alive pretty much knows that the quickest way to drive a woman away is to come on too strong too soon.

In online forums, women tend to say emphatically they want this, that, and the other. But then they turn around and behave the exact opposite in the real world.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 155
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 8:00:02 AM

There's some pretty funny stuff in here. Every man alive pretty much knows that the quickest way to drive a woman away is to come on too strong too soon.

In online forums, women tend to say emphatically they want this, that, and the other. But then they turn around and behave the exact opposite in the real world.


I like a man who comes on strong.

Do you know every woman?
I behave EXACTLY like I say.
I am too old to play childish games.
 flavourseeker
Joined: 10/3/2013
Msg: 156
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 8:08:12 AM

There's some pretty funny stuff in here. Every man alive pretty much knows that the quickest way to drive a woman away is to come on too strong too soon.

In online forums, women tend to say emphatically they want this, that, and the other. But then they turn around and behave the exact opposite in the real world.




I like a man who comes on strong.

Do you know every woman?


So...some women like a guy to come on strong - perhaps the majority of women ?
Some don't .

Coming on strong is probably the way to go.

The ones who don't like it are probably the ones who aren't interested in being pursued at that particular time and/or have some underlying issues that make them uneasy about a man being aggressive ?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 157
view profile
History
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 8:34:14 AM
My guy made his interest in me crystal clear. He was not pushy or obnoxious, but I never had to wonder whether he was going to ask me out again or whether he was interested in me.

What a relief that was after all those wishy washy now you see them/now you don't guys I used to date.

I recommend it to all women who want to feel safe, secure, feminine, and cherished in a relationship.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 158
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 9:34:32 AM
Do you know every woman?


Did I claim that I did?

What I know is that a lot of women are total pains in the a$$, and those that expect men to behave according to some arbitrary dumb a$$ed set of rules are the biggest pains. So I avoid those women like the plague.

Until I know whether a woman is a total beyotch or not, I'm not that interested. That doesn't mean I'm wimpy or lack balls (in fact, I tend to find women that even use such terms to be among the most obnoxious of them all).

It's not like there's a shortage of available women out there.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 159
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 9:59:22 AM
A woman asking a man out doesn't necessarily mean that he lacks the "balls" to make any moves. It depends on the timing. If she asked him out very early, then it's possible that she is simply assertive. Or he didn't ask her out immediately because he didn't want a her to think that he was too eager.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 160
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 10:55:35 AM
Yeah, I don't get this.
If you're chatting to someone and you like them and they
seem to like you, what difference does it make who asks who
for the date?

I'm supposed to wait and see if the guy is "manly" enough to
step up to the plate and ask me? How long should I wait? Maybe
I should ask him...but then how long do I wait?

And while I'm waiting watching him wait and wondering how long
he'll wait while I'm wondering how long I should wait, we could be
married already.

Jaysus tap dancing kerist on a cracker, this isn't nearly as complicated
as some people make it seem...or is it? While I've been waiting, I've
been thinking too much.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 161
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 11:47:33 AM

If you're chatting to someone and you like them and they
seem to like you, what difference does it make who asks who
for the date?


Exactly!
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 162
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 12:30:46 PM

what difference does it make who asks who
for the date?

The difference is that one of them takes a risk and the other one doesn’t.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 163
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 12:51:50 PM

There's some pretty funny stuff in here. Every man alive pretty much knows that the quickest way to drive a woman away is to come on too strong too soon.


The only man who comes on too strong is the WRONG MAN. IMO. I love an assertive, confident man. Coyness doesn’t impress me. I’d chew that guy up and spit him right out.


In online forums, women tend to say emphatically they want this, that, and the other. But then they turn around and behave the exact opposite in the real world.


Yeah…this is the kind of mealy-mouthed, wishy washy crap I hate. If I say it, I mean it.

Anyhoo how many women from these forums do you know in real life.


Yeah, I don't get this.
If you're chatting to someone and you like them and they
seem to like you, what difference does it make who asks who
for the date?


It makes a difference to some of us. I would imagine you have some criteria for choosing for or against a man….? Vive la différence! :D


ETA


The difference is that one of them takes a risk and the other one doesn’t.


Right…..until she accepts or declines.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 164
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 12:52:08 PM
The difference is that one of them takes a risk and the other one doesn’t


Not necessarily. It's all in the timing I think.
If I ask someone for coffee, maybe I just asked first. Maybe they were going to ask.
*shrugs*

It's not like it's a race and the first one who asks wins or is taking a risk or
has bigger balls.


It makes a difference to some of us. I would imagine you have some criteria for choosing for or against a man….? Vive la différence! :D


Yeah, I do. I guess I just choose to pick my battles. I don't consider asking or not asking
or who asks a barometer for the future relationship.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 165
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 10/11/2013 1:08:42 PM
I think the one who asks is taking the risk of having their offer refused, their invitation declined, their request for a date rejected, etc.

The one who is receiving the invitation doesn't have to take those risks.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >