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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates      Home login  
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 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 76
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul matesPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I don't see atheists slamming believers publicly, and have never seen jews slam christians. When my agnostic friends and i get together, we privately, between ourselves, marvel at how and why intelligent people buy into religion, but our talks are only between us and then we normally veer off in to the wonders of the universe.
 xoEarlyBirdy
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 77
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 7:20:53 AM
I totally believe it is a deal breaker. I, who was brought up a strict catholic, now consider myself at the very least Agnostic. Someone who believes that everything will be taken care of by their god or prays and goes to church regularly would not fit into my life whatsoever. I never believe anything without question and I would want someone as my partner to feel the same.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 78
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:23:53 AM
A great attitude Janet! (I mean that nicely).

Even though I just reread your statement and don't totally agree with you. My experience is that the biggest complainers or people attacking others verbally are the Christians and some of the more radical religions. But your thought of being open minded and tolerant, is what I agree with. This is not to put them down, just my observation.

Everyone should be allowed to follow what they believe in. As long as it is done without hurting others.

Be open minded!! hey and relax it is their life. Let them live it.
 Spence56
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 79
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:45:06 AM
One of the most important aspects to loving someone is being able to accept who they are and what they are. If you love someone then you love them for who they are, and if they have religious feelings then a big part of who they are is probably associated with that religious belief. Respecting each others beliefs, even if they are different, is necessary for a healthy and loving relationship.

If someone is not able to do that then it's not a good match. And if it's not a good match then you are not really soul mates, no matter how much you want to be.
 Eri713
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 80
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/30/2012 3:25:45 PM
I can only speak for myself because everyone has their own set of deal breakers. For me, religion is one. I am not a religious person, but being Jewish is a part of who I am. I want to spend my life with someone who shares the same history, culture, values, and traditions of Judaism as I do. Especially when there are children involved.

There's also that first inevitable question, that I still have ingrained in my head, that my grandparents would ask whenever I told them I had a boyfriend, "Is he Jewish?" Ha Ha. The answer wasn't always yes, but then again, I wasn't looking for a life partner back then.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 81
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 12:18:28 AM
The OP's quesion is "Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates?"

That depends, I suppose, on how important it is to have someone in your life that shares your faith. For me the answer to this question is yes because even though I am far from fanatical, I do faithfully attend church. I was a church secretary for six years and am an ordained Presbyterian deacon so having a Christian church affiliation is something I look for when I search profiles. I have great respect for other faiths, but ultimately I want to share my life with someone who has similar beliefs and could pray, worship and study theology with me. If this culls the herd, so what? I am more likely to find my lamb following the Good Shepherd anyway.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 82
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 7:37:04 AM
Soul mates is a rather cliched way of saying high compatibility. However, if you are religious, it may have additional connotations.

So, yes, religious differences can be a deal breaker. Your souls were made by different manufacturers in that case, so obviously due to competitive reasons and proprietary designs, they can't blend.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 83
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 7:41:08 AM
^^^
maybe the next upgrade will be more compatable :)
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 84
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:32:15 AM

My own belief is that the most mature love that exists is the type where your desire for the other person is strong enough to cause you to accept their differences, and even their own flaws and faults.
I agree, well said.
 authenticoutlook
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 85
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:22:00 PM
I think it depends if you are practicing or preaching your religion. I grew up in a religious household and have many really devout religious friends. As we have grown older we have gotten away from our religions and have sought spiritual paths with the religious core of morals and values intact.

Over the years I've dated and befriended many people with different core based religions who initially thought we had the same outlook and understanding in life. As time went on though, in reality it did make a difference to me personally.

I have read bible, like the Koran, the Buddhist beliefs and chinese practices the jewish faith. I respect them all and think there is merit and wonderful things to learn from all of them.

But when it comes right down to it... I'll stick with my own faith and beliefs. It's what I'm most comfortable with.

So no, religion would be a deal breaker and is one.
 lighthouseseas
Joined: 6/16/2012
Msg: 86
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/19/2012 1:55:30 AM
I don't believe it has to be a deal breaker...but I think it often is. In the field of cultural anthropology most of the main world religions are called "univeralizing religions" meaning their primary goal is to create converts. To a hard core believer it would be her/his job to try to convert the SO. To me this would not create an atmosphere of mutual respect but that's just my own supposition.
Personally I've never come across any 'religion' that has not been interpreted by men for men to control women. Maybe someone has an example of one where women are accepted as equals to men? Therefore I don't think I would be compatable myself with someone who held deep religious beliefs of any kind.
As for soul mates...this is a rather stale cliche for those with a need to label everything without giving any independent thought to the label.
 greenfield101
Joined: 8/5/2012
Msg: 87
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/19/2012 2:34:36 AM
I'm not sure about the concept of soul mates, but my late husband & I was very much in love. He was a Christian and church goer (but not fanatical), whereas I was brought up believing in reincarnation but I don't practise any religious format. Sure, we have several discussion about faith, but he never tried to convert me, and neither did I talk him out of his faith. I accompanied him to church and helped out when he volunteered with church activities, even attended bible class with him, because doing these things together was important to him. But he understood me enough to know that belief has to come from within, not forced on by someone else. So in my case, religious difference does not have to be a deal breaker if both sides are reasonable.
On the other hand, my brother had to convert to Catholic before he could marry his wife (which he did, and they are still married), but does he really believe in God? um.. not really!
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 88
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/20/2012 11:04:43 AM
But I will say this about the God of the Old testament. He killed a lot of people for lots of what might be considered frivolous reasons.


True, however he was ultimately forgiving. The God of the New Testament forgives all until you are dead, then lets you rot in Hell eternally for not believing in him. Not sure which approach is more psychotic... lol

I don't think I'd mesh well with any kind of fundamentalist, but I don't mind more moderate types of religious expression. Of course, I cared more about being the same religion when I was interested in having babies...
 mjseek
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 89
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/20/2012 2:37:57 PM
I could see it as being a problem...just think when you're trying to connect to your imaginary friend, and you have a Christian talking to the ceiling, a Muslim talking to the floor, and a Jew talking to a wall, talk about being out of sync...that's my opinion and I am sticking to it!
 tinsleyhut
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 90
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/21/2012 10:26:37 PM
Ok, do you think being a member of PETA is a deal breaker?
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 91
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/21/2012 11:02:49 PM

I don't see atheists slamming believers publicly, and have never seen jews slam christians.


I half-way agree with you. I have NEVER seen Jews slamming Christians.

However, MANY, MANY threads you will see on POF there is some athiest bashing Christianity in one way or another. If you just read the news or see it on TV you will see how many attacks athiests make on Christianity over and over and over -- in the name of "First Amendment Rights".

I think I could live with a partner of just about any religion -- except one whose ultimate goal was to murder all persons of any faith but their own. Or live with a man whose religious belief encouraged the abuse or "honor killings" of women.

But I don't think I could live with an Athiest -- because I've never met one of them who didn't make a point day in and day out to attack amd insult my faith.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 92
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/22/2012 12:41:59 AM


you will see on POF there is some athiest bashing Christianity in one way or another


True.

But where is that "animosity" coming from ? Here is one of the ways how religious beliefs from Christians and others are being imposed on non-religious people (short excerpt from an article in "The Economist" titled "The new wars of religion" :



Religious people have either formed religious parties (such as India's BJP) or converted secular ones into more faith-driven outfits (such as America's Republican Party).


One of the most salient religious conflicts right here in America is Roe vs Wade. The abundant religious elements in the Republican Party have consistently and continuously bent the law to suit their beliefs. The constitution (separation of church and state) and the Supreme Court apparently take second place to the bible (or whatever it is their beliefs are based on.)

It is true that Atheists bash Christians. A lot of Atheists do, because of the continuous and recurrent disregard religious people show for anything but their way. While Atheists deliver their criticism to the religious face to face, the religious ones deceitfully twist and manipulate the laws to bend them to fit their beliefs and impose them on others.

While the above deception is not usually displayed by an individual, individuals promote it by providing financial support to the political institutions that have become as much a church as they are a political party.

As an Atheist, I am open to dating from any religion. I have dated christian girls and have gone to church on Sunday with them. That said, I view religion with a great deal of distrust, as religious beliefs too often become unreasonable i.e. must be imposed on others (openly or surreptitiously.)

Can religion be a deal breaker ? sure. Does it really have to be a deal breaker ? not on my account but, it takes to tango (but not two to pray.)
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 93
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/22/2012 6:53:41 AM
the religious ones deceitfully twist and manipulate the laws to bend them to fit their beliefs and impose them on others.

OK, now that's just silly... we all want the laws to fit what we believe. Where those beliefs come from do not make any difference.

Whether it's from "though shalt not kill" or just common sense that killing is wrong... it is a belief that most of us want to see as law.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 94
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/22/2012 3:42:06 PM


....we all want the laws to fit what we believe.


True and, I certainly don't have a problem with that. We lobby and support our viewpoints, fair enough.

The deceit and twisting from religious types comes from the constant addition of conditions for a particular law to be upheld or failure to provide the necessary fund to uphold a law that does not match their beliefs.

There is nothing silly in what I wrote. It is the stealth and deceit of the religious elements with political power that makes it dangerous and distasteful.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 95
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/23/2012 11:15:58 AM

But where is that "animosity" coming from ?


To tell the abosulte truth, IMO, I don't even believe that there WAS such a thing as an athiest.

Of all the people I have ever known who professed to be "athiest" -- they all ranted long and loud about the "ignorance" "bigotry" "dogma" etc. of Christianity. As soon as I learned more about EACH of these people I found that they all had ONE thing in common: Without exception, EVERY LAST ONE of them was someone who had left their chuch "mad at God" about some percieved wrong that had been done to them at that particular church. EVERY ONE of THEM. Including plenty of people on the POF forums. And, for some reason, it was invariably the Catholic church --maybe a coincidence?

But now a new generation of Athiests is growing up in America. These are the children of those angry, bitter people who got so mad at God. These kids learned what they learned about Christianity at home. They have NO understanding of any Religion. And they grew up completely ignorant of any tenants of any faith. They were simply told over and over that "Christians are evil" by their mentors. The kids had NO opportunity to derive any other opinions. Today's public schools have enhanaced their lack of knowlege about what a VERY large percentage of our culture stands for.


Here is one of the ways how religious beliefs from Christians and others are being imposed on non-religious people (short excerpt from an article in "The Economist" titled "The new wars of religion" :


I read your excerpt from the Economist, Justlooking. It seems that the author is an Athiest, as well.


....we all want the laws to fit what we believe.


and:


True and, I certainly don't have a problem with that. We lobby and support our viewpoints, fair enough.


I agree very much with both posters. We ALL do lobby and support our own viewpoints. Also as noted in the push to drive OPTIONAL prayer out of our public schools. And Christmas trees and Menoras from our public squares.

We all want our own Freedom of Speech, too. As evidenced by the large number of signs that say "people who believe in God believe in fairy tales, Santa Claus and the tooth fairy".

But that's what America -- and the right to vote and petition is all about.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 96
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/23/2012 1:08:39 PM


Without exception, EVERY LAST ONE of them was someone who had left their chuch "mad at God" about some percieved wrong that had been done to them at that particular church. EVERY ONE of THEM.


You know one exception now. Nice meeting you :-)



We all want our own Freedom of Speech, too.


Of course we do.

Now, why is it that our freedom is used to place a bible in every hotel room instead of a copy of the Constitution of America and hopefully one of the Declaration of Independence ? As Americans of any faith (or no faith) it seems much more appropriate to place a copy of the document that unites us all, instead of a copy of a document that has nothing to do with our country and divides us as people.

As an Atheist that doesn't have a personal beef (which does not mean I don't have a non-personal one) against any particular church, I see the presence of the bible in every hotel room as offensive. If there is a copy of the bible, why not one of the qu'ran ? and why not one of the Tora while we are at it ? Why is it that Christians/Catholics/whathaveyou are compelled to passive-aggressively impose their views on other people ? That causes resentment.

The "optional" prayer in school.... I am 100% against that stuff. Kids go to school to learn about art and science. The last thing kids need is religious peer pressure. Prayer is personal. If someone wants to pray, I don't have a problem with that but, go do it in a private place or in a church. School isn't a church.

The separation of church and state is in the Constitution. There are no exceptions for particular religious groups. Christians/Catholics should respect our constitution. If prayer in school is a must for a particular group then, they can pay for a private hybrid church-school and have their way if it is that important to them. Other groups, who are taxpayers as well, shouldn't be paying for religious indoctrination, Christian or otherwise.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 97
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/23/2012 2:02:38 PM
I would not let religious beliefs interfere with my love for a soul mate. But I don't believe I would be fulfilled in a relationship with a Christian, this is a red flag for me and she wouldn't likely be a soul mate.

So I would never contact anyone that had God or bible referenced in their interests or profile. I would consider anyone that was affiliated with a Christian religion as a small red flag and I would be interested to learn more about this. I used to identify as Catholic because I was raised and baptized Catholic, but really never bought into the doctrine, so maybe that is the case with someone else. Now I say I am non-religious. So I am willing to date a Christian to learn more about them as a person. But if they regularly attended church, I would not date them.

The reason is, Christian religions have as part of their doctrine that sex outside of marriage is fornication, and always a sin. While many Christians don't follow their religion's theocracy, I believe by violating their beliefs they have set up a cognitive dissonance where they aren't truly conformable in their sexuality. These guilty feelings hamper them, and I think it very often creates some sort of distortion of their sexuality without marriage, and often affects it after marriage.

I did have a very satisfying LT 5 year + romantic relationship with my first GF, she was Catholic, but she didn't go to regular Sunday services. We were both virgins, she did have a reluctance for a couple of years to engage in sexual intercourse, but she loved oral / anal sex, so that was never an issue. I read on the forums many women engage in oral sex before marriage, but are less likely to after marriage. Not sure why that is, maybe religion plays into it.

I have not had a huge number of partners, but I have had a wide variety. I have noticed that if I break up with someone I would next date someone of a different ethnicity, body type or culture. Not a conscious decision, but it happens that way. So I have been in relationships with women that were taller / heavier than me being just this side of obesity, or short with a 18 BMI, African American, Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, French, Greek, very Catholic (as in raised by nuns), Christian, atheists, Buddhist, nothing at all.

Statistically speaking, there were definitive sexual differences between women with different body types, cultures and religious beliefs. Oddly, body types seemed to have an influence on sexuality.

Now for those that don't understand statistical probability, this only means that one is more likely to exhibit a particular trait, it's not set in stone.

I always take people on a one on one basis regardless of their background, the odds of someone being different from what one might expect based on previous experience is maybe 35%.

But to use an apt analogy, dating is like fishing. It's better to fish in waters where it's easy to catch the types of fish you want to take home. Sexually, the most easy to get along with religions are Buddhist or non-religious, so that is my preference. Buddhist believe in the Five Precepts, as regards to sex this is to avoid sexual misconduct. Which they define as the use of trickery, emotional blackmail or force to compel someone to have sex. As long as there is love and mutual agreement between the two people, marriage or LTR doesn't have figure in. This is consistent with my own beliefs.

Their Five Precepts are as follows. The first precept is to avoid killing or harming living beings. The second is to avoid stealing, the third is to avoid sexual misconduct, the fourth is to avoid lying and the fifth is to avoid alcohol and other intoxicating drugs.

While I drink alcohol, I don't expect a SO to drink also, and it's very moderate social drinking, and Buddhists don't try an force others into their beliefs. But honestly, if I never drank alcohol again, it wouldn't be a big deal to me.

Buddhists most often believe in amulets for good luck, curses, ghosts, and witchcraft. I don't believe in these things, but their beliefs don't affect me and I would support their fear of ghosts or wearing of amulets. An example, some Buddhist won't stay in a old looking hotel from fear of ghosts. They think certain phone number are lucky, astrology tends to be more significant for them, etc. But their belief in such things doesn't impact me to any great extent, so I would not let that stop me from falling for someone I considered a soul mate.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 98
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/23/2012 4:35:32 PM

You know one exception now. Nice meeting you :-)


Well, thanks. It’s nice to know you as well.

You are the VERY first in my over ½ century of existence. However, I did meet one other forum poster who also claimed to have NO personal experience with church. However, later it turned out that he actually was an ex-churchgoer who knew most of the Bible from cover to cover. He also was a Catholic, and I found it very unusual that he had been both a Catholic and a Bible reader. He studied the Bible for many years seeking to refute it’s teachings.

I couldn’t understand why he – or any other Atheist -- could stay so OFFENDED over something they don’t even believe exists.


Now, why is it that our freedom is used to place a bible in every hotel room instead of a copy of the Constitution of America and hopefully one of the Declaration of Independence ? As Americans of any faith (or no faith) it seems much more appropriate to place a copy of the document that unites us all, instead of a copy of a document that has nothing to do with our country and divides us as people.


You see the Bible in hotel rooms because it is placed there by funding from the Gideon Society -- not by the hotel owners themselves. I don’t know of any Muslim organizations who fund the placement of Holy Q’rans in hotel rooms. The Jewish faith is not one that is very evangelistic.

However, there is an on-going effort by several Atheist movements to force Hotel owners to remove the Bibles from the rooms.

You would also likely be offended by the Declaration of Independence as it makes reference to the existence of God:
“We hold these truth to be self-evident, that all men were CREATED equal, that they are endowed by their CREATER with certain unalienable Rights……”
You would be just as offended by the Constitution, whose First Amendment states that Congress shall make no laws preventing the free exercise of religion. It also gives the freedom of speech and press to everyone, including Christians
America was born because of the Christian faith of our founding fathers, and their desire for religious liberty. If you read many other documents they wrote, you would likely be even more offended.



As an Atheist that doesn't have a personal beef (which does not mean I don't have a non-personal one) against any particular church, I see the presence of the bible in every hotel room as offensive.


Please explain how it is possible to be “impersonally offended”.

Come on now. Level with us. What is there in your past experience that makes you so offended by the sight of anything that reminds you that Christianity exists?
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 99
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/23/2012 6:05:25 PM
I know lot's of nice atheists, I'm one. I know lot's of nice church going folks. The vast majority of them I don't have an issue with and if the majority of them weren't already married, I could easily have a relationship with them. I could easily be with someone who attended church on a regular basis. What I would have an issue with would be someone who wanted to change me to their beliefs and vice versa.

I don't have an issue with god, I'm not mad at god, I just don't believe there is a god. Simple really. One of my sons was a believer and my other son is not. My husband was born catholic but did not attend church after he was about 7 years old, he too was an atheist. So it worked for us.

As for prayer in school, I believe that school is school and church is church. If you have a need to pray in the morning, do it at home. Simple really.

I've also found that many atheists HAVE read the bible, many times, even studied it. The same applies to many other religious teachings. It's a history book written by men, changed by men over the years and interpreted differently by many (adapted to their own beliefs or twisted to meet their own needs).

It's a to each their own. We're all slightly different. We all will find someone that fits us. The term "soulmates" means jack shyt to me, I hate the term. I never had a "soulmate" even though I had a long and successful marriage. I had a lover, partner and friend that I would have given my life for...but the word "soulmate" is not in my vocabulary. People over think this shyt.
 feelin_alright7777
Joined: 12/11/2010
Msg: 100
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/23/2012 6:32:20 PM
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
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