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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else      Home login  
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 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 28
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I used to be quite a social butterfly, and I enjoyed it. But as I have aged, that has worn off. My life was exhausting for a while and still can be, so I pared back to the bare essentials. Plus, I have become more in tune with myself and what seems to be my natural tendency toward introversion.

I get along with people easily and seem to have no problem making friends, but at the end of the day it all just ends up feeling like it's too much effort and I would usually rather be reading a book or hanging out with my kids. I've tried to push myself to change that, but it never really sticks. I'm a loner at heart I guess.

Anyway Op, regardless of the lack of a social circle.. what are your interests and hobbies? Many times there are groups/meets around common interests and you can meet like-minded others (both romantically and otherwise) at such gatherings.
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 29
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Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/2/2012 12:01:52 PM
Get out dancing.. you will meet plenty of women then and build a circle of friends.

Oh and stop looking at things in a negative way... negativity attracts negativity .... positivity is the key to a successful life. It's nice to be around positive and upbeat people.
 jmh180
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 30
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/2/2012 1:10:52 PM
Ok Jaqi if you re-read this dancing is not the key. Most clubs that involve music and a dance floor offer little room for social activity. They are too crowded, too many drunks, and the choice of music and volume is a mess. Not to mention there is usually less dancing going on and more drinking and if there is dancing it's usually a group of women. I like music, I really don't care if it's too loud but there are exceptions. What also makes it harder is flying solo to a club and trying to get involved with other peoples social group. Not to mention the single ratio doesn't get any better, a lot of women in relationship like their girls night out.
 Orionthehunter9
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 31
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/3/2012 1:29:41 AM
Sure have. And I've been in the hospitality industry for the past several years so the irony is getting a bit tiring. lol
It's hard maintaining certain circles of friends if your job requires you to be working nighttimes.
 Maltese_CanadianGuy
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 32
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/4/2012 10:49:37 AM
Thanks for all the replies, there has been some good advise in here, and I see that many also go through this kind of thing. My only option to meeting people in the outside world would be to go out alone, do any of you do that? Do you actually go out to the bars or clubs alone?

I actually wish I had done certain things differently. I was invited to one of my college friends birthday parties a few years ago, but I couldn't make it. Who knows that could of introduced me to some new friends and maybe become one of his good friends. He's still on my facebook, but I haven't talked to him in a very long time. Thinking maybe this door has closed now.
 mannyoc
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 33
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/4/2012 12:28:17 PM

My only option to meeting people in the outside world would be to go out alone, do any of you do that? Do you actually go out to the bars or clubs alone?


clubs no. IMO I just think I am to old for the clubs. Bars I will go to on my own. You like sports? Nothing wrong with going to a sports bar on your own to watch a game!
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 34
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Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/5/2012 4:49:02 AM
When I mentioned dancing I meant partner dancing. I am sure there are plenty places to learn either slasa or modern jive and I know that, over here in the UK those places are brimming with single women ... and men. When I first went dancing I went on my own as a single woman, very daunting but never looked back. I have met so many people through my dancing and continue to make friends now that I am dancing ballroom and latin with a regular dance partner.

I wouldn't even entertain the idea of clubbing these days, especially not to go with a view to meeting people.

I have a friend that is in a singles club called 'spice' and they meet regularly to do outdoor activities and also organise evening events. I am sure if you googled singles clubs something would pop up in your area.
 jmh180
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 35
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/6/2012 1:59:11 PM
That does make more sense, I do still have some trouble with things like that in my area. It is a mixed area but it's more suburban than anything, so far I haven't seen anything for singles other than meet local singles on line. The other trouble is with several major cities nearby but not as easy to venture for activities like those.
 smilebrother
Joined: 5/4/2010
Msg: 36
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/11/2012 8:14:53 PM
Hey Maltese, I've been where you are with no real friends. I'm older and never married (not because I didn't want to) and most people I've known had kids and made friends only with other people with kids, etc. Try meetup.com - lots of groups on there, all sorts of stuff to do. I tried a few, some were good, others not, I mostly like the kayaking groups, and at least it gets you out there with real people, men and women, but not necessarily for dating so there's no pressure there. Good luck.
 booserinc
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 37
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/18/2012 1:27:04 AM
Nope its def not hard to make friends at any age man. Im just into my 30s and would say the friends I've made now are way better friends than the ones ive known for 10+ years. Whatever your thing is would be a great way to start. If its basketball or kids or what not. Go to your local ymca or where ever you'd play and find a game to get into. I can safely say its hard for me to make friends but finding people with my interest made it way easier. good luck man!
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 38
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Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/19/2012 7:39:41 PM
Man, this thread hits home for me as well. I don't have any close friends either. I had plenty when I was in the military, but all the people I know know are my co-workers, and they are married, and sedentary. I'm a shy guy, and it makes meeting women difficult when you have no one around for moral support.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 39
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/25/2012 1:54:23 PM
I actually wish I had done certain things differently. I was invited to one of my college friends birthday parties a few years ago, but I couldn't make it. Who knows that could of introduced me to some new friends and maybe become one of his good friends. He's still on my facebook, but I haven't talked to him in a very long time. Thinking maybe this door has closed now.


Only one way to find out.

I've tried that, and found that people I never DID hang out with were cool with hanging out, some friends were still the same "kind" of friends, and people I thought were "close" friends wanted nothing to do with me.

Bored? Lonely?

Was buddy someone you got along with and shared attitudes and interests with?

If so; wtf not let him know its been too long, and you'd like to get together sometime. Heck; he may be in the same place you are.

P.s. "Friends" can "also" help your relationship go south; if they're not the right kind of friends. (just sayin)
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 40
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/25/2012 8:40:57 PM
I have a cool circle of friends, but that hasn't really brought me any closer to finding love. I'm in the same situation you are in, I'll be 34, and I never married or had kids. To me, I feel it is an epic failure, so I just do my best to succeed in other aspects of my life. Needless to say, this site hasn't brought me any closer to finding true love either. I just need to stay busy and pretend it doesn't bother me, and that hasn't made the problem go away, but it has helped me cope with it in a more positive way. As far as bars and clubs, I feel really uncomfortable in there, too much hostility. Some of them are alright, but the atmosphere isn't for me.
 gr4phix
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 41
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Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/29/2012 3:03:54 PM
dude

You may not realise this, but have you thought about backpacking? You should go travelling or take shorts trips and stay in hostels. I was in the same situation as you a few years ago. I went away and backpacked around Australia... I met so many people, had a great time... it changed my life!
 masterotaku
Joined: 7/20/2012
Msg: 42
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/29/2012 5:29:40 PM
Part of having a social life is being social. Though it sounds simple, it's really all about just getting out there and trying....perhaps over and over again....until you find like minded people you can relate to.

Coworkers is a good place to start. Many of my current friends I made this way, or made as friends through socially interacting with co-workers.

If you're unaccustomed to just getting yourself out there, just keep a few things in mind. First, no matter how odd, awkward, or strange you might think you are, there are plenty of people more so than you. And some of them will have interests that dovetail with your own. Second, you can do the most b*tsh*t crazy things in public, and the worst that generally happens is someone stares or giggles....and then 60 seconds later they are done.

Embrace the fact that society, like an ocean, pretty much smoothes over everything. This is a liberating thing to realize. :)
 AlexShasta
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 43
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 8/29/2012 5:44:11 PM
Your situation is identical to mine. When I was in high school I had one or two good friends. When we went our separate ways I found myself feeling left out. I've always had a difficult time making new friends because I can be quiet, shy, and I'm a deep thinker. This issue is not a quick fix. Relocating will not fix it, because being shy in social situations is a life-long issue that cripple can lead to extreme lonliness. Recently I discovered Meet Up (look it up), it's a social arena where groups from all over different areas of California (not sure if it's in other states) meet up and go for drinks, play pool, hike, bike...pretty much anything under the sun. It's really helped my social life. I actually have something to do on (most) Friday nights. I'm still a work in progress. There are times when I have to force myself to be social, but I'm getting through it one "Hello" at a time.
Look up the name on the internet. It may work for you, but if you're anything like me you MUST help yourself change your situation. You've got to put in the work. What comes easy for some, feels frightening to others.
 B_forU
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 44
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Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 9/29/2012 1:39:44 AM
Whatever you do don't listen to this.
Rural America is not the answer.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 45
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 9/29/2012 9:03:22 AM

Same problem here. Im 36 with no kids and a small circle of freinds and on this ste i just get ignored all the time.


That's not entirely a bad thing.

Many of the women on here are "not" great catches.
 kclady42
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 46
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 9/29/2012 5:35:39 PM
i am the same no close friends. i did have a best friend that stabbed me in the back and have a hard time getting close to people ever sence
 saw8wave8
Joined: 8/22/2012
Msg: 47
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 10/2/2012 12:39:04 PM
If you want friends, wife, kids, you will get them. If you don't want friends, wife, kids, you will not get them.
 DMV_Living
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 48
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 10/12/2012 1:34:50 PM
It's happen to me as well. Had a group of friends through the high school and twenties. We all got married, kids but lost contact with many. Now single and it's pretty quiet.

When I moved back up to MD earlier this year, I decided I wasn't going to hang around the house any more so I joined Meetup. It has just about any social activity. I love playing sports like football, tennis, volleyball so I joined those groups and joined a 30's/40's group and a couple of others. It's been an awesome experience since I've done things that I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't joined.....AND meeting people. Heading to a cabin n the mountains next weekend with a group of them.

If you want to change things, then make it happen.
 FrzLawyer
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 49
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 10/14/2012 7:44:19 PM
A) The women your friends introduce you to can be... Well, its only happened a few times, and they've been nice, just not women I would have picked for myself.

B) Do you distinguish between "friends" and "buddies"? I have plenty of buddies, but only a handful of friends.

I don't know that close friends are all that more common than women you can be close to.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 50
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 10/15/2012 1:53:04 PM
I do I have only two best friends and everything was hook g good until those two got married at almost at the same time. I can even come to talk to them bc they aliways so busy with their husbands or never home. We used to do so many thing together. I work a lot supporting stuff from one paycheck is close to impossible so only time I have is weekend Unfortunally that the time when husbands have off too. So I have been alone with guy problems for a while so I def hear u on that one
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 51
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 10/15/2012 6:43:31 PM
Recently I discovered Meet Up


They have something like that in Ontario too; or, at least, in my area.

It actually seems like a good time!

A girl who was hoping to rent her house out to me told me all about it; bi-wkly house parties (ok, bbqs and volleyball games, softball games etc) essentially!

Really; when I'm ready to get back on the horse, and there doesnt seem to be any good options, I'm there in a flash. (why not right?)
 AthenaMarina
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 52
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Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 3/29/2013 2:21:48 PM
Esp. If you are in a big city, have you tried www.meetup.com ?
Lots of interest groups, many are free & I've met some of my best friends there.
(No, I'm not affiliated with them!)
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?