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 Patti_JustMe
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 33
The annoying pressuring textsPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I hate to say it but I am so guilty of this.........
And seeing it in writing makes me realize that I don't like it when it is done to me either.

I don't think it is ever ok...think it is a sign to RUN like hell.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 35
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 5:06:22 PM
Crazy? Sure for giving your number to some freak you haven't met yet.

Why don't you opt for a short public meeting and then decide if this is a person you would want to contact you every 5 minutes?
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 36
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 6:26:01 PM
OMG you are NOT crazy, he is an idiot! I would be so aggravated with him, I wouldn't meet either. I don't care what time you worked until, it's very improper to text a potential date at 3am.
Do remember Beavis & Butt head couch fishing? I compare dating to that. Sometimes you pull out something good, other times you get a dirty old sock. This guy is a dirty old sock, so keep fishing :).
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 37
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 6:47:16 PM
He sounds very thirsty. He was probably considering a sexual liaison with you, but you were disinterested....and he stayed persistent. Red flag should've hit the minute he kept texting you to meet asap.
 Random_geek_01
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 38
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 7:09:32 PM
I don't mind texting as it is easier for me to communicate but I know what you mean about pressure to meet.. like the world is going to explode the next day! I'm all for meeting quickly but if I feel pressured I just move on..it's coming on too strong and a red flag that the person is needy and clingy!
 Indysweetpea
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 39
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 7:33:00 PM
I had a guy that for the second date kept asking me (5 plus times) to come to his condo and have wine and watch movies and cuddle. I told him I only met you once before and I did not feel comfortable with this kind of date for a 2nd date. He kept calling and asking for this so I just blocked his phone number. If someone is pushing you beyond your comfort zone then say no and if they cannot take no for an answer then just stop answering them.
 Random_geek_01
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 40
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 7:51:31 PM
I had a girl be offended that I didn't want to bring her back to my place on the first date...go figure huh lol
 Googleplus
Joined: 8/22/2012
Msg: 41
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/15/2012 8:09:23 PM

I had a guy that for the second date kept asking me (5 plus times) to come to his condo and have wine and watch movies and cuddle.


Sounds like he wanted sex. Watching a movie while cuddling is boring.
 ManV2.0
Joined: 9/1/2012
Msg: 43
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/16/2012 9:14:35 PM
I'm more curious why you continued to text him
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 44
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/16/2012 9:46:34 PM
They are looking for quick hook ups and that is why they are on the sites. Delete. Simple.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 45
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/20/2012 2:14:33 PM
^^^ YES! "Hang Out" and the statement "I am open to most ideas" under the first date category are netting exactly the responses you received. ---> "Hookup." The repeated use of the words "sexy" "kitten" etc. leave no doubt in these mens' minds anyway.

Alas, I see you have marked yourself as "taken" now, OP. Glad your booty calls worked out.
 uarealoser
Joined: 9/5/2012
Msg: 46
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/20/2012 3:02:19 PM

I want honest opinions, am I just crazy?

No.
You're not crazy.
But IMO you may want to take into account that a lot of people think "the relationship" (the term as it's commonly used on the forums) starts at getting a response from "hello."

Maybe you see the meet as really the start of it all, or later, I don't know, I don't know you, but a lot of people will simply try to behave as though they are already in a relationship with you in order to make you feel more comfortable, so they will feel free to contact you with whatever method of contact you provide to them.

Also, you may want to realize, a huge reason why people come online is because it does offer immediate gratification, and greater potential for immediate gratification.
If you read the forums (especially any profile review) many of the questions boil down to "I've been here for a while, I've been seeing them for a while, I'm not getting what I want when I want it, what can I do in order to hurry it up and get it closer to 'now.'"


I know I've said no, but they ignore it. Is this how it works now?

IME yes, that is how it works a lot of the time now.
Thank shitty parenting, specialization, and individualization over civility or group identity.
"No" doesn't mean no anymore, it means argue, whine, pule, manipulate, until you get what you want.
Squeaky wheel gets the grease.
IMO that's another reason why people are attracted to online dating (and forums, and social network sites, pretty much any website that offers any type of social interaction). It's controlled, a controlled environment. You can enforce your decisions. You can ignore, block, delete, edit, take your time, avoid confrontation through a digital middle man.


I had more luck in the past, now it's like pulling teeth

IMO any place that offers social interaction will always simply have a slow spiral to the bottom.
Especially with dating.
One reason is when people pair up, they leave. If successful, they don't come back. If not successful, they bring the problems back with them. If unable to pair up, they remain, spreading the inability to pair up. New people that come in either get frustrated at the "bottom feeders" and seek out new places to avoid them (starting another cycle), or stay and get subverted.
"Bar scene, meat market, hookup site," shortcut stereotype labels don't arise if there is not enough of a repetitive phenomenon.
 GoldinSFla
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 47
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/20/2012 8:48:22 PM
I've had that happen before, but I put an end to it quickly. They get one chance, if they insist again, I'm done.
The last time it happened was a few months ago. A guy had written to me and he seemed nice enough at first. So we were discussing when to get together. I said I was available on the weekend. I gave him the choice of Friday or Saturday evening. This was a few days before the weekend.
He said "why don't we meet tonight? and I answered and said "no, can't do it, I'm working all week, but I'll be free on the weekend. Your choice if you'd rather meet up on Friday or Saturday night. Which one of those options do you prefer?"
So again he answered "tonight".
Well that was it. There was no more going back and forth, no more negotiating. He showed me that he could care less about how I felt or what I was comfortable with so I just told him that we wouldn't be meeting at all. Then I blocked him because the conversation was over.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 48
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/20/2012 9:56:29 PM
cinsav is right!


Alot of guys online are just looking for a free hooker.


Sad but true.

You are not a slave to your celphone. Stop texting at the first sign of something weird.

I had set up a coffee date with a guy and we were texting back and forth a few days before our first meeting. He suddenly says: I can't wait to meet you and touch your finger."

My creep alert siren went off, and I cancelled the date.

YOU are in control, not them.
 TimSparks7
Joined: 12/21/2010
Msg: 49
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/21/2012 12:21:48 AM
Um, maybe some people live more at night then in the day, ever think of that?
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 51
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/21/2012 6:12:04 AM
Your date sounds really needy, OP. That or he already has a date for Friday. You should ditch him either way.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 52
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/21/2012 6:39:04 AM
Yeah...complete bullshyt blaming someone's behavior on a red dress.

I suppose people have their reasons for wanting a quick meet...some less flattering than others. However, an invite out at 3 am is kinda blatant don't ya think? Unless I was interested in a hookup, I'd be droppin' his number right about then.
 destructodave
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 53
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/22/2012 1:13:22 PM
Its all your fault OP. Stop responding, and they stop asking. Its that simple.

I dont get it, you want to play hard to get, and enjoy the attention, then complain about it? Which is it?

If I ask a girl out, and she keeps responding, " I just cant", well Ill ask again. Texts are really bad about this. I dont blame the guys, you kept responding to every single text. You could have called and nipped it in the bud like another person said with tone of voice, or stopped responding.

Its no different then answering random messages on this site. If a girl messages me and I answer it, I cant be mad at her for continuing to message me if I keep responding, even if Im not interested. The fact your responding, even if saying no, leaves a door open for us guys in our minds, so we continue to push.

We arent pathetic; if you dont answer a text or 2 we will stop. Its that simple.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 54
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/25/2015 3:27:28 PM
What's wrong with meeting someone for a first date at midnight?

The more desolate the place, the better.

It will ensure maximum privacy.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 55
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/25/2015 5:06:42 PM
There are lots like that.

Which is why when dating I have a 'private' mobile phone number completely separate from my normal and work mobile phone.

I do sleep with my normal phone beside me as I also use it as a radio and alarm clock.
Text or phone calls late at night startle me as I think there must be an emergency.

Just ignore. Eventually they will give up.


ps: Suggested first dates after midnight in a desolate place is not only a joke.
I have had those invitations.

Another good reason to have a second phone.


pps: I realise it can be difficult ton ignore and not let them get to you.
If that happens take a break.

There are good men out there.
At least I hope so.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 56
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:49:11 AM
I don't think it's any worse than this.

Me: Hey what's up?
Her: Hey not much
Me: Wanna hang out this weekend
Her: Yea we can meet in Fells
Me: Sounds good, what day and where at?
Her: Saturday but Friday if my plans get cancelled
Me: OK, well I'm going there anyway, I'll text you just text me back your plans.
Her: OK

*Gets to Fells*

Me: Hey, are you coming here?

*No answer for the rest of the night, following Morning*

Her: No I ended up going to Calvert County

Thanks for letting me know something the day afterwards, that really shows you givea
I always like the "Let's agree to meet somewhere at a specific place and time, let's talk about plans for a good 5 days prior, explain what you're going to do and then the day of, lose track of time, forget you made said plans and apologize profusely* tactic that some women have pulled on me. Then they're shocked when I lose interest in them.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 57
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/26/2015 2:26:41 PM
The problem is not people pressuring for a hookup. The problem is when people, when they are thinking about you, want you to drop hwat you're doing and think about and respond to them the second that it's convenient for them. And they don't give a flying well, hoodwinkle what is going on with you.

You are in the middle of a 60 hour work week, a good chunk of which is on the east coast including 15 hours of travel time.

in three days you have 15 hours of travel, one night with missed dinner altogether, one day with lunch ending at 5:30 pm; 7 hours total sleep over three nights combined; on site meetings in which i had literally ten minutes total over the two days where I did not have at least the controller and coo (and usually owner) in there with me and the second day an entire room full of PMs and designers; that was why I was THERE... you can't say "excuse me while I take this person's 12 unanswered texts,won't you?) an allnighter I finished fifteen minutes before leaving for on site the next day for setup and reconfiguration pre training; two nights returning to either the hotel or my house after one thirty am, and two deadlines that cost me an entire night's sleep one place and my working until 9:30 at night yesterday where I couldn't stop or I'd have lost the web connection; as the second client was southern us and the person who opened the connection left; and they had to have it to payroll by Monday morning. The person KNEW I was in the middle of the crunch. They knew I was buried, they knew I was traveling, but I responded, I confirmed not once but twice that I was up for Saturday afternoon at the place they wanted (even though I expressed wanting closer so i didn't have to drive so far since I was so buried from the brutal work stretch) but they kept telling me when they were going to call and got mad at me when I could not answer the second they wanted to speak to me. So today I spend a few hours canoeing on a spectacularly beautiful stretch of lakes but spend time looking at my watch to make sure i'm back in plenty of time to speak to them before meeting them where they were, cut it short and go back to my car only to get a blisteringly angry text that, because I could not speak to them at the moment they wanted to; i was a waste of their time weird dater who they were angry they bothered to talk to at all, and wished me good riddance. They were done talking to me.

All I can say is? don't let the door hit you on the way out.

what a waste of a beautiful day on water. Never EVER again.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 58
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/26/2015 3:44:16 PM

Her: Saturday but Friday if my plans get cancelled
Me: OK, well I'm going there anyway, I'll text you just text me back your plans.


One thing I learn when I was dating. Make your dates in stone. And if they get wishy washy, cancel their a ss.

There are a lot of women with power games, they want to see how the week may shape up and if they will be able to go out with a better date. If they give you that impression, let them know, inequitably but in a polite way, that you do not play second choice. Period. If you behave like the prize, they will tread you like the prize. This sounds arrogant, and it may be, but with a lot of women, particularly those that hot or very attractive you have to let them know from the start that you do not put up with their s h i t.

Example. Set a date with this lady for a Saturday. Then she texts me that her daughter was getting in town Friday and that she wanted to make it just an hour date, so she could spend more time with her daughter. My response. I take a rain check. Your daughter is more important, so spent the whole weekend with her. I don't like to rush things so let's meet later on.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 59
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/26/2015 3:57:27 PM

There are a lot of women with power games,

Some people turn EVERYTHING into a power game. They're impossible to interact with in a normal fashion. At first it's mind-boggling, then gets old.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 60
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/26/2015 4:35:26 PM

One thing I learn when I was dating. Make your dates in stone. And if they get wishy washy, cancel their a ss.
....
Example. Set a date with this lady for a Saturday. Then she texts me that her daughter was getting in town Friday and that she wanted to make it just an hour date, so she could spend more time with her daughter. My response. I take a rain check. Your daughter is more important, so spent the whole weekend with her. I don't like to rush things so let's meet later on.


^^^Spot on. It's called self-respect. If she changes her attitude subsequently, you may always be chivalrous if she was honest (schedule disruptions happen). If she's just using you to fill in as her safety net against being alone, or thinks she's an event planner, that's probably worthless since your intentions don't really jibe.
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