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 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 64
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The annoying pressuring textsPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

so yet again, what happens if you DO have a set in stone twice confirmed time and place set and HE changes it because he can't force you to put off the dozen people in the room to take the set time call before it happens in addition to the actual event? Because you actually, gasp, have a life and can't ddrop everything the minute he decides he is going to talk to you?

As one of those evil "shes" who reads all this stuff? You dudes assuming we women are playing games and adjusting your game accordingly?

you are adjusting yourself out of what WOULD have been a perfectly good date; because you are so busy looking for monsters under the bed you are the one who ends up putting it there. When you look for games? Frequently? You end up being the one who ends up playing them.

just sayin...


Why are you labeling yourself, as an evil woman reading this stuff, even if in jest? Why are we 'assuming dudes' looking for monsters under beds?

Maybe I came in midway in the thread, but I'm answering what to do in the situation of an indecisive or flip-flopping person. I don't care what the reason if someone can't set up a meeting or date they get a genuine rain check. If it fizzles out, it was never meant to be.

The only reason gender appears in my reply is because I am male and projected my situation. I should have kept it neutered. If a he pulls that, same opinion. I recognize some people are busy and may be perfectly good dating material. I don't know what you mean by dropping everything the minute someone wants to talk to you. My opinion was simply that if someone gets complications, reschedule and that way no one has to play musical chairs. It will make a better meet, rather than one that is being slipped in by he seat of both of your pants. And if you smoke out someone who is being an airhead about really meeting, drop them like a hot potato.
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 65
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/27/2015 7:23:57 AM
Never take advice from a psychopath.

For the members that have been here for a year or two, search online for "psychopathic love bombing" and see if you can put a name to the definitions/examples.
 tequila157
Joined: 9/3/2015
Msg: 66
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/27/2015 8:24:32 AM
I've had this happen before in my "bigger" days. Men normally don't take certain types of women seriously. If the guy thinks low of the women, he'll troll her. They didn't pressure text you. They figured if they act persistent enough, you'll budge. If they thought you were worth a real date, they would have waited. Next time just delete their text and move on!
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 67
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/27/2015 10:07:36 AM

[so yet again, what happens if you DO have a set in stone twice confirmed time and place set and HE changes it ]

Moon, I don't have to read anymore than this. Respect goes both ways. There are as s holes out there that do this sh i t. Neither sex has an exclusive. So take charge and write the f v cker off.


Already written off and already blocked, thankyouverymuch :)


Why are you labeling yourself, as an evil woman reading this stuff, even if in jest? Why are we 'assuming dudes' looking for monsters under beds?

Maybe I came in midway in the thread, but I'm answering what to do in the situation of an indecisive or flip-flopping person. I don't care what the reason if someone can't set up a meeting or date they get a genuine rain check. If it fizzles out, it was never meant to be.

The only reason gender appears in my reply is because I am male and projected my situation. I should have kept it neutered. If a he pulls that, same opinion. I recognize some people are busy and may be perfectly good dating material. I don't know what you mean by dropping everything the minute someone wants to talk to you. My opinion was simply that if someone gets complications, reschedule and that way no one has to play musical chairs. It will make a better meet, rather than one that is being slipped in by he seat of both of your pants. And if you smoke out someone who is being an airhead about really meeting, drop them like a hot potato.


the examples were it seemed projecting reasons for actions without knowing what was actually going on. That has happened to me in the past and what the assumed behavior and what was the actual were incredibly different; and the person who ended up being the flaky game player every time was the guy. And in none of the examples did I flake out; in ALL of them they ended up creating extra hoops they demanded I jump because t hey wanted it; and when I didn't; they blew up. And all the examples in this thread AND so many other threads are entitled game playing women and all the ways you have to protect yourselves from them. so seeing this right after my experience hit a little too close to home in the irony department.

I am normal busy usually, this week I was on an incredibly tight deadlined work trip and came back to a hard deadline. So this week was NOT typical. But I still was able to respond to texts in between, I was still able to confirm, and I was STILL able to easily make sure I was where I agreed to be when I agreed to be there. Why should a person have to do more than that during what is an exceptionally tight time?

But the dropping everything the minute someone wanted to talk to me; my responding was not good enough, my setting aside time was not good enough. I kept while I was out of town on site (or on airplanes to/from) getting texts saying he was going to call at x o'clock.

Every time he told me when he was going to call i was either going to be still in sessions, on an airplane or, the last day, finishing that last project before i lost the connection and they didn't make payroll. He did not ask me when it was convenient to talk. He did not offer an alternative time to talk. He just got mad because i could not drop my clients, jump off my airplane and answer the phone when he decided we should voice talk, WHILE i was in the middle o f this crazy business trip (that he knew I was on).

That is what I was talking about. People have lives. Texting is convenient for finding a time that would work for voice talk (the other guy who when I did not answer during the work day while i was on site out of town would call another four times in a row THEN send 15 texts in a row, and keep sending, and keep sending, who ultimately got mad at me for not appreciating how he felt about me because I didn't graciously respond to every text and answer every call even though he KNEW i was on site, at a clients out of town, in a room full of their executives. Him I blocked before hitting the airport on the way back.

People have lives dangit. Instead of assuming deep dark reasons and forcing her (or him) to jump through your hoops to prove that she is not flaky, give the person (note I did NOT say woman) the benefit of the doubt and find something that will work for you both. You might end up not burning bridges that might have been really good bridges for you. And then trust they will show up; don't make them prove it in extra ways they don't have time to jump.

just sayin :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 68
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/27/2015 4:08:38 PM
Yes I remember one guy who only had pics of his dog on the profile wanted to meet at 10pm for a late night movie some distance from me. Never going to happen......
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 69
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/27/2015 7:42:25 PM

Instead of assuming deep dark reasons and forcing her (or him) to jump through your hoops to prove that she is not flaky, give the person (note I did NOT say woman) the benefit of the doubt and find something that will work for you both. You might end up not burning bridges that might have been really good bridges for you. And then trust they will show up; don't make them prove it in extra ways they don't have time to jump.


I'm sorry you went through that. For me it illustrated the problem IG and I have learned to identify and dump more quickly. The person in your situation did not respect you and was compulsive. I really don't think texts are to blame. I think if you only had cell phone calls, or landlines or snail mail it would play out the same.

I personally do the "alternating" doctrine of communication with texts. It's the safest bet to retain mutual control over the pace of conversation so it doesn't spiral into a tailspin. If someone sends more than one message, there is no expectation in this method to get an answer and texting is only a message handling service for when you can check in.

I prefer to talk and make plans. Indecision is when you sense a person doesn't have their heart in it. Sounds like you were really going to make the date, so if the issue is compulsive texters, reign it in to your pace and hopefully the person gets it. You only burned the bridge when you figured that they were not respecting your commitments which didn't impact the quality of your date with them, if I follow.

If someone is fitting me into their 6:30pm and has a hectic week, it wouldn't sound very promising, though. The question is would one date someone who is over their head to the point of frustrating the planned meeting, and how to make that call (are they just playing with you)?

Just remember,
Some would rather stay a fish,

"To fool all the people is its only thought
Though it's slippery, it still gets caught
But then if that sort of life is what they wish
They may grow up to be a fish

And all the monkeys aren't in a zoo
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see, it's all up to you
You can be better than you are

You could be swinging on a star..."
(and carry moonbeams home in a jar)
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 70
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/27/2015 8:29:10 PM

I prefer to talk and make plans. Indecision is when you sense a person doesn't have their heart in it. Sounds like you were really going to make the date, so if the issue is compulsive texters, reign it in to your pace and hopefully the person gets it. You only burned the bridge when you figured that they were not respecting your commitments. If someone is fitting me into their 6:30pm and has a hectic week, it wouldn't sound very promising, though. The question is would you date someone who is over their head to the point their availability consistently frustrates your plans, and how to make that call?


If a person said they did not know if I could make the date and said they were really busy? I would reschedule. If a person said they could make the date and reconfirmed it twice? I would trust that they meant it and would look forward to the date. I would not when I know it was a bad week tell them to drop everything at x o'clock three days in a row; regardless of what was going on in their side. A person not being able to drop everything at a second's notice for someone to prove to that someone that the person will be available in four days?

is not reasonable. If I need to be available 24/7 when someone snaps their fingers and dictates interaction every day of the week to prove that I can be available Saturday at 3? If someone needs that much reassurance?

They are WAY too insecure for me; and way too controlling. But that's just me :) different strokes for different folks, I guess :)



Just remember,
Some would rather stay a fish,

"To fool all the people is its only thought
Though it's slippery, it still gets caught
But then if that sort of life is what they wish
They may grow up to be a fish

And all the monkeys aren't in a zoo
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see, it's all up to you
You can be better than you are

You could be swinging on a star..."
(and carry moonbeams home in a jar)


LOL; good old Dr. Seuss... though I prefer my moonbeams on the water... they sure as heck were spectacular tonight out back.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 71
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/28/2015 12:08:22 PM

when someone snaps their fingers and dictates interaction every day of the week to prove that I can be available Saturday at 3?

*sigh* Maybe texting is new enough that it hasn't yet found its place. Imagine what it was like when people discovered how to snap their fingers and it caught on. Before the finger-snapping code of conduct was ratified, all the caves were filled with clicking cacophonies. Then the hard working cave-peoples wondered when their kids would would stop the craze of finger-snapping. No one understood why Junior lost the composure to pick up an old-fashioned stone to go back to decorative cave graffiti!


LOL; good old Dr. Seuss... though I prefer my moonbeams on the water... they sure as heck were spectacular tonight out back.

Moonbeams on the water, sounds like the loveliest and saddest landscape in the world ... they appear on Earth, and disappear.

It wasn't ole Seuss, not this time. His said,

By the light of the moon,
by the light of a star,
they walked all night
from near to far.


OT, when I saw your username and profile, and every time you post I imagined you might have gotten your Moonbeam name from the song Swinging on a Star. So don't mind if I share my favorite rendition of this American Classic with you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rb4Q8w3iHOw

Life is good. At least our grandparents didn't take over Jamaica, own New Jersey, Delaware and Pennsylvania (design and build Philadelphia), become the two oldest United States officially recognized citizens, write the first draft of the US Constitution, arguably write the most famous line of the Declaration of Independence, and then end up dying as paupers in England without getting a decent T-Shirt, and their daughters playing wedding gigs to earn a living.

Rebecca 'Bex' Penn-Critten on the Challen Baby Grand
Sophia Penn-Critten sings of the pigs and arranged the song, and
Tasmin Penn-Critten sings about those fish and monkeys you meet every day
(Song by Bing Crosby)

from Frank Sinatra to Bruce Willis, to the the other Brit, Morrissey from the Smiths, it seems to be a song that makes everyone happy to sing :-)
Cheers
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 72
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/28/2015 12:19:23 PM
I didn't read all the long replies.
I just read the OP.
My phone has a block feature.
I've learned how to use it.

I wouldn't have let the conversation
go on that long.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 73
The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/28/2015 8:23:13 PM
browneyeboo: it has come in handy lately here too...


Moonbeams on the water, sounds like the loveliest and saddest landscape in the world ... they appear on Earth, and disappear.

It wasn't ole Seuss, not this time. His said,

By the light of the moon,
by the light of a star,
they walked all night
from near to far.

OT, when I saw your username and profile, and every time you post I imagined you might have gotten your Moonbeam name from the song Swinging on a Star. So don't mind if I share my favorite rendition of this American Classic with you:


9pluto...

ok, I checked it out and it was a GREAT song.. but that was not where i got mine; I have always loved sunrises and sunsets; who when I moved onto the water watched a full harvest moon rise over the water; and with the wind hitting the water it made currents, and it threw these INCREDIBLE moonbeams all over the water; the moonbeams were dancing... I didn't find them sad at all... they were magic while they danced; and then they disappeared into the depths of the dark of the water until the next full moon. That was when I fell in love with moonbeams. Thanks for sharing the song though. It's awesome.

back on topic, hopefully a few more people will use the block feature or the lovely word no thanks... when someone gets incredibly pressuring... OP hopefully you don't let yourself be bullied into doing what you are not ready or wanting to do.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 74
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The annoying pressuring texts
Posted: 9/28/2015 11:47:34 PM
Life is precious and it takes two to communicate ... One can always choose not to participate. Allowing rosy expectations to shroud blatant red flags? Not worth it, better alone than crap on the phone.

thanks Moonbeam. I'm glad you had some lunar fun last night. The cast is an eerily beautiful experience. I can only imagine a softly rippling mosaic of silver-tipped mirrors consuming a cupric moon at your favorite lagoon. Too bad we've only had spotty evening visibility over the entire last week here or I'd have pictures to show. (like the ones in message #10 of this thread https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16244856.aspx )

{off-topic}

I didn't find them sad at all... they were magic while they danced; and then they disappeared into the depths of the dark of the water until the next full moon.

It is melancholic for me though, since my Dad's first love was astronomy, and gravity didn't have his apple fall far from the tree. I remember watching the movie 'The Sheltering Sky' with Dad years ago at the time of his chemo. How fragile and ephemeral that moment now feels! He connected so deeply to the narrative at the close of the movie. It poetically contemplated the next full moon.

The moon is my friend and has guided me out of many dark situations when I wandered in the desert and got caught past nightfall. These days I feel a full moon pull me to share the sight with someone special; being a lone witness to that special glow is a great responsibility. I don't expect this to be understood by many, but we are all touched in different primal ways when it comes to the moon. The stars, on the other hand, are great company, especially on a night when some appear falling. {/off-topic}
Cheers
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