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 musicmanpvb
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 63
Single vs. DivorcedPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
dart - I wanted to send you a quick email - but I'm too old!!!

just wanted to say I truly admire your honesty over in that other place - you've got guts my dear!

OT: I'm a convert - I'm changing my status to Single on all official forms from now on....
 dartgirl
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 64
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:29:59 AM
That was very nice ratpack
 RatPack1
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 65
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:40:57 AM
For the record, I just wanted to get people to really think about what is important, in an attempt to help.

I used to worry about the same things at one time, now I don't why, because life is so short, and you only get one shot.

In re reading my posts, I can see where I came off as somewhat of a, oh the hell with it, a jerk, that was not my intent.

I lost my dad, and before that happened, I was so wrapped up in similar things that in the end, did not and do not matter. It took his death to wake me up.

I miss him every day, and sometimes well, anyway!

I am sorry!
 dartgirl
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 66
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:45:13 AM
I'm sure you wont, but don't let it bother you. Sometimes the things that are said, especially when being read, can come across wrong, even though it's not intended that way.
 HappyOne7
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 67
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 7/30/2005 9:31:54 AM
At Leafy one - You changed it! Good for you.

OT - Maybe if we sent enough e-mails to Admin requesting an expansion of the Marital Selection criteria they’d consider it or even provide a freestyle box for you to use a term you see fitting. There are so many good, and Fun, terms out there for the Now Not Married crowd, for example:

Mate challenged, Previously loved, Gently used, Slightly seasoned, Mildly used, Seasoned, Roughly used, Seasoned veteran, Non-committed, & a 1,000 more.

Ones I’m partial to: Free, Freed, Open to suggestions, Options open, Available, & Hey, I got my life back!
 dartgirl
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 69
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 7/30/2005 9:38:46 AM
Musicman-Thank you for that. I would rather admit my faults than be in denial and act like I'm perfect, because god only knows,........ from that mistake I have learned. I live in a glass house, so I don't throw stones. :) Have a great day!
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 71
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History
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 7/30/2005 4:42:21 PM
Whatever your experience we have the power to be someone else's sensation.

Be what you, not cponvention, choose to be!
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 72
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:24:18 PM

who's going to come make you change it the "single/divorce" cops--

I'll bet you think they don't exist, but I see them on POF all the time "How dare you lie and say you're single when really you're divorced! A person like you probably cheats on their taxes and steals candy from kids, too!"

ETA: oops, Zeke, I'm not following you around, really! I promise! :)
 crystal_light1111
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 73
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:38:19 PM
I'm guessing it's for legal reasons...for example...if they're trying to avoid paying child or spousal support....legally , listing divorce is a must for many reasons....inlcuding the support payment issues, there are other things such as bankruptcy, debt repayment during a marriage, tax reasons, the list goes on and on......this is just an easier way for the government to catch you if your trying to avoid paying up.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 74
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History
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:22:41 AM
I think you are only single, if you've never been married. Then it is widowed or divorced. Only true way to say the real status with one word.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 75
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Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:42:46 AM
I believe that there is a distinction in Canada on this...and that 'single' only refers to never marrieds.

That said, I list myself as divorced to provide clarity about my situation. If I come across a man around my age and he doesn't have kids and he's listed as 'single'...I'm wondering....so I choose 'divorced' because it answers that question...

I prefer to look for men that have been divorced and widowed that have had their kids...or who have kids, since I tend to find that there is a difference in a guy that has been single with ltrs but no children...versus guys that have had kids and have gone the whole route. That kind of reciprocal understanding of family life and demands brings a particular level of empathy and tolerance with it in most men; which I find to be an important quality that I'm looking for.
 ASimpleSoutherner
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 76
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:00:51 AM
It's just for government records. For whatever the reason is, and I recently ran across one. If you've never been married you can possibly draw more money on your social security, but once you get married that option no longer applies to you.

You're no longer single, even though my lawyer told me I was once again a single man as soon as my divorce was final. I never had kids. I wanted them, but never had them.

I choose divorced, even though my marriage was over after two months, and went on for 2 1/2 more years even though I was unofficially divorced. Also single people don't know the hurt of divorce. The emotional roller coaster that comes in getting over the person is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I watched my dad go through it when I was 17. And at 26 I went through it.

the status on dating sites is preference. I'd rather actually know if somebody had been divorced. Because you learn so much about yourself, and moments of clarity come from being divorced.

Baggage doesn't necessarily come with being divorce. Single people can have baggage after a relationship goes south & ends.

Also I've got to mention children shouldn't be the main reason for getting married. Children come out of love. Love should be the reason for getting married, and the sole promise of working it out, and finding more reasons why you love the person you're with.

But I'm getting off topic, and didn't mean to.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 77
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:24:34 AM
I guess I could put "single" on my profile but I'm only recently divorced so that is what I decided to put down.

The word "single" to me conjures up an image of someone who's never been married or had kids.
 mixy3106
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 78
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Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:18:09 AM
The rule used to be this:

If you have never been married, you are single.

Once you have been married, you are never single again. You are still married, separated, widowed, or divorced.

20 years ago, it would be whispered, that Bobby is dating a divorcee. However, since divorce has become so common, you rarely hear the word "divorcee" and it seems like most people are divorced and calling themselves single. The only time you have to worry is when the married/separated people are calling themselves single because that's just false advertising!

It seems that single has been adapted from one who has never been married to someone who is currently without a partner.
 rdunton
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 79
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Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:03:56 AM
To be honest with you, someone who is divorced and puts single is false advertising too. If someone is looking for a potential partner and want to meet someone that has never been married, they are going to limit their search on POF or any other dating site to Single (which generally implies never married). If you are divorced, why don't you just tell the truth? What have you got to hide? If a woman contacted me that set her status as divorced, I would respect that more than the divorced woman that implies that she is single and never married. I hate being lied to. In my opinion, putting in a profile that you are single if you are divorced is a lie. The only time that putting single in your status when you are divorced would be acceptable to me is when their is no option for divorced. Otherwise, it is certainly misleading and I would consider it an outright lie.

If it was OK for divorced individuals to put Single, why would the Divorced option even exist.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 80
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:46:33 AM
So, if you've never been married but have lived with someone or many someones over a course of a lifetime to this point, but aren't living with anyone at the moment, what do you put as your status? Ex-common-law? Or how about if you've never been married but have kids, whether you're male or female, and still never lived married or common-law? Gotta love labels and all they really don't mean or convey.
 rdunton
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 81
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Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:16:26 AM
Or how about if you've never been married but have kids ...


You are still single if you have kids, but have never been married. There is a question on your profile for this purpose: Do you have children?

Yes, some people are going to 'weed' you out because you have kids just like some people are not going to be interested if you are divorced, but isn't it better to be honest. By being honest, you have saved yourself and the other person from further problems 'down the road.' As I stated in my previous posting, I hate being lied to and I am sure there are many others that feel the same way.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 82
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:25:00 AM
^^^^^
I'm not just talking about here, as the OP was talking about government documents, etc. I'm just saying there are many variables with respect to the single/divorced status and it's never as cut and dried as what labels state.

vvvvvv snickers @ single and never married as "learning and room to grow" but divorced as "failed with the likelihood of an ex still lurking out there". Single people have been in failed relationships too and have just as much likelihood of someone "lurking out there" - they just don't have the paperwork trail.
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 83
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:51:41 AM
I've always referred to myself as "single" when between relationships. Given some of the responses on this thread, I'm amazed that none of the guys I've ever dated, when I told them I had been married 10, 15, 20 or 25 years ago, accused me of being a nasty liar and held up a cross to ward off my evilness.


Single people have been in failed relationships too [ ] - they just don't have the paperwork trail.

Exactly!
 soatlanta
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 84
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:26:11 AM
I believe on Gov't doc. they use single-divorce-widow for statistics..
then throw education/financials into the equation.
 Your D Can
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 85
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:39:24 PM
six of one half a dozen of the other
same okay just spelt different
 808 syndicate
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 86
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:50:22 PM
I don't know, nor do I care what divorced people do. Of course living the single life does have lots of advantages.
 beatsscrabble
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 87
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:55:41 PM
I think the government needs to keep track because some pensions are still split when you retire.This way they can do a search to see whether some of your pension should go to your ex.Scary.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 89
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:09:06 PM
The reason for the distinction is a legal one. Remember, marriages are legal contracts. As such, they deal with the disposition of property, the guardianship of children, rights of inhereitance, etc.

Example:
If a person dies intestate (without a will), their property reverts to their heirs. Heirs need to be identified and located, so keeping a paper trail of marriages and divorces is important.

Some states are community property states--i.e., assets aquired by a couple during the course of their marriage are divided equally. Without a record of who a person has married or divorced, this division cannot be made.

There's thousands of possible examples, but you get the idea. "Single" and "divorced" are different statuses from a legal point of view.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 90
Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:19:54 PM
ismene2, the OP mentioned government documents. That was what i was referring to.
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