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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?      Home login  
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 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 101
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?Page 5 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
msg #113 Many men act exactly the way that you have described. It is their preogative to do so, but when they complain about women doing it to them then they have no foot to stand on so to speak. I will date an average looking man in a heartbeat if he has other traits that are crucial to a healthy relationship. I really do not like to look at someone and classify them as average/handsome, etc. POF has been a rude awakening for me to put it mildly.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 102
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:37:29 PM
scpumkinfan

I am sorry to hear that is what you have experienced.

We are all human and either gender has plenty of examples of some bad apples. I don't blame you for how you feel about the messages you received nor do I feel you deserved to be called such things . Some men on here really are scum with poor social skills. Some other women on here DO behave in a manner deserving of being considered those colorful adjectives, however that types is not worth the time or the effort it would take to express it.

I am chivalrous and not chauvinistic. I try my absolute best to do whats right. I was one of those sending messages and operating in a manner that was the direct opposite of those you wrote about. It seems when a guy gets it right the majority of the time it is forgotten and falls on deaf ears which do on appreciate it. Either that it gets lost in the inbox static caused by the ass clowns.

It is true that if I were not going overseas in uniform a again I would have more dates.. Responses saying "look me up when you get back" lead me to believe it can work if done right. However, I meet women with much better personalities IRL so even when I get back I doubt I will use POF for anything other than forums.

IRL I have even met someone who is impressed by and realizes just who I am. Someone with enough heart to not only respect what I must go do but also to open up, get close and do her best to deal with it. It would be a miracle if the few really good dates I have had recently could lead to picking up where we left off. Stranger things have happened.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 103
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:30:29 AM
Many men act exactly the way that you have described. It is their preogative to do so, but when they complain about women doing it to them then they have no foot to stand on so to speak.


I'm sure there are men who do the same things even though I think a higher percentage of women have a long list of requirements on their profiles. The main point is I don't think women on dating sites are more likely to give an average looking man a shot than the reverse scenario. I think most of time average looking people of both genders are rejected by the opposite gender.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 104
view profile
History
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:32:24 AM

I think most of time average looking people of both genders are rejected by the opposite gender.


i completely disagree when it comes to females rejecting males. Few female, even the hottest of the hot , will reject average looking guys. they will reject them for other reasons.

As long as a guy is fit, hygienic, respectful...he can be 'average' looking. These are all things within our control. I'm a 5/10 in looks and have never had an issue with dating good looking women or any other women. EVERY woman I've been with has always commented that they like a fit and active guy....flat stomach...eats well...etc.

The women keep telling you what they are looking for in a guy but do you listen?...nope. This site is full of whiny losers who don't have the social skills not to listen to other whiny losers for advice.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 105
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:33:56 AM
Women migh have a list, but few men look past the pic of a woman who looks average to them, that was my point. Many women are seeking traits besides if a man looks good or not.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 106
view profile
History
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:41:26 AM

1 in 8 i'd say. Out of those maybe 1 in 5 show effort to keep conversation, and another 1 in 3 actually meet. And all of them have not worked out.


If those figures are accurarte it's 8 x 5 x 3...120 women contacted to meet just one and then it doesn't work out. If you've met 3 women that's been from 360 contacts.

Hint....you say you are overweight. Why not take the time you spend on all those contacts, and get off the computer...start running, exercising, etc. Stop eating crap food and get in shape? What part of woman liking a fit guy is so difficult to understand? Even do it for yourself.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 107
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:32:14 AM
^^^^^^

So, Don't bother looking for a woman who likes a guy for anything but his physical qualities?
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 108
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:35:52 AM
Hint you have no idea as to what I eat or how much I exercise I have dated more as a plump women than I did as an average sized woman. Last time I lo
ooked face transplants are not available. Manners can be shown, if one wants to do so. Might be too late for some.
 matt051177
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 109
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:44:34 AM
As a guy on this site, I don’t waste any time sending well thought-out messages into what might as well be a black hole. I just leave my account out there and wait to see who contacts me.

I’m finding there are lots of women on PoF who keep their profiles hidden from public searches and only make themselves known discreetly by initiating contact. These ones tend to be more interesting because their approach inherently demonstrates that they’re not looking for an ego boost in the form of messages from thousands of drooling, horny guys.

So, I guess I’m in the minority in that I feel generally satisfied with how the site has worked for me. I recently met one hell of an amazing lady from this site and we hit it off in a way that I was starting to think was not possible in the online world. So I can confirm it is possible if you’re patient.

MotoGPatrick—I’d be willing to bet that if you entered a thread where people happened to be casually discussing, say, the mating rituals of the Mantis Religiosa, you’d still somehow find a way to work in a reference to your sports car, motorcycle, salary, or buff physique (but more likely, all of the above). You blame your impending military deployment for hindering your chances of finding what you seek on PoF—which no doubt is a real factor—but did you ever consider that the types of women you profess to want might find your indiscriminate bling-whoring and self-aggrandizing tirades pretentious and off-putting? Or is it simply a cultural thing, and that’s what passes for “chivalry” (your word, not mine) in California? All I know is that, where I’m from, “men of substance” and “women of substance” come together through a mutual appreciation of said substance, which derives its appeal from richness of personality, intelligence, and sense of humor—NOT from the shaky and superficial foundation of material possessions and the imaginary construct of socio-economic status. If you indeed are the world-class, top-shelf total package dreamboat stud that you repeatedly insinuate that you are, I’m a bit surprised that, at your age, you still do not seem to understand that the best way to leverage those traits for long-term, lasting benefit is to allow them to organically speak for themselves.

Thus far I’ve tried to resist the urge to comment on this, but I’m sorry, after a few weeks in the forums and several pages in this thread I’m on the brink of vomiting here.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take my witty-and-articulate-mid-30’s-no-kids-6-foot-tall-slender-and-toned-physique-with-6-pack-abs self out into my shiny hotrod, cruise the downtown strip in my expensive brand-name duds and Hollywood shades, and dump a few bucks from my fat 6-digit engineering technical specialist civilian salary on lunch. When I return, I’ll be sure to hit the PoF forums to publicly self-rationalize why I’m not finding the online dating success that I feel befitting a man bearing my level of unimpeachable awesomeness.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 110
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 4:46:03 PM

I have a 100% success rate. I don't contact people who don't contact me first. ;-)

What? So, you talk to no one? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of this?
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 111
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 4:51:00 PM
I gathered that. But how many messages do you honestly get on here? No one has a 100% success rate in dating.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 112
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:01:17 PM

I gathered that. But how many messages do you honestly get on here? No one has a 100% success rate in dating.


I'm pretty sure it was tongue-in-cheek humor bro (though in essense, it may be true).
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 113
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:31:46 PM
matt051177

You sound a little jealous...

I feel sorry for you bro.. I better go put some leather treatment on my car seat I think I shed a tear for you when I read that post on my phone.. Oh wait it is over 100 out that was sweat before the AC kicked in.. Never mind.

What a cunuck considers "bling-whoring" is actually rather low key as compared to how many out in so-cal roll. I have actually tried a bling free profile. Not too good.. I seemed like Mr Minnesota Nice guy. Went over like a lead balloon. I tried a few different variations. Case in point is that I have had only 1 email about the story of my mom's accident and brothers wedding from my profile. The sender did not live in California. It is a touching true story. Yet I will get many, many emails about looks the car or bling.

What I finally settled on came about from getting a bit of a eff it attitude. Basically this is me love it or hate it but either way I am not changing it. I love to work hard as f&ck, make sh&tloads of money and buy awesome $hit deal so f-ing deal with it, or if you can't deal with it just remember I really don't care what you think. Despite my career oriented drive and appetite for the trappings of success I value above all else my family, friends and service to my country.

I seriously doubt you have any military experience. Therefore I am not surprised you don't take into account that the divorce rates of military personnel are astronomically higher than the rest of society. With my first military job I got a mix of saving lives, kicking asses and taking names. In my younger days I was everywhere from a still smoking WTC to an occasional bar fight in Brooklyn with friends I made in the NYPD.

I switched to military aviation, got a degree, got experience in the military and yes got a dream job. It literally took blood, sweat and tears to get here. I AM PROUD about it. In CA proud and little c()cky works. Nobody I meet IRL thinks I am arrogant. You don't know what an arrogant guy really is until you meet some the OC daddy's trust fund money metro's.

I think you need to realize that in many cases other guys are all pissed off about how in their words POF women were only after looks and money. One of the reasons I mention those things is so the other guys know that despite all that I do my best to stay in shape and work hard to further my career this site is no where as productive for me as they think it would be when they are in the doldrums and scoffing about how if they were only richer or fitter.

Where I grew up in MN it is totally different than so-cal. Also LOS ANGELES is also just a little different than Ontario Canada. There have been many articles about LA being one of if not the toughest cities for dating. It took a while after being single again to figure out dating in LA and LA singles culture. After getting things figured out I have found that for me in real life it's not that bad. Online... A waste of time really.

In person I have met a woman, exchanged phone numbers, became facebook friends on our phones and talked for a couple hours. She did not find out what I drove until I walked her to her car and after that she saw which one I walked to.. I did get called awesome even before she knew about the car.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 114
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:46:00 PM
i think that strategy works well, for men too. no reason to sit around and message a ton of women hoping for a response. if a woman is into you, there is a good chance she will let you know. i never messaged anyone who didnt at least check out my profile.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 115
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:01:40 PM
i completely disagree when it comes to females rejecting males. Few female, even the hottest of the hot , will reject average looking guys. they will reject them for other reasons.


Online people rejected due to various types of reasons. However photos in general are probably the biggest reason why people get rejected. Many people will often look at your photos first. If they like your photos, then they might check out the rest out of your profile. Offline can sometimes be different since a person might have a better chance to show their personality.


Women migh have a list, but few men look past the pic of a woman who looks average to them, that was my point. Many women are seeking traits besides if a man looks good or not.


Yes there are some men that only care about looks. But many men ( just like women ) will look for other traits WHEN there is physical attraction. The difference is I'm more flexible compared to the women who have lists. I wouldn't automatically dismiss a woman simply because she didn't exactly match a list of rigid requirements.
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 116
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:02:20 PM
This forum has turned into one big pissing contest, and my tiny little****cannot handle this flood!

G
 Spencer_1988
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 117
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:36:56 PM
I just started serious about a week ago. I've probably messaged 30-40 women, I've gotten about 9-10 responses and probably about 3 worth while one's that have messaged me. All of which has come down to 2 dates so far. Never just a "hey" I try to comment on their profile or say something witty. I find compliments never work until you've already made some sort of connection.

The biggest problem I find is that conversations will just randomly stop and you don't know why.

In response to the one guy's comments saying a lot of girls aren't looking for a serious relationship. I would say that those girls don't know what they want. No human can expect to date people and not make a connection. I still talk to the girls that don't want anything serious.

They still have to be serious about kids though. I want about a thousand of them lol.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 118
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:59:51 PM
Spencer.. Keep your head up.. Consider a profile review.. The walleye picture and the one with the attractive girl in the dress. Probably a relative is my guess.. Those two don't help. Some women will click a profile and be like dead fish.. stop reading next. or a photo with another woman.. he is a player.. next... but get a review to discuss that.

About 1 in 4 getting a response is Damn good. Perhaps they are more down to earth and less rapidly judgmental up there. It does seem to go in cycles. Some weeks nada. Other times like this week I get emailed first by a few great women on each of the sites I am on. Just today the best one of the summer emailed me.. A cute veterinary doctor that owns two horses. Just had to be when I had a single digit number of days and a wake up before I deploy ARGH!!

I think you are on the right track with making sure they want kids when it is so important to you. Getting involved with a single mom can be good but stay away from the type that is unsure about having more kids or just tells you maybe. I have been there and in reality she just said maybe because she wanted to keep me and talk me out of wanting kids then went all manipulative control freak.
 chipinsd
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 119
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:43:08 AM
I'm sure my experiences are similar to others here, but I'll add them anyway.

After several months and talking with a number of women here I've come to an obvious conclusion. The more attractive / desirable the women you're messaging, the more other guys are messaging the same women, and the less likely you are to get a response. Genius, yes? For the women I tend to be interested in they are getting 100 to 500 emails a week, so the vast majority just get deleted without ever being read. It's difficult to entice these women to even read what you read, let alone view your profile and send a thoughtful response back. When I do get a response it's may be a single sentence of a half dozen words or less. Rarely you connect and get a real response back.

A second phenomenon to the response rate is a lot of these women who are getting hundreds of requests a week are really busy dating lots of guys. After you take the time to send multiple, well thought out and heart felt messages, take time to chat/text on the phone and set up a date, that still doesn't mean you're actually going to meet that person. I'd say close to half the time somewhere between messaging online, texting, and the actual date that's been agreed to, the woman will simply flake out. Often the day of the date, sometimes without even the courtesy of a text "Sorry, can't make it, my dog died."

If you're fortunate enough to get messages sent to you from people you find of interest, I would focus my attention on responding to them first. If your demographic area is anything like mine, you are very rarely getting messages from people you're interested in, and those you're interested in are inundated with requests.

Another guy suggested using the meet me feature. I've spent many hours on that thing. Too bad the site has no idea what my range is so I have to wade through everyone. For a long time it didn't help and I didn't have matches. Now that I've been on the site several months I have a couple dozen. It's a lot easier to talk to someone and get a response when they've already decided they want to meet you.

A final point, your profile picture matters, A LOT. I was much more successful after I posted a high resolution, quality photo of myself. If you go to the ok cupid site they have a tool that will evaluate a handful of photos by running them by other users, and tell you which are your best. This is a great investment in your time, even if you don't use their site otherwise! Trust what it's telling you about your photos and ditch the bad ones. One down side to a good photo, you get a lot of poorly written short messages from people who never read your profile and are nowhere near a fit for you. Just make sure it's representative of who you are, or you're wasting your time and theirs.

Don't feel bad if your response rate is low. I tend to have a lot of qualities women claim they are looking for, and my response rate is still low. PoF is not easy, it takes a lot of time with few successful connections. Hopefully those few end up being worth it for you?
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 120
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 3:33:16 AM
Initially my response rate was really high. Lately, I haven't had any responses...this might have something to do with not sending out messages much anymore but every once in a while I'll shoot something off to women I think I think are interesting.

I'm just glad my happiness isn't dependent upon having a girlfriend.
 CanIMakeULaugh
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 121
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 5:50:57 AM

As a guy on this site, I don’t waste any time sending well thought-out messages into what might as well be a black hole. I just leave my account out there and wait to see who contacts me.


That is precisely the approach I have decided to take. I have been fortunate enough to have had about a dozen or so women initiate the contact with me during the 2+ weeks I have been back on this site. Most of them seemed decent so I responded back to about 75 percent, ignoring the ones who sent me such literary gems as "hi" and "how r u" or whose profiles were completely lacking of any substance or were littered with bitterness and a laundry list of what qualities she DOESN'T want, and I have plans to meet one tomorrow and possibly two others next week. However, if I send the initial email, which is NEVER perverse or one of the infamous one-liners, I get the same "black hole" experience as Matt and most of the other men on POF. Taking a completely passive approach is proving to be a lot less frustrating and time-consuming although it is yet to be determined whether it will ultimately end up being more successful.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 122
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 6:34:28 AM

I have a 100% success rate. I don't contact people who don't contact me first. ;-)


Yeah....but you're a "Rich, Model" so that doesn't count.

***I liked your hair long better tho.***
 mjk3937
Joined: 5/17/2012
Msg: 123
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:32:21 AM
I've found that a guy who can be casual and show a sense of humor - and keep his shirt on - won't have a ton of actual competition among the 100+ messages that some women here receive each week. I don't think women on this site have excessively high standards, at least not in my age group/location. They just want someone normal and fun (and not desperate or douchey) with whom they have some things in common. The hard part is learning how to strike the right tone in your profile and messages. Although I'd estimate I got responses to 80%+ of my messages when I was most recently looking, the rate was much lower when I first started.
 matt051177
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 124
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 12:52:54 PM

matt051177

You sound a little jealous...


Well, that retort was nothing if not predictable.

You can spare me the condescension; I’ve busted my ass to build a successful education and career myself. I don’t have a red cent of debt to my name, I’ve got bushel baskets of disposable income, and global investments that you probably wouldn’t understand because you’re too beguiled by the promise of your outmoded stock portfolio bringing you riches in the form of greenbacks that soon won’t be worth much more than the paper they’re printed on.

I never have to think twice about buying something I want or need. I could drop what I’m doing and fly around the world tomorrow with nothing more than what’s currently in my checking account. Can’t wait to retire in a few years.

And not one mention of money or “things” on my profile. Wow, such a strange approach. But, as I already stated, I’m happy with how it’s been working out for me.

So, I must ask: just what on God’s green earth is it that you think could possibly make somebody in my situation jealous of an insecure braggart from Los Angeles who sedates himself with decadence and derives self-worth from the brand name embroidered on his stupid leather jacket?

[Cue the MotoGPatrick anecdotes and stories that prove how wet women get at the sight of a guy on a motorcycle wearing a get-up that looks like a stormtrooper costume.]

The tales won’t be necessary; I’m fully aware that stormtroopers get attention from women, just not the women I’m interested in meeting. Thanks for the stud tip, though—I’ll keep it in my hip pocket and pull it out if I ever find myself unable to sustain a satisfactory romantic life with who I am as a person. Heck, we’ve already established that I can afford it.

Don’t misunderstand me: I’m fully aware that you don’t care one iota about what I think and I definitely wasn’t expecting you to stop publicly fellating yourself on my account. Just don’t be surprised if people get grossed out by it once in a while.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 125
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:29:45 PM
How many people have pitched a fit about my posts in the last year. Just one.. You.. YOU are the insecure one. The only one insecure enough out of all the posters to take things the wrong way and get all pissy.

I am not from Los Angeles.. I am from Minnesota by way of Iraq and many other points in between.



I ever find myself unable to sustain a satisfactory romantic life with who I am as a person.


If you are sustaining a romantic life with who you are as a person then you are the one fellating himself.

I tried your "strange approach" if you would have read my post you would have known that. It probably works fine in Canada and where I grew up in the Midwest. However, people are different out here. I also have not mentioned any investments on here. So your speculative bullsh*t about what my investments might be or what I would understand are additional indicators of your own insecurity.

This is who I am as a person. The name brand is not for the "flossing" factor. It is for a well earned reputation of crafting quality gear that provides world class protection in a crash. The leathers I wear for safety. The name brand is not actually embroidered. I am more concerned with my appearance after a crash on the street or on the track at triple digit speeds than how a bald headed hoser on the North American tundra thinks the suit looks. If you look at what is worn by professional riders, every day safety conscious riders and even the many celebrities who ride for fun you would realize it is merely what motorcyclists that don't like skin grafts wear.

If I want a get up that gets them wet I have set of dress blues with more hard earned decorations pinned on than a Christmas tree. Something truly priceless because it must be earned and simply cannot be bought. Online the uniform does not do much.. In real life there is a certain type that is driven wild and horny by it.
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