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 AUTHOR
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Now...why did she give me her contact info UNASKED or even hinted at, only to use the gentle let-down? This makes positively no sense whatsoever. I really doubt I fumbled things-at least, not to the point of total failure-in the short exchange above.

*A FEW DAYS LATER*

That may have been your downfall, cause likely she also gave her contact info to three other guys that day,
and ONE of them made her a quick better offer. Took her out on the town and now she is "dating" him.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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History
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 8/2/2012 3:07:55 PM
OP, I just want to point something out which you might not even be aware of:

You have set up a rigid formula for yourself and your interactions, which will limit all of your possibilities every time.

Your formula, which you state here in bits and pieces, is

* girl gives contact info means positive interest.

* There is ONLY one kind of interest possible: total and ready and willing.

* Therefore, if a girl supplies contact info, but fails to jump at the first chance to get together, then she intended from the beginning to dump you. This is because you believe that ALL instances of a gal saying she is not immediately available, mean that she will NEVER be available.

Believe me, I more than understand your sensitivity. I've been through the rejection grinder many times, and been handed lame, cheap lines like that, designed exclusively to make the gal doing the rejecting, feel good about herself, and to avoid having to deal face to face with the guy she took an emotional dump on. But if you design your coping system exclusively around the ones who treat you the worst, you will be dumping out on some genuinely nice people, as you make certain to successfully avoid the dregs.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 8/2/2012 4:02:06 PM
She may have been just flirting with no serious intent.
She may have been testing you to see how intense you are to get to know.
She may just be busy.

What you got was an opening.
not a guarantee.

Flirt and mix it up without making it a big deal
or a chore for her,
and you may have better luck.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 9
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 8/2/2012 6:54:05 PM
At least she didn't give you the wrong number. Lukewarm interest is better than none at all---you still have a chance at turning things around. You might want to try her again next week, just in case her Plan A falls through.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 11
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History
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:18:07 PM
So let me get this straight, you approach dating like a game with all kinds of rules you have written, and then get mad at her for:
1. Not knowing it was a game of your design
2. Not knowing the rules to your dating game
And
3. Not playing by the rules to your custom created dating game?

Is that the gist of it? Because unless she is a psychic or telepathic, how would she know all the rules to your dating game unless you tell her?

I think she dodged a bullet. She made the first move, responded positively (she gave you an option for a date at a later time) and you play around with responses and over analysizing her actions. Lucky girl to get away...
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 12
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:34:35 PM
Maybe this, maybe that, maybe the other. Why do you care?

No response = no response. No interest or, more lamentably, hit by a truck. Life isn't fair.

See if you can get someone else to give you their number unprompted. But don't stop living in reality either.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 8/3/2012 4:46:08 PM

Well, I never text or call that same day, or the next day. I don't want to be perceievd as "chomping at the bit".

Sorry, OP. That's funny. What you'd get with me by not acting interested? Disinterest. When I give my info or receive info in order to call or not, if it doesn't happen? I move on, and quickly . Interest is a fleeting thing. If you're interested? You'd do better by showing genuine interest than playing silly juvenile games such as the "don't call/text immediately after a date" that many online think means you are man of mystery. Most of us don't want a "man of mystery" we want the real/interested deal. Do it how you wish. Let us know how that's works out for ya! Good luck.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 9/23/2012 7:25:44 AM
Her. I'm down. Maybe next week, or the week after. This week's really busy.


Maybe its just me being old and not a texter, but, "I'm down."?
As in "I'm down and out." or "I'm down with it!"??

The latter would be positive, a "sure, I'm down with it. Maybe next week, because I'm really busy this week."

Of course, since you didn't reply... well, if it were me I wouldn't have been trying to date via text (I hate texting), I would have called her, but I'd be taking what she said at face value - she's really busy, and asked her again the next time I saw her (in person). Sounds more to me like you're too busy talking yourself into "she's not interested", when she may be but you're not showing any confidence.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 25
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History
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 9/25/2012 9:41:46 AM

The "offer" of a date includes ... An actual DATE (such as what you might find on a calendar). You just sort of fished around before rejecting yourself. Too passive.

this. if you're using open-endedness of response as a yardstick of interest, you screw yourself if you set the table with an open-ended date offer. you made a vague offer, she made a vague response.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 26
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 9/26/2012 7:59:42 AM
Oh...so OP plays the waiting game and then gets all huffy when she cannot jump the second he decides to grace her with a message? And to boot, doesnt bother to respond because she wasnt available for a week or so? Is she supposed to cancel all of her plans to accept an offer with no meat on the bone? No set time, no set activity...let me clear my calendar! lolol

If anyone was playing games, it was him.

Talk about passive-aggressive behaviour, not to mention childish.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 28
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 9/26/2012 10:14:02 AM
I'm thinking she may be really busy; and wants to date you next week or the week after

Dude; have you ever been in, or heard of anyone, who has training classes (or work projects) or other obligations that may stretch one full week?

I'm surprised so many on here see a one week reprieve as a "not interested".

She might just have a life.

Really


Give her a call next week to see if she's available, if she isn't then move on.


Agreed.

If she brushes you off; the Starbucks experience may be a tad awkward hu!?


you didn't see her at Starbucks a "few days later," because she was there with another guy who made a move before you. They left before you noticed.


Ooooo; I love the guessing games for cookoos!

I'm gonna suggest that you didnt see her because she was dropped off by her husband, then hid behind the carafe display because all 3 men she has dreamt of sleeping with were there; two of em actually together!!! She would have said hi, before hiding, but she watched Maury the day before, while eating pancakes, and thought best not to.

I'm great at "the assuming crazy sh*t" game!!

How the f*ck did you come up with THAT answer? (blue pill n tunafish?)
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 29
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 9/29/2012 11:24:00 AM
OP I don't think you should write her off so quickly. Maybe she is dating others, that's always a posibility wen we meet someone new. I suggest you give her a text in a few weeks & ask if she would like to get together. If she says no then, let it go. Maybe she has some things going on & she is busy for a few weeks, you never know what someone is going thru, so give her another chance.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 30
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History
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 10/1/2012 8:24:37 AM
For what it's worth, here is the way I would have played it. Within 24 hours, I would have called her, no text. I would have suggested a real date. "If you're not busy, why don't we have lunch this coming Saturday? I know this really nice place down by the water...."

She will most likely respond in one of 3 ways.

1) accept
2) decline, but offer an alternative -- "I'm busy Saturday, could we do this Sunday?"
3) postpone indefinitely -- "I'm really busy this week, try me next week"

If you get answer number 3 when you have called on the phone within a reasonable time period, and made an offer for a real date, then forget about it, it's over. If she's really cute, then you can leave the door open -- "All right, call me when you get some time." But do NOT call her again, the ball is now in her court.

You made three mistakes IMHO.

1) waiting too long to follow up
2) texting instead of calling
3) not offering up a real plan for a real date
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 31
Girl gives me her contact info unprompted, and then...basically turns down date offer.
Posted: 10/1/2012 8:41:15 AM

For what it's worth, I know that if it were ME, if someone I found attractive indicated an interest in hanging out, I would NOT put it off for a couple of weeks, I'd want to get together asap, busy or not.


I do not think ASAP means what you think it does.
People are so afraid of appearing desperate, needy, clingy or stalkerish that they've forgotten the basic
rules of etiquette. When someone does something that you are appreciative of, you thank them, sooner
rather than later.

If I'm interested in someone and (bonus) they show an interest in me, I wouldn't put it off by casually
texting them a few days later. I'd thank them for their info by texting or calling them ASAP and asking
when we can get together.

Nothing says I like you and I'm interested like dead air for 48 hours or so.
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