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 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 26
Monster ChildrenPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
conandoyle: i dont know about you, but its rare that i find a woman with well behaved children these days. the situations you describe are in the norm for me while meeting and dating single moms. many of the children these days also have mental problems that make it all even harder.
 advnawjvpa
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 27
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:02:35 AM
The children are absolutely a product of their environment. May it be their parents lack of time for them, learning that positive behavior does not earn them attention, yet negative behavior although negative attention does. Or seeing how their parents treat each other. Your issue and her issue with one another are nothing compared to the issues these children obviously have. How will this mother treat and or respond to her children if she loses a great guy or many great guys to her children's behavior? Sorry for the guilt trip. If you like this woman, help her. Talk with her. Suggest things that worked for you, if you did a great parenting job. It is possible that her stress from guys running away is a vast contributor, that is rubbing off on her children and influencing their behavior. She may take your help graciously, or she may take offense and push you away. Either way I think it is better than giving up.
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 28
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 9:31:01 AM
Wow Dr. CarolannO3O8? I was being very descriptive to make a point if 'Adult' conversation offends you, I'm sure there are plenty of Teen sites that would suit you.

Judge CarolannO3O8: We went out on a couple of dates before I was invited to this dinner at her home. This woman works Mon - Fri, does not go out during the week, so, if we were going to see each other at all during this time, it would have to have been at her home with her parents blessing. I did take them all out a couple of times first for dinner, but after paying for dinner and watching them not eat a single bite, but devouring the ice cream afterwards, I stopped. So, you see I was a "Smart Man" as you put it, and was simply being gracious in accepting an invitation. I was made to feel very comfortable by her family. It is a shame that you felt the need to become quickly judgmental. Yes, it is unfortunate, that as you put it, this turned into a Bad situation all around, but in this crazy dating world of adults with children, you roll the dice and take the chances, or you just sit home alone..... I chose to roll the dice.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 29
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 6:15:46 PM
capn: no, i mean LEGIT mental problems. i dated a woman who had a child that was diagnosed bi polar and i think adhd. that didnt go well. met another women who had a child with mild autism. didnt date that one.

i know what you mean about the parents though, ive seen the same things. kids are obviously in charge and parents just make excuses for their childs horrible behavior.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 30
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 6:28:25 PM
omg..i feel you...i dont like bratty kids too, my bestfriend had bratty kids and i would have to tell her to take her kids home, i personally wont date someone with bratty kids, even teenage lazy kids..learned my lesson in that one.
 meteorman_orig
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 31
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 9:12:34 PM
Monster children become monster adults.
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 32
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:00:37 PM
queenbeesweetness

"This is a little girl, I am sorry but anyone who refers to a little girl as
trailer trash whore, shame on them. Kids sit how they are comfortable.
In my area we are very laid back and not uptight at all,
I dont know anyone who would give a flying fizuck about how someone sits.
Really? Shaming her because she sits "unladylike".
Sounds like the family a a whole has issues."

Like I said to another seek a Teen site if being descriptive as an adult offends you. Siting how you feel hasn't anything to do with being comfortable or up tight? I'ts called posture, those not raised in Trailer Parks will understand.....seen those older woman with vulture shoulders with their chins digging into the middle of their chest? There is a reason for that, if you don't get it,... then you don't get it I wish you and your bird children the best....

"How mature of the old woman."

I have a lot of respect for this woman who found herself in an unattainable position. Instead of making a scene, and tearing up this disrepectful, and disobediant girl in front of company, she made her point by leaving.

"And if that makes me overbearing, WTF am I to do?"

It doesn't make you overbearing? Don't listen to this Jerk you call a boy friend, no sex is worth that?
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 33
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:02:36 PM
I agree meterman
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 34
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:03:56 PM
I agree IChoseThisnameFirst
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 35
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:16:49 PM
starlight:

Wow! You sure are a peach. I'm no longer sure who dodged the bullet in this situation. Bad behaviour can be changed, misogynist attitudes, not so much.

I totally agree, just as I feel imbecilic unjust comments as yours are unwarranted. For the record, I adore women, almost to the point of worship.............but seeing how this is past your comprehension, I will just take your comment has that being from one who was not nurtured as a child.....
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 36
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:24:21 PM
Mostly I agree with you audrianna333, except for your ideas on 'problem solving'. The same problem solving skills come into play when asking/telling a child not to eat candy before dinner, pop up later when telling a teen not to use drugs or whatever... if not corrected and shown that something is wrong from the out set, they will continue to find ways and "excuses" to do things that are wrong, and for this you will have to look into the mirror as to why things turned out so poorly
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 37
Monster Children
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:26:18 PM
I agree IChoseThisNameFirst
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 38
Monster Children
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:40:54 PM
No.. that bring the kid to the garage comment was ridiculous. I would allow my boyfriend (after some time) to discipline my children and treat them as they were his own,since I would not be with a man who did not agree with my parenting style and did not agree with the rules and expectations I set for him. I would be pissed if my boyfriend took my son to the garage and threatened him. I do not operate this way, and I would not allow my man to either. However he could correct my son, punish him for misbehavior and other things. And if he thinks i'm being unreasonable I would expect him to say so.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 39
Monster Children
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:04:10 PM
confuzzled: i have actually had single moms EXPECT me to parent their children for them, even after only dating a couple months. i was given this quote "it takes a village to raise a child" so she expected other people to correct her children for her if we saw them misbehaving. the mom for some reason didnt seem to notice it often so it was left to me. its an uncomfortable feeling. and like you say, if YOU dont operate a certain way, you dont want your man to do so either. so we are expected to be a parent, as long as we do so in a way that the mother agrees with.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 40
Monster Children
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:25:35 PM
Of course!

Why would I want to be with someone who does not agree with my idea of proper discipline? I also said I would expect him to say something if I am being unreasonable. Which can go either way. In no way should the boyfriend discipline in the place of the parent. But if a man is going to enter my life, then he should be treated as an equal to me and viewed as such by my child. Which means I have to give the man authority to discipline when necessary. I can't say I'd expect him to "parent" in they way you are most likely referring to, but I do not expect him to ignore the child and not take part in his life. If you're going to be there, then be there! I also think it's wrong of a single mother (or parent) to not allow the man (or significant other) who moves in with them any say when it comes to the child. If my son misbehaves and he sees it, then I'd expect him to do something about it. Of course if I'm there, I'd speak up before he did. My last man did this without a problem. Even at the dinner table, he would correct my son if he misbehaved. Nothing wrong with it. He wasn't uncomfortable doing it. There's nothing wrong with it.

Oh when I said, "in a way I agree with" I mean a method of discipline i agree with and the parameters of exceptions and behavior that has been set for my child.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 41
Monster Children
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:33:17 PM
ichosethisnamefirst: good post man. i was raised somewhat strict and i feel i came out the better for it. ive noticed that many of the children these days are rude to their parents with no repercussions, are very spoiled, and have no idea how to act like a human being. i know it sounds harsh, but ive seen it many times.

confuzzled: see, thats the problem, you expect (and rightly so) for a man in your life to assist in raising your kids, yet he has to do it YOUR way. yeah, you are giving him his say, but ultimately, its your decision, as it should be since youre the actual parent. thats one of the many reasons its difficult for us to enter into such a situation. ive been in some long term relationships with single moms and thats how it always ended up for me. im expected to be a parent, but to do so in the way the mother wants it done. i dont bother. every mother ive ever met has always had their own ideas about raising their children and will not listen to any others, especially from a guy who has no kids of his own, like me.
 missraven1
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 42
Monster Children
Posted: 8/9/2012 1:41:38 AM
yes I thought he was a major jerk even if unintentionally

Don't know how this would be different to the trailor trash whore comment to those that were offended. Sounds like a pissed reaction over being unintentionally undermined. He didn't say anything insulting, was just tryna help the kid out. Not saying it's right but I thought calling him a major jerk mover it is extreme.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 43
Monster Children
Posted: 8/9/2012 3:31:03 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~
confuzzled: see, thats the problem, you expect (and rightly so) for a man in your life to assist in raising your kids, yet he has to do it YOUR way. yeah, you are giving him his say, but ultimately, its your decision, as it should be since youre the actual parent. thats one of the many reasons its difficult for us to enter into such a situation. ive been in some long term relationships with single moms and thats how it always ended up for me. im expected to be a parent, but to do so in the way the mother wants it done. i dont bother. every mother ive ever met has always had their own ideas about raising their children and will not listen to any others, especially from a guy who has no kids of his own, like me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok... i understand this point of view. What I would also expect from the man, and I guess I didn't articulate this well, is for him to tell me when he thinks i'm being unreasonable. As in, I'm being to lenient or to lazy or to overbearing or strict so we can discuss it together. Since he is an equal part of our relationship, he needs to be able to talk about this stuff with me, otherwise we'll never make it. Who knows.. He may be right. Sometimes all you need is a different perspective. If I'm completely against his suggestion (like if he wanted to take a belt to my child or something.. i can't really think of anything because my son behaves), I'd tell him so and it wouldn't be allowed. but if it's reasonable, it's worth a shot. My ex-boyfriend doesn't have his own children, so his perspective was very different then mine. But we have similar expectations of acceptable behaviors, so pretty much if he was correcting my son, I would have too. Although he's a bit more strict on somethings that I would overlook. I also don't think parents should correct each others parenting in front of the child. Even when that other parent is a step parent of a significant other. It's not healthy for the child. I think in the beginning of a relationship would be too soon for you to be telling me your views on raising my child and telling me I'm a bad mother if you don't agree with my parenting technique or style. If we got to the live together or long-term considering living together phase, that would change. I would assume if you really thought I was a bad mother or my son was a hellion you wouldn't stick around.
 Stressfreesmiles
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 44
Monster Children
Posted: 8/9/2012 5:06:49 PM
I've been in this situation and I think it is terribly wrong for a mother to expect the child to have four adults assuming the parental role - assuming the other ex has a new partner as well. The child(ren) can become overwhelmed and unresponsive.

From my perspective and from my past experience in a long term relationship with a divorced mother, I don't assume the father role. I don't assume a disciplinary role. I don't assume the right to discipline. That's what the biological parents are responsible for. I interject if things get abusive - that's all. I never undermine one against the other but I would give an opinion ended with, "That's something you two have to decide or work out."

The reason was very simple - the biological father may disagree with the mother's decisions and outcomes, vise versa. I'm not wading into that pool of sh*t no matter how much I love the mother.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Monster Children
Posted: 8/9/2012 7:36:46 PM
I call bullshit on this whole post. If this is typical of the problems that have you describing these kids as monsters and the little girl as a whore there is something wrong with you regardless of whether the mother needs to grow a spine and take her kids in hand.

You seem to be blaming the children instead of the mother to begin with and sorry dude you are a pig. You seem to be furious when you couldn't possibly have gotten involved enough to be this pissed.

It has nothing to do with adult conversation, generally speaking applying adult parlance to children's behavior sparks of someone who really doesn't know the difference between a little girl and a grown person.

This woman and her children are well rid of you.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 46
Monster Children
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:53:51 PM
^^^and whereeeeeeee is the thumbs up icon?!?!?!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 47
Monster Children
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:24:36 PM
confuzzled: the situation you describe sounds very reasonable. there are a lot of single moms out there and ive dated my share of them. you seem fairer in this than most. i know men are just expected to play the role of step dad all the time, but i think few people appreciate how hard it actually is. good to see a mom that tries to be reasonable about it.
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 48
Monster Children
Posted: 8/10/2012 4:35:37 AM
I appreciate the comments and input from others but not in immature post and name calling? Obviously, you are taking your "Man Hate" issues out on me packagedealx3, probably because you can't get or keep one. No body is "pissed" , or "furious", please don't dump your emotional baggage on me, sorry you took it that way. Now, you and your estrogen laden Clique can have at it....... I can take it :)
 Conandoyle50
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 49
Monster Children
Posted: 8/10/2012 8:01:58 AM
ichosethisnamefirst: Bingo!
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 50
Monster Children
Posted: 8/10/2012 11:58:00 AM

I would come back and tie her up to her bed and put a dirty sock in her mouth. Needless to say, she was so scared she didnt say a word.


curious if she gout of bed to test you, would you have followed thru....

obviously you wouldnt, however, isnt that what parents tell the other parent to have? consistency. if you say you are going to do something, there needs to be follow thru. when follow thru doesnt happen, the child knows it and will play the game because they got away with it before.

(not sure if im explaining my point clearly. ehhh. i tried.
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