Posted: 8/7/2012 11:00:37 PM
"This is a little girl, I am sorry but anyone who refers to a little girl as
trailer trash whore, shame on them. Kids sit how they are comfortable.
In my area we are very laid back and not uptight at all,
I dont know anyone who would give a flying fizuck about how someone sits.
Really? Shaming her because she sits "unladylike".
Sounds like the family a a whole has issues."
Like I said to another seek a Teen site if being descriptive as an adult offends you. Siting how you feel hasn't anything to do with being comfortable or up tight? I'ts called posture, those not raised in Trailer Parks will understand.....seen those older woman with vulture shoulders with their chins digging into the middle of their chest? There is a reason for that, if you don't get it,... then you don't get it I wish you and your bird children the best....
"How mature of the old woman."
I have a lot of respect for this woman who found herself in an unattainable position. Instead of making a scene, and tearing up this disrepectful, and disobediant girl in front of company, she made her point by leaving.
"And if that makes me overbearing, WTF am I to do?"
It doesn't make you overbearing? Don't listen to this Jerk you call a boy friend, no sex is worth that?
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:16:49 PM
Wow! You sure are a peach. I'm no longer sure who dodged the bullet in this situation. Bad behaviour can be changed, misogynist attitudes, not so much.
I totally agree, just as I feel imbecilic unjust comments as yours are unwarranted. For the record, I adore women, almost to the point of worship.............but seeing how this is past your comprehension, I will just take your comment has that being from one who was not nurtured as a child.....
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:24:21 PM
|Mostly I agree with you audrianna333, except for your ideas on 'problem solving'. The same problem solving skills come into play when asking/telling a child not to eat candy before dinner, pop up later when telling a teen not to use drugs or whatever... if not corrected and shown that something is wrong from the out set, they will continue to find ways and "excuses" to do things that are wrong, and for this you will have to look into the mirror as to why things turned out so poorly|
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:04:10 PM
|confuzzled: i have actually had single moms EXPECT me to parent their children for them, even after only dating a couple months. i was given this quote "it takes a village to raise a child" so she expected other people to correct her children for her if we saw them misbehaving. the mom for some reason didnt seem to notice it often so it was left to me. its an uncomfortable feeling. and like you say, if YOU dont operate a certain way, you dont want your man to do so either. so we are expected to be a parent, as long as we do so in a way that the mother agrees with.|
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:33:17 PM
|ichosethisnamefirst: good post man. i was raised somewhat strict and i feel i came out the better for it. ive noticed that many of the children these days are rude to their parents with no repercussions, are very spoiled, and have no idea how to act like a human being. i know it sounds harsh, but ive seen it many times. |
confuzzled: see, thats the problem, you expect (and rightly so) for a man in your life to assist in raising your kids, yet he has to do it YOUR way. yeah, you are giving him his say, but ultimately, its your decision, as it should be since youre the actual parent. thats one of the many reasons its difficult for us to enter into such a situation. ive been in some long term relationships with single moms and thats how it always ended up for me. im expected to be a parent, but to do so in the way the mother wants it done. i dont bother. every mother ive ever met has always had their own ideas about raising their children and will not listen to any others, especially from a guy who has no kids of his own, like me.
Posted: 8/9/2012 5:06:49 PM
|I've been in this situation and I think it is terribly wrong for a mother to expect the child to have four adults assuming the parental role - assuming the other ex has a new partner as well. The child(ren) can become overwhelmed and unresponsive. |
From my perspective and from my past experience in a long term relationship with a divorced mother, I don't assume the father role. I don't assume a disciplinary role. I don't assume the right to discipline. That's what the biological parents are responsible for. I interject if things get abusive - that's all. I never undermine one against the other but I would give an opinion ended with, "That's something you two have to decide or work out."
The reason was very simple - the biological father may disagree with the mother's decisions and outcomes, vise versa. I'm not wading into that pool of sh*t no matter how much I love the mother.
Posted: 8/9/2012 7:36:46 PM
|I call bullshit on this whole post. If this is typical of the problems that have you describing these kids as monsters and the little girl as a whore there is something wrong with you regardless of whether the mother needs to grow a spine and take her kids in hand.|
You seem to be blaming the children instead of the mother to begin with and sorry dude you are a pig. You seem to be furious when you couldn't possibly have gotten involved enough to be this pissed.
It has nothing to do with adult conversation, generally speaking applying adult parlance to children's behavior sparks of someone who really doesn't know the difference between a little girl and a grown person.
This woman and her children are well rid of you.
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:53:51 PM
|^^^and whereeeeeeee is the thumbs up icon?!?!?!|
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:24:36 PM
|confuzzled: the situation you describe sounds very reasonable. there are a lot of single moms out there and ive dated my share of them. you seem fairer in this than most. i know men are just expected to play the role of step dad all the time, but i think few people appreciate how hard it actually is. good to see a mom that tries to be reasonable about it.|
Posted: 8/10/2012 4:35:37 AM
|I appreciate the comments and input from others but not in immature post and name calling? Obviously, you are taking your "Man Hate" issues out on me packagedealx3, probably because you can't get or keep one. No body is "pissed" , or "furious", please don't dump your emotional baggage on me, sorry you took it that way. Now, you and your estrogen laden Clique can have at it....... I can take it :)|
Posted: 8/10/2012 11:58:00 AM
I would come back and tie her up to her bed and put a dirty sock in her mouth. Needless to say, she was so scared she didnt say a word.
curious if she gout of bed to test you, would you have followed thru....
obviously you wouldnt, however, isnt that what parents tell the other parent to have? consistency. if you say you are going to do something, there needs to be follow thru. when follow thru doesnt happen, the child knows it and will play the game because they got away with it before.
(not sure if im explaining my point clearly. ehhh. i tried.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:27:38 PM
|ichosethisnamefirst: wonderful post, friend. you are totally spot on and i couldnt have said it better myself.|
Posted: 8/13/2012 1:41:24 PM
|I have ended relationships before for the same reason. I felt awful too - seeing this mom coddle her kids for every whimper, every whine, every poor behaviour because thats how they get her attention, and she's lightning quick to defend their bad behaviour and jump down the throats of anyone who tries to help. And what is her reward for exhausting herself trying to appease her poorly behaved kids? - a truckload of stress, total exhaustion, failed relationships with guys who can't handle lousy parenting, and the frustration of seeing her kids grow into the unhappy, whiny, manipulative creatures that she trained them to be. |
What I did was explain that attention is a reward and if you reward your kids for bad behaviour, then they will continue to behave that way. If you catch your kids doing something good and lavish attention on them during those times instead, they'll be golden. When my kid misbehaved I didn't raise my voice or allow it to continue, I sent her to the corner and started the clock - one min x her age. I told her she can talk all she wants while she's in there too, and that I would restart the clock every time she did.
And that girl is so well behaved and loves me so much its almost disgusting.
Posted: 8/17/2012 3:15:54 PM
|Conandoyle50- Don't walk, run!|
You didn't create this problem, she did.
There are lots of single mothers out there with great kids, find one.
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:35:38 PM
|For a short time, a woman and her two "monsters" we living with me.|
When one of them almost burned down my house, I wanted to be active about it and get her into some sort of fire safety education. I started calling local fire departments, and was told that the mother would have to be cooperative.
When I brought it up to the mother, I was told "Whatever floats your boat, this is your trip, not mine" and was then told that she would not participate.
Those exact words will ring in my head forever.
She was the very definition of bad parenting.
Posted: 4/7/2013 9:12:09 PM
she needs to get it together, once she does, the kids will follow suit
Posted: 4/9/2013 3:24:33 PM
|you dont PUNISH children starlight, you discipline and correct them.|
Posted: 4/9/2013 7:01:37 PM
|Conandoyle50- You have a good head on your shoulders. Count me in with the "you dodged a bullet" crowd.|
You hit on one of my pet peeves with this one.
Why do people have children and then not bother to parent them?!
I was in CVS this week, there was a woman in line ahead of me with three kids, one was in the buggy (2-3 years old) screaming his head off, the other two were grabbing things off the shelf and beating each other with them, when the older two finally tired of whacking each other, the oldest one preceded to go to the automatic door and make it open and close repeatedly. Mom just stood there without a care in the world. I swear it took every ounce of self control I had not to slap her and say "wake up"!
Posted: 4/9/2013 10:12:40 PM
|Glad you got out. You'd have been in a terrible position. Parenting her children is her responsibility first. Too much input from your end causes resentment from both her and the kids. Unfortunately there are many single parents who blame themselves for hardships they think they've caused from a broken relationship and overcompensate by giving their children everything they ask for or throw tantrums for. They put the discipline away and shut the door. And another batch of monsters are born.|
Don't look back, and have no regrets. Your too old to be dealing with that shit anyway.
Posted: 4/20/2013 9:10:37 AM
|I know this is an old thread, so advice for the OP is useless. I will give some anyway.|
A child is born with a certain temperament and character. Their behaviour is learned. I have seen kids that are a handful, but with excellent parents, so their problems are mitigated to a large degree. I have also seen children who are monsters, and their parents have done nothing and are all out of ideas. This is the type of parent to avoid as a dating partner.
The kids are part of who they are. You can love her, and dislike the kids. This crumbles the relationship, unless it is kept as strictly casual. Our Op met the family early on, which was a blessing in the end. He was able to make an informed decision about a deal breaking issue. I think it is totally okay to break up with someone for their children's behaviour.