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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 26
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This topic has been done repeatedly. It always breaks down into two fairly distinct viewpoints: those who feel they can or should only date one person at a time and see where it goes before dating anyone else, and those who feel the best way to date is to date several - if possible - and decide which is the best match (and also increasing the odds of finding a good match sooner).

It's a matter of style, and personality, and belief. I don't think either approach is right or wrong, just right or wrong for that individual.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 27
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:11:41 AM
I think exercising patience and control and dating one at a time, out of respect for the person you're dating and with whom you're trying to acquaint yourself, is the right thing to do.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 28
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:30:26 PM
I prefer to date one at a time: Date 1 on Friday at 6:00, Date 2 at 8:00, Date 3 on Saturday at 5:00, Date 4 at 7:00
It would be too messy to date them all at once.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 29
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 4:06:15 PM
^^^ Exactly.

I only dated one at a time by this definition. I'd meet and maybe have a couple of dates with one to several women over the course of a few weeks at most, and decided who was the best match - whom I'd continue dating exclusively if she felt the same.

Otherwise, after 12 years or so, I'd still be looking for my ideal match, instead of having found her within the first year! Anyway, it's a matter of personal preference, and of those whom you date. If they can't handle it, odds are they'd be eliminated before they even realized. Besides, unless someone states up front how they prefer to date, they can't expect anyone to think the same way as they do, by default.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 30
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 4:40:20 PM
No one dates one person at a time...you have other people that you are talking to, seeing, or are dating. Women are guilty of this too, but seem to be so upset when they find out a guy is talking to someone else when they aren't exclusive. The whole "I refuse to be a second choice" thing is a pot calling the kettle black. If you aren't his first choice, you aren't going to be someone else's either. Dating is testing the waters if you will.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 31
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:33:03 PM
I think exercising patience and control and dating one at a time, out of respect for the person you're dating and with whom you're trying to acquaint yourself, is the right thing to do.


Self Control; patience; AND respect?

HA; good luck with that one!!!

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 32
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:43:42 PM
Is it old fashioned in this day and age to only date one person at a time when you are not exclusive with somebody?

First, and this should be taken seriously and is not a play on words -- what do you mean by "dating"? To go out on a first date? You can't go out with another person after that if there's a possibility that the first one and you will go out again? You're not Dating -- the "ing" in datING means something that's already been established and is/was on-going, whether it be casual or otherwise.

The reason I say that, is because if you truly are datING someone, yes, you should have only one person at a time (unless mutually agreed upon) that you've been datING. When you've been datING, it's been on-going and less of a getting-to-know-ya thing, and more of an understood routine.

Anyway - "exclusive" means you aren't to go out on even A date or pursue setting up a date, etc with anyone else. You're exclusive. So if it's when you're "not exclusive", that means you CAN go out on a date with someone else.

In the old-fashioned days so to speak, many people asked the same question actually. It wasn't until you were "going steady" that things became exclusive, and yes, you could set things up with others. Of course, having wild-monkey-sex was less of an option, but I digress... My point is, it's not really a "modern" thing to have more than one date lined up when you're not exclusive with someone. In fact, that's what "exclusive" means, right? Where you can't line up other dates, etc. Remember -- there's a difference between "exclusive" and "committed relationship".

In the end, yes, people want you to have your sights strictly on them when you're both in the getting-to-know-ya-phase -- it's a preference. When they're really interested in you, or just mildly so but self-conscious, they may cry foul if they found out you got a girl's #, hung out with another girl, etc. But many of those people generally do the same thing. They just don't like it when it happens to them -- of course, if you were originally strangers and to those you both know, usually, nobody will know.

It's much the same as emailing more than one person at a time. Is someone REALLY going to cry foul then? If there's sufficient email, there can be enough thought & effort put into things vs someone meeting on spur of the moment for a quick coffee date. Either way, people DESIRE you to, even though it's a selfish thing. But many will also start walking away if they get the impression you're just dating around, and not talking them (or anyone else) seriously. However, the same folks can be the ones to "take things slow" (=not get serious too fast). It's just all about emotion and people wanting their way.

In the end, until you're exclusive, whether that be part of the 3rd-date-rule (with another one lined up) or even after first date, you should line up other dates, etc., but don't jeopardize your more favorable prospect. However, while you're just in the "getting to know you" phase, they can just as easily lose interest after getting to know you better, or more likely, fueled by another prospect in their life that they find more favorably.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 33
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 3:40:54 AM
Yeah, I'd have to say that is a bit old fashioned and kind of churchy. You have to accept the fact that any person in here is constantly bombarded with images of the opposite sex (or whatever). As long as they have an active profile I'd say you simply have to assume they are dating other people and probably sleeping with some of them, regardless of what they say.

Besides, having a dating one at a time policy is kind of insane. You are basically telling someone, hi we've never met but I insist upon your loyalty and obedience based upon this email message and your loneliness and nothing else.

I mean, knock yourself out but from where I'm sitting, a policy like that is like hanging a sign on your back that says "Please abuse me"!
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 34
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 5:37:17 AM
I've "met" more than one man at a time but only DATE one at a time- no chance of emotional intimacy if I am all over the place...
 cityfangels35
Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 35
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 7:25:58 AM
i only date one at a time . its hard to find just one decent person to date .nowdays
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 36
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 7:32:37 AM
^^^DK, I kind of got my ideas about dating from reading Archie Comics and watching Leave It To Beaver. The message I got from the media version of the good ol' days was: Date, have fun, don't get tied down to one person. Now when the Letterman ring got exchanged, that was a big deal.

You know, going steady as opposed to going out on a date.

I think maybe the older generations had it right in some ways. Sitting around in your house waiting for a fantasy to come true doesn't sound like a very good plan to me. Instead of you date, you meet someone, you settle down, we have you settle down and wait for your dreams to come true...

I wonder what Betty's up to nowadays?
 36_Julietta_52
Joined: 8/1/2012
Msg: 37
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 7:53:57 AM
Even if I have only been on one date with somebody, and even if we are not exclusive because we are still getting to know each other, I absolutely prefer to date only one person at a time (and will explicitly say this when asked out by another man). Perhaps it isn't the smartest decision, putting all my eggs in one basket, but it is the most comfortable decision for me.

Old-fashioned? Yes. Wrong? No. Just different. No approach is wrong, really, as long as there is full disclosure and respect. In my opinion, anyway...
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 38
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:03:08 AM
Going out on dates with only one person early on (ie. after agreeing to a second date) isn't wrong, persay, but it's also not very smart as you're, by default, limiting your chances/options there for no real reason.
 BeInGoodCompany
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 39
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:48:38 AM
What ever suits you....listen to your instinct...not others...
It is your life...

All the best,
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 40
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 6:39:46 PM

If I found out a girl I was seeing was seeing someone else - or God help me several guys - I'd feel like a fool. Haven't met many guys who say otherwise either, really the only one who says that he doesn't care if a girl 'dates around' is the one who only stays with girls long enough to bed them. And then show off the pics to everyone else.


^^^This is a steaming pile of hooey.

All of the women I date also date other men. I assume they are probably having sex but I don't typically go around asking women about their sexual habits early on - I find that a bit crass. For me it's understood that actively dating likely includes some amount of sexual activity...at least I hope so for their sake.

Expecting monogamous devotion from someone you just met is like going to a job interview and asking for a raise.

Showing pictures around? What is this, highschool? I can't think of a single person I know who would want to see any pictures like that.

I'm always left with the impression that religion is behind this entire issue despite all the denials. Why on earth should people feel compelled to insult and degrade others who make different choices for themselves. Who I date has NOTHING to do with you. Now if you assume that everyone who thinks differently than you is a sinner who will burn in hell...all of this suddenly makes sense.
 Treasured_Smiles
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 41
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 2:45:59 PM
I don't think that it happens to be old fashioned to keep your options open, being I think dating a few people until I choose who I want to be with exclusively makes sense, therefore I know what options I have as does the person who is also looking for a relationship with. While I may know what I want in a relationship, it may take me a bit to see who I want to share myself with relationship with therefore with the others once I find that person I shall try to remain friends with and of course remain honest with each of them.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 42
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 3:53:28 PM
If I meet someone IRL and we hit it off I see nothing wrong with us dating only each other. I don't see how anyone online actually has a relationship since everyone seems to be looking for something better and/or dating several people at the same time. How do you remember what you tell each person?
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 43
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 4:18:47 PM
I date one at a time and state that I expect the same on my profile so that we're all on the same page (assuming he even reads it). It's rare enough for me to find someone I even want to meet once, much less date, so when I'm at the point of actually agreeing to meet someone, it means I think there could be something there, and I will focus on it. On the same token, I do not even exchange messages with more than one person at a time on here. That's me, that's how I operate, and it's what makes sense in my world.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 44
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 4:25:57 PM
I like to do things the old-fashioned way in this respect:
In the "old days", unless you were "going steady" with someone, you were both considered free to be able to date others. Once you mutually decided to "go steady" (usually it was the guy asking the girl to do so back then), you dated only each other for as long as the "steady" relationship lasted. That was pretty darn clear to everyone both within and outside of the relationship. Nice and simple and not rocket science.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 45
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 4:29:25 PM
Right there with you TG. We are usually on the same page most of the time. I agree that dating multiple people is just too much work. Luckily I met a fantastic woman over a month ago, and now we are going to become exclusive. Couldn't be happier with her.

** One thing I want to stress to people is that even though I only date one woman at a time, it doesn't mean that I don't have standards or that I continue to date a woman I am not happy with. I have no problem ending a first meet early or telling a woman after a few dates that I don't see us working out. So it definitely isn't about feeling the need to put every woman I meet on a pedestal or latching on to somebody. I just find dating multiple women stressful. That is what I used to do when I got into online dating and it always seemed like more trouble than it was worth.
 Serephena
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 46
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 5:28:45 PM
I think dating one person at a time shows class. No one person gets your true time or attention when you are juggling several others. I myself only date one person at a time.
 DreamsHopeLight
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 47
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 5:53:24 PM
Until a person finds someone they want to be involved with seriously (and it's a mutual feeling), I don't see a problem with dating more than one person.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 48
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:31:09 PM

How do you remember what you tell each person?


Easy, just tell them the truth.

This whole issue is absurd in my mind. Agreeing to go out on a date isn't a marriage.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 49
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:41:10 PM
Some do not remember the people they meet. I met a guy once and after we met he called to see if I wanted to do something the next weekend. He said he had no clue as to who I was or what we had done when we met. Guess he was meeting and calling a lot of women and seeing if someone would take the bait. This fish did not.
 betteroffsingle
Joined: 7/24/2012
Msg: 50
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/13/2012 2:39:25 PM
One at a time for me. Like so many others have said, it's hard enough to find one much less multiples.
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