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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mommacher
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 51
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Whats a date? Seriously.. I am talking to 4 great guys right now. Not one has asked me out yet. Ive hinted.. whatever.. Nothing. But if I do get that date, then I would stop talking to the others. How are you going to be giving the one a fair chance if you still have others your talking to?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 52
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/25/2012 4:49:01 PM
I have done the multiple dating approach, and the one at time approach, but the one at time approach works best for me. It allows me to gather my thoughts and make clearer decisions.
 Countryb0y50
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 53
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/25/2012 5:09:14 PM
It is and always will be a moral issue, it's just something I won't compromise, the way I was raised! If I start to develop something with someone I will cease all communications with others until I know where it's going, I don't believe it's fair to the other person to do anything other than that, of course thats my opinion on the subject.
 thrive2survive
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 54
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/26/2012 6:50:05 PM
i date one guy zat a time. i truely believe in concentrating on one guy.
i do not wanna juggle this guy or that guy...let alone it is hard enough just to go out on a date since i am a single mom;
i am a one man at a time kind of woman. plus; i do not wanna confuse one with the other of what their job is,where they live,if they have kid or not. i would never be a good player. thank god. someone will appreciate that in me :0
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 55
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:57:21 PM
One at a time...... Too confusing otherwise... To remember their name lol
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 56
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/26/2012 10:12:45 PM
I have all male friends. The friends stay friends and the ONE I am interested in.... I date. I don't find it old fashioned. It's a preference.

Some like to date more then one person at a time others enjoy the one and only one type of dating. Neither way is wrong , it's what you like and what she/he is willing to allow.

One only for me.
 funtimes8172012
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 57
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 7:35:57 AM
I date only one person at a time. It's not old fashion, it's just how do you get to know one person when you have a bunchof others trying to get inside your head? LOL
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 9:40:25 AM
This whole issue is absurd in my mind. Agreeing to go out on a date isn't a marriage.

Exactly. And going out on a date isn't datING. Having a second date lined up isn't datING. DatING someone means you have been seeING someone. Not saw. Or saw and are set to see again. If they have been a stranger, then a little conversation was had, and then a meeting in person was had -- and there's still some interest -- you're far from out of the woods of being exclusive by default.

I think dating one person at a time shows class. No one person gets your true time or attention when you are juggling several others. I myself only date one person at a time.

I don't think it really shows 'class'. By that rationale, is it wrong to email/talk-to multiple people at a time? How does A date and a follow-up the next week soak up time & attention? I think most people talking with someone online amounts to a small amount here and there, before meeting. Then after meeting, still a small amount, which can grow from there, or fizzle after a 1st/2nd/3rd date. But during that time, they're not taking your time like someone you're an item with, nor are the expectations the same.

I think people just want the attention purely at they themselves. And that's fine for a preference, of course, if we really dig them. Some go through a feeling out process... and how many options you juggle depends on how much the options take time from your life in that "pre-season" phase. I don't think keeping other options on the line because one's had a date and a follow-up one lined up 5-7 days later is soaking time away from it. You (and the other party) haven't figured things out yet.

One shouldn't spread themselves too thin, though -- where it becomes difficult to book a meeting/date with someone because of someone else. That's why I understand a single parent juggling 3 kids and 45 hour work week who always has errands and things to do on the side from that, can really only juggle 1-option-at-a-time. But they shouldn't ask everyone else to do that because they are. Some folks are more free in the summer, less free in the winter, etc.

But I think it's pretty standard that once two people hit it off, have already gone out on several dates, and communicate now very frequently -- to have a quick chit-chat as to whether you're exclusive or not. Or if it's pain-stakingly obvious you are, sure. Then, you stop shopping around and cut off everything else that were options -- you've begun truly datING someone (not potentially).
 PandaCheeese
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 59
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 10:39:46 AM
I'm on the one person at a time side of this. I want to get to know a lady for whom they are and not how they stack up to someone else. It's much easier to look at a person with their positives and negatives and view them as a whole if you aren't running a mental tab in the back of your mind and comparing them to someone else.

The flip side of this as well is, what do you do if you are dating multiple people, and more than one seems like a great option? What if it doesn't work with the one you chose, you've pretty much burnt a bridge with the other individual.... who wants to be a second choice?
 pfif
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 60
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 12:44:07 PM
The first person to agree to a meet is stimulating my HSR, which in turn
attracts the second person to me. The second person is benefitting from
the attention the first person gave me.

This, to me, says that this kind of 'love' is indiscriminate. It's going to put
me off balance, and I think it will impact both women.

So why do that?

I don't believe in statistical probabilities, or spreading risk, or any of that
sort of thinking, applying in any way to human relationships. It sounds
harmful to me, to think that way.

No, the only thing I've changed about it, since before, is this: I get out
much sooner, now, when I see signs it's going nowhere I want to go. That
way, I heal sooner, and can be available for the next one, if there is a
next one, someday that's just a bit sooner than before.

I would consider meeting four women in a single calendar year to be a
fantastically active dating year for me. Just: wow. How about that. What
do you know. Can you believe it.

Holy mackerel.
 oskiesmom
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 61
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:26:34 PM
I don't think dating one person at a time is old-fashioned. I used to; it was tiring trying to keep up with different people and I didn't feel I was fully getting to know either person. It also depends on what you're looking for.

If you are dating multiple people, please be open about it. The last person I dated was insistent that we only date each other; he was also getting to know another woman and lied about it when I asked him if he wanted to change our situation. Needless to say, it ended very badly and he lost both of us.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 62
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:28:28 PM
what do you do if you are dating multiple people, and more than one seems like a great option?

What if you only go out on those initial-dates of getting-to-know-you with girl A, and you turned down a great option girl B, and girl A after 2 dates (pushing girl B away for 10 days), you find out she isn't interested when you were? And all you had was a lunch date, and dinner date? Go back to girl B and say "Hey, I want my second choice"?

By that rationale, you shouldn't be even messaging or talking to more than one girl at a time, even pre-date. You'll still have to deal with someone being a "second choice".

And, if your hopes are up, but then go down by finding out more about the gal which clearly disinterests you, or unfortunately she suddenly isn't interested in you -- you're back to square Zero. For a gal you went out on a couple dates with? A couple dates with someone you didn't know prior does not mean you're a couple. Some people confuse the two.

It's not about a lack of time & effort spent with a particular gal, if you're going out on A date here and there with more than 1 woman in the same general time-frame. It's your Emotion possibly "watered down", if you're too infatuated. Going out on a date with more than one gal helps you from being infatuated. You're placing too much expectations on a gal you met for the first time, with a 2nd date lined up.
 COLIONE98
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 63
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:21:06 PM
I come here cause i travel often from state to state and what better way to meet people is via online dating sites. Men will not respond so i ask women about the city and where to get certain things or entertainment. It works works better than the other social networks. And if in the mood, i meet with women for drinks but under the notion that i am not looking for "love". However, upon conversing- of course about POF, come to find out that they are seeing multiple people and haven't decided which one to date, still fighting off slugs via emails- yet they are out to drinks at a bar with me and sending me half naked pictures. And when i call them out, they become hostile. BUT, you still have both men and women that will say "well at least she or he was being honest".. well, I ask, what good does that do especially when one person may be more emotionally involved and not into the multiple dating thing. Now, it creates conflict and instead of the two attempting to make things work, they part ways why (because one of the two feels a necessity to date multiple people in order to "weigh his or her options"... what a pitty..... (note how i mention both men and women in the scenario) - just covering my ends cause i know the hostile take-overs are ready to pounce on me....

But the online dating has distorted many people's minds. They consider this a place where you can weigh options. And if you don't have enough game then you need to step it up or revamp your profile- . Or another great one- "you are not exclusive so you or him/her can do as you please".... the problem is there will always be a more successful man or women. There will always be a man with better game, or a women with longer legs. There will always be someone else better then the next. Its life. But that doesn't mean we should keep fishing for the NEXT BIG FISH as many people do on here (both men and women). So why go around trying to date or talk to other people and create this unnecessary stress? Having a great evening only to find out that he or she is continuously checking emails and chatting away the next day is totally uncool.

Little do they understand that it is not about that. It is about properly communicating and giving your undivided attention to one person. If things do not go well, move on to the next- forget about being honest or open. I might as well bring my sex buddy to dinner with a potential date. I have done it in the past to a woman that was "weighing her options" Well, i weighed my options and had sex with them both on separate nights just to prove a point and was honest about it!! She didn't like it too much. Point was made and taken!!

So now, before i even get involved deeply in email chatter, i bring this up. 8-10 times the woman admits to being a player based on what i described above and that she did not think of it that way. There is no other way to put it. Online dating inadvertently creates players out of people.

Ex- if i meet you at a bar and we kick it off. I would not expect you to go back to that same bar to meet someone else to weigh your options. Why should it work any differently online? People think it does cause they are behind a computer and are free to do as they please and employ as much hypocrisy as needed to get theirs....
 ferna306905
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 64
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/29/2012 11:53:48 PM
i only date one person at a time. specialy because im looking for love. if your dating just to date and the your dating a couple people that arnt looking to be exclusive with one person then thats fine. otherwise you will get some one that will leave when they find out your dating more then one person
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 65
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:00:30 AM
I have yet to meet one man that pursues or dates one woman at a time.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 66
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:06:42 AM
There's this guy in Texas ....
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 67
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:20:23 AM


There's this guy in Texas ....


who lives in an abandoned oil field....
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 68
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:58:30 AM
Dating more than one person at a time does not equate to sleeping with one or any of them. It's only a date.
If I were to become seriously interested in one and it was mutual, then it's worth considering 'dating' only one at a time.
Abelian...I expect you communicate your terms of dating with these women you date? prior to any relationship development?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 69
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 2:33:46 PM
Dating more than one person at a time does not equate to sleeping with one or any of them.

True. But if one's datING just one person, sleeping with them is usually either happening or around the corner. Lesser chance if one's been datING more than one person in the same general time-frame.

It's only a date.

Well, you're not datING a guy if it's only A date. You're datING someone or seeING someone when it's already demonstrated as on-goING.

Going out on A date or two, ie it's not on-going (yet?), is fine with multiple people at a time. There, it's not assumed people are necessarily sleeping with someone (although folks would prefer they'd be the only one on the radar). Point being, there's a linguistical issue about the word 'dating' applied.

(1) One can be datING a specific person -- an on-going affair with a person.
(2) They can be out datING in general -- an on-going affair with the masses with A date here with person 1, another date with person 2, another date with person 3, etc.

* It's a problem/issue with most folks is when you're datING a specific person, but ALSO datING either another specific person or datING out there in general with others.

I mean, if the person you have A date with, come to find out, is already having an on-going affair with a specific person, would you really be cool with that if you were really interested in him, even if he said it's not serious? How would that other specific person feel? If you have it on-going but still want to date around, either you're not ready to be truly going steady with someone -- or (most likely) you're not That interested in them.

A lesser problem/issue with SOME people but not a majority, is just having A date here and there, with multiple people in the same general time-frame. As you say, if it's just A date here and there with someone, sorry -- you can't expect people, before you've got something on-going with them, to not be pursuing or keeping on radar more than one person at once.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 70
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:26:19 PM
My being born during the free love hippie movement typified by Summer of Love in 1967 and the slogan "Make love, not war', where unrestrained sexuality was the new norm, and AIDS wasn't around, Old Fashioned is more like sleeping around because it's fun.

If I go by these forums, everyone has become pretty uptight and formal about dating, with lot of rules.

There is no particular best pattern, it's a matter of circumstances. If I find someone I am attracted to and she is attracted to me and she lives close by, we don't have time or desire to date anyone else.

I agree, if you date several people at once, it can get confusing, especially if you aren't telling everyone about your dating habits.
 FlaxenBlonde
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 71
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:48:43 PM
OP--- Some people think it is right to date only one person at a time, while others think it is equally right to date several people at a time.

Everyone has their reasons for believing the way they do.
Some people feel it is morally wrong to date more than one person at a time.
Perhaps it is "morally wrong" to some because they think that "dating" equals "having sex."
Therefore, if a person is "having sex" with more than one person, they view that (or sleeping around) as morally wrong & that the person is a "player."

Others believe "dating" means "dating" and nothing more. "Dating" does not equal "having sex."
In this instance, "dating" more than one person is merely a means, or process of elimination, by which one finds "the one" with whom you may eventually want to have an exclusive relationship. When dating several people, there will always be one who stands out from the rest & it isn't difficult to say goodbye to others when the time is right.

As teenagers, some of us were not allowed to date just one person at a time. In fact, some of us were required to date at least several people at the same time & in my case, additionally, dates had to be made at least 1 or 2 weeks in advance. The specific intent of not dating just one person was to ensure that things didn't get "serious" too quickly & the girl being pressured into "proving her love" for the boy. I had strict parents who thought this form of "dating" was "morally" better & all of my dates knew my parents' rules.

Guess I'm old fashioned because I still believe "dating" means "dating." However, my opinion concerning whether adults choose to date just one or several at the same time is their prerogative but then everyone they “date” should be told. I choose to date one person at a time.
 Indysweetpea2001_
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 72
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 4:53:24 PM
I only date and have sex with one person at a time. Call me old fashioned if you want, who cares.
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 73
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:17:59 PM
re: ConfidentRealist
It all depends how we percieve our own experinces. I have had ongoing 'dating' several times lasting 1-2 months with different people(3-4) at different times. Neither time did I consider it 'dating' as they were also seeing other people as well, and in each of those cases there was no sex, frankly I wasn't sexually attracted to none of them, there was never any discussion about exclusivity or anything of that nature. Ongoing dating doesn't automatically include 'sleeping with them around the corner'. And, not everyone is keeping track of the other's actvities.
Evidently my interpretation of dating is different than that of an exclusive relationship.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 74
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:10:24 PM
Since I multi-dated while single, I couldn't care less how many other women a man was dating while dating me---until we agreed to enter into an exclusive relationship. I wasn't sleeping with anyone until that happened.

In fact, if other women didn't also find a guy I was dating to be desirable, and I knew I was the sole prospect he had on the horizon, I would be apt to have less interest in him.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 75
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:57:29 PM
It seems to be old fashioned. Now, if I was dating a man who was dating other women, I'd be fine with it. If I decide to have sex with him, I'd prefer him to be exclusive with me only.
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