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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ferna306905
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 64
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
i only date one person at a time. specialy because im looking for love. if your dating just to date and the your dating a couple people that arnt looking to be exclusive with one person then thats fine. otherwise you will get some one that will leave when they find out your dating more then one person
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 65
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:00:30 AM
I have yet to meet one man that pursues or dates one woman at a time.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:06:42 AM
There's this guy in Texas ....
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 67
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:20:23 AM


There's this guy in Texas ....


who lives in an abandoned oil field....
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 68
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:58:30 AM
Dating more than one person at a time does not equate to sleeping with one or any of them. It's only a date.
If I were to become seriously interested in one and it was mutual, then it's worth considering 'dating' only one at a time.
Abelian...I expect you communicate your terms of dating with these women you date? prior to any relationship development?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 69
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 2:33:46 PM
Dating more than one person at a time does not equate to sleeping with one or any of them.

True. But if one's datING just one person, sleeping with them is usually either happening or around the corner. Lesser chance if one's been datING more than one person in the same general time-frame.

It's only a date.

Well, you're not datING a guy if it's only A date. You're datING someone or seeING someone when it's already demonstrated as on-goING.

Going out on A date or two, ie it's not on-going (yet?), is fine with multiple people at a time. There, it's not assumed people are necessarily sleeping with someone (although folks would prefer they'd be the only one on the radar). Point being, there's a linguistical issue about the word 'dating' applied.

(1) One can be datING a specific person -- an on-going affair with a person.
(2) They can be out datING in general -- an on-going affair with the masses with A date here with person 1, another date with person 2, another date with person 3, etc.

* It's a problem/issue with most folks is when you're datING a specific person, but ALSO datING either another specific person or datING out there in general with others.

I mean, if the person you have A date with, come to find out, is already having an on-going affair with a specific person, would you really be cool with that if you were really interested in him, even if he said it's not serious? How would that other specific person feel? If you have it on-going but still want to date around, either you're not ready to be truly going steady with someone -- or (most likely) you're not That interested in them.

A lesser problem/issue with SOME people but not a majority, is just having A date here and there, with multiple people in the same general time-frame. As you say, if it's just A date here and there with someone, sorry -- you can't expect people, before you've got something on-going with them, to not be pursuing or keeping on radar more than one person at once.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 70
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:26:19 PM
My being born during the free love hippie movement typified by Summer of Love in 1967 and the slogan "Make love, not war', where unrestrained sexuality was the new norm, and AIDS wasn't around, Old Fashioned is more like sleeping around because it's fun.

If I go by these forums, everyone has become pretty uptight and formal about dating, with lot of rules.

There is no particular best pattern, it's a matter of circumstances. If I find someone I am attracted to and she is attracted to me and she lives close by, we don't have time or desire to date anyone else.

I agree, if you date several people at once, it can get confusing, especially if you aren't telling everyone about your dating habits.
 FlaxenBlonde
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:48:43 PM
OP--- Some people think it is right to date only one person at a time, while others think it is equally right to date several people at a time.

Everyone has their reasons for believing the way they do.
Some people feel it is morally wrong to date more than one person at a time.
Perhaps it is "morally wrong" to some because they think that "dating" equals "having sex."
Therefore, if a person is "having sex" with more than one person, they view that (or sleeping around) as morally wrong & that the person is a "player."

Others believe "dating" means "dating" and nothing more. "Dating" does not equal "having sex."
In this instance, "dating" more than one person is merely a means, or process of elimination, by which one finds "the one" with whom you may eventually want to have an exclusive relationship. When dating several people, there will always be one who stands out from the rest & it isn't difficult to say goodbye to others when the time is right.

As teenagers, some of us were not allowed to date just one person at a time. In fact, some of us were required to date at least several people at the same time & in my case, additionally, dates had to be made at least 1 or 2 weeks in advance. The specific intent of not dating just one person was to ensure that things didn't get "serious" too quickly & the girl being pressured into "proving her love" for the boy. I had strict parents who thought this form of "dating" was "morally" better & all of my dates knew my parents' rules.

Guess I'm old fashioned because I still believe "dating" means "dating." However, my opinion concerning whether adults choose to date just one or several at the same time is their prerogative but then everyone they “date” should be told. I choose to date one person at a time.
 Indysweetpea2001_
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 72
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 4:53:24 PM
I only date and have sex with one person at a time. Call me old fashioned if you want, who cares.
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 73
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:17:59 PM
re: ConfidentRealist
It all depends how we percieve our own experinces. I have had ongoing 'dating' several times lasting 1-2 months with different people(3-4) at different times. Neither time did I consider it 'dating' as they were also seeing other people as well, and in each of those cases there was no sex, frankly I wasn't sexually attracted to none of them, there was never any discussion about exclusivity or anything of that nature. Ongoing dating doesn't automatically include 'sleeping with them around the corner'. And, not everyone is keeping track of the other's actvities.
Evidently my interpretation of dating is different than that of an exclusive relationship.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 74
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:10:24 PM
Since I multi-dated while single, I couldn't care less how many other women a man was dating while dating me---until we agreed to enter into an exclusive relationship. I wasn't sleeping with anyone until that happened.

In fact, if other women didn't also find a guy I was dating to be desirable, and I knew I was the sole prospect he had on the horizon, I would be apt to have less interest in him.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 75
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:57:29 PM
It seems to be old fashioned. Now, if I was dating a man who was dating other women, I'd be fine with it. If I decide to have sex with him, I'd prefer him to be exclusive with me only.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 76
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 7:10:57 AM
I like to date multiple men at once, how else am I supposed to pay for my dinners?
Ok, just kidding :)

I meet lots of guys from dating websites, meetup, through friends etc. I can't say I've actually "dated" many people this past year but I've gone out with a lot of men. Guys are easy, they tell you everything right off the bat so it makes it easier for me to decide to stick around or run.

I won't see, meet, whatever you want to call it, more than one guy at a time from a dating webstite though. Dating sites are a whole different ballgame.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 77
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 8:01:02 AM
I think declaring your dating 'plan' right away is always better in the long run. I saw a woman once, who told me during the starting 'small talk' that she would pick 2-3 guys at a time, have a date with each, and then see if they would 'advance' to a 2nd. Of course that was a bit uncomfortable to hear, but I decided I would try my best, rather than blow her off. We had a fantastic date, but when she told me 'No' to a 2nd date, it didn't bother me as much; because I knew she was playing the field and not just rejecting me outright. Knowing they are dating 'casually' versus 'formally' is something you need to know.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 78
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 11:17:32 AM
It's a numbers game. Ok, replace game with strategy. You need to get out there and meet people.

Online is tough because we have options.

Newbies want a relationship but they love all the new attention they're getting. When a woman says she is new online, the message is 'I don't care what you look like, I need to see what's out there!'.

Another red flag 'Kids are grown and now its my time!', not on my dime honey. The only liberating you're gonna get is a $2 shot of whiskey and 10 minutes of my time. Not.

At the other extreme are the online veterans. People that have made dating a lifestyle and arrive at the date with their guards up.

Always assume your great date is dating others.

I average 3 to 4 dates a week. Dating Gurus will call them Meets. Whatever.

Friends are amazed. I tell them, why? Do you think every date or meet results in sex?

2 strangers meeting. Keep your expectations low and stay positive.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 79
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:19:28 PM

DATING implies we met and are now seeing each other exclusively. WHICH means we have had the exclusive conversation. WHAT do I do after the first email take my profile down??? Or maybe the 3rd email?? When we exchange numbers?? Or how about at the meet and greet can we pull our phones out and delete our profiles??? AND if you aren't THE ONE then I put it back on a week later and put a cute little title about how I am back AGAIN? Really???

This always baffles me. Why do men want me to cut off all contact with all other men after a simple HI email. Sound a bit insecure to me.


I agree entirely. It is scary how many men on here, after a few emails or a single date demand that you be "exclusive" with them. I even had a guy decide we were "dating" after one very bad date in which he presented himself as a total mean wacko. He then proceeded to call me three times a day every day until he got the clue and disappeared. Women are especially wired to emotionally bond with a man when they are around him more than other men, even if he is a wacko.

Chronic control freaks and abusers instinctively know this. This is also part of the normal male psyche to try to get a responsive female to isolate with them as quickly as possible. Women *must* realize this about ourselves. If a woman has has had bad experiences with "the wrong type of man," it becomes more imperative that she be cautious, and create a fail safe, (such as bringing the guy to group functions so that other friends male and female) can provide and emotional buffer).

Male friends are far more likely to be able to identify a scumbag than some women are. Men who are not control freaks also need to realize this and present themselves in such a way as the woman chooses to spend more time with them exclusively. Anytime a man demands that, however, it is a sign of emotional insecurity and control issues. Sometimes those issues come from legitimate hurt, other times they are a recipe for disaster. BEWARE sisters!
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 80
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:34:27 PM
Multi-dating is pretty risky. Those who do will run the risk of losing a great potential if he/she finds out. Most intelligent folk who value their health won't be kissing anyone who might have had their mouth on someone elses body since the last date. Oh heck no.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 4:31:47 PM
Ivy8,

It all depends how we percieve our own experinces.

During the gray-areas, sure. That's why when you are in a gray-area, between two people, they should bring it up... not too long into the gray-zone.

I have had ongoing 'dating' several times lasting 1-2 months with different people(3-4) at different times.

So, you had something on-going, for 1-2 months, with a specific person -- 3 or 4 specific people in which you had something on-going for 1-2 months -- all around the same time? If so, that's the danger zone... you should fish-or-cut-bait to be exclusive. At what point? Mileage may vary from situation to situation, person to person because all things unfold in different ways. But commonly, when it's become a given that you're going to see them again soon, and you're beyond counting "how many dates" you've been on. Otherwise, you're just using them for sex and/or attention and aren't really into them.

there was no sex, frankly I wasn't sexually attracted to none of them, there was never any discussion about exclusivity or anything of that nature.

Why did you waste your time, though? I know it's slightly off-topic, but not so much. It's weird to have something on-going with someone, not just initial ("pre-season") dates, when you're not that into them. I could see someone going out on a 3rd date or even a 4th date if the previous were very short lived... but you're just wasting each others' time.

Ongoing dating doesn't automatically include 'sleeping with them around the corner'.

With a majority of people who aren't avidly traditional/proper, yes it pretty much does. The other person's not going to tell you about it, and it's going to be weird talking about it... and many will not see it as lying, lying about it. Point is, you have to assume if it's already on-going, and they haven't slept with them:
(a) They're lying as much as a dateless 20-something single guy saying he hasn't masturbated in month
(b) They are willing to string someone along who they obviously aren't that interested in for attention, etc.

Evidently my interpretation of dating is different than that of an exclusive relationship.

Well, again... there's datING in reference not to a specific person but to the masses... and there's datING in reference to a specific person or persons in which each has been on-going, respectively. I agree - it doesn't NEED to be exclusive to have it on-going, but shortly after it's demonstrated itself as on-going, one needs to fish or cut bait.

And also, there is a difference between a serious relationship and exclusivity. Exclusivity solely means not pursuing others and putting any other options aside. Usually this is best done when going steady (on-going). Serious/committed relationship is where you're committed to the relationship it's more serious than merely being exclusive.

In fact, if other women didn't also find a guy I was dating to be desirable, and I knew I was the sole prospect he had on the horizon, I would be apt to have less interest in him.

Yes, true... women want a guy who's wanted. It ups his dating-value, and if he explicitly isn't wanted around, it lowers it. I think doing prospecting with multiple men or women is fine during the same time frame.

IMO, when things start to become on-going, it's time to "man to man" coverage, not "zone". It doesn't really matter about the lack of sexual intercourse being had, because the other person's not going to know whether you are or not, or whether it's all oral or lesser, etc. Most people are going to assume that if something's on-going, you probably have interest in that person, and you probably are going past 2nd base if not a homer. One wanting exclusivity doesn't mean seriousness per se -- just that hey, the initial dates went great, a few weeks and a handful of dates went well -- fish or cut bait -- unless you want to still hang out with a not-so-interested party!
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 82
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:32:30 PM
Yada, yada, yada. This is why I date multiple women. God forbid a man says the word exclusive so soon. It just has to be the woman that sets the pace, huh? Chase this:)
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 83
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:48:46 PM
re: CR
Note: the last quote wasn't mine..lol
I was dating one person for 1-2 months, and this occured 3-4 times with different people at different times. I was trying the no sex approach for initial time period, yes i admit it's odd since i wouldn't with them anyways. The men weren't aware, didn't inquire or didn't care as to my 'dating status'. These men were my own age or slightly older and I had noticed an undesirable trend, sadly, since it was my intent to date someone my own age. This was a trial as usually the sex too soon approach wasn't working for me either, and 'sleeping round the corner' occured without any exclusivity talk. I would say this sex relatively soon occurence is expected, but my dating history doesn't conform much to any of the details others post, in essence, it's unusual. Why, I have no idea, but have to accept it as it is. Other than one I had a relationship with a few years ago, there's not been much interest of any man to date or be exclusive with me, not that I ever did bring it up for discussion. This may be attributed to the plethora of men in my area looking only for casual and nothing serious.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 84
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:45:24 PM

Given that I averaged 2 dates/week and once had 4, there was no shortage of women on the horizon.


You multi-dated if you averaged two dates per week with different women---technically, you dated sequentially. You would see a woman once, perhaps twice, and maybe you'd have sex with her that week; then not see her again and have another date with a different woman (or women) later that same week.
 valerie555
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 85
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/1/2012 2:12:49 PM
What I tend to do is go thru periods of time when I have no one. Then I'll have maybe 6 to 10 guys that I'm either texting or emailing, that eventually turns into maybe two or three that I'll talk to on the phone. One usually stands out, more in common, etc. That's the one I'll go on a meet and greet with. It starts to feel insane until you winnow it down. Then if we like each other, we'll just date each other. Makes it easier to make a deeper connection.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 86
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/1/2012 9:24:57 PM
Multi dating means dating several people in parallel, not sequentially.


You can multi-date and still date sequentially---e.g. for week one, you see Person A on Wednesday, Person B on Friday, and Person C on Saturday. For week two, it's the same schedule with the same three persons. For week three, it's the same three persons and same schedule, etc., etc.

Multi-dating to me means dating more than one person per week. If you're dating two or more people per week, even if you only see each person once, you're still dating multiple people.

You're dating one person at a time only if you date just one person per week and date that same person on consecutive weeks.


I've had sex with exactly one person I've met here.


That might be true if you're only talking about the women you've met on POF, but where you met the women wasn't stipulated.

I'm pickier than you seem to think. That should also save you some effort trying to cross reference other posts of mine and asking probing questions to try to guess the answer I just handed you. You would have saved some effort by just asking me directly.


I never said otherwise---and if I wanted to know how many women you've slept with from POF, I would have simply asked you.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 87
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:36:50 AM
1) That's not sequentially. You're dating three people and to claim that otherwise is just stupid.
(2) Since you used the term sequential in the context of the way I said I went on several dates in a week you're also being duplicitous, since what you just described is exactly the kind of thing I deliberately did not do and wouldn't accept another person doing.


It is sequentially---it's an example of "rinse and repeat". I never claimed I wasn't dating three people. In my case, the men knew about each other because I was upfront about multi-dating before meeting them. I told them I was fresh out of my divorce and was seeing a few other men casually, which they accepted. I was not being duplicitous.


Have you been drinking or smoking something all evening? That doesn't even make enough sense to figure out what you're talking about.


I never brought up dating through POF. I didn't meet my dates through POF, nor did I say anything about your meeting yours through POF. Just because you had sex with only one person from here doesn't mean you were not having sex with women you met through other sources, so that says nothing about how many women you've slept with. In fact you've stated many times in the forums that you've paid for sex. Perhaps you don't consider that to be a "date".


No you wouldn't. You attempt to manipulate information out of me to try to ``catch me.'' You wouldn't ask a direct question to save your life, even though it would be a lot easier. That's why you invent inconsistencies that don't exist. Puhleeze... Sorry if the ``one person'' was not the answer you were hoping for, but it is what it is.


I never asked you how many women you've slept with because I assumed you slept with most of them since you claimed in another thread that you kissed your dates and they had sex with you after that. Even if I took sex out of the equation, what you were doing was still multi-dating.
 enyawd44
Joined: 8/11/2012
Msg: 88
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:56:07 AM
My heart would never let me date more than one at a time ,I believe in putting all my focus into one girl , not think about another while out with the potential one.
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