Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 80
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Multi-dating is pretty risky. Those who do will run the risk of losing a great potential if he/she finds out. Most intelligent folk who value their health won't be kissing anyone who might have had their mouth on someone elses body since the last date. Oh heck no.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 4:31:47 PM
Ivy8,

It all depends how we percieve our own experinces.

During the gray-areas, sure. That's why when you are in a gray-area, between two people, they should bring it up... not too long into the gray-zone.

I have had ongoing 'dating' several times lasting 1-2 months with different people(3-4) at different times.

So, you had something on-going, for 1-2 months, with a specific person -- 3 or 4 specific people in which you had something on-going for 1-2 months -- all around the same time? If so, that's the danger zone... you should fish-or-cut-bait to be exclusive. At what point? Mileage may vary from situation to situation, person to person because all things unfold in different ways. But commonly, when it's become a given that you're going to see them again soon, and you're beyond counting "how many dates" you've been on. Otherwise, you're just using them for sex and/or attention and aren't really into them.

there was no sex, frankly I wasn't sexually attracted to none of them, there was never any discussion about exclusivity or anything of that nature.

Why did you waste your time, though? I know it's slightly off-topic, but not so much. It's weird to have something on-going with someone, not just initial ("pre-season") dates, when you're not that into them. I could see someone going out on a 3rd date or even a 4th date if the previous were very short lived... but you're just wasting each others' time.

Ongoing dating doesn't automatically include 'sleeping with them around the corner'.

With a majority of people who aren't avidly traditional/proper, yes it pretty much does. The other person's not going to tell you about it, and it's going to be weird talking about it... and many will not see it as lying, lying about it. Point is, you have to assume if it's already on-going, and they haven't slept with them:
(a) They're lying as much as a dateless 20-something single guy saying he hasn't masturbated in month
(b) They are willing to string someone along who they obviously aren't that interested in for attention, etc.

Evidently my interpretation of dating is different than that of an exclusive relationship.

Well, again... there's datING in reference not to a specific person but to the masses... and there's datING in reference to a specific person or persons in which each has been on-going, respectively. I agree - it doesn't NEED to be exclusive to have it on-going, but shortly after it's demonstrated itself as on-going, one needs to fish or cut bait.

And also, there is a difference between a serious relationship and exclusivity. Exclusivity solely means not pursuing others and putting any other options aside. Usually this is best done when going steady (on-going). Serious/committed relationship is where you're committed to the relationship it's more serious than merely being exclusive.

In fact, if other women didn't also find a guy I was dating to be desirable, and I knew I was the sole prospect he had on the horizon, I would be apt to have less interest in him.

Yes, true... women want a guy who's wanted. It ups his dating-value, and if he explicitly isn't wanted around, it lowers it. I think doing prospecting with multiple men or women is fine during the same time frame.

IMO, when things start to become on-going, it's time to "man to man" coverage, not "zone". It doesn't really matter about the lack of sexual intercourse being had, because the other person's not going to know whether you are or not, or whether it's all oral or lesser, etc. Most people are going to assume that if something's on-going, you probably have interest in that person, and you probably are going past 2nd base if not a homer. One wanting exclusivity doesn't mean seriousness per se -- just that hey, the initial dates went great, a few weeks and a handful of dates went well -- fish or cut bait -- unless you want to still hang out with a not-so-interested party!
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 82
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:32:30 PM
Yada, yada, yada. This is why I date multiple women. God forbid a man says the word exclusive so soon. It just has to be the woman that sets the pace, huh? Chase this:)
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 83
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:48:46 PM
re: CR
Note: the last quote wasn't mine..lol
I was dating one person for 1-2 months, and this occured 3-4 times with different people at different times. I was trying the no sex approach for initial time period, yes i admit it's odd since i wouldn't with them anyways. The men weren't aware, didn't inquire or didn't care as to my 'dating status'. These men were my own age or slightly older and I had noticed an undesirable trend, sadly, since it was my intent to date someone my own age. This was a trial as usually the sex too soon approach wasn't working for me either, and 'sleeping round the corner' occured without any exclusivity talk. I would say this sex relatively soon occurence is expected, but my dating history doesn't conform much to any of the details others post, in essence, it's unusual. Why, I have no idea, but have to accept it as it is. Other than one I had a relationship with a few years ago, there's not been much interest of any man to date or be exclusive with me, not that I ever did bring it up for discussion. This may be attributed to the plethora of men in my area looking only for casual and nothing serious.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 84
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:45:24 PM

Given that I averaged 2 dates/week and once had 4, there was no shortage of women on the horizon.


You multi-dated if you averaged two dates per week with different women---technically, you dated sequentially. You would see a woman once, perhaps twice, and maybe you'd have sex with her that week; then not see her again and have another date with a different woman (or women) later that same week.
 valerie555
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 85
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/1/2012 2:12:49 PM
What I tend to do is go thru periods of time when I have no one. Then I'll have maybe 6 to 10 guys that I'm either texting or emailing, that eventually turns into maybe two or three that I'll talk to on the phone. One usually stands out, more in common, etc. That's the one I'll go on a meet and greet with. It starts to feel insane until you winnow it down. Then if we like each other, we'll just date each other. Makes it easier to make a deeper connection.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 86
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/1/2012 9:24:57 PM
Multi dating means dating several people in parallel, not sequentially.


You can multi-date and still date sequentially---e.g. for week one, you see Person A on Wednesday, Person B on Friday, and Person C on Saturday. For week two, it's the same schedule with the same three persons. For week three, it's the same three persons and same schedule, etc., etc.

Multi-dating to me means dating more than one person per week. If you're dating two or more people per week, even if you only see each person once, you're still dating multiple people.

You're dating one person at a time only if you date just one person per week and date that same person on consecutive weeks.


I've had sex with exactly one person I've met here.


That might be true if you're only talking about the women you've met on POF, but where you met the women wasn't stipulated.

I'm pickier than you seem to think. That should also save you some effort trying to cross reference other posts of mine and asking probing questions to try to guess the answer I just handed you. You would have saved some effort by just asking me directly.


I never said otherwise---and if I wanted to know how many women you've slept with from POF, I would have simply asked you.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 87
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:36:50 AM
1) That's not sequentially. You're dating three people and to claim that otherwise is just stupid.
(2) Since you used the term sequential in the context of the way I said I went on several dates in a week you're also being duplicitous, since what you just described is exactly the kind of thing I deliberately did not do and wouldn't accept another person doing.


It is sequentially---it's an example of "rinse and repeat". I never claimed I wasn't dating three people. In my case, the men knew about each other because I was upfront about multi-dating before meeting them. I told them I was fresh out of my divorce and was seeing a few other men casually, which they accepted. I was not being duplicitous.


Have you been drinking or smoking something all evening? That doesn't even make enough sense to figure out what you're talking about.


I never brought up dating through POF. I didn't meet my dates through POF, nor did I say anything about your meeting yours through POF. Just because you had sex with only one person from here doesn't mean you were not having sex with women you met through other sources, so that says nothing about how many women you've slept with. In fact you've stated many times in the forums that you've paid for sex. Perhaps you don't consider that to be a "date".


No you wouldn't. You attempt to manipulate information out of me to try to ``catch me.'' You wouldn't ask a direct question to save your life, even though it would be a lot easier. That's why you invent inconsistencies that don't exist. Puhleeze... Sorry if the ``one person'' was not the answer you were hoping for, but it is what it is.


I never asked you how many women you've slept with because I assumed you slept with most of them since you claimed in another thread that you kissed your dates and they had sex with you after that. Even if I took sex out of the equation, what you were doing was still multi-dating.
 enyawd44
Joined: 8/11/2012
Msg: 88
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:56:07 AM
My heart would never let me date more than one at a time ,I believe in putting all my focus into one girl , not think about another while out with the potential one.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?