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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth      Home login  
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 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 26
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Getting hit on by a hundred guys a week???

Are we on the same website or am I just abNormally ugly?!?!

You are a very nice looking boy.

If you are having problems getting second dates, it's probably just plain ol you. Not us, not because of our abnormally high standards, but it's most likely because you have some personality defect that is turning women off, you are the common denominator between all these women.

So start looking at yourself, before you start pointing fingers.
 statesshapes
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 27
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 2:18:34 AM
I have the answer right here.

When you go on a date just try to kiss her. If she pulls back, or says "no" in any fashion, you'll know instantly she is not truly interested in you and that there will never be a second date. The answer is all in the kiss.

Kiss you = at least somewhat interested

No kiss = dead end

Yeah, it really is that simple. I'm someone who averages 1 date a year, if it's a good year. I also have no idea how many years ago it's been since I even had a second date with anyone (I think maybe approaching 10 years now). So, that's the extent of my expertise on this topic. Additionally, if you feel any resentment about being used financially or otherwise, then I would say adjust your strategy accordingly. For example, if you believe you're being used for a free meal, you can tell her that you aren't paying her bill or perhaps offer up something where you don't end up at a restaurant.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 28
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 7:45:15 AM
I've never gotten "a hundred replies a week". You can certainly as a female get one from as Craygslist ad, but...we all know what lurks there. (I am female)

I have never gotten a second date. Not in three years from any online dating service. For a number of reasons..I wasnt interested, he wasnt interested, or mutually, there just wasnt anything there.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 29
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 8:04:30 AM

So start looking at yourself, before you start pointing fingers.


The thing that people don't understand here is that finger-pointing is not mutually exclusive with looking at yourself. It's perfectly possible to be doing everything you can to work on yourself and still point the finger. Also, it is possible to criticize without "pointing fingers". I just question the way women are thinking and if it's really in their best interests to think that way. That doesn't presuppose that I think I can change them. And I'm honest about it. I don't know. Maybe I really am not suitable for most of the girls I date. I'm open to that possibility. I just question it.

The problem with looking at yourself is you have no way of knowing what it is about yourself that is so bad and whether or not it's something you can change or whether the only thing you can do is play the numbers game. If there was something obvious that we could fix, we would have done it already. There's nothing obvious. And in fact, I do get second dates sometimes, but it's pretty much never with the ones that I am really interested in. In my case, it may just be that I need to be better at getting FIRST dates (offline!). I wouldn't mind having to play the numbers game if I was good at getting first dates, but it's the combined difficulty of getting the first date, then a second, then a third, and so on, that makes it so tough. And for me, by far the biggest bottleneck is getting the first date, I think.
 Scotti1989
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 30
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 8:37:40 AM

Yes, men have to impress women in the early stages of dating to win them over. Once you get in a LTR it becomes more equal. Even in the wild, it's the male animal who works his tail off (no pun intended) to impress and win the affections of the female. It has nothing to do with women having too high standards. It is a woman's instinct to select a mate who will meet the challenge of impressing her and proving to her that he provide for her what will make her happy and meet her needs (not necessarily financial needs, more her emotional needs) before she accepts him as her mate and agrees to give him what he wants (typically sex). That's the way it's been since the caveman days and probably will be forever. If you don't like it, then I suggest you consider becoming gay or celibate.


Hmm in all the documentaries I've watched, the alpha male comes stomping in pisses his scent everywhere, beats up the others and mates with whoever he pleases... Is this what we should be aiming to do instead?

I don't think I've ever watched a documentary where the males all lined up and paraded themselves about waiting to be 'chosen' or 'selected' by the female.

...just sayin'.
 Scotti1989
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 31
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 8:46:37 AM

Online dating is just a place to make some new connections. The reason why I think it's hard to get a second date is because meeting someone for the first time from POF is like an American Idol audition. You have to wow them right off the bat, and if you don't, you don't get a second audition.


I agree, and IMO the criteria should instead be:

- I liked his profile and who he says he is, then meet
- does his RL persona match his profile?, if yes, then
- is he just telling me what I want to hear?

Only reasons I'd want to meet someone is because I was attracted to their profile representation of them, and the only reason I wouldn't pursue after the date is because they misrepresented their self in the profile.

I'd certainly like to get some feedback if someone thought I was not aligned with my profile.
 Scotti1989
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 32
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 8:48:59 AM

You have never watched the mating displays of birds.


I have watched birds, and yes what you say is true... Such as peacocks and their displays.

As mammals I'd guess our behavior is probably more closely related to that of apes or tigers even. And they aren't very glamourous in their mating and territorial methods.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 33
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:30:29 PM
Amazing how busy and involved birds are in securing mates when men are sitting around playing video games and screwing off with their celphones.

Hahahaha!

ITS A JOKE. DONT FREAK OUT.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 34
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 1:46:08 PM

Yes, men have to impress women in the early stages of dating to win them over. Once you get in a LTR it becomes more equal. Even in the wild, it's the male animal who works his tail off (no pun intended) to impress and win the affections of the female. It has nothing to do with women having too high standards. It is a woman's instinct to select a mate who will meet the challenge of impressing her and proving to her that he provide for her what will make her happy and meet her needs (not necessarily financial needs, more her emotional needs) before she accepts him as her mate and agrees to give him what he wants (typically sex). That's the way it's been since the caveman days and probably will be forever. If you don't like it, then I suggest you consider becoming gay or celibate.

I tend to agree w/ this!
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 35
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 5:56:17 PM
If you are having problems getting second dates, it's probably just plain ol you. Not us, not because of our abnormally high standards, but it's most likely because you have some personality defect that is turning women off, you are the common denominator between all these women.



I don't think your inability to get a second date is necessarily a result of "women's standards on these sites being much too high since they're getting hit on by hundreds of guys each week." Many guys DO score second, third and fourth, etc. dates. Why are you unwilling to believe that these women simply didn't like you?


Some people don't get 2nd dates because they were dishonest about their appearance, made rude comments, were constantly rambling or complaining about something, were overaggressive etc. Other people do get second dates. However they might get 1 second date out of every 5-10 first dates ( even when a first date goes well ) due to a variety of reasons. Such as the ones I had mentioned before. High expectations from other people may not always be reason why a person doesn't get a 2nd date. But it can be a contributing factor.

Notice that I said "people" instead of "men" or "women" because this is NOT a gender specific issue.
 RockinRollMan
Joined: 7/19/2012
Msg: 36
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 6:42:51 PM

happens to women too. I had my fair share of first (and last) dates on this site. Most people are just not interested in putting any real effort into finding someone.


This has been evident to me for a long time. I had someone string me along between messages on here and after I suggested meeting for some drinks, the woman blocked me. Getting first dates is hard enough it seems, and it's unfortunate that us men have to put in all the effort and get no justification from the women who aren't interested in us. A simple no thanks and a reason why we are rejected is all we really want to know. But alas, even that is too much effort for some women.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 37
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 7:05:55 PM

Getting a second date is ridiculously easy if you're a person that wants to be dated by the other person. That's your problem.


Indeed.

OP, for YOU it is hard to get a second date but for these women, it obviously not difficult at all. Perhaps you should examine the common denominator in these dates: you.


Maybe your standards are too low..


Methinks the opposite is more likely the case. I can almost guarantee that if the OP were willing to date girls who are a tad desperate (for whatever reason), he could get second and even third dates. I bet that he dates very attractive women who are approached by many men. He manages to get a first date, but he doesn't impress them because their standards are too high. This is evidenced by the statement:
they're getting hit on by hundreds of guys each week


Try some who are apparently NOT getting that many hits.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 38
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 7:11:04 PM
OP - I just saw ur profile man...

ur young tall and fit...


maybe you are saying the wrong thing when u meet these girls face to face..



maybe trying talking less or not at all

grunt a few times.


just a thought.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 39
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 8:29:32 PM
face fats.. you were not good enough. get over it and deal with it.


Whatever you do; do NOT do ^ that.

Some married and "eyoresque" people spend their free time on here explicitly TRYING to spread ^ "that" sentiment.

It's the nature of the site, regardless of whether you are Erquel.... or Fabio.

grunt a few times. just a thought.


I second that thought.


This has been evident to me for a long time. I had someone string me along between messages on here and after I suggested meeting for some drinks, the woman blocked me


Count your lucky stars you didnt talk for weeks, or months, before that happened; like so many here.

 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 40
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:19:31 PM
Why is a fit looking young man like you even on a dating site? If there is no chemistry that is the way it is and cant be helped. WOmen on here that are hot will be mostly playing around. Women that are anywhere near hot have their pick of men and if they are not feeling you are the right one to continue on with, that is their prerogative. We dont know how you behave when you are with these women either.

If you buy dinner that is your fault. It should be just a drink and dutch for the first meet and if they wont go along with that, you are weeding out the meal whores.
By the way if you have had three dates this week you are doing better than most. Online meets are just a game to a lot of people so lower your expecations.
 TheDeliberateStranger
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 41
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/17/2012 11:54:49 PM
looks like i should be watching the animal channel in the hopes of attracting a female.
 ShineOffGirl
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 9:08:31 AM
In the wise words of my father (may he RIP), who, upon hearing of my first serious heartbreak over a man, said this. "Honey, F 'em" Ok, he wasn't the poster boy for father of the year. But he did have the heart of a lion, and a creative view of life that has helped me land softly, when tossed out of one of life's many windows. After squeezing me till my eyes popped, he said, " All you need in this life are 3 things. Duct tape, WD40, and a hanger tucked under the bumper in case you get locked out, and doesn't hurt to have some old carpet pieces for snow days" You know he was right! We are unique and complex creatures, whether we know it or not. The problem ISN"T with our choices of bate while POF trolling for mates, but, instead, rests on where we choose to drop our poles (no pun intended). On POF, or any other singles sight, you have a better chance of catching a terrorist, than finding someone that is a perfect fit. Since we are all dynamic human beings ( meaning always moving, changing, growing etc.) today's perfect fit, is yesterdays near miss. Changing how we see others, and the whole dating process is key. That means, we should turn our discriminating eye on ourselves with real honesty about what we want, and expect from others. That means, being emotionally honest with each other.

I do think that there are social rules. Those rules should provide for a basic meeting with someone, that shows respect for a total stranger, which leaves out, paying for the other person, hiding in the bushes until you spot them, posting 10 year old photos on your profile, and uninvited groping. I also think that when people post as their primary photo, one that is 10 years ago, it's a strong message that they feel, if you saw the real them, you wouldn't even stop by for a look. sad. Such deceptions, mild as they are, only set the tone for mistrust... ultimately, people will pass. Perhaps we should all establish kind, phrases that allow us to remove ourselves from a meeting without "unnecesary roughtness". Words like " It was nice to meet you, although I don't quite feel the connection I am looking for" Most people in most situations, hate confrontation, so they " yes" the other person, and then use the anonymity card to disappear without closure. I used those exact words once, with a guy that had one of those archive pictures, upping our age spread to around 15 years. On my smoothe exit, after, paying for my own dinner with cash on the table, he walked me outside where I reached out to shake his hand and thank him again, wishing him well in his business venture. He took the hand shake, then dragged me to his body and squeezed one of the " girls". The cool headed Chicago Girl I am, responded. Ok, It was a reaction. Like watching someone else doing it, I shoved him away, drew back my hand from his and returned it with a whalup to his nose, that spurted out blood profusely. Of course I ran into Marie Calendars to get an escort to my car, and a bag of ice for the groper in the parking lot . Perhaps we should add to the list... reasonable distance, and hand waving for our goodbye's. Point is. We all have our " baggage" ( despite the idiocy of so many who claim to not) since we have lives ! ( unless we arrived on the planet in a huge egg shell)

I never feel a need to impress anyone, for I have adopted the wise counsel of a healthy living advocate, advocate who states " be independent of the good opinions of others". I have faults, and wounds, lots of children ( 6) experiences up the wazoo, some good, some bad, some unspeakable, and none of which I would share on a " look" ( that takes 20 minutes at a coffee shop)...

Key here is time, and honest disclosure. I think we should all pay our own way until we decide to date. With no expectations of the outcome, and just let whatever happens float to the top. I've been groped, interviewed, explored from afar ( one guy parked half a block down from my home on the first meet, to get a preview, and left his car door open and running, for a fast getaway), stiffed for an elaborate dinner ( he went to the bathroom after ordering half the menu and was never seen again, which cost me 85.00 dollars) ... and yet here I sit, typing about it. ... thinking -- perhaps I should go and buy some duct tape today.... always room for improvement.

as for the man I hope to meet, he won't fit into the category of being so insecure, that he feels the need to be something he's not. He won't post a photo of himself that's clearly a photo overlay of George Clooney and show up as Fred Flintstone..... (speaking of which, the Stone makes me hot! lol kidding) and why not take it all a whole lot loss seriously. Find something you love to do and go do it. Your someone is likely to be associated with the same. I like the Meet up idea someone mentioned. The sweep in POF is wide, cavernous, humorous or dangerous even. Socio-ecnomicly, ethnically, financially, educationally... the sweep is broad, hence tiny potential to find "that one" that makes your eyes light up, who posses a kiss, which, once ended, causes you to say " what?.. wh where am I ? " .. is slim. so. try not to make it more than it is. It's a gamble. Like a vegas night. roll the dice for fun, not profit!

thought you had....
all the answers
to rest your heart upon.
But something happens,
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself.
Now you're out there swimming...
In the deep.
In the deep.

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles
till you... Let go.
Till you shed your pride, and you climb to heaven,
and you throw yourself off.
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
(bird york)
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 43
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 9:17:47 AM
It should be just a drink and dutch


So.....like...Grolsch?

Aaahhh; that would explain what I've done wrong!!
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 44
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 10:48:41 AM
OP,
In your second post,#3, you said when women lead you on it is a "scumbag" thing to do? Very classy. (That is sarcasm).

Op,
Calling women "a scumbag thing do" you show your class. And also you show why so many guys on here have to deal with ladies stress's. Women don't owe you anything. Ironically the sentence prior your write;

{"At least be a respectful human being and be straight up with how you feel". }


When guys like you don't get what you want and YOU think you deserve it immediately is because all women are ****es and such. Pathetic.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 45
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:02:06 PM

Women don't owe you anything.


I beg to differ. Everyone owes everyone else a little something called R E S P E C T (just a little bit). Would you honestly disagree? Do you really want to be caught saying, "no one owes anyone else any respect?"

Didn't think so.

Actually, he just said it's a scumbag thing to, which is slightly different from calling them scumbags. I wouldn't call them scumbags or say it's a scumbag thing to do, but I would say it falls short of the ideal of what a truly nice person would do. It's kind of like if someone doesn't say please or thank you when they should.
(<---guilty)

But, by the same token, I wouldn't want to make a big deal out of it if they ignore me because that would be contrary to my niceness. It's not a big deal. It's just a courtesy. It's nice.

If you are a truly nice person, you don't just give people what you owe them. If you are a truly nice person, you don't just do the minimum that you can get away with and not be labeled as rude. You try to be as friendly as possible, as welcoming as possible, make people feel as much at ease as you can, etc. So, if some girl ignores me after a date, by no means is she a b****, but she's probably not going to be winning any big awards for niceness, either.
 toneyj21983
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 46
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:27:03 PM
thats true but women are so freakin picky these days, wont even give 2 seconds to a good guy.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 47
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:35:22 PM
^^^^

First I never said "no one owes anyone else respect" My post was just the opposite. My post was to intend that no man should use the term scumbag in the same sentence as any woman. For any reason.
SCUMBAG?? he called these women scumbags, how ever you want to sugar coat it.
SCUMBAG for not giving him a reason why no second date?
SCUMBAG for not giving him a reply? Again pathetic.

I do agree with everything you else in your post. Not to say people don't owe every one respect and genuine kindness.

But, there are so many guys out there that expect and feel entitled to the type of reply that they want.

My point is that I think it is pathetic that every day some guy gets on here is whining about how women don't write them back, they don't like me, they don't do this or that. Geez, grow up. And they are usually in some type of negative post bashing women.

He is 24 years old. Put a shirt on and go outside and say hello to a lady. If she talks to you have something intelligent to say back. Its done.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 48
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 2:25:47 PM

I beg to differ. Everyone owes everyone else a little something called R E S P E C T (just a little bit). Would you honestly disagree? Do you really want to be caught saying, "no one owes anyone else any respect?"


Actually, no one OWES respect to anyone: respect is to be earned. Perhaps you mean that we owe a polite attitude to others, but we don't OWE politeness to anyone, either. Most of us choose to be polite, including me, but it isn't because I owe anyone anything--empathy spurs me to treat others as I want to be treated. Some people lack manners and others are just mean.


I know women have emotions that are driving their decisions, and it's only natural for them to act the way that they do. So, I'm not blaming them.


Who can spell "condescending"?

As for the use of "scumbag moves"--who makes scumbag moves? Why, scumbags, of course. How about a little respect?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 2:51:49 PM

Gwendolyn2010
Actually, no one OWES respect to anyone: respect is to be earned.


+1

I was about to post the exact same words, until I saw that Gwendolyn had beat me to it.
 MsGirlyMuscle
Joined: 7/21/2012
Msg: 50
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/18/2012 2:56:12 PM
Well stop feeding people. Second dates are not hard to get. A first date is. That is why you really should arrange a first MEET. Then see if you want an actual date. I actually do not expect anything at all. People are very dishonest and think a little too highly of themselves in e mails to meet them and have to ask who the hell has been e mailing me for a week.

Now, if you meet someone and there is mutual attraction, which by the way SHOULD be obvious, that is the time to arrange an actual DATE. And still..keep that cool too. There is zero need for any of this * need to impress* nonsense. And no, no one owes anyone anything really. I know I have standards and expectations and I live by them. As anyone else should too. What is wrong with actually having standards???? At least you know someone gives a shit about their lives. Now if you are feeding women once, twice and then they say * bye bye * that is on you ! Both people, male and female should be able to communicate enough to even know if there is some attraction.

Chemistry, can be instant. I know within 30 seconds if I even would want to see a man naked. And I can tell in less than a few minutes if his personality is going to go over well with mine. The rest is a toss up, as it takes time to get to know someone. Where are these 99% of men you say do not want a relationship? One city block? Your friends? I sure know a lot of men who want relationships, maybe they just have not met who they want one with !!!

I know I do not want perfect. But I know I need compatible. Maybe if more people took the time to distinguish what they really prefer, there would not be so many dramatic threads about people feeling used, abused and taken advantage of.

Respect is earned, not owed.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..