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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth      Home login  
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 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 70
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Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
oh come on now, I have had plenty of "first" dates and rarely 2nd or 3rd so on with the men I have met from POF- and they for what ever reason decided not to go beyond the "meet and greet" point and most of them- I wanted to dive a bit deeper to see if there could be more there: but did not get the chance to
so apparently....maybe not much there. I even offer time spent together that does not need to cost a lot,
I am a very easy to please lady...I like to think I have realistic expectations about what I would like to find- and i could easily say men pick on some really strange basis

for me a good relationship is like a good reciepe it should contain many different ingredients to make it work well ....
 DRKKNGHT193
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 71
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/21/2012 7:23:59 PM
Same problems, OP. I will not point fingers since I'm a live and let live kind of guy. I've had some really great 1sts that ended up fizzling out before the 2nd date, no idea why didn't bother asking or pushing so I had to move on.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 72
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/21/2012 9:04:17 PM
Well, I've had lots of first dates and a few second and third dates and then ......NOTHING. The guys were all over me on all dates, but then for reasons that absolutely baffle me are gone, never to be heard from again. No reply to my text messages either. And as far as I can tell, they were pretty much into me during the dates. So it's not just you guys, happens to all of us.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 73
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/22/2012 6:23:39 AM

I've had three dates this week, each of which were good. Not fantastic, but good. Instant chemistry? No.


What you sensed, was exactly what they sensed. But to them, that was not a good enough reason for a second date. Next time, simply learn to read your own instincts better and realize that what you feel went on, more than likely is what they felt went on.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 74
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/22/2012 6:38:06 AM
I have been on both sides of this issue. Sometimes I had a good first date. But lost interest in dating because of other things going on in my life. However I would tell them this instead of suddenly stopping answering the other person's texts / calls.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 75
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/24/2012 8:18:00 PM

All three of them ignored me. Well, two of them felt the need to lead me on first before ignoring me.


Here's a lesson on being social... The ones that are good at it, aren't here. You're looking to find something in a list of people who are doing so bad of a job that they have to rely on a website to help them.

What do you honestly expect the outcome of that to be? Remember, you're dating the reason that they need a site like this. Every one of us has some kind of flaw that was making it too hard and we ended up looking here. And yeah, that means you too, no everyone is going to want a second date with you.

And then there's women that will date literally every guy that messages them, just so they can go do things, someone else's treat.
 patrick28t
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 76
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/24/2012 8:41:24 PM
Yo rockstar, in your pictures, are you in a Pontiac Fiero?
 sexysunfish68
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 77
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/24/2012 9:27:57 PM
Why do you buy dinner and drinks on a first meet? It should be dutch. It has been stressed many many times to suggest a coffee for a first meet. There are those women who are meal whores and expect a stranger to pay out on a first meet. You can suggest a coffee when you make a date and see who turns up. That will weed out the users.

WOmen may get a lot of messages at first but that tapers off and so many of them are losers. So although the choice may be there, who wants them?

Next time change your tactics and you wont feel so resentful over spending money when it goes nowhere. Connection and chemistry is rare and it is worth waiting for. If a girl is not feeling it, why should she bother? Same with a guy.

By the way the fact that you have had three dates this week you may be way ahead of the game but then again attracting the users. Be a bit more discriminating and get to know them a bit first.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 78
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/25/2012 7:41:06 AM
Getting a second date is hard??? Hell merely trying for a meet and greet is tough out here.
 chyna36
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 79
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/25/2012 8:01:11 AM
i totally agree with u! men need to understand women have to really be carefule when dating to make sure he is the right one for her!
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 80
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/27/2012 11:42:53 AM

Yo rockstar, in your pictures, are you in a Pontiac Fiero?


86 SE
 mrcrowleywhat
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 81
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/28/2012 8:13:10 PM
Pretty boy like me, cant even get a response.

I have died laughing, for the women I actually sent message to, and they turn me down based on an earing im wearing, or having a motorcycle, or not being "christain" in my profile.

I am christain, I didnt feel the need to put at in my profile though, again, women might get turned off and think im a religious goon.
 dana23451
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 82
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/30/2012 11:44:12 AM
lol that is so true, im girl, and that happened to me
 FrankAdam2
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 83
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Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/12/2015 7:29:03 AM
Hey brother...I actually had a date recently where we had flowing conversation, jokes and a kiss under the moonlight (that she instigated) and I got the brush off for a second date. She went as far as to blame it on being drunk. I think online dating is really awful now...in 2015. Two years later. The 'everything perfect' thing is killing romance and making for a lot of uncomfortable relationships.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 84
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/12/2015 8:43:17 AM
I had mostly weird/bad/uncomfortable/depressing first dates and didn't want second dates with anyone, the behavior of these people were appalling...or their circumstances..no cars, in debt, unemployed, STD's, drug or alcohol addictions, rude, temperamental, abrupt, annoyed when they found out they weren't going to get laid immediately (regardless that this issue had already been discussed beforehand, didnt matter)...online dating sucks unless you're looking for a hook up and herpes.

It's funny too, the "everything has to be perfect" mentality is actually doing NOTHING to improve anyone's chance of success, because there are so many bottom feeders using online dating, men and women alike. Social retards, basement dwellers, meal whores, diseases, selfishness, it's a concentration of the worst of the worst.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 85
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/12/2015 2:47:53 PM
If your intend on the first date is to get a second date, you're going to have a lot of aggravation, and everything will seem like a failure. Instead you should judge the success of that first date on a different set of parameters such as.

Did you get to have a good time? Success.
Did you get to know a new person, that even though may be weird, too normal, too, neurotic, too whatever, it gave you the opportunity to learn something new? Success.
Did you realize that there will not be a way in hell that you would date that person again? Success.
Did you realize that even though you liked her and she sort of like you, by the time you would have a 10th date, she would probably want to kill you and you her? Success.
Did you get to practice the secret technique in which you can make a woman to kiss you at a particular moment and make her feel as if she is trying to seduce you? Success.
Did she tell you after a couple of drinks that decided to go Dutch that she is still married and her Not X but current husband keeps texting her asking where in the hell is she? Success.

Again, the first date is a success if you get a chance to experience how weird life can be. Clicking and realizing that you may be a good match is not something that you can control, so if it happens, that is the bonus.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 86
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/12/2015 3:15:32 PM
Gorilla... based on your criteria, every single one of my dates, meets, phone calls and emails have been a success.

Pity my experience is closer to that of Volcano.


A dating coach on a different paid site, that advertises itself as a place to find 'Real Love' and that 'On line daters are playing for keeps' had a blog recently..


Online dating is not about looking for 'The One'.
You're much more likely to find a good friend who's happy to snuggle up and watch the latest episode of MasterChef with you, or go for the occasional bushwalk. If you're lucky you'll enjoy the thrill of a new romance, even if after a while you both realise it wasn't to be.

It's all about expectations. The online dating game needs a relaxed attitude, setting yourself up to enjoy the good times, the intrigue of meeting new people, delighting in the possibilities. Too much wishing and hoping just isn't the way to go.


^^^^ And she is a single, mature woman.



 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 87
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/12/2015 5:02:45 PM
Getting quality first meets is not that difficult in Tampa at least partially [I believe] because I refuse to waste time pushing buttons "getting to know the other person" once contact is made. I can't speak for other cities of course.

The hard part is WANTING a second meet/actual date.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 88
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Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/12/2015 6:43:01 PM
my last first date....

he was indecisive about what we should do.. so i suggested a movie...

He showed up late.. and all stressed out.. I had already purchased the tickets...

two hours went by.. he never tried to hold my hand.. nothing

THEN.. after the movie.. I said.. we should go have an ice tea.. and chit chat.. he said ok

I was not hungry.. i had eaten a butt ton of popcorn already.. he said we need at least an appetizer.. I said.. YOU PICK

He could not pick... so he got this HUGE plate of all appetizers.. once again. I am not hungry.. eh?

he yapped.. i yapped.. but we never really got to know each other.. and my tummy was hurting .. BAD

at the end of the night.. if I could have tapped my heels 3 times and went home... I woulda.. i coulda.. omg.. why wasnt I home?

He messaged me on here afterwards.. and asked if I even liked him?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 89
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Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/13/2015 2:44:58 AM
There are those that have had plenty of first meets and I mean in the hundreds and nothing further eventuated. The attraction was not there on one or both sides. Some people will go with the 2nd meet or the first date and then nothing after that........ Once you get beyond three or four dates then sex comes into the equation and then one or the other sometimes disappears. Just part of the dating game, whether it be from real life meets or online.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 90
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Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/13/2015 2:49:17 AM
He showed up late, so that was a bad start to the night. I would not want a guy holding my hand in a movie on a first meet. In fact I would not arrange to go to a movie at all for a first meet. You talked and yet did not get to know each other??? Was it all about current events or trivia????

If you were feeling ill then of course you would have wanted to go home. Why didn't you excuse yourself???? The guy would have gotten a negative impression if you were not well and didn't tell him.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 91
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/13/2015 9:20:33 AM
On POF, it can be tough getting a first date / meeting. I had more success on other OLD sites in terms of getting first dates / meetings. But many times, there won't be a second date because there isn't enough mutual attraction / interest / connection on a first date.

Even when a first date goes well, it is still possible there won't be a second date due to various possible reasons that have been mentioned on this thread. Some women have contacted me after a date saying "I had a great time", "we should go out again", "you are a sweetheart" etc. Yet when I tried to set up another date with them, they never responded or they cancelled at the last minute.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 92
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/13/2015 11:34:03 AM

he yapped.. i yapped.. but we never really got to know each other.. and my tummy was hurting .. BAD

at the end of the night.. if I could have tapped my heels 3 times and went home... I woulda.. i coulda.. omg.. why wasnt I home?


And you got lucky. How is that possible? You were able to tell right away that was not the guy for you. You were able to now tell the difference between an indecisive man and one that is not. You learn that for future men, throw them a little test as to see their resolve during email stage, so you don't have to waste your time again.
 yougotmeakitten
Joined: 8/30/2014
Msg: 93
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/13/2015 3:13:23 PM
Debisue, your experience was about as wonderful as one of mine. Met this guy (read jerk) at a local place and sat at the bar. We were supposed to meet for a quick margarita. He wanted to order an appetizer and I told him anything was good as long as it didn't have peppers, I am very allergic.

The waitress came over and asked for our order and he ordered this huge sampler tray. Nice gesture, but everything had peppers. I very pointedly asked the waitress if there were any substitutions that didn't have peppers as I was very allergic. He promptly decided that the tray was fine as it was advertised. The waitress gave me this weird look , I just shrugged my shoulders, rolled my eyes) and she took the order and came back with our margarita's and started talking to me about food. Then the manager came out and was talking again about food. Our waitress came back with our order of appetizers and then the manager came by with a "special" plate and asked me what I thought of it as a new appetizer? My idiot of a date still never clued in and after inhaling his peppers on a tray swiped some of my "special" appetizers.

I slipped the waitress a nice tip on top of what he gave her when we left and went home fuming. I thanked him via text for the margarita's and when he asked if I would see him again, I straight out told him he was arrogant and rude. So no.

He just couldn't understand???

BTW, the appetizer they brought me was a shrimp bruschetta (sp) kind of dish and it was really good.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 94
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 10/14/2015 6:59:53 AM
I disagree.

If my memory serves me correctly, ( I am a blonde, LOL) for all my first meet dates, (approx 150) the men looked like their pictures.
Their voice sounded the same as it did over the phone,
only a few showed up late,
only one ditched me during the date because I turned down his offer to go home with him,
and I can remember only one occasion where I offered to pay for anything. I paid for my own drink.
Only one confessed his pending divorce was not finalized.

Approx half of my first dates, requested a 2nd date. I accepted half of those. LOL ( the other half hinted they wanted a FWB. Nope!)
Of those I declined, I did so politely, then and there.
A few of the men who asked for a 2nd date, and we agreed to place, day, and time, THEY were the ones to poof/vanish.

And that's life!
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