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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?      Home login  
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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 76
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Part of what we miss online is the subtle, nonverbal signs of interest - eye contact and such - that can be observed and acted upon in a real-life setting. Online - That whole, major, part of the communication model is simply NOT there.

Showing interest online, for lack of a better term, means going on OFFENSE and deliberately planning an 'act of interest' - whether it be an initial message - or a reply to another. Trying to stay subtle is a joke. It's as effective as shrugging or nodding an answer - on a radio show.

Another part of the online communication model that fails -- Is how messages get extremely overblown by the lack of context in online communications, and texting in general. Jokes come out sounding obscene or angry instead of witty or humorous - an opinion stated in a message or a profile gets assumed to be their lifetime goal instead of just an idea.

I don't think women need to shoulder the WHOLE burden of pursuit -- just because they start the first sign of interest - in fact, I don't want them to - but sadly I think I'm in the minority, because the Web seems to be polluted with too many lazy people that don't want to try, don't want to accept responsibility, and in general just want love to find them without taking any risk themselves whatsoever - Male AND Female. Reacting to others is 'safe' and holds no responsibility, apparently.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 77
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/25/2014 10:26:19 AM
I have ignored literally millions of women, it never worked for me. :):)

I do think when a man acts like an eager lap dog with a woman, it's a turnoff for most women. But I don't think this is the same as going out of your way to ignore them.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 78
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/25/2014 12:07:48 PM
If your goal is to land hook ups then ignoring and depriving beautiful women attention works to an extent. If your goal is to have a relationship that adds value to your life then nothing beats being direct.

Some will say being an alpha male is not showing much interest in one particular woman while I would argue an alpha male isn't afraid of being direct, sincere and confident in what he wants. Women place high value on men that take initiative a lot.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 79
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/25/2014 3:32:31 PM

TrustinKarma
Never going to happen. Just like there are no prostitutes catering to women or brothels for women and no strip clubs for women. We women don't have to chase men, we sure as heck don't pay to see a naked man - it's ALWAYS been the other way around. Biology.

Wait a minute, hold the presses – what did she just say? Was that sarcasm or ???

There are definitely prostitutes catering to women, that’s called “gigolo”. And there most definitely are strip clubs for women. A quick google search for “strip clubs for women” gives me this hit:



Find 36 listings related to Strip Club For Women in Houston on YP.com. See reviews, photos, directions, phone numbers and more for the ...


“we sure as heck don’t pay to see a naked man” – must be sarcasm. Must be.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 80
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/25/2014 4:27:12 PM
"Never going to happen. Just like there are no prostitutes catering to women or brothels for women and no strip clubs for women. We women don't have to chase men, we sure as heck don't pay to see a naked man - it's ALWAYS been the other way around. Biology."

What FoodNMusicGuy said -- all women who complain about the inappropriate emails they get on POF should be gung-ho about a website in which women are the only ones that can make first contact. Also, I think the prostitution/strip clubs-“the chase” comparison is apples and oranges, but I’m not going to get into that right now.

I think a conventionally-oriented such dating website would fail, not because women won’t make first contact, but because many men would lose interest due to how little activity they would be getting. And the revenue model would be problematic, because a free, ad/page-views-driven site with the same size user base as POF would probably have less than 10% of POF’s page views, since the vast majority of POF’s page views come from men who have come to realize POF is a numbers game and are carpet-bombing (hah-hah, ladyc4!) the site with first contact emails, hoping they’ll hit the lottery. And if this theoretical site was a paid dating site, men would eventually decide it wasn’t worth paying to get so little interest and to have absolutely no control over the situation. Even if women got free memberships to inflate their numbers (since women are apt not to pay to get dates), they might lose interest because so few men are on the site after most men figured out how little activity they were getting. So the revenue model is definitely flawed.

HOWEVER, if revenue is not really your concern, apparently this system CAN work out EXTREMELY well. Because, arguably, extremely popular Tinder and Hot Or Not work in a “women do the chasing” fashion. Why? Because no communication can happen or even interest can be made known with those apps unless the woman agrees to it in advance. Which is VERY different from POF, Match, OKC and pretty much the vast majority of other dating sites, where anyone can initiate any kind of conversation they want with almost anyone they want (except if the site has some mail settings, but that only stops people with certain attributes) – and it’s almost always the man who is initiating for the reasons already discussed here and many other threads, and it’s usually the women who end communication, either by not responding or outright blocking. In a way, Tinder and HON are built with pre-emptive blocks on everyone, and you have to "unblock" the people that interest you.

Of course, on Tinder and HON, the men also have to agree to the communication in advance, but most men just click “Yes” to the vast majority of pretty faces that appear on their screen, so the reality is that women are entirely controlling the mating dance on those apps. It seems likely, in fact, that they are the ones experiencing the type of emotional letdown (at a MUCH lower level) that men are on this site, because they’re the ones most emotionally invested in the “Yeses” since they so rarely click “Yes” that they probably remember who they clicked “Yes” to and are disappointed when most of those guys never return their “Yes,” whereas most men click “Yes” so much and so quickly that they have no emotional investment whatsoever in those “Yeses” and can’t remember hardly any of the women they clicked “Yes” to. I remember most of the women I have contacted on POF quite well (within recent months, that is), even though there are hundreds of them, but that’s because of the level of effort and relative emotional investment involved in contacting a woman on POF: I have to read her profile, decide if I like her enough or if she’s likely enough to respond for me to spend any more time dealing with her, then come up with something awesome to say to her, then write that bit of awesomeness down without screwing it up – some 5-10 minutes I spend on each profile I write. Compare that to: “Attractive woman? Yes.” Followed by 90 more attractive women (and 10 unattractive ones) in the next 4 minutes. Number 1 may have been AWESOME, but she is quickly forgotten. Unless she clicks “Yes” back. (It’s important to note that unlike POF's Meet Me, this is a double-blind system: if someone clicks “Yes” to you, you don’t find that out unless you also click “Yes” to them later. And vice versa, so the sting of “rejection” is substantially less for this reason, too – I almost never check my sent messages on POF, but how often do I log in and see a woman that I sent a message to has subsequently looked at my profile, and not replied? On Tinder/HON, no such letdown occurs. You don’t even know if those services bothered to show a particular “Yes” person your profile.)

Of course, many women are leery of Tinder and HON as “hook-up” sites, but I believe if the profiles and search processes were set up more like a conventional dating website, with much more information and filters on them, but then kept the whole concept of “two people cannot communicate unless both show interest and agree to communicate,” then such a website would have much less of a “hook-up” stigma attached to it. However, I’ve suggested this before, and quite a few women in the forums claimed that despite complaining about all the inappropriate and worthless emails they get, they still preferred the current set-up of anyone being able to email anybody... because apparently, they want men to have to work hard for their interest, meaning, the first contact and show of interest they want from men is a unique, tailored, creative, effort-filled email that blows their socks off. Although, that’s still what you would get in the system I propose, and on Tinder and HON – the difference is, the man already knows before he spends time composing the first message that you find him physically attractive because you clicked “Yes” on him.

But apparently that’s just too easy on men. As if this is some sort of game instead of a legitimate quest by all parties to find someone compatible to date. I think, more than anything else, some women didn’t like the idea that they wouldn’t be getting their egos stroked every time they logged in and saw “200 new messages!” Plus there are some women that probably really don’t want to be the first to show interest (though to be fair with Tinder or HON, no one knows who is the first to show interest – you just mysteriously discover you have a match) and deal with rejection like men have to. But all that said, I'm not sure forum regulars are exactly representative of most people -- which is probably why Tinder is succeeding and HON once did and might again, even though most forum regulars think that they are stupid concepts.

Ohenry: Plus there's the $170M "Magic Mike" made at the box office (my female friends had "viewing parties" on opening night) and God knows how much at home where it could be watched in privacy.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 81
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/25/2014 6:52:29 PM

You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?


They all say the same thing, telling me, "Just ignore her" or "Act like she doesnt exist" etc etc.


Well, I have my part (the ignoring) practiced to perfection. Unfortunately, the women I ignore fail to understand their part.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 82
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/26/2014 8:15:30 AM
Hey Hawking, there are sites where women approach men.

MissTravel dot com and Whatsyourprice dot com.

Vacations and Dating experiences are offered by the men.

There's an option for the women to also offer a vacation experience to the men, but sadly, those few profiles don't have a picture:(

Women do approach me online, but they'll never invite me out, because the inviter pays for the date.

Is it true that the best place to meet a chic is at a male strip club after the show is over???
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 83
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/26/2014 7:37:47 PM
Ignoring me to get my attention only works if I had it at one point and liked it. If I never had a guy's attention in the first place and/or didn't like it, I won't miss that guy. At all. It really only works (for a while) if I already like the guy and have met him a few times before. If it's online only, I couldn't care less, because nothing is real until we meet and click anyways.

I have noticed though that a lot of guys that I have consistently ignored keep contacting me again and again, for months at a time. They have never met me IRL, and I never responded to them, yet they keep writing me even though I've been 100% ignoring them. Maybe I should flood them with messages to make them go away? Meh, I just start blocking them.

Bottom line: if I'm absolutely not interested in someone, they can ignore me for all eternity, and I would never notice nor care.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 84
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/27/2014 6:27:55 AM

But wouldn't women prefer a site where men couldn't contact them since the result would be :

1 Never getting msgs from men they weren't interested in
2 Never receiving pervy msgs
3 Only contacting men THEY are interested in


You can do that here. Set the age restrictions from 99 to 99. That would virtually eliminate all men. Or you can hide your profile if you are a paid member.


Or in other words, lead an independent, self sufficient life where you don't come off as clingy or trying too hard to impress a woman.

Women respect men that give them distance to lead their independent lives. A lot of women these days have careers, and many hobbies, so suffocating a woman with attention never works.


There is a difference between giving a woman some space and playing some type of mind games. I wouldn't intentionally take longer to answer some texts or phone calls trying to get a woman more interested in me.
 ramon2005
Joined: 3/16/2014
Msg: 85
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/27/2014 8:22:43 PM
Yes I have done it and it really works. Its not ignoring them completely is all about not acting desperate. I take my time to answer their messages, even don't talk to them for a couple of days and they are the ones initiating contact all the time. Someone told me once that women this days don't want to be treated nicely and in my experience that's true. So let the ignoring game continue.
 Goldfishxyz
Joined: 6/7/2014
Msg: 86
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/29/2014 3:21:03 PM
In my experience ignoring a girl does not work. If you don't take interest in a girl another guy will. You can't eliminate the competition.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 87
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/29/2014 3:30:54 PM

In my experience ignoring a girl does not work. If you don't take interest in a girl another guy will. You can't eliminate the competition.


Bingo. You snooze you lose.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 88
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/30/2014 9:41:00 AM
What your friends are talking about is playing hard to get. It doubles attraction.

More accurately, it's about not being an easy guy, one who acts like he just got off a deserted island and has not seen a woman in ten years. This means you:

- Don't give flowers or too many compliments on the first date - wait until she is in love with you in two months, when it's special

- Don't blow up her phone

- wait 5 days to call for a date

- don't touch her until she touches you then respond slowly, or until after the first kiss. Don't be the octopus man!

- don't call and text right after the date and get all gushy

- in bars and clubs, don't focus on the hottie... try to see which women take an interest in you first.

However, when you are talking to her, you give her your undecided attention and act like she's the only one in the room.... act like you are really interested in what she is saying. Women get emotional satisfaction through conversation.

It's about not getting overly enamored with her beauty and acting goofy, which could appear weird, and turn her off... you want to mirror her interest in you.... but in the beginning, you may not have enough feedback to know the state of her feelings... so, you go slow to be on the safe side. Women fall slower (usually)... make sure she gets goofy before you do, and you can do no wrong, lol... her love level is the important one... because nothing will happen until she feels it for you first. Women in love do it better.
 droopsie78
Joined: 3/12/2014
Msg: 89
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/4/2014 12:31:25 PM
it's stupid games people play.

nobody can ever just be honest with each other and be true. instead they have to play mind games and be ridiculous.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 90
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/8/2014 11:13:16 AM

Of course virtually any woman that reads that is going to disagree with it, possibly even get angry. Men's dating advice really shouldn't be talked about with women.

Most immature, insecure women most certainly will not recognize themselves as such. No offense, but you and others could actually be one of them.


I hate to say this, but I agree with the above statement. I've seen it many times, from our mother, from other women, and their advice sucks. Why? Because they are telling you an ideal that does not exist but they desire, yet they rarely respond to it.
One example. When I first came to this country from South America, I was the total latin lover, polite, a gentleman, and all that. It was at first frustrating because when you tried to pursue, go after, show interest, tell her nice things, she ignore the fvck out of you. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a nice guy. I really, really like you..." And you could almost hear the "But..." that she was about to say. Then after one chic broke my heard and I didn't give a sh it, treated women on my own terms, stopped giving compliments, paying for things, buying drinks and yes, kind of ignoring them, they began to respond. This is not logical, it just is. Men can tell other men about this, because it simply works. It's not an issue of being nice, good, or polite, but simply of results, fvcking more women. Yes, like it or not. And the guy who is successful and has a bigger pool, eventually will find the one he wants, not just because it's all that came his way, or because this is the first time they did a 10, but simply with more experience the one you're with is the one you want.

Not too long ago I was telling my gf about some techniques. She was in shock and asked me if I had applied those techniques on her. I told her exactly what had transpired and what resulted from it. She couldn't believe it, but understood it.
 gingham1
Joined: 7/4/2014
Msg: 91
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/8/2014 8:05:01 PM

wait 5 days to call for a date


If you do that, you might miss your chance. She may end up going out with another man that asked her sooner.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 92
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/9/2014 9:40:35 AM
^^^^^^^
She can call him too, sheesh...
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 93
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/13/2014 8:41:06 AM
^^^^^^^^^
Yep. How you handle the friend request is very telling. Firmly and politely rejecting that stance often gets you a text a few days later.

Hearing nice during a date is dicey...often code for boring.

Agreed too that for the most part, they handle rejection worse then a guy (minus the male virgins killing people).

I wouldn't say women are all cold, but I do think what men might perceive as 'hoop jumping' is really about her finding a confident partner.

The whole ex getting back to you stuff isn't gender specific either. There's several threads by women mentioning the ex bf that realized he had a good thing.

In the end, maintaining your relationships (i.e. not settling) is a better strategy then pressing the reset button. Caring and sharing, not giving and taking:)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/14/2014 9:39:11 AM
My assumption that men way way over think this crap seems silly until I see posts like this.

oh and also, don't take love advice from a woman, they will teach you how to be the perfect friend.

"You seem like a really nice guy."
"I'm not so sure that's a good thing..."
"How is that not a good thing?"
"You'll see."
*rejected a few days later*

Now, if you want to feel weak and absolutely powerless on the battlefield of love, than by all means accept her invitation of "I like you as a friend."

What this means is a lot more than what they are saying, a general translation:
"I like you as an option... you're a great self esteem booster and occasional free meals when the rent is due and I'm running a little tight, I wont risk exhausting such an asset as long as there are other potential suitors to go after who will not give themselves to me in this way without dating them, and since I am female there will always be potential suitors. Even if they seem nowhere near as qualified as you, you never know until you try, and I will always rather take a chance trying with them than a risk trying with you."

Too much going on here. Keep life simple. If she offers friendship she has no attraction. This doesn't mean she's looking to ruin your life. Don't be so dramatic. At that point it is up to you to choose. If you get along with her, and can switch gears and continue a friendship, do so. If you can't decline the friendship and explain that your interest will supercede a platonic friendship and therefore it won't be an honest friendship.

The wiser choice would be to not accept, let her know that the friends you surround yourself with lift you up, rather than serve as bitter reminders of rejection and disappointment. Then just leave, alone. Hopefully you both took a car and met, but with the longest relationship I have been in, longer even than the relationship with my wife, I just let her *** walk.

This is a very dramatic sore loser-ish response from someone who can't objectively take what they are hearing. If that's how you want to handle it - don't go there in the first place so you don't have to hear it or leave alone...or never get in a car with someone else.

A few days later she calls me, a few months and she confides in me that she did in fact want that nice guy in her life, and that by cutting her off I took the risk out of the prospect of a relationship. Basically, my translation was spot on.

One or two women who do this don't determine all women will do this.

Women are pretty cold... calculating... but by choosing among amongst others to make their life easier, a lot of them remove their own capacity to deal, so by making a choice they don't want you take that power from them. They go from having a safety net to having to tread carefully around that battlefield. This is the secret of ignoring them, it's about power, taking it from them, they don't like that and will chase it.

Sounds like you should quit women and take up something else like archery.

If they haven't put themselves in a position to use you, or have plenty of resources at their disposal, than it is meaningless to ignore them, they didn't need your attention anyway. But always remember, by flirting with you, by chatting with you, by being friends with you, they are investing some of their power into you, and if you walk away with it, 90% will chase it.

You don't date any women with this mindset being what it is, do you? That would be a contradiction and an opportunity to sleep with the enemy.

Yep. How you handle the friend request is very telling. Firmly and politely rejecting that stance often gets you a text a few days later.

Hearing nice during a date is dicey...often code for boring.

Interesting observation - what's it based on. Are you boring?

Agreed too that for the most part, they handle rejection worse then a guy (minus the male virgins killing people).

They may not be as used to it, but they get over it. This quote reeks of drama.

Yeah, I wasn't so sure about cold, or calculating, that's what all the dots are for. I guess it would be best way to describe it would be that women are very logical, professional, and business like... Still not sure if that's it, but you get it I think.

I hope that's not sarcasm. If they are, this is a bad thing how? Women who aren't attracted to you won't be romantic about dealing with you. How else can they be?
 prepgal
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 95
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/19/2014 2:26:18 PM

If you do that, you might miss your chance. She may end up going out with another man that asked her sooner.



She can call him too, sheesh...


I believe the point in the first quote was this. She lost interest in the first man because she had a great date with a second man that was more assertive. Thus there was no need for her to contact the first man.
 Kittyxoxoxo
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 96
view profile
History
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/20/2014 1:25:15 PM
Just don't do it. It would be a big fail on the man's part because i'd just ignore him right back. I've had this happen to me a few times. They thought they were being suave and smart, but when they realized i wasn't falling for their playground/mind games, they immediately tried to get my attention back. It was pathetic.
 LanaTownsend
Joined: 5/27/2014
Msg: 97
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/20/2014 1:51:39 PM
This thread and the above ^ post reminds me of a quote I saw:

"Sometimes, the best way to get a person's attention is to stop giving them yours."
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 98
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/21/2014 8:55:05 AM
Ignoring works well...when you already HAD her attention. No one notices an "ugly" person is ignoring them, b/c they aren't noticing the person.

If she's interested, and you aren't chasing...it leaves her room to chase you. If she's interested, but you're running hard core press...she's too busy fending off your attempts to launch her own.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 99
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/21/2014 1:17:21 PM

Ignoring works well...when you already HAD her attention. No one notices an "ugly" person is ignoring them, b/c they aren't noticing the person.


There's actually a formula that works quite well. It's called two steps forward, one step backwards. This is how it works. The guy takes two steps towards the woman. That means he makes eye contact or initiates a touch. Then he pulls back and minds his own business. If she does not respond, you may wait some time and try again. If again she does not respond, you lean back and you act almost as if you are rejecting her. Most women, out of instinct because they are now asking, "what is wrong with me," start approaching. Of course if you happen to just be a an annoying pig, she is just happen to have gotten rid of you. But you have a much better chance of success doing this than if you are all over the girl, or giving her all your attention.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 100
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 7/21/2014 4:26:23 PM
"There's actually a formula that works quite well. It's called two steps forward, one step backwards."


Unless the woman knows what is going on! Sometimes this occurs quite naturally and can be effective but when l recognize it and it feels manipulative......well......I just decide to have a little fun! Lol
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