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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 21
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Mr Trouble,sir-I LIKE the way you think!

OP

also living with someone.

WTF??!! That wasn't his ex-he was her booty call and apparently his services weren't up to her standards.


He's often told me about the sexual stuff they did together,

YUCK!! I am officially creeped out.
OP-go back and read your initial post...you are left reeling, he contradicts himself and confuses you, little sister, this is SO NOT what relationships are about.

Ya wanna talk "relationships" and "confused"? Look at your bf-he thinks his stint as a boy-toy for an older woman who already has a partner was a RELATIONSHIP? HE refers to a woman who was-at best-a FwB(and I don't like to see people who are in committed relationships call their side pieces "fwb")-as his EX?
Yeah yeah I know technically "relationship" is any kind of interaction between living beings, you have a relationship with your friends, your boss, your mom, your cat...
But in the context of sociosexual interactions,"relationship" usually means a somewhat stable pair bond between 2 people-not one person in some sort of committment or formalized pair-bond, having a little somethin'somethin' on the side and the "somethin' somethin' " person thinks he or she is in a "relationship"-nope. Not EVEN.

Several other posters have touched on things that could be going on with this guy, manipulation,etc. I say don't worry about it-the next time he starts in with talking about his "ex" PIN HIS EARS BACK with the news flash that she's NOT his ex, it WASN'T a relationship, he was just the womans' booty call, she got tired of him, end of story!

If he wants to continue in a relationship with you, he needs to evict his prior f*ckbuddy from his mind and not be talking about her all the time.

Personally-IMO- I think this dude sounds like he is not one BIT over his former involvement-and you would be best served(again,IMO) to cut him loose. But if you want to give it a shot after telling him to stfu about his old "booty call", I suppose that would be OK.
Whatever you decide, best of luck.
Cindy O
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 24
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 3:31:26 AM
Here's a thought for you OP...

Do a Google search for psychologists in your area and get a number. Next time your boyfriend starts going on about his ex, tell him "Look, I care about you and I can see that you really need to work through this stuff...so here's a number for someone you can talk with about it. Bring her up with me again and I'm going to kick you in the balls".

That oughta fix it.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 28
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 8:04:05 AM

...up to 50 texts a day...


WTF did you just say?


...up to 50 texts a day...


You have got to be kidding.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 29
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 8:17:46 AM
There is one another thing that I should perhaps mention. I'm a virgin, he knows it & he doesn't want to rush into anything because he knows how much sex can ruin a relationship.

i bet she is not virgin, and apparently sex didnt ruin their relationship because they are still at it.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 30
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 8:23:32 AM
You have been with your b/f for just over 6 months! That's about 185 day's of hearing about his ex.
Rule number one on your first date.....NEVER talk about your ex! He did and he failed but you still chose to stick with him. You have cemented your own future...You should have nipped it in the butt from day 1!
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 31
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 10:44:44 AM
OP, since you are a virgin I will assume that you have little experience with relationships. I have two hard won realizations that I will share with you to give you a head start.

1) If you want to have a successful relationship you need to learn to be honest about your wants and needs. When you tell your bf that his comments go "in one ear and out the other" you are lying to him and thus setting the relationship back. When you do this you aren't even giving him the opportunity to meet your needs. If you want to be closer to your partner and see growth in your relationship you have to face the potential confrontations that may come from your honesty. I know confrontations are scarey but sometime they are necessary for things to change.

2) If a relationship is not meeting your needs, and change is not possible, it is probablly time to end it. Not all relationships are meant to last. Learn what you can from them and leave what you don't need.
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 32
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 10:47:55 AM
You're most likely a rebound date and he still is not over his ex.....

Depending on the depth and length of the relationship it might someone a really long time to get over someone....

I would be especially leery if you are the first girl that he has dated more than twice since his breakup..
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 33
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 11:03:51 AM

1) If you want to have a successful relationship you need to learn to be honest about your wants and needs. When you tell your bf that his comments go "in one ear and out the other" you are lying to him and thus setting the relationship back. When you do this you aren't even giving him the opportunity to meet your needs. If you want to be closer to your partner and see growth in your relationship you have to face the potential confrontations that may come from your honesty. I know confrontations are scarey but sometime they are necessary for things to change.


This is just all kinds of awesome!

I just checked your profile OP and I have to say, it made me really sad. I'm guessing there is a lot of cultural/religious baggage attached to this story and I hope you are happy and doing well otherwise. A virgin at 39 is pretty astonishing to me, I find that almost impossible to relate to. If you and your boyfriend have been together with no sex for over six months, it sort of casts his strange obsession with his ex in a whole new light.

I don't know how to finish this. You seem really sweet and I wish you all the best.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 34
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 11:40:55 AM
This BS killed a relationshp for me years ago. It is SO disrespectful to you, to have to listen to this. When it happened to me, it made me feel that he was still in love with her, so why bother to be with me? I could never be as special, as beautiful, as unique, as she lived on a horse farm. I heard about her everyday for 2 years until I left.
This guy still has feelings for his ex. He wants to send her a text for her Bday b/c he is hoping she'll respond back to him.
He isn't ready for a relationship w/you, it it so unfair to you to have to endure this.
He will probably do the same thing with any new relationship he gets into, don't be surprised if in the future, you get a Bday text msg from him.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 35
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 12:00:47 PM

start carrying a boombox

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Get a copy of 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover and blast it..Say buh bye.
Period.


Hes hung up on HER.

I don't think you think anymore of yourself than he does.
Who puts up with that?

Wake up.
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 37
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 2:51:23 PM
You will never be half the man his EX was give it up and then meet a new GUY and tell him about YOUR ex alwatys talking about his. . This works all the time for an amazing relationship
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 38
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/11/2012 4:38:54 PM

I'm 29, not 39


My bad.
For a moment, I was convinced I had lost my mind but then I figured it out. A lack of quotation marks in one post totally threw me off. I was looking at the wrong profile.

Sorry for the confusion.

As you were.
 momoftwofirst
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 43
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/13/2012 11:52:50 AM
run, run, RUN, RUN....but if you won't get away from this guy who's messing with your head at least be truthful on how his talking makes you feel. If he doesn't stop after that run, run, RUN, RUN....
See he should have the common sense to shut up, however, you are giving him signals that it's ok.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 44
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/13/2012 12:21:30 PM
This is another case of one partner being annoyed by the other partner's behavior but doesn't directly confront him about it - which naturally allows the behavior to continue. And then everyone chimes in with the obvious solution - open your mouth and make words come out. Don't be subtle. Don't expect him to take a hint. Give him the verbal equivalent of a wrecking ball in the head that lets him know that if he won't shut up about the ex, you will dump him for it.

...or you could walk around with 50 Shades of Grey in your purse and read it every time he mentions her, and make comments about how he doesn't measure up to the men in there. Communication is a better answer, but this one might be more entertaining.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 46
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/13/2012 12:29:07 PM
I may be odd,, forget that I am,, My girlfriend and I talk about everything and anything,, we talk about her ex,,, why, because he was part of her life at one time and still is,, I talk about my late wife often,, why because she was part of my life, and my son needs to remember who his mom was,,, my point is,, we all should be able to talk about anything, if we do it in the right way,,and the wrong way is to compare, or make someone to feel as if they are in competition is so wrong.. one thing neither one of us do is bash the people in our past,, as we both know it really is a poor refection on who we are if we did that,, and neither one of us has ever.. there is a lot of leaning to be done by listening,, and exposing your self as-well...

I will add as soon as topics become limited,, growth becomes stagnant,, JMO
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 47
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/13/2012 12:52:28 PM
Don't give mixed signals by laughing it off, when it's actually hurting your feelings, people are not mind readers you have to tell him to stop talking about his ex, that you are not interested about his past relationships but want to build one between the two of you, this gives him a chance to correct his behaviour, if he doesn't then you need to walk away as he is still to hungup on the ex to be in a healthy relationship.
 WestIElatin
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 48
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/13/2012 9:59:10 PM
GIANT red flag...he shouldnt bring her up out of respect for you. Maybe when you were getting to know him, he could mention about his past experiences a little but once your together, it shouldnt be part of your conversations anymore. Youre too good hearted for sticking up to it but you dont need that. Hope you realize that.
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 50
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/16/2012 1:48:20 AM
That kind of conduct is just plain rude and ignorant.

You know for a fact he loves you? How? How about blowing this clown off and find someone who will talk about what you can do and have done together?

Your laugh is probably form being nervous. Why? Are you afraid you will lose this ex monologue? You can't be that ugly or boring. Next time he starts, get up to leave. If he asks you where you are going tell him that you want to leave him and his ex alone together. If that doesn't wake him up, the curb probably won't be too far away. An easy kick.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 53
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/18/2012 5:55:04 AM
Show this man his birth certificate and tell him to grow up & move on or bugger off & move out.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 55
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/20/2012 12:22:59 AM
yea, you tell him, bottle it up.

actually I always ask about their ex's, whoops!
 dnamron
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 56
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/20/2012 5:29:24 AM
Ditch him. He still loves her or at least hung up about her. He will never be ready for you.
 AtlantaManInAtlanta
Joined: 7/1/2012
Msg: 57
My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/20/2012 6:20:02 AM
as long as he dont text her while having sex with u tis ok, if he crosses that line, dump him.
 Jerzeykid201
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 62
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/24/2012 12:14:53 AM
We've all been there and done that but it seems like he still has baggage from his previous relationship and isn't willing to let it go. So think about this " if you have to think twice about being with someone then you shouldn't be with them".
 Online_dating_blows
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 63
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:21:32 PM
umm yea kick him it his nut sack, i had a girlfriend that used to bring up ex's, i would flat out tell dont bring them up
well she is now my ex girlfriend. wise up hes not over her go find a new guy its not hard, hell if i were gay i would be swimming in penis
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 69
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My bf won't stop talking about his ex...
Posted: 9/3/2012 1:41:19 AM
The Readers Digest version is, the OP keeps going back for more of the same nonsense and then reports on it. Guy is still in love with his ex, keeps talking about her. Drama and madness. Won't change.
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