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 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 39
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No AffectionPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
ROFL!!!! I see you've met my EX husband Op!!!!

As for the cause....pick one...of many. I tried for YEARS to figure it out, and never did. Don't get me wrong...my Ex is a good man...steady, dependable, even tempered, responsible, supportive, good father....just NO PASSION!!! NONE!!! EVER!!!! The man simply wouldn't get excited about anything if you set him on fire.

I have however come to realize that "passion" is something that one either HAS...or doesn't! It can't be "learned"....or "faked" (for long). It's also a "double edged sword".... if one has it in the bedroom....EXPECT to see it in almost every other area of life as well.
 lifegoeson73
Joined: 7/26/2012
Msg: 40
No Affection
Posted: 8/16/2012 4:22:34 PM
I need and expect affection and won't settle for anything else. Some people don't......it's about finding someone who wants the same thing out of a relationship that you do. I would not hesitate to be affectionate in public, but there is a time and place for everything and an appropriate way to behave in the presence of others.

I think that you can tell pretty quickly if the person that you are dating is affectionate or not. You just need to decide what you are willing to deal with....
 pinklemonaide5
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 41
No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 8:51:32 PM
We are all entitled to our own opinions and if you don't like what I have to say, stop reading my posts.
 AngelofHonesty
Joined: 1/4/2012
Msg: 42
No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 8:57:20 PM
If there's no kissing, no hugging, no touching, then what's the reason of the relationship. I can't believe you waited 6 months, first sign of no affection, I would have been out of there.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 43
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No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 9:08:04 PM
You did what was right for you :) Maybe they will find someone else that doesn't need affection and that will be a perfect match. It does seems like 6 months it the time frame of sh*t or get off the pot. You did give it a chance, and I see that as quite noble. :)
 Outsideofthebox1
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 44
No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 10:10:02 PM
iloveflowers55 picked up on 2 major traits of a Narcissistic personality from what the OP typed out. And are very common in that type of person and VERY well known to be clues in diagnosis... You 2 need to do some research.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 45
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No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 10:25:32 PM
Physical demonstrations of affection aren't for everyone. Some gain comfort and affirmation from it; to some it is aversive.
I dated a guy recently who stated "talkin n txt'n isn't me." I sent him a postcard advising him that "It's all good. We don't need to talk about the fact that I never want to date you again." (he was already a friend, so took this with a laugh)
 masterotaku
Joined: 7/20/2012
Msg: 46
No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 10:28:38 PM
I've encountered the same with women. I'm a very touchy feely person by nature, and it is saddening when I've encountered this.

The cause? I suppose it is an item of curiosity to wonder how someone could be so averse to simple affection, but it's a question you will only ever get a proper answer to from the person in question. If that isn't possible, then it is best to not second guess yourself into oblivion, move on, and realize that some people sadly have limited themselves in this regard.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 47
No Affection
Posted: 8/25/2012 11:00:01 PM
Im a naturally affectionate person and dont even have to think about touching my man - it just comes natural and i wouldn't know how to be any other way.
Though i do understand not everyone is like that but i couldn't be with a cold fish.

Op if you're a passionate,affectionate,demonstrative woman,then you need a partner who's the same.
Good luck with the next one.
 2purehearts
Joined: 9/3/2010
Msg: 48
No Affection
Posted: 8/26/2012 5:23:52 AM
I would much rather be alone than have someone who did not show me any affection. Then again, there are men out there who smother you with affection, want to be kissing and cuddling all night long, holding onto your hand following you around like a puppy dog and wanting to know your every movement throughout the day. That can equally be a turn off for me personally. But it takes all sorts!


To this I answer. I've had many diff scales of affection. I have to have affection or I feel rejected, unloved, and quite frankly it feels good. I am a touchy person. If that person isn't it is like not having water. I am in a relationship whereby that person is not a touchy feely. He does although love to cuddle. That he is good at and knows when i ask for it that it's something I really want so he gives that to me. The intimacy is good but could be wayyyy better. Time lately has been a factor.

I also agree and know from being in marriage that for some it's how they were raised. Some boys mother's just gave them praise but not necessarily kissing them to death. I kiss my son on the cheek all the time. He hugs me all the time. He loves not all the time to sit and just lean on me. He's a teen to boot! That's a feat tto get round.

So yes..OP I agree with sooo many here. If you are an affectionate person and your not getting that better to let it go. Specially kissing...it's really an art form!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 49
No Affection
Posted: 8/26/2012 9:49:41 AM
I was with a guy, long time ago, who saw *any* sign of affection as a signal to bed. It worked if he was horny, not if he wasn't. We lasted a long time, but I was the one that ultimately ended it. But on other grounds. Can't reprogram adults, alas.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 50
No Affection
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:18:19 PM
I've had the same problem. Met a really great guy that I enjoyed spending time with, but he was not into kissing and affection and honestly I can't really get turned on without that kind of intimacy and feeling close to someone. So, I just could not date him. It was such a shame because I really like him in all other respects. :(
 LuvKupcakes
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 51
No Affection
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:43:38 PM
wow...this sounds like my exact situation :( the bedroom part doesn't even exist anymore but when it did it was the same...I couldn't even get a hand touch or an I love you, not a single compliment/acknowledgment....I guess this should be a wake up call but I guess I'm just plain scared..of what- I keep asking myself that every day.... You are so strong I commend you for that...Many Blessings!
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 52
No Affection
Posted: 8/26/2012 8:30:56 PM
Could be many reasons. Could be he's shy, doesn't know that u want public display of affection, perhaps not into it or just not into u at all.

it's a good thing u dumped him. Seriously, a man who doesn't show much of affection in the bedroom let alone outside the bedroom, is problematic. I can understand not being able to do it outside in public but to really shy away from doing inside the bedroom is a BIG NO NO and a big turn off.
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