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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...      Home login  
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 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 101
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I messaged you once and you just viewed my profile, and didn't even bother with a reply, like most of the flaky women on here!


that's really funny, because i have ALWAYS had "viewed profile" turned off ever since i first came here!

i also recall having a couple of conversations with you under your previous incarnations. :-P
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 102
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/6/2014 7:14:59 AM
The point is I messaged and no response, and because you were 2 hours away i understood, but dont claim because youre fat you get no attention, im just pointing out that i had once tried to make contact...oh and the only other name I have went by is Hanoverfella.
Good luck in your search
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 103
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/6/2014 3:27:03 PM
^^^i didn't say NO attention - i said RARELY!!!!!!!

women over the age of 40, no matter what they weigh, get very little attention on these sites. period.

the people up-thread complaining that we don't reply because we're here for ego-stroking must be messaging those "top 20% of most attractive" women that get the 80% of traffic.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 104
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/6/2014 3:55:31 PM

women over the age of 40, no matter what they weigh, get very little attention on these sites. period.


And most of them don't seem to appreciate even that "little attention".
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 105
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/6/2014 9:27:31 PM

women over the age of 40, no matter what they weigh, get very little attention on these sites. period.


That is simply not true. But they do appear to be deaf (or blind, since the first message is in written form).
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 106
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/7/2014 9:14:03 AM
I've learned a lot more in 3 years then I did in 3 months. Chuckling...
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 107
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/7/2014 2:43:59 PM

traveltrekker wrote:

And most of them don't seem to appreciate even that "little attention".


+1000!!!!!!
 heybabaganoush
Joined: 7/20/2013
Msg: 108
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/7/2014 4:06:39 PM

women over the age of 40, no matter what they weigh, get very little attention on these sites


Absolutely false. I found out about this place because I discovered my now-ex had signed up here as "separated" (I suppose that could be a forum topic all its own). She's in her 40's, and I can assure you she had all the attention she could handle
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 109
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/8/2014 5:34:29 PM
i can only comment on the experiences of myself and my friends. and i've only ever been on this site as a middle-aged woman, so i have no idea what someone under 40 experiences.

there are published statistics indicating that the "most beautiful" women get the most messages and that this holds true across age groups. i'm sure Markus could produce the same for this site.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 110
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/9/2014 6:45:41 AM
The financially and aesthetically challenged individuals initiate contact quite frequently and are also much more responsive to first dates at my place.
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 111
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/9/2014 7:45:09 AM
No matter how pretty you may look in your picture( miss Bovine, and yes I think you are), it's all moot if the picture is clearly at least 5 years old,( going by POF banner across the bottom)
rather than explaining you're overweight in your profile, wouldn't it be just as easy and informative to just have an up to date picture of yourself?? Oooh right that makes too much sense, and this is online dating after all, why would anyone wanna see who they potentially wanna spend the rest of their life with??after all, it's not like they might actually meet in person and find out the truth eventually anyway :/
Silly me what was I thinking?!?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 112
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/9/2014 8:59:06 AM

The financially and aesthetically challenged individuals initiate contact quite frequently and are also much more responsive to first dates at my place


LOL
If a woman posted that unattractive but financiancially healthy men were very amenable to providing expensive dinner dates and their wooing efforts were based on "niceness" and expenditure, the screams of GOLD-DIGGER would be resounding through the canyons of the PoF forums.

I realize that a lot of men will do just about anything to get laid,in fact I think most women with any self-esteem/self-confidence are aware of this. While I will certainly not make any claim that all or even most men online are just looking for a hook-up, a pretty good-sized percentage of them, in my experience and observation, are looking for nothing more than the hook-up or to establish a booty call involvement. There are just enough guys who are viable candidates and genuinely seek a significant ongoing involvement, to make one reluctant to completely write-off the online scene.

Message #142...
there might be any number of reasons why a person of either gender might choose to put up an older picture or no picture at all.
While I certainly will not discount the importance of mutual asthetic/sexual attraction to a good LTR, to be using dating sites to find
who they potentially wanna spend the rest of their life with??
Is(IMO) putting the cart WAAY ahead of the horse. I probably go just as much by "looks too good to be true" principle when I look at profile photos.

Finding someone to spend your life with needs to be about a lot more than a pretty picture.
The theory behind online dating sites is that one finds a few emotional/intellectual mutual attractions, that people who subscribe to online personal ad sites are ( at least in theory) AVAILABLE and at least marginally interested in forming some kind of sociosexual sexual bonding involvement. Note well the phrase-IN THEORY.
Cindy O
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 113
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/9/2014 11:04:54 AM
Finding someone to spend your life with needs to be about a lot more than a pretty picture.


Definitely.

And yet the majority will still continue to insist on and obsess about pictures which could be- and in many instances have proven to be- old, outdated, or even fake, before they will even open an initial dialogue. I'm not sure yet how the time wasted meeting someone without a picture-and not being attracted to them- is any different from the time wasted meeting someone with an old and deceptive picture- and not being attracted to THEM.
Although I am not saying that anyone has to meet someone without seeing a picture at all before meeting.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 114
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/9/2014 4:21:19 PM

...wouldn't it be just as easy and informative to just have an up to date picture of yourself?? Oooh right that makes too much sense...


i think i already explained up-thread that i RECENTLY took all my pictures except the one offline.

i'm having weight-loss surgery later in the spring - it makes no sense to put up new pictures until i'm finished with that entire process.

(and - thank you!)
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 115
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/11/2014 7:10:16 PM
1. That most guys are bitter resentful misogynists who are quite self-entitled thinking their unwanted uninvited attention deserves to be appreciated and really narcissistic to think their sole/main flaw is a self-congratulatory one of being (too) nice.

2. That the forums are more interesting than the male profiles and whiny/hateful/woe is the poor menz male posts on the forums are actually a great derail from the male profiles.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 116
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/15/2014 4:57:22 PM
Sometimes I get the feeling that most women who are on dating sites are there just to see and compare how many messages they get from men, but don't give a flip about ever answering or finding any kind of relationship. For that matter, probably most already have boyfriends or husbands, and it's just the vanity factor.
 Ownerofdogs
Joined: 1/8/2014
Msg: 117
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/15/2014 7:45:40 PM
With this account and the previous one I closed before my now failed marriage, I learned to have no expectations or hopes that I'll hit it off with any of the women who have a profile. I've also learned should any woman respond to any message I send, I should appreciate they even acknowledge my existence. If anything even remotely resembling a conversation should come from it, I shouldn't expect it to not go much longer then 3-4 messages back and forth. Also, I've learned a new definition of fear based upon how quickly people are to jump all over anyone who dares ask questions on this forum pertaining to dating expectations, experiences, or why they are even here.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 118
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/15/2014 10:33:48 PM
there are published statistics indicating that the "most beautiful" women get the most messages and that this holds true across age groups.

In what environment Don't the pretty women "in the room" get the most attention? :)

women over the age of 40, no matter what they weigh, get very little attention on these sites. period.

I take away that period and add an "lol". *Attractive* Women 40+ get their fair share of attention. If you mean little as notably less than an attractive 25 year old who gets 100+ messages her first day -- okay, but getting handfuls every few days instead of truckloads doesn't mean it's little.

Of every attractive 40+ woman I've engaged with from the online scene (yes, even when I was in my later 20s), none were saying they don't get attention -- quite the opposite as many attractive woman of any age would complain about -- it was about the Bad attention they got too much of! :)

1. If you get a pic that shows more than one person, just pick out the one not attractive to you... that's the one messaging you.

Pretty much true. 100% true if the uglier one sheds the most light while the others are on angles and such. In essence, Expect the ugliest photo. But you'll be pleasantly surprised once in a while.

2. .... the new average now means 40-50 lbs overweight 75 % of the time.

That's stretching it about as much as the average waistline, but it depends on age (and height). A gal in her late 30s or in 40s? It's "norm" to put 25-30lbs overweight as Average. The argument there is that it's Statistically Average among their perception (which isn't far off from the truth!).

3. If they start off saying that their looking for a good hearted man (woman) chances are they live in the country.

I've always hated that slogan re-used and re-used...

7. There are a zillion time wasters who only seek to have a texting/email/phone buddy and will never want to meet.

I've heard about this more than experienced it. I could see it happen a lot if one hits up people LD who are excited about things but then come down to earth and wiggle away from Actually meeting.... or hitting up people who are there mainly to talk and/or are publicly adamant about being weary about meeting online. If you don't go that route, I would see it more being you talk for a little bit and they "disappear". Essentially they're juggling more than one person, and you got trumped by a better catch.

10. Lots of players. I read somewhere that 10% of the men are having sex with 90% of the women...and I believe it.

Players -- sure. Of course, they'll more be players if they're out of your league (which you may or may not be aware of). That's how us guys run into 'player women'. Essentially -- they aren't that interested. BUT yes, aside from that, there still many Traditional players. But I wouldn't say all 10% of the men are boning 90% of the women. 90% of the women? There's A LOT of fuglies there that the top 10% of the guys wouldn't touch. Which is why the "Top 20%" women -- All of the 20% are NOT all that attractive. With No Filter on a search, it will take on average more than 5 profile returns to see an attractive woman. Hence, less than 20% are attractive. And I'm not talking picky mode either. :)

8. My children come first means no time to spend with a lady.

It should at least give someone pause. From my experience (1st & 2nd hand), it tends to mean that they're going to do things their way, by their schedule, you conform to it, and they're sick of guys who can't.

12. Date but nothing serious means sex.

From guys? I'll buy that, although it sucks that that can't be a wise option because of it. But women selecting it? Yes and No. It can mean they're also into serious rather quickly if they dig you -- so don't think you're going into a casual, low-key situation necessarily.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 119
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/16/2014 6:17:38 PM
*Attractive* Women 40+ get their fair share of attention. If you mean little as notably less than an attractive 25 year old who gets 100+ messages her first day -- okay, but getting handfuls every few days instead of truckloads doesn't mean it's little.


you disappoint me, mon ami, considering the "realist" in your name. it's more like "a handful every month" rather than "handfuls every few days" - but only for those VERY few, VERY *attractive* (by conventional standards) women who are over 40.



...it was about the Bad attention...


this is what i like about you most: at least you admit that there is a certain amount of "bad" attention. it's refreshing!
 lifelovenit
Joined: 11/30/2013
Msg: 120
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/17/2014 8:56:33 AM
Have not long been on the dating site, and already agree totally with your list, except that pretty much any word put in the profile probably means sex :)
 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 121
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/17/2014 9:36:06 AM

it's more like "a handful every month" rather than "handfuls every few days" - but only for those VERY few, VERY *attractive* (by conventional standards) women who are over 40.


I consider myself a realist as well: I'm WAY over 40 :) and don't imagine I've ever qualified as VERY attractive by conventional standards. Yet, when I've been in 'looking mode' - keeping my profile up to date, adding current pictures on a regular basis, etc. I've gotten plenty of messages on a fairly regular basis.

I suspect much of that has to do with the area of the country I'm in (DC area - a lot of single men ~my age, maybe?) but I also think it's partially because I have put a lot of effort into living a well rounded life that I am very happy with and then put together a profile that reflects that good life.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 122
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/17/2014 9:49:10 AM

I consider myself a realist as well: I'm WAY over 40 :) and don't imagine I've ever qualified as VERY attractive by conventional standards. Yet, when I've been in 'looking mode' - keeping my profile up to date, adding current pictures on a regular basis, etc. I've gotten plenty of messages on a fairly regular basis.


I tend to agree with this statement. I've known women that get in the beginning over 300 messages a week or more. I've known women that just had to hide themselves because it was overwhelming the number of guys approaching them. Even thought that had to spell it all in capitals that they were not cougars. So I do not know where they get those assessments that women over 40 are done. Also it all depends on your expectations, if you are over forty, expect to get a spectrum of men all the way to 90 with a bottle of viagra, and as low as 26 wanting to score a MLF.
 DiezelPhoenix
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 123
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/17/2014 9:51:07 AM
I just would love to meet a woman that would actually:

(1) Reply
(2) Reply at least semi-intelligently/coherently
(3) Would reply with something more than "KK how r u, omg, lol, cray cray adorbz ttyl"

Apparently this is too much to ask for now.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 124
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/17/2014 11:03:48 AM

you disappoint me, mon ami, considering the "realist" in your name. it's more like "a handful every month" rather than "handfuls every few days" - but only for those VERY few, VERY *attractive* (by conventional standards) women who are over 40.

Well, you have people who disagree with you after you stating this, including a woman well over 40... what makes you so intent on not just thinking but Knowing that women 40+ get very very few messages? You said regardless of weight or anything else.

Again, I've engaged with women 40+ over the years -- there has been no complaints on getting messages, At All. But yes, they're going to be the "attractive" ones at 40+. I could see a gal who's not very attractive at 42 getting significantly less than a gal who's 24 who's not very attractive (on the same level but just younger & younger looking).

But it's silly to say (virtually) All women 40+ are going to have pretty empty mailboxes. I'm pretty sure some 40+ women who've tried POF in the past and ran would respond to that by saying "I wish! Too many creeps made me run!"
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 125
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What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/17/2014 11:49:39 AM

you disappoint me, mon ami, considering the "realist" in your name. it's more like "a handful every month" rather than "handfuls every few days" - but only for those VERY few, VERY *attractive* (by conventional standards) women who are over 40.


Your personal experience is possibly different as you list yourself as BBW, which many men filter out of their searches.
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