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 *65BabyDoll
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 73
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Date a Blunt Woman?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Yes !!finally someone that gets IT.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 74
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/25/2012 2:22:33 PM
" If people used definitions for what they were meant to be used for there wouldn't be any ridiculous "confusion". "

Different countries have different means for the same word. Is their definition wrong?

Even history books portray events differently depending on which country the writer was from.

Date a blunt Women?

Men who don't want the truth consider it rude. Men who are comfortable with the truth enjoy it.

I wonder if this thread would have gone differently if the thread title had been Date a Blunt Man? There are many male profiles who list themselves as blunt.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 76
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/25/2012 3:34:40 PM
"You just like to senselessly argue because you want the definition to be something other than what it is."

I thought we were discussing opinions. So I am senseless because I don't agree with your opinion. Your definitions from your part of the world isn't the same as other part of the world, that is reality.

"You bring up John Wayne like that's a definition of anything."

I brought it up, because it came from the website you were quoting.
The website used John Wayne as a definition of blunt. Not me.
Are you saying you agree with the part of the definition the website gives, but not other parts of the definition given by the same source?

Some people just can't take women being blunt while they themselves are being blunt.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 77
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/25/2012 5:42:07 PM
I find that blunt, generally, "is" tactful.

However; it seems that most that like to throw the word around also use it like a "blunt weapon".

Abject honesty, voiced or stated nicely, is perfect though.


There's a difference between being blunt and being honest. A blunt person will say whatever they are thinking, regardless of the other person's feelings, and regardless of whether it's necessary, and often shows a bit of hostility. Just because you can say something, it doesn't necessarily follow that you should or must say that thing. I prefer someone who has a sense of tact.


Ya; ^ that.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 87
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/27/2012 7:12:11 PM
MightyOaks- Being blunt means speaking without regard to other peoples feelings.
People sometimes misuse the term when they really mean outspoken.
Personally, I appreciate honesty.
It's far better to be who you REALLY are than fake it to please someone. Your true personality will ALWAYS reveal itself and being fake helps no one.
To thine ownself be true and HOPE people who date you do the same.
I'm way past game playing and I don't expect men to read my mind.
I think more men appreciate a woman like me than those who's ego over rules their brains!
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 89
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/27/2012 9:27:49 PM
There's nothing wrong with being honest, so long as it is respectful, imo.

Definition of BLUNT

1 a: slow or deficient in feeling : insensitive
b: obtuse in understanding or discernment : dull

2: having an edge or point that is not sharp <a blunt instrument>

3 a: abrupt in speech or manner
b: being straight to the point : direct

The third definition is good. The first, not so much..

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/blunt
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 92
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/28/2012 9:24:15 AM
Blunt = Rude.
I have a friend who met up with a guy and we witnessed this event.
He was not her type so she proceeded to knock this guy down. I was so embarrassed by her rudeness.
She was very upfront about her view's, and given that she felt no chemistry toward's this guy I felt she could have gone about thing's in a more appropriate manner. This guy took a risk by meeting up with her with her friend's present but, she made him feel humliated.
There is a way to let a person down gently, but some people feel the need to go for the jugular.....and that mean's they think they are acting tough, when in fact they are just plain rude.
I would not meet with someone who is blunt as it's a personality trait I cannot handle.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 94
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/28/2012 12:29:10 PM
Whatever the dictionary definition of "blunt", and whatever connotation it may generally have among native speakers of English, I suspect that anyone, man or woman, who explicitly describes themselves as 'blunt' in a POF profile is just pre-emptively excusing themselves for being rude and nasty.

"Honest", "forthright", "plain-spoken", "direct", etc., don't set off any alarm bells with me, but the self-described "blunt" are giving fair warning that he or she will be rude, crude, nasty and anxious to prove his/her 'superiority'.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 95
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/28/2012 12:53:16 PM

"Honest", "forthright", "plain-spoken", "direct", etc., don't set off any alarm bells with me, but the self-described "blunt" are giving fair warning that he or she will be rude, crude, nasty and anxious to prove his/her 'superiority'.


I would take "blunt" to mean the person is abrasive and rough around the edges---definitely not someone brimming with tact or diplomacy, and perhaps somewhat lacking in interpersonal skills. While this might come across as humorous in the forums, I would take a pass on such a profile for dating purposes. It would get old rather quickly.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 96
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/28/2012 1:13:15 PM
I didn't read the whole thread, but I'm careful about people who claim
to be blunt. These are usually the same people that claim to be brutally
honest.

I'm outspoken and I'm honest, but I'm not blunt nor am I brutal when
talking to others, especially people I don't know.

My friends and family get my humor and my sarcasm, I wouldn't expect
people I'm meeting to always get my humor or to catch the sarcasm.

If someone advertises they are "blunt" or "brutally honest" I usually
avoid them as I figure they are rude and for the most part have no care
for the feelings of others, as long as they get their point and their humor
across.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 98
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/30/2012 7:39:44 AM

I would think a blunt person would have some degree of Asbergers Syndrome.
...What makes you say that? Most people with Asperger's are quite the opposite!
Asperger's sufferers take thing's to heart more so than a person without this syndrome. I doubt very much an Asperger's person would feel the need to be blunt toward's another person, as the last thing they would want to do is hurt another's feeling's because if they did then they would dwell on what they have done until they have rectified the situation.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 99
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 1:54:07 PM
Who says you can't be brutally honest AND tactful?

I'm a very blunt person because I found that hemming and hawing and trying to sugarcoat things led to misunderstandings and wasted time. I've also found that people who complain about my "brutal honesty" are those who asked for an honest opinion and didn't like the answer. They're also the first ones who try to retaliate by giving me an opinion I neither asked for nor wanted... and they're usually a lot more brutal about it than I've ever been. Most are also incredibly passive-aggressive. Otherwise, why ask a question if only a certain answer given in a certain way will do?

I really don't have the time and patience for trying to decode exactly what someone means when they're not absolutely straight with me. I also appreciate other brutally honest people, since I never ask a question I don't want an honest answer for.
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 100
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:30:58 PM
'Blunt' is, ironically, a diplomatic term in itself. Look at the synonyms for it that you could pull out of any thesaurus: blunt, brusque, crude, crusty, curt, direct, discourteous, gruff, impetuous, impolite, matter-of-fact, rough, short, snappy, snippy, uncivil, ungracious. Certainly most of these are words that you wouldn't want to use in describing yourself.

Being blunt implies you lack a certain subset of social skills that allow you to convey meaning without resorting to being crude. It comes through lacking either the social experience to know what offends people or a lack of general intelligence that would enable one to pick and choose words that are appropriate to a situation.

If I had the idea that I was a blunt person, I would take it as a problem to be worked on rather than something to proudly point out about myself. Of course, we live in an age where we try to convince everyone from a young age that they are a special and unique snowflake who does no wrong. Thus even personal flaws, which should be looked at critically, are taken as something that is simply characteristic 'you'.

The notion that one has to be blunt to avoid giving off the wrong message is defeatist and, frankly, incorrect. There are so many situations in this world where either brusqueness or a lack of clear meaning are unacceptable. Laziness is a likely culprit for being blunt, and being blunt is the likely explanation for why those selfsame people proudly claim the title.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 101
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:31:17 PM
"The notion that one has to be blunt to avoid giving off the wrong message is defeatist and, frankly, incorrect."

IMO, it is very easy to be blunt without being rude. Nothing defeatist or incorrect.



"Laziness is a likely culprit for being blunt, and being blunt is the likely explanation for why those selfsame people proudly claim the title."

Rather than laziness being the culprit for being blunt, boredom with trying to deal with the same old, same old passive aggressive people is more likely the issue.

"Who says you can't be brutally honest AND tactful?"

Exactly!


In this thread there are multiple posts claiming that they don't like brutal honesty because it is rude, that went on to make person attacks on other posters. It is actually quite funny to read.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 102
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:46:37 PM

funny, i like "blunt" women as friends myself. i get a kick out of women like that.


I missed this earlier.... but I'm the exact same way. When I go shopping with a friend and ask what she thinks I want to know exactly what she thinks. I hate having someone gush over how nice I look in something only to find out later (when it's too late to take it back) that she secretly thought it was unflattering but was 'afraid' to tell me because it might hurt my feelings. And usually, these were the same ones who act like you kicked their cat because when they said "What do you think of this?" I said "I think it makes you look a lot bigger than you are, and it's really not flattering" when they try to fit themselves into a pair of jeans 3 sizes too small. I guess they'd just rather not face a bigger size than actually find the nicest looking things in the right size *shrugs*... and I'm really not into playing along with people who act like children living in a fantasy world. I find it condescending to assume that they're not emotionally stable enough to handle the truth. Which is why I have a huge problem with people who do it to me.


There are so many situations in this world where either brusqueness or a lack of clear meaning are unacceptable.


I don't agree. You're confusing being matter of fact and not sugarcoating with being mean. If you want everyone who gives you constructive criticism to cushion it to avoid hurting your feelings perhaps you shouldn't be asking those questions in the first place. You're just setting someone up to either be a liar or insincere. And that's not fair.
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 104
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 4:53:51 PM
Well without bothering to reply to each individually - since there are several - from the replies I'm receiving it doesn't sound like you are going off the definition of 'blunt' that I am. As I mentioned in my post, 'blunt' can mean any number of things to any number of people. Anything from 'matter of fact' and 'direct' to 'discourteous' and 'crude'. The OP implies his concept of blunt as being the opposite of that of tact. To quote him exactly:

I am a person who chooses his words carefully and tries to not upset people. Why do women (My note: not really a fair assessment as anybody can be guilty of this) feel the need to state this in their profiles? Can't people learn to be tactful in modern society nowadays?

And so if the question is:

who says you can't be brutally honest AND tactful?

Then, if by brutally honest you mean blunt - in the sense that both I, the OP, and I assume everyone else is talking about - then the answer is anyone who is mindful of the precise definition of both words.


When I go shopping with a friend and ask what she thinks I want to know exactly what she thinks. I hate having someone gush over how nice I look in something only to find out later (when it's too late to take it back) that she secretly thought it was unflattering but was 'afraid' to tell me because it might hurt my feelings.

This anecdote especially seems an illustration of the misunderstanding that I'm trying to point out, as the difference between being blunt and being tactful is not the difference between telling the truth versus telling a white lie. If you are truly tactful, you can be diplomatic in all things. The difference blunt and tact is more like the difference between saying "I think you look truly terrible in that outfit" and saying "That may not be the best outfit for you, why don't you give this one a try instead?"


I don't agree. You're confusing being matter of fact and not sugarcoating with being mean. If you want everyone who gives you constructive criticism to cushion it to avoid hurting your feelings perhaps you shouldn't be asking those questions in the first place. You're just setting someone up to either be a liar or insincere. And that's not fair.

I don't see how you can disagree with that and again it sounds as though you're confusing tact and bluntness with lying to spare someone's feelings and honesty. If you are talking to your boss and she is telling you about a terrible idea she's had that will ruin your company, you can neither afford to come out and say "that is a terrible idea that will ruin this company" nor can you afford to let her go through with it as it would leave you jobless. A statement such as "well that's an interesting idea, but have you considered the implications of x, y, and z", that lets them come to your same conclusion of their own accord is the much more tactful option. That's just the first of an infinite number of situations I could come up with that require you to be both clear in meaning yet mindful of the feelings of others.


In this thread there are multiple posts claiming that they don't like brutal honesty because it is rude, that went on to make person attacks on other posters. It is actually quite funny to read.

I am not trying to attack anyone, so if anyone feels that way it's not my intention. As humans we all have thoughts, which don't necessarily translate easily into words. Sometimes there are multiple translations, as anyone who goes from one language to another might tell you. I'd like to think that I'm a member of a (seemingly small) group of human beings that value the ability to take an abstract concept like a thought, consider the effect which you desire to induce from turning that thought into speech, and then choose from among the many possible translations the one that is at least marginally considerate of the feelings of others. Personally, I think it shows class. And in the long run it helps you to get what you want much more easily when people aren't constantly on the defensive and wary of every comment you say.


IMO, it is very easy to be blunt without being rude. Nothing defeatist or incorrect.

Rather than laziness being the culprit for being blunt, boredom with trying to deal with the same old, same old passive aggressive people is more likely the issue.

Yes, I do make the assumption that anyone who doesn't bother to be diplomatic is either content with mediocrity or mistakenly thinks it impossible.
But if tact is being mindful of the feelings of others when communicating with them, and being blunt is the opposite, then I will say that I would find someone being 'bored' of being mindful of others' feelings to be quite rude indeed.
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 106
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:46:14 PM
Seems a lot of folks just can't conceive of there being an option to be both honest and considerate. I am starting to understand OP's position a little more now; I had no idea there were so many of them out there.

I can't imagine living my life that way, if whenever there was something that I didn't want or disliked I reflexively responded with "it sucks and I hate it". Personally I think I'll stick with trying to play the gentleman...
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 109
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 8:32:21 PM
"I am not trying to attack anyone, so if anyone feels that way it's not my intention. "

If you didn't attack (which you didn't) why would you need to say it wasn't your intention.

" if tact is being mindful of the feelings of others when communicating with them, and being blunt is the opposite, then I will say that I would find someone being 'bored' of being mindful of others' feelings to be quite rude indeed."

We see blunt very differently.

I would never tell someone I thought they were............(insert rude comment). I would tell someone that I won't spend time with them (be their friend etc.). If that hurt their feelings, then it is time for them to own their own feelings. I don't believe that other people can hurt your feelings unless you agree with what they are saying, and already are insecure with yourself.
If other people's opinions of you are too important to you, you are already doing yourself more damage than they are. Being blunt doesn't mean that you have to go into rude details.

"" if tact is being mindful of the feelings of others when communicating with them"

I guess I don't think that people need to be protected from the truth. I respect people's ability to deal with the truth.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 110
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 9:02:59 PM
To be blunt, I have enjoyed reading this thread. I find it interesting how many people focus on the negative definition of the word instead of the neutral or positive meanings. Definitely interesting, and makes me wonder how many other words in profile descriptions are interpreted as the opposite of the writer's intent. Then again English is a tricky language with so many words having so many possible meanings.

I guess I'm one of those people that didn't assume that if someone described themselves as "blunt" they were telling the world they were dull and rude. I may decide they are after a conversation or two with them, but them merely telling me they were "blunt" does not immediately make me think negatively of them.

I guess it just means that in the land of POF it's one more word that can be used to filter people one way or another, and may be used as an excuse to bypass people. I think it makes a great filter. Could be used as a conversation starter, or to deter depending on the type of person that reads it. Oh what fun!
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 111
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 9:31:02 PM
the siimple answer is keep avoiding them......they dont realize the uncouthness is unappealing,and seems very feminist instead of feminine,that their behavoir can cause unneeded drama with others relationships such as the boyfriends friends,family members ect ect....nd can lead to alienation,because who wants to go out with a couple where the women is blunt and rude and unpredictible and have others think you support this behavior??most people i have seen who are like this are hoodrats,white trash,or women who want to wear the pants in the relationship....these verbal bullies have no idea how uneducated and seem to lack basic fundamental hme training skills for social norms.They blame others for their shortcomings(like someone on page one stating that a man gets his panites in a wad,VeRY emasculating to say the least)They dont see the annoyance on why they act like this,but are clueless to even realize they are like this,they will watch shows like bridezillas and not realizing they are mirroring themselves.......how annoying is it really?its as bad as going to a movie and having someone in front of you or behind you talking texting and being loud during a movie.....saying in a horror movie,,oh dont go in that door hes gonna kill you!!!or calling there friends to make plans after the movie(i avoid all magic johnson movie theaters because they are notorious for this,as well as any tyler perry movie until it comes out on blu ray.)yes its that annoying.these people have no respect for others,yet feel they deserve respect.they dont realize they are embarrassing themselves,family,friends,whoever with their behavior.another poster asked if being blunt seems unfeminine,yes...and in closing...men and women alike,when you see the profiles that say yes im (fill in the blank with whatever they are saying)an if you dont like kick rocks...or something to that effect...run run far away as fast as you can,or end up on a cmt show,bridezillas,or the boycott riddled basketball wives(their husbands left them for a reason,right evilyn ochocinco?who was married for a week and ran her man into jail and off of a dolphins roster)
food for thought......
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 113
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 8/31/2012 10:02:43 PM

To be blunt, I have enjoyed reading this thread. I find it interesting how many people focus on the negative definition of the word instead of the neutral or positive meanings. Definitely interesting, and makes me wonder how many other words in profile descriptions are interpreted as the opposite of the writer's intent. Then again English is a tricky language with so many words having so many possible meanings.

I guess I'm one of those people that didn't assume that if someone described themselves as "blunt" they were telling the world they were dull and rude. I may decide they are after a conversation or two with them, but them merely telling me they were "blunt" does not immediately make me think negatively of them.

I guess it just means that in the land of POF it's one more word that can be used to filter people one way or another, and may be used as an excuse to bypass people. I think it makes a great filter. Could be used as a conversation starter, or to deter depending on the type of person that reads it. Oh what fun!

Like OP and other people here I was surprised to see people on here describing themselves as blunt. I assume that's why he made this thread. Blunt never really had any positive connotation in my mind. If you wanted to make the point that you were direct or to the point then I would put it in those terms, although I would always prefer a woman who is capable of adapting her language to a situation.

Choosing specifically to mention that you are blunt in your profile implies that it is a constant aspect of your personality, as we all can be curt or short at times, but wouldn't list that as a general feature of our personalities. Then again I often see women describe themselves as b*tches and that really doesn't leave much room for any kind of positive aspect whatsoever. I think what we're getting at is that in some women there is lacking a kind of femininity and social grace that men such as ourselves would prefer to see.

And as with any term that maybe can be interpreted positively, maybe can be interpreted negatively - you're best bet typically is to assume the worst in online dating. Like terms such as 'a few extra pounds', 'between jobs', 'separated', and on and on. These can mean any number of things, but more often than not they are used because they are technically accurate without carrying the same negative connotation that the more apt terms would.

Anyways I'll hold off from replying anymore, as I'm all too aware I could never change anyone's opinions and I feel like the effort I was making to present my own point of view is simply being ridiculed.
 TasmanianDance
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 115
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 9/1/2012 5:51:47 AM
I wish there were more blunt women on this site and not hide their flaws till the first date. Nothing worse than a blurred out pic or one that has lips and eyes photoshoped on a blur. Mind you only a headshot and not a blunt description of whats below is totally misleading.

To be blunt you cant make ugly pretty.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 116
Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 9/1/2012 6:49:05 AM
My profile plainly states that I am old, ugly and poor... Even though it's an older photo, I have that VERY candid shot as my lead photo because I want to show myself in an everyday setting rather than a bunch of "Glamour Shots" or Photoshopped stuff.

But I am a person who firmly believes in tact, diplomacy and a little bit of social grace. I AM quite capable of speaking up about something. However,I hate it when I have to resort to verbal forcefulness with somebody.
AND
Ecclesiastes 3 verse 7
"a time to be silent and a time to speak"

Oddly enough, there are situations where silence is the epitome of bluntness...
Cindy O
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 117
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 9/1/2012 2:32:07 PM

Anyways I'll hold off from replying anymore, as I'm all too aware I could never change anyone's opinions and I feel like the effort I was making to present my own point of view is simply being ridiculed.


I think this is part of the reason so many seek the negative in a word's meaning. I did not see any one ridiculing this poster, yet by some disagreeing with his views it seems he feels as if they were ridiculing him. I did see some polite disagreement of his view, but not outright ridicule. They may have been "blunt" (i.e. direct, to the point) in how they disagreed with his view, yet he took that to mean they were being "blunt"(i.e. tactless, rude) in not agreeing, when that was not their intent.

That might be why so many disagree as to what the words mean. One person does not mean it as rude/crass/etc. but some one decided to infer some other meaning and take it personally.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 120
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Date a Blunt Woman?
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:14:22 PM
"Someone may not remember exactly what you said, but it's very likely they will remember how you made them fee."

I personally don't think that someone else can make anyone feel bad about themselves, or the circumstance. If someone feels good about themselves nothing anyone else says will change their feelings. It is like expecting others to be responsible for your happiness.

Like many have said there, people who like bluntness will enjoy the company of blunt people, while those who don't like it are best off with people like themselves.
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