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 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 26
Traveling to another country to meet someonePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
He suggested that he would meet us at airport and rent a hotel with me for a few days and then my freind stay with her friend until we all meet. I agreed.


Wow what a classy guy. Did he have any other suggestions for you two other than a hotel room? Doesn't he have a home? Why would you write a guy for 5 years in another country? Obviously intimacy is a foreign concept for you so pay attention to the other posters who tell you how potentially dangerous it would be for you to stay with him at a hotel.

I think he's a con of some sort and/or very dangerous. England is a fabulous country, enjoy it with your friend and if you have a moment to spare meet him with your friend in a very public place if you must. However given all the info about wanting to stay in a hotel and updating his profile for more dating after you have told him you are coming there.....if I were you I would completely forget about him. Don't make long term friends with total strangers you never met based on false intimacy. It's a waste of your time and life.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 27
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Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/26/2012 4:23:44 AM

ps3--prefer to be no more than an hour away ..attempted a long distance relationship once and it was very difficult expensive and heartbreaking :(

^^^^^^^^^Your words

Haven't you learned?
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 28
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/26/2012 9:05:40 AM
If the only reason you are contemplating this trip is because of this person who, "feels he's fallen in love" then perhaps now is not the time to go. Especially with the questions that have recently arisen. If you want to go because it's something you've always wanted to do, then go for it, have a great time with your friend and enjoy your travels.

Unless you two have officially committed to each other (and that requires talking to each other about it) you have no reason to be upset if he's on a dating site talking to others. Until you commit to each other, and that does not mean you committing to waiting for him, then you are both single and free to converse with whomever you choose.

Listen...

LDR's are hard. While you may be talking on the phone, web-chatting and communicating in other ways, there's more to it than that. It takes dedication, trust, faithfulness and the desire to work towards being together. You have to think about location(s), finances, families, all of it. If neither of you are willing to move (yes, willing and able) then it's really not worth the effort. You can love someone, you can treasure them, but you have to be realistic.
 DarthPhoenix
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 29
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Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/26/2012 10:08:38 AM
Due to the fact that you have never met this is only an online conversation thats not based in reality yet. Its only reality when you have met the person physically. Untill then its anyone game and there is no committment. You say he's fallen for you based on his on admittance but in reality he's just fallen for the idea of you. Neither of you have any idea of who you have talked too in the last 5yrs is the real person. Also there is no relationship so both parties can do as they please with no ties or obligations what so ever. Now i say go and meet the guy and see if he's what you been talking to online all this time and if he's the real thing then you both need to talk about the next step and see if your both on the same page. If not then hey go your way in peace.
 Purplethumb
Joined: 4/5/2010
Msg: 30
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/26/2012 5:17:49 PM
My advice, is don't go, and try to forget him. This sort of thing only leads to sadness

My uncle, an American, is in his early 50s, and has been talking to a British girl online for over 10 years.

So far, he has bought 3 or 4 non refundable plane tickets to England, only to have her flake out every time.

Shes obviously a bigger part of his life than he is hers. To him, shes this "perfect girl" that he can obsess about. To her, hes probably just another guy she talks to online to boost her ego.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 32
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/27/2012 7:59:50 AM
Why does he need to rent a hotel if he lives there?

My guess is the guy is married... and has been playing online with several different women for jollies.

If he were legit he would have offered to have you come visit his home, show you and your friend around, etc.

Lose his number.
 zookie57
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 33
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:15:41 AM

I've traveled to a few countries to meet people - England, Australia, a few others. I don't see it as too big a deal as long as you're smart about it. It was a great excuse to take some away and travel, and of course meeting someone nice is always a bonus.


So true ....There are some who do & some that can only traveled as far as their pc screen yet give out advice as if they ever did or know first hand ! lol

imo, that is the big difference in meeting anyone, whether be across the street or across the world.




So my advice - the friend you're going with? Stay with her. Plan your vacation with her and her friends. Include him in a few activities, but don't make it all about him. Feel things out first, then see where you want it to lead from there.


Excellent advice! As the op & her friend across the pond,they,imo are just very excited to finally meet up & nothing more. jmo
A women's intuition or for that a mans too should also rule in how you trust & believe in people & things. Unfortunately online dating has a way to go in that respect....

And jsyk, I just return from UK from holiday & while there,I mention it to a old friend I met here 5 years ago,as she since has a new beau in her life ,yet they still welcomed me into her house to visit.

Being friends & respecting each other can go a long way,longer then in miles or km......
 YAMACANMECRAZY
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 34
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:29:36 AM
There is nothing wrong with getting to know someone from another country ... then spending thousands of dollars to meet them. As long as they are serious about being with you. If you are going to do this type of long distance thing you need to be talking about marriage. I know that sounds creepy to the locals but you don't spend that kind of money for a coffee meet up. If this is not about meeting to see if the magic is there for marriage then I'd pass on it.

And yes, it is not ok that he is 'still single' while you two are making these plans.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 35
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:51:47 AM

Why does he need to rent a hotel if he lives there?


Would you invite into your home someone that was traveling from England that you had never met? A hotel is safer and easier, you can decide that it isn't working out and not have someone you don't want in your home.

But I would rather meet first before planning on jumping into bed.

So I would get a suggestion from him and rent my own hotel room. Hard to really say how it works out till you meet in person, so I would have more than 1 reason to travel to a place like England. But she does, she is invited by a friend to go along.

The man doesn't know her face to face yet either, so he might have his own concerns. I assume that after 5 years she has been able to call his cell, call his landline, talk at various times of day, knows where he lives, etc.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 36
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:44:39 PM
^^ There is nothing about this scenario "I would do"... but if they've been talking for 5 years and are ready to shack up in a hotel together for several days, I'd think he's OK with her seeing where he lives, don't you? (unless the girlfriend/wife would disapprove)
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 37
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Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/31/2012 4:22:15 AM
Yes, put me down for "it's not a good idea".
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 38
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:35:44 AM

There is nothing about this scenario "I would do"... but if they've been talking for 5 years and are ready to shack up in a hotel together for several days, I'd think he's OK with her seeing where he lives, don't you? (unless the girlfriend/wife would disapprove)


I think it's odd to talk to someone you are romantically interested in for 5 years and never to have met them. But odder things have happened, just that I wouldn't talk to someone that long before meeting them.

Who knows why he didn't suggest staying at his place, a lot of women will feel safer if they stay together in a hotel room where she rents, rather than at his place. If it were me, I would just ask, and also ask about his PoF account / update. A lot of people like to chat using PoF, so it shouldn't be that big a deal.

When I was in Thailand in 2010 I flew to Hong Kong to meet a Chinese woman I had been chatting with on the Internet for a couple of months. I didn't plan it, but since Hong Kong is close the Thailand, why not? We stayed together for 5 days in Hong Kong, / Macau, the first 4 days I slept alone in my hotel, the last night we slept together in Macau, but without any sex. She didn't want me to stay at or visit her condo, but I did visit the business she ran.

I am sure she wasn't married, but she did date a Doctor in the USA who had stayed at her place, I vaguely got the idea didn't want a lot of gossip. She showed me pictures of his place in Arizona, it's not like she was hiding anything from me.

I did resent a little paying for a hotel room when her condo was available.

But 2 weeks later when I returned home she flew to see me in Chicago, and paid for a lot of the hotels, so it evened up money wise, and eventually we did hook up. She had Easter dinner at my mother's house, I don't have anything to hide from anyone, she had trust issues along with a few other kinks.

She has several utube videos on the Internet where she was doing a seminar promoting her medical business, so I know a fair amount about her.

I am always surprised when people date for longer than a couple of weeks and don't seem to really know much about the person they are dating.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 39
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 8/31/2012 5:42:33 AM
Sounds like this guy has charmed you with his hook, line and now sinker. Seriously something to think about here.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 40
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/21/2012 1:49:21 PM
I couldn't keep a guy from cheating or off POF and he only lived 3 hours away. I can't even imagine trying to maintain a relationship with someone in another country. Long distance is way too much trouble.

I don't think this guy is being honest with you at all. And if you do decide to go with your friend, don't sleep with this guy because he's "fallen in love" with you or whatever else BS line he throws your way. Go and enjoy your trip -- see the sights -- and then come home. If he's really sincere, the next trip is on him.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 41
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/22/2012 4:39:07 PM
I would say... unless you want to move to england... don't go. I'll see guys from USA because I travel to hawaii a lot (from canada). I love it there and I will move at some point. but most certainly, no guy is the reason I keep going. and he never will be. do things for you. unless I felt this irresistible urge to go and it was backed completely by positive emotion and a sense of knowing (not self-convincing), I wouldn't.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 42
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/22/2012 4:41:59 PM

My friend------If I loved a woman especially at a distance, I would have been at THEIR door a long time ago. Nothing could have stopped me. Dump this turkey now before you make a huge error or worse. Do not meet him. If you want to travel somewhere, go somewhere you want, do not be a FB for this guy or any other.


listen to this advice, it is excellent. good guys will come to you.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 43
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/22/2012 6:38:03 PM
First you don't have a right to be mad BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET THIS GUY and DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with him other than online.................

Second, you'd be a fool to travel that far for someone you don't even know. On the flip side, you
were invited by your friend to go with her and meet her friends so it might not be so bad.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 44
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Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:11:09 PM
I think you should go to England and enjoy all the amazing sites, fun and culture it has to offer. Meet your friend for a lunch or a tour and go on your way.
You have an internet friend, and he is nothing more than a penpal until you meet. He has a life outside of your video connection and always will. You are not star crossed lovers but simply a traveler in his neck of the woods.
 darkfairycreature
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 45
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:17:50 PM
I think it's unfair to assume you don't know each other because you haven't met face to face. I fell in love with a man via skype - he lives on the other side of the world, and 5 yrs later we are still best friends. What I would say is...1 - he came to me first, as another man here pointed out, if he loves you he will move heaven and earth to get to your doorstep. 2 - even if this is real - let me assure you a relationship with an ocean between you is not easy, and not cheap. My Irish man and I saw each other when we could, but at the end of the day it was just too hard. Some good advice on here...be careful, look after yourself, let him prove he loves you...think about the long term results. Good luck, it aint easy...
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 46
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 9/22/2012 10:57:48 PM
He is a dangerous player and under no circumstances should you meet him.He doesn't care about you or the online exchanges you bothered to engage, over the past five years.

I traveled more to meet somebody I had met online, but there was no question with whom his interest belonged.
 met-at-the-gym
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 47
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 12/9/2012 5:42:42 PM
Worst idea ever...do NOT do it!!!!
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 48
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 12/9/2012 10:07:39 PM

HIS way of thinking about being in love, and yours, are not identical


So very true and happens more often than people think.


falling in love" while nice and fun, really is NOT a good indication of compatibility, or of what important decisions one ought to make about their lives.


Not to be taken lightly and time exposes all.
 LaughingHeart12
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 49
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 12/10/2012 10:04:51 AM
[cuote]Am I wrong to be upset that hes still talking to women on date sites when he says hes fallen for me and Im traveling 6000 miles to see him? Am I overreacting?

Not at all wrong. And not at all overreacting. He's not worth your time. Move on.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 50
Traveling to another country to meet someone
Posted: 12/10/2012 2:52:33 PM
OP, I have traveled to many other countries, though not with the intent of "meeting anyone", other than on business. However, in general, I have found meeting women, and dating in other countries, especially Europe, to be far easier than in the USA. Asia is not too bad, once you learn the cultural idiosyncrasies. That takes a little time and patience though. But in the USA, dating is extremely difficult, so if you can afford to go abroad, go for it. It's far better.
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