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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Bluepage
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 26
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

STICK TO THE ORIGINAL question. The question was a what would YOU do?

Nine times out of ten, when people give advice and say what you should do, it's the same advice they would use on themselves. Just saying.

I'd just go with it. Love is love, whether it's target is a man or woman. If I were in that position and I never acted on my feelings, I would always be wondering what it would have been like, if I would have liked it or not, if it could have gone somewhere, etc. There's no point in denying yourself the chance to be happy.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 27
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 8:10:13 AM

So again. What would YOU do if you found yourself in this situation?


I wouldn't find myself in that situation.

It's a stupid hypothetical question, the thread should have been deleted as a chat topic.
 pookie1982
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 28
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 8:19:33 AM
if u truley love him and he loves u back thats all that matters dont let other people judge u love who u want and be happy doing it dont let ur soul mate get a way because of what other people think
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 29
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What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 8:32:35 AM
I think that I would ask myself if I was confusing a strong friendship with sexual attraction. I cannot believe that unless you have been lying to yourself about you sexual orientation all along, you are now attracted to men. I imagine that you are probably feeling some strong emotions towards this person, and if you are feeling lonely in your personal life, it wouldnt be all that hard to confuse emotional with sexual in a desire to fill that void.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 30
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 8:35:11 AM
I have always had intense and loving relationships with some of my bffs--but there was never any sexual attraction. If there was, I'd just assume I'm bi and would be ok with that. I would not want to make someone I love uncomfortable, though, so if they were not interested and I couldn't get past the attraction, I'd let them go--I don't want to torture myself with longing for someone I cannot have!

But mutual interest in taking the relationship to the next level? Go for it. Be happy. Enjoy.
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 31
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 9:04:28 AM
I know someone (a woman) who was married for 20 years with 3 kids and she left her family for another woman. She had no idea this could happen to her, didn't plan it, didn't look for it. They've been together for about 8 years and word is they're very happy.
I guess anything can happen......
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 32
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 9:04:48 AM


3ffervescent

Couldn't someone be 100% heterosexual up until the point that they first act on, or have cognitive thoughts of bisexual or homosexual encounters?


Based on the 100% heterosexuality claim, I believe the answer is no. I'll explain why....

Sometime during our early development we become able to distinguish femininity from masculinity. At that point, I suppose we make a subconscious choice that we like one or the other. As you obviously know, the problem with that sentence is that it assumes the attraction is entirely one way. The Kinsey report, more than suggests that, for some (many/most/majority of?) people there may be a degree of attraction to both.. I have a tendency to believe the Kinsey report is correct in that regard.

If someone is truly 100% physically attracted to the opposite sex, and truly 0% attracted to the same sex from an early age, I have a hard time believing that will change. On the other hand, if someone is 100% attracted to the opposite sex and (say) 20% attracted to the same sex then,.... as time goes by, I believe it is possible for that 20% to grow, or for one particular individual to trigger a higher than 20% attraction.

Using the OP's statement of 100% heterosexuality (100, 0) there is no foundation for his scenario. His scenario seems more likely to be possible if the balance had been (100, 20) (wild guess on my part). I would not call a man or woman who had a balance of attraction towards the opposite sex represented by (100, 20) to be 100% heterosexual (80% heterosexual?).

It is illogical to say, someone is 100% heterosexual and 20% homosexual. On the other hand, as soon as something is not absolute (not 100%) then just about anything is possible.

As far as changing over time or, even suddenly, if an individual starts out as (100, 0), it is truly difficult to believe the zero is going to change suddenly, or even over a period of time. IMO, if the natural physical attraction to the opposite sex is below a certain threshold (which I have no idea what it is), then there is nothing (no one ?) that can trigger it to grow.

ADDED:

That the behavior an individual exhibited throughout a number of years was 100% heterosexual does not mean the individual is (100, 0). Sexual tendency and behavior are _not_ the same thing. If the OP or yourself had qualified the behavior as 100% heterosexual instead of the individuals then the answer to your question could certainly be "yes".
 MDIYM59
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 33
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 2:27:38 PM
I have some great male friends, but I never ever once in 52 years thought about/felt like dating them. I think you are in the closet and don't even realize it.
That's fine but no straight man I know ever felt that way about another man.
 shiraz_girl
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 34
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/1/2012 2:59:15 PM
I've never been attracted the same sex, but if I was open to it, I probably would pursue it if that is what made me happy!!..Do what feels right and makes YOU happy!!
 Bezoa
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 35
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 12:13:47 AM

I don't think I would fall in love with someones genitals


Stranger things have happened.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 36
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 1:15:35 AM

You wouldn't just steal his soul Shelby... You would run away with his pants and shoes too (great way to double your wardrobe - if he is the same size as you ; )


He would have to be shorter, I like shorter individuals, so the clothes would probably not fit :( ...
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 37
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 1:41:13 AM
well, it means youre gay, bi, whatever. as a straight guy, this sort of thing wouldnt happen to me so i cant say what i would do. hypothetically speaking, if i felt it was happening to me, id just consider myself gay and go with it i suppose. actually, if i even started to seriously believe in soulmates, id consider myself gay then too.

we are what we are man. no sense in denying it. anyone this happens to may as well go with it.
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 38
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 6:28:45 AM
I wonder why private-pilot links "soul mate" with "lover". For me, it doesn't matter whether my soul mate is the same gender as me, as "soul mate" as far as I'm concerned is someone I am very connected to, but have no desire to have sex with. Having a soul mate, thus is not a threat to my kind of sexuality. The people I have most connection with, anyway, are those who are not sexual partners. But, hey, that's just me.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 39
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What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:45:43 AM
I don't think it's possible unless someone is bi but if the other person feels the same way and kissing the other person doesn't make one wish to hurl I suspect most people would check it out knowing the other person feels the same way.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 40
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:51:53 AM
"I appreciate all of the responses so far. Keep them rolling in but STICK TO THE ORIGINAL question. The question was a what would YOU do? Not a what should I do, a what has happened to people you know, or a is it possible for a straight girl/guy to fall in love with girl/ guy, ................So again. What would YOU do if you found yourself in this situation? Pursue this new same sex love or not? Why?" TIMES TWICE. AND TWO TIMES "What would YOU do?" (NOTICE CAPITAL YOU) IN EACH POST, THAT MAKES FOUR TIMES TO DEMAND PEOPLE.

MEN! YOU'RE PUSHY AND DEMANDING. WTH! YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WOULD DO INSTEAD OF ADMITTING THAT YOU'RE CHANGING OR WHAT?

FISHING ABOUT PEOPLE’S LIFE TO ADJUST WITH YOUR LIFESTYLE, AND SO YOU COULD FEEL BETTER, HUH? YOU FEEL GUILTY OR NOT, WHO CARES? JUST LISTEN TO PEOPLE'S STORIES AND/OR ADVICE, KID.
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 41
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/2/2012 12:03:46 PM
My best friend (male) is my soul mate....we are not gay....we now each other very well ,we are very close on many levels are care deeply for each other....we have the same beliefs same thoughts....we understand each other better than anyone else...we have been with each other almost throughout the whole of our military careers he was my #1 any time we went through a door in Afghan and after 4 tours there yes we are very close friends....I trust him with my life any day....more than I can say about any one else I have ever known...
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 42
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What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/3/2012 1:34:24 AM
You're both happy...Go for it.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 43
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What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/4/2012 8:05:44 AM
Given my own dating desires, it wouldn't make a big difference; so I'd get together with a man a couple of times a week for dinner and a movie but no sex, rather than getting together with a woman a couple of times a week for dinner and a movie but no sex.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 44
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/4/2012 8:26:23 AM
Nope you were just in the closet..and finally decided to come out. Hey to each his own, straight people dont turn gay either your gay or straight. If I was gay like you, then that is who I am. Come out of the closet already.
 tygerpawn
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 45
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/4/2012 9:43:30 AM
I think the question you should ask yourself is, do you like it up the ass or giving it up the ass?
then ask your soulmate best friend that question
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 46
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/4/2012 9:53:59 AM
I can only comment from my own limited perspective. I have never been sexually attracted to a man. I have had great friends where you go through the whole "bromance" period of spending a lot of time hanging out, fixing cars, drinking, road trips, etc. But there was never sexual attraction. I would think that once that happens you have to soul search and figure out a little more about yourself.

We continue to grow, even in adult years. Most all of us struggle to figure out who we are versus how others have identified us. This may be you growing and figuring out more about your true identity. Or it may just be curiosity. I say go with it and see where it takes you.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 47
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 9/4/2012 10:38:20 AM
Interesting thought experiment.

I would be extremely uncomfortable and to be honest, would most likely back away from the friendship because of it. It would take me some time to work it through in my own mind and beyond that, I have no idea what the results would be.

I've been hit on by women in the past, more times than I was ever comfortable with. I used to wonder what the heck it was about me that attracted lesbians?? I also had one female friend who later turned out to be bisexual. She used to try to cuddle up with me all the time, told me about dreams she had of me and then once when we were drinking, decided to plant a kiss on me! We were never as close after that. I didn't feel I could fully trust her anymore.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 48
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/25/2015 10:14:19 PM

you realize you have found your soul mate and you are in love.

You are at least Bi. It's pretty simple. How you feel is even beyond just non-platonic attraction, so it makes this quite clear.

AND this new friend/ soul mate feels the same way about you.

How? You guys talked about it, etc? Kiss at all?

Keep in mind, you have identified as 100% straight for your whole life.

Key word is "have" -- past tense. You can't anymore. :)

What would you do? Pursue this new love or not? Why?

It'd be really hard to put myself in those shoes accurately from any feeling perspective, so I can only say what others should do who are in that situation. The key in pursuing it or not depends on he feels, too, etc. Talk with him about it -- and IF he really does feel that way, yeah, roll with it. Why NOT, is the real question. The only complications would be how both your feelings may not be on the same level.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 49
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/25/2015 11:13:36 PM
"I appreciate all of the responses so far. Keep them rolling in but STICK TO THE ORIGINAL question."

It's hard for many of us because if you are asking us if we would "go gay" because we are really into a same sex friend, most of us are going to say no, that is the limit. If we're not bi, we probably would not even experience the sort of intense connectedness to someone that would result in sexual contact.


Being a same sex soulmate can happen. I've had girlfriends that really resonate with me, and many more guy friends who are very much in the same vibe as I am, and I feel very connected to. None of us have had sex.

So, the answer is I would not have sex with a same sex soulmate. I dont have any compelling desire to get into bed with a woman. That is not how I want to enjoy women in my life. And so far, after a half a century on this planet, I've never had any sort of friendship with a female that has gone so off the rails that I am actually lusting after her. I've never been in love with a woman, or have had any sort of romantic feeling for women.

I'm just not wired that way.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 50
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 12:41:57 AM
Well, I certainly had my first crush on a boy in kindergarten, romantic feelings emotionally, thinking him so kind, beautiful, heart skipping when he ran up to me to walk me home, jealousy when he was noticed by other girls. It went on like that till college.

I had heard about women having crushes on female friends and it never made sense to me. Even as an adult in my 30s, I was talking to another female friend about my being hit on in a grocery store(I thought) or being stared at when I was in the gym getting undressed and noticing a creepy woman "casually" coming closer and watching me, and feeling like it went beyond curiosity. I felt violated.

There is a vibe I have picked on before, but didn't understand because these women were "straight looking" and feminine. I just got the same feral vibe from them that a man would have, but only in female form. I assumed most lesbians were androgynous looking.

Once, looking for a roommate, I got a curious vibe from this woman who answered the door, it was like she "noticed" me and got a little shy. She was long haired, feminine and easy on the eyes. I went back to the roommate form she had filled out. "Gay" it said. I never thought to look at that part. In no way, was I assuming she would hit on me, she was very nice and appropriate. We never did live together, and I sensed she knew I was straight, and in a way, I think she felt better around someone gay.

Similar stuff happened in that college town, not often, but enough that I just had my sterotypes challenged. I went to a screening of a film about a gay couple and often saw indie films with those themes, sometimes lesbians or gay men, no big deal. At one, it looked like the audience was mostly lesbian. A lot of estrogen in that room. People were so cool and nice, and friendly..it was a very nice community feeling and I thought wow, I never experienced that type of thing, it was kind of sweet.

Later on, I had friends who were gay and I knew it just setting eyes on her. When she alluded to it. I said I know. She was a bit surprised, as she had thought she was straight till she went to college. In short, a few bi, lesbian women I knew personally were cool people, some who kind of objectified women, and were all about the sex, which made my stomach turn, like women needing to make out in public, talk about toys, etc..I never related to it, and was glad I dated men.

Over time though, I realized I was turned off by men as well, the majority of them, saying crude and sexist things about women, saying they needed to get laid..just bleh...

I was kind of surprised I was recently attracted to a guy. I was starting to think I was turned off by people. The guy, there was just chemistry. I think too, with some women, there might be chemistry, it's just an inexplicable thing. I certainly don't identify as gay but identifying as straight (wearing dresses, being girly) isn't something I think about either.

I have never been attracted to a female friend. They are straight, and some are attractive enough, but I feel nothing. So, sexuality is rather curious. Some are very straight or very gay, there are others...I heard a term... hetero flexible? If I have that right. When perusing profiles, I find most of the women more interesting in their outlooks, even physically, that I think men have some interesting women in their dating pool.

I had a research professor I worked with briefly and I sensed she was gay. Women flirt in a very subtle way, but at the same time it seems quite confident, the flattery never feels threatening, like with a guy.

A girl kept dropping hints she was alone on a certain holiday and after a while I thought she was being a bit flirty. I had to admire the approach, as it was subtle but bold. She was cute, but I just am left like a deer in headlights. When I am attracted to a man, I know it. With some women, I have felt something, an energy, a spirituality, soulfullness that is quite endearing.
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