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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?      Home login  
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 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 51
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
You know, it is perfectly acceptable (although not "cool" or PC) to be really good friends with that person. Being lovers (because it is "cool") is not necessary or required.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 52
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:12:09 AM
Well, I never did get involved and know it isn't necessary. The last thing I would do is conform to "fit in" somewhere, never did amongst those I identified with, such as heteros, much less with those I never identified with, guess my point is some people are very much gay or straight, and others are more in the middle or somewhere along the spectrum and the grey area can be a surprise.

I really don't identify with any lifestyle, straight or gay. The other thing is, for a straight person, the majority of men are not attractive to me, so how hetero am I, sometimes wonder, and if I was forced to choose a partner, I would have more in common with some women than a lot of men.

Yes, that doesn't translate to sex. I think my eyes being opened somewhat is the realization that the same chemistry, tension can come in the form of a man or a woman. The packaging is different, but it seems like the same energy. It is interesting when you just see yourself as energy out there than just the physical being.

A lot of people call that crazy, that sexuality is all about the physical but I can see it as energy, as spiritual, more than just the physical. It is just something I noticed, the fluidity of attraction, in some cases...but I am not like someone who feels the need to define myself by sexuality, like some do.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 53
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:54:23 AM

I really don't identify with any lifestyle, straight or gay.

If you're someone who doesn't conform to "fit in" somewhere, you should drop re-defining things to "fit in". Straight or gay isn't a lifestyle. At all. It's about non-platonic attraction. That's it. When I was 8 and was ga-ga about this "hot girl" in my elementary school, and at another time a crush on my hot teacher -- I was of course still a virgin, never kissed a girl, etc. I was straight. Hetero. Didn't want guys. Wanted girls. Pretty simple concept. It isn't about clothing style or your choice of bars that you hang out at, or what parades you attend. Otherwise, some straight people would be called gay, and some gay people could be called straight. This completely Absurd re-definition game is held by people who are scared.

A lot of people call that crazy, that sexuality is all about the physical but I can see it as energy, as spiritual, more than just the physical.

Your sexual orientation is based on your Attraction. Following thru with it physically is just proof. I didn't kiss a girl until I was about 16. That didn't define me as hetero. What defined me as that was what I wanted -- just chicks. It's a very simple concept. It's just about Attraction. That's it. Just because you don't have the opportunity to follow through on it, or are scared/woeful of following through on it -- doesn't change your sexual orientation.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 54
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:05:36 AM
"This completely Absurd re-definition game is held by people who are scared."

I think I explained myself. Maybe you have trouble understanding anything that isn't black and white. I do identify as hetero but then so many straight men don't appeal to me at all, I am not attracted. It isn't because they are ugly in all cases, just a lack of chemistry. If I was on a desert island I could resist.

Obviously you are all straight, but it is not like heterosexuality isn't drummed into us
as the only acceptable choice and being gay or bi demonized, so some people will never accept anything but a black and white pov on this. It doesn't mean some don't think in a grey area. But yeah, if I was closer to bi, I would have acted on it.

"If you're someone who doesn't conform to "fit in" somewhere, you should drop re-defining things to "fit in". Straight or gay isn't a lifestyle"

I'm going by what a few bi people have said, that they find it hard to identify with a gay lifestyle, so they hide the bi part of themselves because they prefer not being stereotyped.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 55
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:32:53 AM

I think I explained myself. Maybe you have trouble understanding anything that isn't black and white. I do identify as hetero but then so many straight men don't appeal to me at all, I am not attracted.

You defined yourself as scared, underneath it all by Re-Defining for your own comfort zone. You made that quite clear. I am hetero. But many straight women don't appeal to me at all, I am not attracted. So? That has Zero bearing on sexual orientation. I don't have to be attracted to most women. Especially in good 'ol fat America - lol. No, attraction in and of itself isn't necessarily black n white. You'll find people saying "No, Jimmy isn't that attractive," but then you see her by observation with all the signs of being attracted. Some people aren't in tune with themselves enough to Know what they want, thru and thru -- with sexual orientation not being a confusing issue. Sometimes, we can be kinda-attracted to someone; it's there but kinda not, etc. List goes on and on. Sexual Orientation doesn't have to factor into situations where it's not black-n-white of being totally into someone or totally not into someone.

I'm going by what a few bi people have said, that they find it hard to identify with a gay lifestyle, so they hide the bi part of themselves because they prefer not being stereotyped.

Yes, you're scared. Exactly. But here's what I was saying to you: Call a spade, a spade. Sexual orientation is NOT about lifestyle. At all. I follow the dictionary and what the terms Mean. Not re-defining them to Confuse things and to hide. :)

Here, I'll give you an example of people being fools, re-defining things outside of any sexual-orientation talk...

John & Jane go out on some dates, etc. Both, say, are on the rebound, and don't want to rush into things. They both are Not looking for a Relationship at all anytime soon. OK. So time passes, and they keep saying they're Friends-but-more-than-Friends. They say to others they're NOT BF/GF! Well, low and behold, it's been like 6 months... they go out on trips together, have sex regularly, a handful of his clothes can be found at her place, and vice versa... he spends time with her kids, they go out to a nice dinner once a week.... they've met each others' parents...

.... they ARE BF/GF. In This case, you are what you do. John can try and re-define things because he doesn't want to be labeled as having a GF. That doesn't mean it's accurate. He's Scared of that notion, which is Why he's *falsely* re-defining it. Don't be a chicken, Johnny. Whether it be that, or one's sexual orientation (which in contrast, is based on feeling, not action).
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 56
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:43:18 AM
Well, I skimmed this. Are you saying I am bi? I think I was just discussing the fact it isn't a black and white thing, for some people. Maybe it is for you.

As for me, no fear. If I met a woman I liked that much I wouldn't say no. Yes, I have gay friends. I'm not afraid of being thought gay, if that's what you are claiming.

A lot of your posts you say things in a black and white manner, but that is your pov, not a universal truth.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 57
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:00:21 AM

Well, I skimmed this. Are you saying I am bi? I think I was just discussing the fact it isn't a black and white thing, for some people. Maybe it is for you.

Straight, gay, and bi are not fuzzy -- only to the confused, and yes, Other people may be able to point it out to the confused individual better than they themselves. Attraction to an individual can be fuzzy, sure (see beer goggles as an example).

As for me, no fear. If I met a woman I liked that much I wouldn't say no.

If you find some women Attractive, on a non-platonic level, and you also find some men Attractive on a non-platonic level, you're Bi. Yes, it's that simple.
If you find only women Attractive, on a non-platonic level, and you're not attracted to any men on a non-platonic level, you're gay/lesbian. Yes, it's that simple.
If you find only men Attractive, on a non-platonic level, and you're not attracted to any women on a non-platonic level, you're straight. Yes, it's that simple.

I think some "fuzziness" that could play into it, is when one's Bi, but they are Pretty Much one-sided -- where they'd rather just be called gay, instead. Or one's Pretty Much one-sided, where they'd rather be called straight, instead. Or their attraction for one gender is on a different, deeper level than the other gender, no matter what.... and they don't want "Bi" to mean it's like some 50/50 thing.

All Bi means is that you CAN be Attracted, on a non-platonic level, to either gender.

If you take a baseball player who is a switch-hitter -- and he bats .350 right-handed, and he bats .220 left-handed -- yeah, he should probably just stick to right-handed batting. BUT, he's still a switch-hitter... he can bat on both sides of the plate.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 58
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:24:39 AM
double post
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 59
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:25:30 AM

Say you meet someone the same sex as you and the two of you become really good friends. You click instantly and enjoy being in that persons family. After a while your intense friendship takes a turn. You start to feel sad when not with that person, you send them those stupid one word text messages (hi, :-), wink, ect) at random times of the day, and you realize you have found your soul mate and you are in love. AND this new friend/ soul mate feels the same way about you. Keep in mind, you have identified as 100% straight for your whole life. What would you do? Pursue this new love or not? Why?




There's only one life one can live. When we die, that's it.

There's is no rule that when one connects with another that you MUST act on it nor is there a rule that you shouldn't although family and society structures would say otherwise. For eons, what other people think and how they react have interfered with how we live our lives.
You only have one life and with it a glorious opportunity and freedom, despite what and who is around you, to live that life however you wish. You feel connected with someone of the same gender? What to do?
Whatever you wish.

What I would do? I already know.
During my 20's I explored the gay scene and lifestyle when I was best friends with an older gay woman. Best time of my life I tell you! Awesome women. But I knew, no matter how many women of all ages, size, color and looks I encountered that I was only sexually attracted to men. I have not been with a woman intimately because I chose not to. I have met women that I felt drawn to. Felt that "pull" but it was my choice to not follow through. And I love that!
I love that I followed what I wanted to do or feel. I didn't give a hoot what society thinks or wants. It's all about ME.
So when I'm on my deathbed one day, I have no regret how I lived my one life. I did what I want. Made my choices.......on my own. And you know, that could all change. One day I may even decide to take on a woman but that's MY choice. Ain't life grand in that sense?
That's what I would do.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 60
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:26:05 AM
Good, then I won't have to bother with men
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 61
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:28:32 AM
I have no problem calling myself bi, except the fact I have not been involved with anyone female and dated more men, with good and bad results.

Sure, I can find objectively attractive, gay men, gay women or straight men and women, without knowing anyone's orientation, but the chemistry with both men or women is rare...and in the case of women, not acted upon because it wasn't that overriding or mutual.

So I never saw myself as 50/50, simply not closed off to the rare attraction. As I get older, I really tire of the male female disconnect in terms of monogamy and relating, but this is not why on rare occasion, I have found a gay or bi woman magnetic in some way. It hasn't happened with any straight female. Certainly, many gay women do not appeal to me.

It is the same thing with men, when chemistry happens, it isn't something as simple as they look good to me.

I can only explain it as energy or a spiritual quality, beyond the physical. Some will just say that's weird, but that is how I have always been.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 62
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:45:45 AM

I have no problem calling myself bi, except the fact I have not been involved with anyone female and dated more men

But again, that has no bearing on it. I didn't kiss a girl until I was 16. I had the hots for my pre-school teacher when I was 4. Again, I didn't kiss a girl until I was 16 -- but that's Not what the definition is about. It's about what gender in which there are people that you can be Attracted to. It's a very Simple definition, because many people are only attracted to people within one gender.

Sure, I can find objectively attractive, gay men, gay women or straight men and women, without knowing anyone's orientation, but the chemistry with both men or women is rare

It isn't based on whether you get chemistry going with someone! At all. It's not about lifestyle or what you end up executing and following-thru on. At all. It's about Attraction. Even if one's scared of it. I knew a guy in junior high & high school who obviously liked girls, but when he'd sit down with her in private, he'd freeze up like a deer in headlights and would sometimes freak out about making a move or things "happening", even on a simple 1st base level -- and he never did for MANY years. That didn't make him non-hetero because he never followed through on it in practice! That's not what the definition is about.

It is the same thing with men, when chemistry happens, it isn't something as simple as they look good to me.

You're not that unique, sorry. :) Yes, chemistry is more than just looks. Of course. I think the confusing part is that you haven't had many real, executed non-platonic experiences... or hardly any of some real substance. And that fascinates you and wants you to be given a different 'label' or to avoid 'labels'. But gay,straight, or bi is not a lifestyle/social label. It's just a description of what gender may contain people they can be Attracted to.

Some guys claim they're not bi -- because they can fall in love with a girl, but not a guy, and with guys, it's just sex. LOL. No dude -- both are non-platonic Attraction. Just because they're on different levels doesn't mean you're attracted to one but not the other. We can all find people, within the same gender, that we can have lovey-feelings for, and ones we can't but would just like sexual -- or neither at all! The different levels/planes of attraction itself can be fuzzy -- yes. But that's not what defines gay,striaight, or bi.

The only thing I could see it affecting it is where it'd be so Rare for one to be attracted to someone of the same sex, and when it is, it's on such a smaller, isolated level, that it'd be too much to call them "Bi". Or someone who's gay in which it'd be so Rare for them to be attracted to the opposite sex that it'd be too much to call them "Bi". I can understand a LITTLE leeway on the concept to stick to "gay" or "straight" when the attraction to the Other gender is insignificant. But that's about the only "exception" I could see in one doing definitions.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 63
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 9:00:20 AM
[It is the same thing with men, when chemistry happens, it isn't something as simple as they look good to me.]

"You're not that unique, sorry. :) Yes, chemistry is more than just looks. Of course. I think the confusing part is that you haven't had many real, executed non-platonic experiences... or hardly any of some real substance. "

Don't know what you mean. I lived with several men for years and it wasn't platonic, dated many others. Despite your assumption I'm prudish or something, no, there was never a lack of affection or intimacy. Never had a cold ltr.

"And that fascinates you and wants you to be given a different 'label' or to avoid 'labels'. But gay, straight, or bi is not a lifestyle/social label. It's just a description of what gender may contain people they can be Attracted to."

I don't know why you think this, I have identified as straight, can see myself as bi in some fashion in not being 100 percent straight and into all things male.

As for lifestyle, it is part of what bi people have said to me, that they keep romantic feelings for one gender but sexual feelings for another, and how their identity relates more comfortably with a gay or straight lifestyle, so I'm not sure how you are more of an expert here, being a straight guy with no interest in men.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 64
view profile
History
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 10:33:30 AM


What would YOU do if you found yourself in this situation? Pursue this new same sex love or not?


Who cares? What difference does it make to you?

Myself, I've traveled around the sun enough trips that I no longer think in terms of a 'soul mate'. You make lots of friends in life, some will remain close, some will eventually be distant again.

After 60 trips around the sun, it's likely you know who you really are. And maybe only one at a time who is your lover. Why think in terms of your soul mate? You just get along great and love how you make each other feel.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 65
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 12:31:54 PM

Don't know what you mean. I lived with several men for years and it wasn't platonic, dated many others.

Point being, you're not in any unique situation because it "isn't as simple as they look good to me". That has nothing to do with sexual orientation, is my point. That's how it is for most people.

I don't know why you think this, I have identified as straight, can see myself as bi in some fashion in not being 100 percent straight and into all things male.

And I'm saying you're Falsely Identifying yourself as straight, when people of the same gender can be non-platonically attractive to you. Whether that attraction is more on the emotional side or physical side is moot.

so I'm not sure how you are more of an expert here, being a straight guy with no interest in men.

I'm not talking about the emotional difficulties or how one should do this or that to deal better in relationships, etc. I'm merely pointing out a 3rd grade fact: Sexual orientation isn't about lifestyle. That's another subject associated with it. If you can be non-platonically attracted to both genders, even if one gender more than another; even if one more in one way than another way -- it doesn't matter. You're Bi.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 66
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 2:36:26 PM
Wow, interesting you feel the need to define me...do you have issues or what? No, don't answer that. We will never get anywhere.

Something tells me you have no actual knowledge or experience around these issues of defining oneself as gay, bi, whatever... If it makes you feel good to think of me as bi, so be it. I explained my pov already so this is going nowhere.

One thing I have understood with bi friends is THEY identify their orientation, and some do identify as gay, not bi, or don't call themselves bi, after being involved with a man or woman...etc..you may call that "incorrect" but what really do you know of these issues of identity? Rhetorical. No need to answer. I am sure you know nothing. I am done .
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 67
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 4:01:01 PM
Having affection for and really liking someone of the same sex does not make you homosexual. It makes you human. That is the problem with modern society. They have forgotten how to love, for the most part. You have different kinds of love - for parents, for siblings, for friends, for your children, etc. For lovers.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 68
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 4:05:25 PM
So where did all the people who claim you are born gay go to?
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 69
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 4:07:59 PM
Haven't you heard? When "born this way" and "like being black" no longer worked, now you say, "It doesn't matter,"
Keep up.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 70
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 4:18:29 PM
^^^
Flip a coin deet.

Maybe you'll get lucky.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 71
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 5:18:46 PM

Wow, interesting you feel the need to define me...do you have issues or what?

Me have issues? Coppin' an attitude there, aren't ya? I don't have to get angry and p!ssy about it like you are. I'm talking 3rd grade stuff here on the general level: If you have non-platonic attraction to both men & women, you're Bi-Sexual. That's all that means. If you want to avoid using the term to avoid assumptions about you, go ahead. But that doesn't make you non-Bi, sorry. If you do not form non-platonic attraction toward one gender, but only in cases to the other, you're either straight or gay. It's a simple concept. If that makes you feel less unique, you should be looking in the mirror about issues.

Something tells me you have no actual knowledge or experience around these issues of defining oneself as gay, bi, whatever...

Actually, I'd say the same thing about you. Open up a dictionary.

If it makes you feel good to think of me as bi

Again, you said you were. You just don't like that very basic, general term.

One thing I have understood with bi friends is THEY identify their orientation

And they can be right or wrong about it, I guess. Many people are gay and "don't know it". Some Mormon guys Are Gay, but they end up getting married to a woman because "God wants them to", and call themselves SSA (same-sex attraction). SSA=Gay (or Bi). Hetero, Homo, or Bi is not a lifestyle. At all. That's not my opinion, that's just a fact. It's sad you don't understand this very basic concept. It's not about living, lifestyle, or one's "identity". It's just about sexual orientation. That's it. If you don't like it, and don't feel special enough -- sorry, tough. :)

Having affection for and really liking someone of the same sex does not make you homosexual.

If it's non-platonic, it does -- or at least Bi.

You have different kinds of love - for parents, for siblings, for friends, for your children, etc. For lovers.

Yes, there's different kinds of feelings. If it's non-platonic, it falls into the hetero/homo arena. Why are people so sensitive about that basic fact? It's not bashing anything/anyone at all.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 72
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 5:59:36 PM
^^^^Ya know, you’re being a bit of a d!ck. It’s not your place to identify someone’s sexuality to them and argue about it. You’ve done it now, repeatedly, even after she explained her feelings. How about letting it go.


If it's non-platonic, it falls into the hetero/homo arena.


Yeah I disagree that non-sexual love needs to be labeled sexual.

Edit: Oops, I read that wrong. Sorry.


That is the problem with modern society. They have forgotten how to love, for the most part.


I so agree with you. :/
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 73
view profile
History
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:06:38 PM
The only weirdness I see here is the belief in a "soulmate". Other than that, fvck whomever you fancy. It's pretty smiple, really....

 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 74
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:01:54 PM
I'd consult the Kinsey Scale asap and adapt as necessary.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 75
What if you found your soul mate was the same sex as you?
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:32:11 PM
Private-pilot- You are obviously worried about the ramifications if you have a relationship with a man.
Will your friends and family accept it?
Some will, some won't and you have to prepare yourself for that.
I would take my time and be SURE that BOTH of us felt the same way and if we did, I would go for it and let the chips fall where they may.
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