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 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 26
Settling vs compromisingPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Perhaps the work 'settle' in the dating world has become a bit of a slang term, but I agree with Igorfrankensteen on his take.

I would further add, that settling (as I've heard it used in reference to dating/marriage) seems to imply a personal act, while compromising seems to be the act of two parties attempting to meet in the middle.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 27
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 3:46:25 PM
I'm all FOR settling; as long as it's not settling "down".

Compromise means you're losing something, and I dont play that game. In a relationship' we can both get we want. If not; it's not meant to be.

I hate the word compromise actually; bad word.

Captain; the uridium shields are compromised...lol
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 28
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Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 6:58:03 PM
I don't necessarily think you should settle, but you should be self-aware enough to separate the required from the "would be nice to have."
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 29
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 11/24/2012 5:08:08 PM
Well, to me it depends on the "issue", I have some very strong beliefs on certain subjects and want a wife that feels the same way on those issues.

Therefore I do not compromise on any of those questions I ask, it is a very simple yes or no, pass or fail situation. In this case I believe is only compromise AFTER marriage, before marriage I would consider it settling.

Now if we are talking about an issue not on my "list", then compromise would be perfectly acceptable to my way of thinking.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 30
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 11/24/2012 5:27:59 PM
"Settling" is seen as something negative.

"Compromising" is seen as something positive, for the good of the relationship.

Compromising sounds good in theory, but sometimes in reality, if one person feels they are compromising more than the other, then they will think they are settling.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 31
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 11/24/2012 5:33:22 PM
I think Igor touched on an important point, the passive vs. active thing.

To compromise, you have be involved with another person.

The act of settling is a choice you make alone.

If you made a mind map, settling would be closer to resignation than compromise. Compromise would be closer to solution than settling...maybe?
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 32
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 11/24/2012 5:43:01 PM
well - it's likened to being with some one - who always eats half - of what you have on your plate - and all his own as well when you are a size 6 anyway.
As I never eat everything anyway - and always leave some - is that the glass half full situation - or glass half empty - and either or would you accept that - as fair.
It's really about what you make of it - what makes you c0mfortable.
Adorable really
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 11/24/2012 6:05:49 PM
Regardless of all of the preaching going on, telling people to never settle or compromise, EVERYBODY settles. Every guy's dream woman is a super-gorgeous woman with a perfect body who shares all of the same views and ideas as the guy. Every woman's dream guy is a spitting image of the latest Hollywood hunk with the body of a pro athlete, a guy who showers her with expensive gifts on a daily basis and agrees with everything a woman says. How many people end up with their dream image of the perfect mate? Yet, almost everybody ends up marrying and mating with someone at least once-someone who was considered perfect enough at the time. In other words, settling for the person.

I agree with one of the above posters who said compromise is what you do after finding a mate. No two people are going to agree on everything, so there has to be a compromising-finding a middle ground that both partners can accept. The problem is too many people grew up as spoiled brats who always got what they want by whining, so they have no clue about compromising, which causes problems when entering into the real world.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 11/24/2012 9:24:18 PM
settling, focuses on the relationship. compromise focuses on the person.

you settle for a person in order to keep the relationship

you compromise on what you want from a relationship, in order to keep the person.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 35
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 7:41:13 AM
Personally, I think settling is a singular act. Meaning giving up what a person wants, desires or needs. Or it could be compromising your values, dignity,your ideas, even to go as far as giving up your identity in some cases. There are many reasons why someone might settle. One reason might be, that person will self compromise in order to not cause friction, or to deceive another person so in the end he or she does get what they want, although that is destine to fail in the long run.

Compromise is a proactive approach where both parties voice their concerns, opinions, all the while new information is revealed, all the while gaining new incite on something or another. Soon we learn we are not settling on anything we have grown to understand better the situation that we are in as a couple. Many times we do give up something through compromise, one could be ignorance of a subject that was discussed,, or it could be just wanting to be pig headed. Then it also could be, what is discussed is more impotent to the other person so why not choose to give in to that.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 36
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 8:14:48 AM

Every woman's dream guy is a spitting image of the latest Hollywood hunk with the body of a pro athlete, a guy who showers her with expensive gifts on a daily basis and agrees with everything a woman says.
LOL...maybe when I was 16...
IMO...settling means...Not what I am totally happy with but close enough to give it a go!
Which may be fine if it's just an object....but never another human being....that is "using"!
Could never be with anyone...I didn't feel they were totally..."the one"

Compromising....is when you are in a relationship and there are little insignificant things...you can come to an agreement on....ie: where to have dinner ...where to hang the xmas lights...imo
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 37
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 8:20:57 AM
rdcnorm, you hit it right on the head!!...Well defined.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 38
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Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 9:55:37 AM
I agree with Igor that "settling" is a passive thing to do, and "compromising" is an active way to try to solve a problem. And usually compromising can conform settling. For instance, at a workplace, the employees are not happy with the employer about something or many things, so the union rep. compromises with the employer. Both sides bargain with each other. They request something and give up something. And at the end they settle. In relationship, the two partners may not be happy with each other, so they do the same. Sometimes, it may take a short time or a long time to compromise, and the two sides may not settle. In that case they go on strike (at the workplace) or they break up (in relationship).
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 39
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Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 2:47:39 PM
I suspect we all know in our gut with that particular person rather than working on meaningless generalities, if you are settling versus compromise.

A more practical explanation is that in your list of wants or deal breakers where does this person's collective behavior lie? You may theoretically want someone with abcde qualities, are all of them important? Probably not, if you give up a couple of those that in retrospect aren't a big deal and overshadowed by the good, that's compromise and being realistic enough to know that this isn't settling.

Settling would be remaining with someone that isn't anywhere close to being on your list of good stuff because of how much bad.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 40
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 3:16:41 PM
First of all I think it matters where the difference in opinion exists.

How often we should communicate, is VASTLY different than do we have similar religious beliefs as an example.

On the core issues, the ones I hold nearest and dearest, there is no settling/compromising on my part.

To me, compromise is for after marriage, if it is done before marriage it is called settling.

OFMM
 JJTall
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 41
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 3:26:21 PM

Easy question.

Compromise is give a little, get a little

To settle is to give more than you get, and compromising yourself.


Easy answer: EVERY relationship has compromise, that's how some last the full boat, there's compromising, and more compromising. men and women both have to do it, to make their relationship successful.
 JJTall
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 42
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 3:29:55 PM

To me, "settling" is lowering the bar -- giving up more or less. I have a friend who does this just to have a man around -- she just settles for whoever is available.


A BIG reason why so many women date/marry douchebags/bad boys, they're perfectly content with them, as long as they show them a little interest from time to time. Eventually(and most 0f the time), these are the guys who are out bangin half the city, and the women are completely oblivious to it. They wont "settle" for anything less than a hot guy, or a douchebag. Makes no sense to me.


Compromising is reaching an agreement with your partner on whatever the point of contention is so that both of you are happy.


Very good answer, and i agree.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 43
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Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 3:48:15 PM
I think a prefereable word for compromise would be negotiate, but that's really also semantics. And yes everyone compromises, because if that were not true that would mean there's someone who gets what they want all time the time, the way they want it all the time and when they want it all the time. It could be whose house to go to for Christmas, or it could be having a date night every other week and a night out with friends twice a month. Now I realize it's probably rarely that specific but I think you guys get the gist.

Settling means that you gave up one of your "must haves". It could be college educated, no minor children, no pets, etc. It could be someting substantial or something fairly trivial. The thing is, I think, that is if you feel like you've "settled" then that will probably lead to disappointment and possibly the end of the relationship. It seems like it's those type of things that crop up during an argument "well I didn't want to date someone who had a dog in the first place". That's why I have very few "must haves" but I have more "would be nice". My must haves are not negotiable I let someone know politely that I'm not interested in interacting with them amd wish them the best.
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 44
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 4:50:59 PM
The definition between settling and compromising is different for every person. Settling for someone is allowing them to run the show and you are just a player in the game. Compromising between two people in love is the demonstration of their want and desire to remain together through working things out to be happier together.

Although some people think compromising is giving in to the other person which is not true at all.

For me I will only be with someone who is willing to compromise for me as I do for him. I won't settle and just accept not being shown the respect and consideration I deserve; that we all deserve.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 45
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 7:29:41 PM
IMO compromising would be going out with someone that matches many of the things that you are looking for. But not all of them. Perhaps that person is a little bit shorter, older / younger, or heavier than what you prefer. Settling would be dating someone that is completely not your type.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 46
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 7:35:38 PM
Settling is being with someone, because you don't think you could be with someone better, even though you know of someone better.

Compromise is when you are with the girl/boy of your dreams, and are willing to give a little in order to keep the relationship going well.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 47
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/9/2012 11:06:30 PM

Settling is being with someone, because you don't think you could be with someone better, even though you know of someone better.

Compromise is when you are with the girl/boy of your dreams, and are willing to give a little in order to keep the relationship going well.

I wouldn't say that. Compromise is Settling. Settle Down is Settling. Compromise is Giving In.

But giving in isn't necessarily bad, it's what you're giving in to, etc.

People will call it "settling" with a negative connotation when, yes, they could do better. But when you can't feasibly do better -- you're still settling, sorry.

Compromising is settling for what you can get. Whether you're giving in a lot, very little, or particulars that you really don't care much about anyway.

If an average Joe would prefer going to a hockey game on a 1st date with a beautiful woman he never had a chance in hell with, but she recommends going to a basketball game which would be a close 2nd, in the grand scheme of things -- yes, he's compromising, thus he's settling for it -- and yes, he really doesn't care either way. :)
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 48
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/10/2012 4:39:10 AM
Settling is something girls do. They see it as giving up/losing/putting up with.

Compromising is what men have and will always do, without complaints.

That's the difference.
 vosche
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 49
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 12/10/2012 2:23:20 PM
conflict management explains:

compromise is win-loose; one party gives up something of interest for a perceived gain.

settling is akin to accommodation: a smoothing of sorts where someone downplays the legitimacy of something or circumstance--leaning toward ignoring the existence of something or circumstance.

conclusion: both concepts result in win-lose depending on how one party fares compared to the other...both are a setup for building up storehouses of emotional resentment
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 50
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 1/13/2015 11:38:40 PM
I think if someone isn't enough of what you want or alwayz behaves in ways you dislike, it's time to move on.

You just can't change these things usually.

Compromising is making a deal to try and make both people happy, settling is just giving up and putting up with it.
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