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 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 22
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phone calls and texting not for me.Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This topic has been done a billion times. Generally, busy people with a lot going on in their lives don't like chatting on the phone and prefer to-the-point texts, set meets, and planned out time with people. People with very little going on in their lives or a lot of "down" time prefer lots of phone chatting. It's a preference that mostly has to do with how you live your life.

However, "shyness" is a really silly reason not to talk to someone on the phone that you plan on meeting. Like, it makes no sense at all, and is something you need to get over, if that's the reason.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 23
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 7:28:02 AM
Talking on the phone before a date / meeting isn't a must for me although there have been a few times when I lost interest in someone after a phone call. Due to obvious non-visual dealbreakers such as other person was completely dull or talked down to me. However I like to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. In case one person is late. If a woman doesn't want to give their number before a date / meeting, they could use Google Voice or buy an inexpensive prepaid cell phone and just use it for internet dating.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:28:14 AM
As long as I have her phone number, so in case either one is late, the other can call, I don't have a problem with that. The reality is that anything that happens before you meet is academic and means nothing. Anything that happens AFTER you meet it's a totally different story.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 25
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:35:45 AM
I don't like talking on the phone first. I will do anything to avoid it. Most of my meet and greets have occurred via messaging on POF. I think only one or two really wanted a call first, so I reluctantly agreed. Would MUCH rather meet face-to-face than talk on the phone. And I don't have texting feature on my phone.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:56:17 AM
The way I see it, the more barriers you put up to avoid meeting people, the less chance you have of meeting a potential match. Unless someone is totally obnoxious on the phone, I don't understand how hearing a stranger's voice means anything-especially in a situation where the conversation is like a job interview. Most first telephone conversations would go along the line of repeating what was said when exchanging e-mails. What's the point of that? The people who are the best of the best in telephone conversations are players who are charming the pants off of women while on the phone. Women will wet themselves while talking to a player on the phone whose really good at his trade, not knowing she is being played for a fool and he is only after her vagina.

The best bet is to take a chance and meet in person, and you will know in seconds or minutes if he/she is worth pursuing. If you can't spare 20 minutes of your life to see if someone would be a good match, or won't meet anyone unless you know for sure he/she is totally perfect and the most awesome creature on the planet, you shouldn't be on a dating site or consider dating.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 28
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 12:42:51 PM
I don't see why Maleman999 should be considered bitter. The subject has been brought up a zillion times and he is sharing like you and everyone else. Variety of opinions bring diversity and color to forums.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:26:14 PM

Lilbitofsugaandspice:
Maleman999
Are you bitter much? Please.


Looks like I struck a nerve with Libido or whatever her name is. Does the thought a smooth talking player on the phone bring back some unpleasant memories?
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 32
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 4:35:43 AM

Lilbitofsugaandspice:
Nope, I love talking on the phone actually.


Good for you. But people like you who chatter on and on are the reason many States want to stop people from talking on their cell phones while driving.

When I make a phone call. I take care of the business I have and hang up. If I want to chat with someone, I'd rather do it face to face. Most of my phone calls last less than a minute and don't even send me a text, they cost me $0.20 each. Send me an email, they're free.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 34
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 7:29:38 AM
abmccray said "Generally, busy people with a lot going on in their lives don't like chatting on the phone and prefer to-the-point texts, set meets, and planned out time with people. People with very little going on in their lives or a lot of "down" time prefer lots of phone chatting. It's a preference that mostly has to do with how you live your life."

What utter nonsense. If you don't have time for a 20-minute chat with someone who might be your partner for the rest of your life, how are you going to have time to have the actual relationship?

As my previous message upthread illustrates, you can tell a helluva lot about someone from a phone call, for example, whether they (a) have anything to talk about and (b) know that they have to listen as well as talk.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 36
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 8:42:16 AM
Your sending out a vibe that you're running a dating audition & process. Nobody wants to hear the 'terms and conditions' of your first encounter with them.

Jeez, nothing is more mind numbing then having to negotiate that this is NOT a date, it is a 20 minute meet and greet.

Yes madame robot! I obey!

I'm sure your intentions are sincere, but you should think about making a guy feel more comfortable by showing your interest in him.

I would also be turned off big time if you couldn't talk on the phone before we meet. How do I know you're not a transvestite?

It's called trust. Get a 2nd phone or use google voice.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 39
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 10:12:02 AM

Despite protests to the contrary, few guys in the universe will not meet a woman they are attracted to because she won't text or talk on the phone. In contrast, most males will climb a mountain and slay a dragon to meet her.

I'm not in the market but my approach to woman is that a guy should do absolutely everything he can to make a woman feel at ease. If she wants to talk on the phone or not...fine. Meet at a time and place that is convenient for her, etc. If she wants a glass of wine..fine. an ice cream...fine . She needs to feel suffiiently comfortable to let a guy into her space.

The worse that an happen to a guy is we meet the wicked witch of the west ...at least we'll have a story to tell our friends. In contrast, a woman might be opening up the door to the stalker from Hell.

After a first meeting or date then there can more reciprocity and hopefully give on her part but be flexible for that first encouter.


Agree completely. If the gal does not feel comfortable talking on the phone first (having nothing to do with giving out her number) why be so rigid to insist upon it or no go? The men I have met through POF never insist on a phone call first. I think they are happy to coordinate with me the first meet and greet through POF messaging. We always exchange numbers before meeting, just in case one of us has to cancel last minute. There have been a couple who suggested the call first, so we chatted first on the phone. As an above poster said, I too feel awkward and uncomfortable talking on the phone with someone I have never met. Let's just meet and go from there.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 40
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 10:17:09 AM

Msg 35: Yeah but many people don't look like their pic because they old, photoshopped pic or whatever. Then there's people who will not even show up. Talking on the phone just decrease the risk and weed out more of these kind of people.


Explain the logic behind a phone call weeding out people who don't look like their picture or who will or won't show up for a first meet. A quicker way to weed out people is to meet in person. That's when you find out if they do or don't look like their picture or if they would be a no-show. It's a bigger waste of time to have a phone relationship for weeks or months or a year and have the person not show up to an eventual scheduled meet.



Msg 38: I would also be turned off big time if you couldn't talk on the phone before we meet. How do I know you're not a transvestite?


Do you know for a fact that every transvestite has a deep baritone male voice? I'm sure there are many that could sound like a female and I personally know a few women who have deep voices that sounds like a man's voice and I would never guess them to be female if I talked to them on the phone without knowing who was calling. Another case where meeting in person is a better option than playing phone tag and guessing. Some trannies are good at disguising their gender, but there would be some male traits that would be harder to hide that could give it away.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 42
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 12:58:13 PM
Trust me on this, I know what I'm doing:)
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 43
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 3:47:53 PM
These are replies that resonate with me.


my approach to woman is that a guy should do absolutely everything he can to make a woman feel at ease. If she wants to talk on the phone or not...fine.




Agree completely. If the gal does not feel comfortable talking on the phone first (having nothing to do with giving out her number) why be so rigid to insist upon it or no go? The men I have met through POF never insist on a phone call first. I think they are happy to coordinate with me the first meet and greet through POF messaging.



Explain the logic behind a phone call weeding out people who don't look like their picture or who will or won't show up for a first meet. A quicker way to weed out people is to meet in person. That's when you find out if they do or don't look like their picture or if they would be a no-show.



Do you know for a fact that every transvestite has a deep baritone male voice.



Trust is earned and something you give after getting to know an individual. Most women are intelligent enough to not 'trust' a guy they have never met regardless if they have spoken on the phone or not.


A phone conversation as a requirement would turn me off and make me think he is more than unsure about meeting me. I don’t need to win someones trust by first talking to them. Any man who is afraid or concerned about me or or any woman being a transvestite is a homophobe and I would not want to talk to them anyway.

In the rare scenario where your picker was so way off and you actually do meet a transvestite, just like when you see someone after a phone conversation or without one and it doesn’t work out, you simply move on and don’t even need to worry about having given out personal info like your number to any woman or transvestite.

To all who say get a second phone, I personally have no interest in screening calls or giving out second phone numbers because I am not going test someone over the phone and do not wish to be tested that way. When I meet someone in person everything I need to know is right in front of me and what a pleasure it will be to only give my number to someone I want to get to know better versus “let me see if he is worth it”.

Has it ever occurred to people how off putting a blocked number or a second phone to test someone is?
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 47
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 5:09:34 PM
I don't like talking on the phone to begin with, but I'll have 1 brief conversation before we meet. I'd rather not talk on the phone at all if I can avoid it. I'd rather wait to see if we like each other first & have chemistry. I don't think not talking on the phone sends a negative impression.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 48
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 5:57:56 PM

If you don't want to talk on the phone that's fine. But don't expect some men to put up with it. Men have enough hurdles to go through.

If a man feels meeting a woman in person without a phone call is “putting up with it” he should absolutely not meet her. I wouldn’t want him to go out of his comfort zone. Plenty of men would want to meet a woman they are sincerely interested in without a phone call. Everyone reserves the right to their preferences.

If safety is such a concern these women should forget online dating.

No, they should keep meeting the men who actually want to meet them without the phone requirements. For some women, like myself, it’s not even an issue of safety, but compatibility as well as not feeling pressured to do something they are not ready to do. My motto is, if someone makes you feel pressured, move on to someone who doesn't.

I wouldn’t drive miles and miles for a first meet and wouldn’t expect that from him either, unless he really wanted to without needing a phone call to compensate the drive being worthwhile. You can’t know anything for sure about a stranger until you are face to face.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 7:23:54 PM

If you don't want to talk on the phone that's fine. But don't expect some men to put up with it. Men have enough hurdles to go through.


I don't understand this statement. Having to impress someone on the phone after initially trying to impress them through e-mails is an additional hurdle-not less hurdles like implied in the statement. Someone has flunked arithmetic 001.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 50
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 9:13:28 PM
A meet is a test to see if both parties like each other. It's like a pre date.

Yes, but at least you will be judged by your entire being, not by your voice or how well you talk to strangers you have never met before in person and don’t even know if you’re attracted to him in person. Maybe she would be an excellent conversationalist if she was attracted to you after she saw you. I don’t really have much to say myself over the phone if I have never seen someone before.

I’m beginning to think that this phone thing is an excuse for some men to play it safe because they hate being rejected.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 51
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/8/2012 8:51:23 AM

Despite protests to the contrary, few guys in the universe will not meet a woman they are attracted to because she won't text or talk on the phone. In contrast, most males will climb a mountain and slay a dragon to meet her.


Not entirely true for me. Like I said before, talking on the phone before a date / meeting isn't a must for me however I like to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. There have been multiple times when the other person or myself was late due to work, traffic, getting lost. Without a phone number, you may not be able to reach the other person. Thus they may leave before you arrive. Thinking that you had stood them up. Some people will say send an email after the fact and try to explain what happened. But many people probably wouldn't believe your explanation.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 55
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/8/2012 12:39:57 PM
Multiple times due to all these reasons...so you are talking 15? 25 times? And you yourself, also? Not on topic, but perhaps you are attracted to a somewhat disorganized type of person.


On the majority of my first dates / meetings, both of us were there on time. But I was late 2-3 times and 2-3 different women were late.


I can't imagine putting myself in a position to keep a woman waiting for me. Perhaps it's beause Iim older but it in my world it is so irresposible and discourteous.


I agree it would be rude if a person is often late to a date or some other type of event. However if a person was late once in a while, then I don't think it is a big deal.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 56
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/8/2012 8:15:17 PM

You think it's easy for men? lol
Most men have to message a lot of women to get a response let alone a date. So your theory doesn't hold water.
No I don’t think it’s easy for men and obviously not that easy for women either. A man messaging lots of women doesn’t really make me feel that special or motivate me to do something that’s out of my comfort zone just to be co-dependent for strangers. And the last sentence was a rhetorical question, not a theory. All I’m saying is let people meet the way they want to. If you’re uncomfortable about something along the way I know many women who do talk on the phone before meeting. It’s all good.


talking on the phone before a date / meeting isn't a must for me however I like to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. There have been multiple times when the other person or myself was late due to work, traffic, getting lost. Without a phone number, you may not be able to reach the other person. Thus they may leave before you arrive. Thinking that you had stood them up. Some people will say send an email after the fact and try to explain what happened. But many people probably wouldn't believe your explanation.


I’m always early, especially since we haven’t exchanged numbers yet. You’re either there or you’re not. Doesn’t make a difference why. Being stood up wouldn’t be the first thing that would come to my mind. For meeting someone I always do something I would do on my own anyway because I know this can happen.
Besides, even if he could call and say he is running late for whatever reason, I wouldn’t be impressed with that either. Emergency can happen any time. Earthquake, car crash etc... Can’t live your life based on emergencies. Running late because of traffic or a late work schedule is not an emergency.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 57
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/9/2012 9:09:47 AM

Besides, even if he could call and say he is running late for whatever reason, I wouldn’t be impressed with that either. Emergency can happen any time. Earthquake, car crash etc... Can’t live your life based on emergencies. Running late because of traffic or a late work schedule is not an emergency.


Being late because of work or traffic aren't emergencies. But these are examples of people being late due to reasons beyond their control. Even if you leave a little early to account for traffic, sometimes traffic can be worse than expected. I would rather have someone call instead of showing up late without any notce. I wouldn't hold being late against them if they called. I will give them the benefit of the doubt. However if a person is often late, then that is a different story
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 58
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/9/2012 9:33:07 AM

Despite protests to the contrary, few guys in the universe will not meet a woman they are attracted to because she won't text or talk on the phone. In contrast, most males will climb a mountain and slay a dragon to meet her.

I'm not in the market but my approach to woman is that a guy should do absolutely everything he can to make a woman feel at ease. If she wants to talk on the phone or not...fine. Meet at a time and place that is convenient for her, etc. If she wants a glass of wine..fine. an ice cream...fine . She needs to feel suffiiently comfortable to let a guy into her space.

The worse that an happen to a guy is we meet the wicked witch of the west ...at least we'll have a story to tell our friends. In contrast, a woman might be opening up the door to the stalker from Hell.


Ahhhhh, I guess I am one of the few than. I have no problem with women being a little "careful" on how they meet,but really, a phone call can't happen because a woman isn't "comfortable" with,,,,get this,,,,talking??????? Oh my. I have heard it all. I'll ask,,,why would I climb a phucking mountain and slay a dragon for a person that I have NEVER met, or I have NEVER even talked to????? Attraction???? VISUAL attraction,at best?????? Do we have any thinking involved here?????

Remember, "I'm" also opening the door to let someone into my space, and from experince, there are some nasty physico biatches out there.Nasty. I'm still trying to figure out the "safety" aspect out there too. In this day and age, with the ability to "block" calls, IDing of numbers etc, we are still using that "reasoning" to not give out a number???? But, no problem with a pic on the internet?????? Funny shiat. Some should get out and read about how "predators" do their "thing". One of them is they prey on your fears and weakness'. Fear and weakness'. Repeat one hundered times if ya want. And some of ya have to wonder why women seem to be constantly complaining on the "players" of the world?????? Really?????

I'm one that would like to at least "speak" to that somebody before I meet up with em. Call me crazy or whatever, I still like it. We all have em. Likes and dislikes.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 60
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/9/2012 11:44:21 AM

Statements like this make me laugh. People have preference, not a gender issue obviously. Nobody is obligated to meet someone for any reason. People on here are not here waste time. I don't require a woman to get me her phone number. In fact I wouldn't ask her on a date if if she doesn't call me or give her number. I won't ask for a date or meet with anyone without talking on the phone first.


Sorry, but I feel strongly about any woman or man NOT being pressured into how they communicate with each other, especially if they are even willing to meet. This is applicable for all genders.

If a phone interview is so necessary that we can’t even see each other and “talk” in person then the interest in each other isn’t really that strong to begin with. There is nothing wrong with that and it would make sense that a phone call can help you make up your mind in that situation. Then, if she is not willing to do that you have the right to pass on her. If she offered to meet you she is giving you more than you asked for and it’s your choice to meet her or not.

A phone conversation can also create an attachment with a stranger, which most people wouldn’t want until they have seen who they are actually talking to. Yes, any woman could easily purchase a second phone, hide their number etc... To that I say, why go through the trouble of doing that and getting attached to someone over the phone you have never met before just to offer him more freedom, convenience and room for additional judgment on you before you even know how you feel about him?

If I can meet someone in person why would I want to talk on the phone? I have nothing to benefit from that. But as I have said before, it’s a legit preference and compatibility issue. A woman or a man should never feel pressured into talking on the phone with a stranger. Period.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 62
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/9/2012 12:40:27 PM
To answer your question, Googleplus, I don’t know you so I don’t feel pressured by you on here but when the time has come to get off the e-mail and the man I thought was mutually interested in me says let’s talk on the phone instead of in person, I feel pressured because I would rather give out my number or talk on the phone after we have met. I understand you are not forcing people and it’s all good.


I agree. If you want safety use real life meeting instead of the dating sites. Just being online you are not being safe.
It’s okay to disagree. I feel perfectly safe meeting people in person online. The number issue is not just reserved to safety but being sincere in giving out your number when you decide you are ready. I take pride in the fact that when someone has my real number they got it because I wanted them to have it, not to make dating easier for strangers.

That’s my opinion and I can have it just as you can have yours.
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