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 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 3
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Is selection criterai the real problem?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
"the number of 'nice' women that I mail that turn the conversation into a no-holds barred adult convo without any prompting is quite interesting, not one of them has ever followed through with a date - I wonder why? (not) "

ohhh lucky you ! hahahaha :O)
 Graffiti_Poet
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/6/2012 1:36:09 AM
IMO your question raises two of the most common excuses used by people who are poor at establishing and maintaining relationships with others and who, in the main, steadfastly refuse to, or are unwilling to, look to the real problem which is invariably their own poor people skills.

To my mind the silliest and most comical one has to be the men who complain endlessly about the lack of responses on here when in reality what happens to them on POF is a mirror reflection of what happens to them in the non-internet world. Most cannot or do not approach and flirt with women in the street or the pub and then come in here treating on-line dating as if it works like buying a used car from a copy of Automart and then, having failed miserably, express endless surprise and indignation that the skills shortages which fail them in the real world fail them in here too. As if it was ever going to be anything different!!!!

It is far easier for unsuccessful men to claim the women to be superficial, ignorant, rude, etc. etc. etc. than it is to face up to their own shortcomings and accept that their lack of success is down to them and them alone. The two claims, that of girls not replying and of girls only picking players / liars etc. are mutually exclusive, they cannot both be true and unless those who are struggling to get responses address and modify their own behaviours nothing will change or improve for them IMO. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got. Success on here has very little to do with looks or letter writing skills IMO............
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 7
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/6/2012 7:39:22 AM
yes, it is interesting. i have only been on the site for a couple of months but it has been a steep learning curve, by which i have learnt to become a cynic, knowing the price of everything but the value of nothing. the engagement of emails and phone conversations etc, can become very intense and absolutely wonderful but you trust this engagement at your own peril because there is no safety net should the sincerity of your interlocuter prove false. and it is not just an issue of sincerity it is the fact that their engagement, especially should they have been on this site for a while, perhaps years, means a very different thing to them than it does to you, and you had better wise up before you get very very hurt. personally i hate wising up, i always give people the benefit of the doubt and this has never proved a problem before but this medium is simply too free. it's not just the anonymity, it's the rush of traffic surrounding you and the thrill of the possibilities and the amazement that out of all the nonsense someone can surface who appears totally unique and compatible - but then you discover you have created a fiction, one that in the end doesnt have a happy ending.

and that's the point i suppose, the site encourages engagement that isnt necessarily real. and most alarmingly it is not just the person you are speaking/writing to who develops an internet persona, but you find you yourself do too!

so i am not surprised that people winge about the people on here. i know that i myself am a far from pleasant as i roam through the site. so maybe rather than use the site as a means of getting to know someone you should see it as a place to introduce you to people and get to the phase of meeting them face to face quickly, and try not to be too disillusioned by the hardened cynics who live here!
 lovepassionx
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 9
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:52:52 AM
Check out this video for a womans views on selection criteria and why some guys get nowhere with the women they're
attracted to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI
 Warren_Evans
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 23
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/13/2012 9:54:47 AM
You have to remember that men out number the women by almost 10-1 on here. Woman don't have to go trawling through profiles as most of them have to go through 100's of emails daily.
But in part your right in saying that certain types do construct emails to get a response. But they only get the response if they tick the right boxes in the first place.
If any site was to go by profiles alone without having to have a photo of yourself . You would get a great deal more responses to emails. But because not everyone is the type they are looking for or would go for, you don't get the response no matter how well you write.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 26
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/21/2012 1:22:32 PM
^^^
bearing in mind the length and breadth of the mailing restrictions on most womens profiles thats hardly surprising :-)
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 27
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/21/2012 1:44:30 PM
it wasn't aimed at you.
it was just intended as a general poke in fun, hence the smiley at the end.
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 28
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Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/21/2012 1:50:40 PM
my criteria list as long as my arm hahahaha, but, we all have them dont we, short, long, but if we reduce them soley to improve the chance of getting mail from the opposite sex, then we are just "dumbing down" on ourselves ar`nt we ? :O)
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