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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > A School Girl Crush at 60?      Home login  
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 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 76
A School Girl Crush at 60?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
That's too bad, I was so hopeful we would have a love story with you...being the same age as me and all...lol.
I have never heard of this "sexual anorexy"...is this a terminology you use or can I actually.. google it??
Regardless....I see your point...I would/could not be with someone that can't have intimacy.
Talk about a self esteem blower....
How can he not know...this is a problem. As you said, why would he not want to be friends....because without the intimacy,that's all you were anyways!
Great....Now another thing to be aware of out there!!!
Back in the pond....again!!
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 77
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:16:13 AM

That's too bad, I was so hopeful we would have a love story with you...being the same age as me and all...lol.
I have never heard of this "sexual anorexy"...is this a terminology you use or can I actually.. google it??


So sorry to disappoint, I also hoped he would be the one.. Yes you can google the term sexual anorexia.. A huge self-esteem blower indeed for their partners.. By the 3rd my own suffering and I good self-esteem..


How can he not know...this is a problem. As you said, why would he not want to be friends....because without the intimacy,that's all you were anyways!
Great....Now another thing to be aware of out there!!!


Oh I am sure he is aware this is a problem.. However did not go to see someone about it.. Not sure it is covered here under our medical plan unless he carries additional insurance like I do..

Like you could not understand why he would not want to be just friends.. I guess he wants the girlfriend for appearance sake not sure.. But your absolutely right that was all we were anyhow...

namaste
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 78
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A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:17:31 AM
Wondering if he's not okay with being just friends, what does he want/expect without any kissing?? Weird..
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 79
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 9:28:25 AM

Wondering if he's not okay with being just friends, what does he want/expect without any kissing?? Weird..


You know I did think about this a lot why he was not okay with just being friends.. After all that would not put him or myself in an uncomfortable position.. Let's face it here we were just dating one another without any intimacy at all..
I think he is worried I will meet a man and decide to date him and leave him once again without a girlfriend..I imagine all those women he dated for the past 10 years that probably left him due to it going no where left him wanting someone that would stay in his life..

I think he needs to address his problem before that has any hopes of happening.. Even then I think it will be a very very difficult one to get rid off.. He also would probably need a different type of woman than I am.. She would most likely have to be the aggressor.. But I am not a therapist so cannot be sure of it.

All I know is it backed me right off wanting to kiss him. Not many women would want to kiss a man knowing he did not like it..

namaste
funnershine
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 80
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 12:25:16 PM
^^^ I understood my ex-wife and why she was this way. She had led an Oliver Twist****ns sort of early childhood and then had a poor first marriage.

IMO she did have passion locked away inside, and I could see it in the way she cooked. She was the best cook I have ever met, and I have dinned in some 5 star restaurants.

But understanding her didn't reduce my own frustration. For a long time I would try to setup romantic scenarios, but when she did start to warm up she would freeze all over again. And it's not like I am so well balanced that all of that didn't affect me also, and at the time I wasn't very good at verbalizing my thinking.

If I had met her when she was 20 maybe it would have worked out better, and at that age I didn't know the full potential for an intimate erotic relationship myself, so I would have accepted the relationship more easily. And she would have been more open to change.

Now that I think of it, she changed when we first moved to California from WashDC where she had lived for 20 years. It's possible the change in environment might have trigger old fears of abandonment.

I had dated a sexual addict before my first marriage, she wasn't capable of intimacy either, and the best way I could describe the sexual relations is that it was similar to what a prostitute would engage in. I think I dated her maybe 6-12 months, but since we were never monogamous I am fuzzy about when we started, though I well remember the last time I saw her. I never inquired about her childhood, but she told me many stories about the men she had been with or was currently involved with. At first she would change their names to protect the married ones, as a consequence when she knew me better and told me the real name, I would always forget it. I just thought of him as the married one.

So likely your guy had some early childhood issues that cause of his problems. Not sure it they can be resolved, and IMO even if they are resolved it would take a long time and he isn't likely to become a warm intimate companion, just be a little better.

Fortunately I have had very passionate intimate LT relationship before all that with someone that had no issues at all, so these other relationships didn't affect me for very long. I don't regret them, but they did take a lot of time out of my life.

Take care and good luck
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 81
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A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 12:28:28 PM
Well, its good to see old friends back, Karen.......

Interesting that there are men out there that cultivate relationships with women yet don't appear to want sex. Not the first case like that I have heard of, however......
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 82
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 2:59:29 PM

Well, its good to see old friends back, Karen.......

Interesting that there are men out there that cultivate relationships with women yet don't appear to want sex. Not the first case like that I have heard of, however......


I think the denial of any kind of affection was really difficult for me ..
Thanks for the warm welcome back, am in recovery mode..

namaste
Karen
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 83
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 3:15:27 PM

OP: I'm so sorry to hear the outcome. No doubt this experience has been very disappointing but hugs to you for knowing your decision was the right one to make......for you. It's too easy to want something so badly that you overlook things and end up MUCH later with regret for not paying attention sooner.

The REALLY neat part of all this? You learned that you actually CAN still get the butterflies!!!

Sometimes I wonder if a pest control company hasn't moved in to my head........ :)

(not that I think butterflies are pests...........)


Thanks questionmark.. I did hope for a very different outcome, but like you said at least I know now that I can still get butterflies.. It also gave me a better insight into what some men might feel when denied affection from someone they care about...

Well the bees did not make any money and the butterflies are all gone.. Such is life as we embrace the lessons learned and move on..

namaste
Karen
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 84
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 5:56:04 PM

Well the bees did not make any money and the butterflies are all gone.. Such is life as we embrace the lessons learned and move on..


Awwww.....

Sorry to hear the outcome. I was really hoping things had worked out and he whisked you off to some romantic getaway. :(

But welcome back.

..mae
 waitingforyoutoo
Joined: 7/19/2012
Msg: 85
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A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/11/2012 6:31:24 PM
Some women like to push a relationship faster then a man would like and the same goes with the man being to pushy. These are things that both genders pick up on.
I myself prefer not to kiss on a first date or hop into someones bed fast either. I guess it is my age that has made me more aware of what is out there in the world. In my younger days the thoughts never would of crossed my mind.

I am so sorry that things did not work out as I was pulling for you.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 86
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/12/2012 9:08:47 AM

Interesting that there are men out there that cultivate relationships with women yet don't appear to want sex. Not the first case like that I have heard of, however......


I have a close friend who is in a similar situation. The man wines and dines her, they play music and sing, go hiking, do fun stuff,but he avoids intimacy of any kind. No affection to speak of, other than general friendliness and sexual encounters are few and far between. They are both in the early 60s and she wants sex and he pulls away. Very frustrating for her.

He doesn't see a problem. Just says 'take me or leave me, this is who I am'. Pretty weird if you ask me.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 87
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/12/2012 9:34:36 AM

They are both in the early 60s and she wants sex and he pulls away. Very frustrating for her.

He doesn't see a problem. Just says 'take me or leave me, this is who I am'. Pretty weird if you ask me.


I don't think it's as weird as we may think.

The thing about sexual relationships, no on discusses them in any detail IRL. Especially when the details reflect badly on either us or our partner.

It's only in forums where people are somewhat anonymous, or at least feel that way, that it gets aired. Then of course we all have to filter through the total BS posts, and IMO just as bad, everyone views their own involvement in a relationship through a filter.

If you have ever talked to both sides involved in an emotional dispute, the male and female , you would wonder if they are indeed talking about each other or some other third / fourth parties.
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 88
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/12/2012 11:03:58 AM

I have a close friend who is in a similar situation. The man wines and dines her, they play music and sing, go hiking, do fun stuff,but he avoids intimacy of any kind. No affection to speak of, other than general friendliness and sexual encounters are few and far between. They are both in the early 60s and she wants sex and he pulls away. Very frustrating for her.
He doesn't see a problem. Just says 'take me or leave me, this is who I am'. Pretty weird if you ask me.


Sounds like they are not very sexually compatible. How does he not see this as a problem? I guess he would be just as happy going it alone?

namaste
funnershine
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 89
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/13/2012 6:36:16 AM
You all could be reading far too much into this. The chemistry simply may not have been there. Lots of us older guys are simply not attracted to women our age but those women are the only ones available to us. Its not a stretch to think the guy wanted companionship only. And maybe he wanted to take his time but felt too much pressure to go faster than he wanted.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 90
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A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/13/2012 2:51:51 PM
Oh god, I can't believe this nonsense.

My boyfriend is 45, I'm 48 and we're extremely attracted to each other. I get attention from men IRL on a daily basis. I have no idea where this idea that women over 45 are unattractive came from, but it's certainly not a reality in MY life.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 91
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/13/2012 3:01:01 PM
I'm loving it, nativerock! What a terrific feeling it is to have a 'crush' on someone! Isn't it lovely to be able to still feel that way as we get older? Good luck to you!
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 92
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/13/2012 3:54:55 PM
Did not think pressure was a romantic kiss goodnight.. Trust me this man is very good looking and does not need to settle for a woman his age..

However he said it never went anywhere with any of the women he dated in the last 10 years. He said those relationships never went anywhere and he has been celibate for 10 years now . I did not ask their ages but I do know I was far older than he thought I was.. He was rather surprised when I let him know MY age, so I was in fact the oldest he dated.

If he wants "companionship only" I was fine with that but he was not. I was very capable of switching horses in still water..

namaste
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 93
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/13/2012 3:58:19 PM

You all could be reading far too much into this. The chemistry simply may not have been there. Lots of us older guys are simply not attracted to women our age but those women are the only ones available to us. Its not a stretch to think the guy wanted companionship only. And maybe he wanted to take his time but felt too much pressure to go faster than he wanted.


By the way speak for yourself this man is drop dead gorgeous!! He has no problem attracting a flock of women he just has trouble keeping them..
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 94
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:20:17 PM
Lots of us older guys are simply not attracted to women our age but those women are the only ones available to us.

Speaking for yourself....I gather.
I thought, guys your age that had it going on were...getting all the hot young girls...lol??
Sorry...But there are many men...your age and younger... that find women over 45 attractive and quite desirable....
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 95
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/15/2012 7:49:50 AM

However he said it never went anywhere with any of the women he dated in the last 10 years. He said those relationships never went anywhere and he has been celibate for 10 years now .


Native ,*I* dont understand that if he is indeed afflicted with this terrible condition - Sexual Anorexia - why he's not doing anything about it??????
He's already got a track record of women leaving him in droves over the past decade so why isnt he seeking professional/medical help??
And,if he didn't want to be friends with you,what did he want????
Im really sorry it didnt work out as you'd hoped : (
HUGS
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 96
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/15/2012 8:55:16 AM

Native ,*I* dont understand that if he is indeed afflicted with this terrible condition - Sexual Anorexia - why he's not doing anything about it??????
He's already got a track record of women leaving him in droves over the past decade so why isnt he seeking professional/medical help??
And,if he didn't want to be friends with you,what did he want????
Im really sorry it didnt work out as you'd hoped : (
HUGS


Unfortunately he just thinks he is very shy..However me being shy and having dated a host of other shy men I see the difference between the two of us.. When your shy you do not act one way in public and a totally different way in private. Also even a shy person will be romantic and try and kiss you after a few dates.. They are much more affectionate in private then in public and are the complete opposite of what he is.

I do not think he is covered for this medically since he has no additional insurance.. As for what he wanted since he did not wish to be friends? It was for me to work on this problem with him.. I do not have the expertise to do this, nor the desire to put myself in a relationship where I believe this will be an ongoing problem..Also I never felt so unattractive in my entire life and found his depression was affecting my own self esteem..

I hope he does purchase additional insurance and get the help he needs. He will need ongoing treatment done in stages.. If he was perhaps younger my prognosis might be better but alas he is in his 60's not sure how much progress he will make over the course of time.. I wish him well and feel sorry he did not want to become just a friend.. I was not about to tie myself into any other relationship with him knowing and understanding his problem..

Yeah I am feeling down about it, after all it is very very rare I am attracted to man around my own age. However that attraction slowly fading out for me when the fire was simply not being stoked..

However still glad to have had a fire in my furnace so I embrace that and know I am still very much alive and well..

namaste
funnershine
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 97
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/15/2012 9:36:28 AM

This is what you THINK he has...geez, so did you get a medical degree while you were away? Or a psychiatric degree? You're guessing, taking a big flying leap. You don't know what the hell he has...if he has anything. Did you prescibe treatment too - eat raw and drink lot's of green tea?


No do not have the expertise to prescribe treatment.. Your right I cannot be sure what the hell he has but have never seen it before.. Doubt eating raw and drinking lots of green tea would help this condition though..


There are a host of reasons why he may be the way he is, and it's only your interpretation that there was something indeed "wrong" with him. It didn't work out...move on. Why put some big fancy label on it to justify why it didn't work out. You're guessing, plain and simple.


Yep I am guessing what it comes down to is someone that is not very affectionate and that was simply enough for me..Whatever the term used it really makes no difference since it amounts to the same results.
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 98
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/15/2012 10:22:48 AM

At least you admit that you don't KNOW what was wrong with him, you guessed or assumed or made it something that sounded fancy and dire - two pages of "poor me" and some dude with Sexual Anorexia when in fact he might just not have been that into you.


Yes I researched if afterwards because something I knew this to not be "normal".. Well I hope the finds someone he is into in the next 10 years, because in the past 10 years he has not into anyone.. I really do think he really needs professional help and that is my opinion of the matter..However that is up to him.

namaste
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 99
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/15/2012 10:26:40 AM

At least you admit that you don't KNOW what was wrong with him, you guessed or assumed or made it something that sounded fancy and dire - two pages of "poor me" and some dude with Sexual Anorexia when in fact he might just not have been that into you.


You know I think it is rather crazy to want to stay in a relationship when you are not into this person.. but then again that is my opinion..and I tend to think logically..

namaste
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 100
A School Girl Crush at 60?
Posted: 10/15/2012 10:44:37 AM
The only other alternative I thought of is that he is not attracted to women.. But prefer to think he was in fact honest and not trying to masquerade..
namaste
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