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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I almost missed a gem.      Home login  
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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
I almost missed a gem.Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If it doesn't work out in the long run, can you two go back to being just friends and act like nothing happened?

I guess this blows the theory that most women religiously live by: The theory that women know within a few seconds of meeting a guy, whether the guy is dating and relationship material or not-the instant chemistry and sparks and exploding rockets feeling. If a guy is not classified as dating worthy, the woman has the choice of either never have any more contact with him or put him in the twilight zone, otherwise known as the "friends" zone. The better looking guys are put in the friends zone while the physically unattractive guys are given the permanent boot to the curb. The guys in the friend's zone usually fade away when they meet someone who doesn't do the friends zone game. They don't usually stick around for 18 years, so this is a rarity.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 14
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:06:56 PM
I like this story, mostly because I like happy things.
But, it would make me wonder if someone I was "friends" with
for a couple of decades suddenly found me relationship material.

I understand "timing" and all that, but to remain friends and then
to suddenly become more after that length of time, while definitely
a nice story, makes me kind of go mmmmmm too.

I know there are people in my life that I haven't seen in years,
and should they come back into my life for whatever reason, I
wouldn't think it odd to see if a relationship were possible, but I can't
think of one friend I have that I can see myself suddenly sleeping with.

But I hope it works out for you and I wish you well.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 15
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:59:35 PM
So this is the rare case of the "just friends" crossing over and working. I've always said before that the only time this works is when THE WOMAN is the one that decides to cross the fence. So tell us. Was it you? Or was it him?

Now, is this some friend from the past? Or a current friend that crossed over?
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 16
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:34:21 PM
@BoonDockSaint73..you may be onto something with the standards issue...I've raised mine. Many years of friendship attests that we've seen each other at our best and worst. Now we get the very best from each other.....
Sorry you're being a grumble bum about it.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 17
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:39:43 PM
@gtomustang..I agree with you about growing up.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 18
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 10:23:12 AM
I think there is a difference between knowing someone for years who is married or
lives in another state and then getting together with them when the situation changes.
I can understand that.

What I don't understand, is being friends with someone, seeing them regularly, hanging
out with them etc for almost 2 decades and then deciding...hey! maybe this person would
make a good boyfriend/girlfriend.

Two different situations entirely. I can also see waiting to become intimate until you're
friends, but seriously, does it take that long? Seems to me there was a reason they stayed
friends and weren't lovers before now.

It's interesting to me, and I hope it works out, but it's not something that happens
with most people, I don't think. Eighteen years isn't "amost" missing a gem. I mean if that
were the case, how many years before you did miss it?
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 19
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 3:17:15 PM
Yes, this has happened to me. We were close friends for around 7 years, and best friends for perhaps 3 or 4. I wasn't "frienzoned" or anything...I know it's hard to believe but there were absolutely no romantic feelings involved on either part. Long story short I eventually developed an interest in her, and we ended up in a relationship. It lasted maybe a year, but unfortunately most of it was long distance, as I had just got a job in northern Canada (i.e. VERY remote).

So we tried it for over a year, but then she ended it. There was no lying, cheating or anything of the sort involved, it was simply a case of it not working for her. I was hurt, obviously, but got over it and harbored no ill feelings towards her.

That was about 4 years ago, and we've hardly spoken since. I tried to keep the friendship alive, but unfortunately she had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. I can deal with being dumped by a girlfriend, but being ditched by a best friend I don't think I'll ever get over.

Anyways OP, I wish you all the best. But if things do go south, I certainly hope your significant other cherishes friendship more than mine.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 20
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 4:56:54 PM
Thanks to all of you sharing your thoughts and personal experiences. Thanks heaps for the good wishes too.
To those who are feeling that my situation is B.S, from a silly romance novel or worse 'the hottie' issue...a big RASPBERRY.lol..
I've always cared for and respected this man..I had a family to raise and some growing up to do myself...hence the wait.
Now my nest is empty, i'm able to see the beauty in the other birds around me ;-) Hope he doesn't go south Rheostatic. lol..
 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 21
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 8:39:55 PM
The vast majority of the time, when a woman says "Let's just be friends.", it's really a laugh and spit in your face. It states, "I want you to be my security blanket and be the man whose shoulder I want to cry on while I parade a litany of men in front of your face, emasculating you over and over, and to let you know who I'm screwing instead of you and who I think is more of a man than you."
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 22
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 10:16:28 PM
Yeah I had "just friend" girls as well....I told one a few years ago...in the Fall.....so Ok Carol see you in the Spring then...and I called her again in April. That is how it works.
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 23
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/13/2012 6:51:45 AM
I think the majority of men are gems, if they feel like being one. Besides, there's all kinds of jewelry, costume, heirloom, and the kind you rent by the hour, LOL.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/2/2012 8:27:20 AM
Have other posters ever chosen an old friend as a partner and how did it work out for you?

My SO and I dated 20 years ago. At that time, while I did not "friend zone" him, I knew we were not long-term material. He was (and obviously remains) younger than me and our goals, aspirations, etc., were just not at all the same. I was raising my son as a single Mom, he was having a good time being a young adult. We didn't "break-up" nor did we discuss anything futuristic. We just sort of went our separate directions and lived our respective lives. Fast forward to now and here we are in a long-term committed monogamous relationship. I have no clue how many people can live 20 years not knowing someone, only reconnect and find that they've grown in exactly the same direction, but that's what we figured out when we ran into one another and decided to begin dating. I do know that had I "friend zoned" him years ago, I'd not be here with him in this type of relationship today. When I friend-zone, it's permanent and there won't be any transition into anything else. But that's just me and how I run my life. JMO
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 25
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/2/2012 8:46:17 AM
Congrats OP, I'm not going to read all three pages but for those who say a guy can't get out of the friend zone that goes both ways. I've had guys I wished I could date but have only had platonic feelings for them and I've had a couple of friends over the years that felt the same way. Great friends but just didn't gel on their end romantically.


I don't know about all of this, but I do believe, because I have observed it many times, that some women like to keep a guy around who is besotted with them. The woman isn't sexually attracted to the man, but she keeps him around as a 'friend' because it bolsters her ego. It's all about ego.


This describes zero people I know. From that we can presume that people keep friends around because they like them and are having a normal platonic relationship or I just don't hang around aholes and biatches
 purpleroyal
Joined: 7/20/2012
Msg: 26
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/2/2012 9:09:13 AM
its funny how after a lady has been "ran" through, then she wants to settle for the nice guy makes me laugh....i'm no longer a nice guy >:)
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 27
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/9/2012 8:20:38 PM

You mean you would want a "friends first" situation for 18 years to make sure he met your standards? I don't know any guy who would do that. There's got to be more to the story than meets the eye. Wasn't there any attraction to be more than just friends in the past? Why did it take 18 years to suddenly go from "just friends" to Mr. Perfect Love of My Life?


Cough

I second this question

P.s. Congrats to you lady; sounds like a super good thing. :)
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 28
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/10/2012 11:35:23 AM
timing is everything..obviously you both were single and lonely ATM, so it paid off. have you had sex yet..is the big question?
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 29
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/28/2012 8:58:11 PM
@ ITLN4Life...You win ;-) Yours is the most thoughtful, helpful & interesting reply I have so far. Thanks ever so much for your contribution.
As some posters have noted, there is a gender bias in the tone of some replies. Interesting to note, but useless information.
If anyone is interested, we're still kicking on happily. Taking each day as it comes and planning for things in the not too distant future, like holidays and some families time, together.
There have been a few bumps in the transitional road; which have boiled down to simple communication problems. One poster asked about sex. Doh! I knew I was forgetting something..........
At the end of the day, we're making each other happy. For now is ok..Who knows what the future brings.
Thanks for your contributions.
Now my looks need some sleep, they're exhausted...hahahaha
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 30
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/7/2012 2:34:01 PM
Okay..she's all over rover....
I couldn't be a stereotype and he couldn't loosen up....
A 'finger-pointer' during discussions...literally...OMG...
Do we ever really know our friends?
Yes we're still friends..same friendship group....
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 31
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/7/2012 4:11:27 PM


Go one day at the time.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 32
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/7/2012 4:21:34 PM
This sounds very much like a FWB relationship where the OP finally gave in but might be keeping one eye open for a brand new fellow who'll rock her world.

If you are not sexually turned on by this guy, do not let him believe you are committed to him. If he knew it was always going to be a FWB relationship at the most, he has a right to know and keep looking as well.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 33
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:45:16 PM
@ DameRight....You are so wrong........Turns out he is alcoholic and verbally aggressive.....Things which you often don't see until you are intimately involved...
Thanks guys for your kind thoughts..You win some, you get out when you realise it wasn't a winner..lols..bugger.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 34
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/7/2012 11:24:09 PM
I'm glad you finally found this out, an alcoholic would not be a gem for long. Good luck.
Are you going to be friends with this guy now that you know he is verbally aggressive and an alcoholic? Or is this the end of the "friendship" as well?
 kali2008
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 35
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/8/2012 1:56:06 AM
I am wondering if this is such an amazing thing that has been found, WHY are you on a dating site?
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 36
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:03:41 AM
I'm sorry it didn't work out. You might be able to go back to being friends. I've often managed to keep ex boyfriends as friends. I've had some limited success with finally dating men I'd known for years but wasn't close friends with them. I'm currently alone so nothing is working out right now.

Firefly
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 37
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:21:05 AM
Despite the "warm fuzzies" that the rush of emotions bring to OP's new "love", overall, statistically, this type of situation fizzles out.

If it works, more power to you...just know the odds are slim it will turn into a LTR.

Being from Vegas I've got to say that when you bet (and that is what most decisions in life are) you must be prepared to leave the table with nothing. Ready for that ??

Further, if you get over the shock value of Boondock's comments you'll see the truth behind it, although brutal as it is. Ignore at your peril.

These types of arrangements are usually temporary landing zones for both parites involved. It's a built in comfort zone before one of you leaves the "nest" after wondering "what were we thinking".

Be sure to give us an update @ 6 months and @ 1 year.

Hopefully you beat the odds.
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