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 Mesabutte1123
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 37
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Glen Gould was one of the greatest pianists of all time and had what is believed to be Asperger's. They are just more interesting type of people
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 39
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/28/2012 10:12:13 AM
Dolphina,

I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or even disagree. I have lived with this tragedy in my family for the better part of 25 years. I was only saying that the only thing I saw in the only book I read was that a physicist had it. I do NOT profess to know the inter-workings of it. I would welcome the following:

ANY suggestion as to how to motivate a person with Aspergers, smart or not. In particular, the person I know has a good education but feels depressed and demotivated because of circumstances. He feels a victim or circumstances but will not do anything about going outside of his fixation to do what he wants to do in one area of work. He has been and I have taken him during his formative years to numerous drs of medcine and psychology, all of whom have NO WAY to get what some call the "mule" to change anything at all.

Question, and I ask this with respect: In writing and researching for your disertation, did you ever come up with a way to motivate someone like that? I was not corporal in my raising of either of my sons. His brother is a high achiever but he does not have Aspergers. I have been told for years that it is not parenting. Of course, I question that too. It is daunting.
He will not take an interim job and will not file for disability. He will not take responsibility nor will he do any of his share of any chores or so much unless it is what he decides he wants to do.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 40
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/28/2012 8:26:41 PM
@Dolphina.... As you state, not all Azzy's have an intellectual advantage. I know of a family; Dad and his three sons all have an Azzy's diagnosis. You couldn't get three more different people. Their intellects; based on the biased I.Q testing available, vary a lot. Some are verbal, some non-verbal. One still hand-leads.
My brother has 4 Uni degree's and no friends.
I think many people have seen the movie Rainman and assumed a lot. Having said that, I feel Hoffman did a decent potrayal of challenging behaviours.
I love Autism. Everyone in that population is truely unique. Myself included.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 41
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/29/2012 4:06:30 AM

ANY suggestion as to how to motivate a person with Aspergers, smart or not. In particular, the person I know has a good education but feels depressed and demotivated because of circumstances. He feels a victim or circumstances but will not do anything about going outside of his fixation to do what he wants to do in one area of work. He has been and I have taken him during his formative years to numerous drs of medcine and psychology, all of whom have NO WAY to get what some call the "mule" to change anything at all.

The pediatrician that we deal with says to lead, not push. Pushing only makes them dig in and be resistant.

Depression is a completely different medical condition and needs to be treated as such. Depression is crippling and can be the root of the issue for your family member, not the Aspergers.
 PartywithNeil
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 42
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/29/2012 6:50:14 PM
I dated a young woman - 24 yrs old with Aspergers. I was 45 at the time and she wanted it all the time. I felt guilty and my family said I was taking advantage of her. She is a sexual machine but stole things and was obsessive about other things. I had to break up but the sex was good! I miss her.
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 44
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 11/2/2012 12:51:27 AM
"i feel you may be obsessed due to your lack of intimacy you have had in your life and it must be somewhat distressing for you."

Nope, the person with Aspergers here is my family member. You are correct that it is not really a tragedy. The only tragedy for me is the time and depression that is secondary to the condition. I hurt for his pain as I watch him suffer and of course I want to fix it but I cannot. I do not ever see any healthcare professionals that want to run in with any answers as to a possible remedy. It is always someone like yourself who understands since you have walked in those shoes. Good for you by the way. You have incredible courage.
 Gone.Sailing
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 46
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 11/2/2012 4:06:07 AM
coldcase, I understand your intensity (coming from an ADHD/Aspergian family background.) I have an addictive nature & found SLAA weekly meetings of benefit. Each to his own definition of right/wrong/harmful. For me, I found support for abstinence, just a long period to dry out and re-set the brain chemistry that is altered by orgasm. More on that topic is to be read in Marnie Feree's "No Stones" book. Patrick Carnes is the lead researcher in the field; Mark Lasser well-respected.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 48
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/18/2013 7:08:12 AM
Welcome back, Coldcase12/Stillthesame9.

You wrote,

I'm not sure if anyone suggested to go to a hooker or escort, but I've felt awkward and ashamed in the past even walking in strip clubs. I'd rather have sex with a "5" that actually wants to be with me than pay a lot of money for a 10 that's pretending to like me and could also have diseases.


Yes, a few people have mentioned utilizing a hooker/escort/sex worker.



(OjosAzules777. Msg #17) Travel somewhere where prostitution is legal and somewhat inexepenisve -ie outside of the US and just clear your mind and your prostate.




(Aussieblues. Msg #31) Get a sex worker and get it out of your system...




(Avgguy50s. Msg #33) Have you ever considered the LEGAL Nevada Brothels?


While excellent ideas there is another alternative. Try placing an AD on Craigslist something along the line of, “Virginal aspergers sufferer seeks understanding female to help deal with his fixation on the female body. Nominal compensation offered.”

Now, some will read it as soliciting for a prostitute and reply. Others will think it’s quite funny and reply just out of curiosity and some will reply offering to help. You are a decent looking guy so I see no reason why, for example, female university students would not be interested. Make it clear you are not seeking actual sex. You want to look at the naked female body. Touch it. Study it. Become familiar with it. As to compensation explain you are only able to offer nominal compensation. In other words you’re not paying for an escort. Basically, you’re covering their costs. Transportation. Maybe order some food. A few soft drinks. Etc. You’re seeking someone whose primary purpose is to help you and, maybe, have them leave with a few dollars.

I’m willing to bet that should a gal accept your offer you just might end up with a girlfriend. Why? Because you’re the opposite of most guys. Rather than just thinking of yourself and “getting off” you will be doing what, in many cases, is considered foreplay. Rather than using the woman you will be admiring her.

In many cases the guy doesn’t give a damn about the woman as long as he has a good time. In your case you will be devoting all the time to getting to know her and I mean really “know" her. Ask questions. How many guys really know the female body? How sensitive is a breast? Is it more sensitive on the sides or directly on the nipple? Do the nipples tend to become too sensitive for constant touching? Where are her most erogenous zones assuming she has more than one. Which one is the most sensitive? How is each zone stimulated? Maybe some areas are stimulated by the full hand. Others by a couple for fingers. Maybe just by the tip of a finger. A tongue? Tell her that’s what you want to know and while every gal is different there are many similarities. The zones are basically the same. It’s more a question of how one stimulates them.

So, does this idea sound weird? Crazy? Nuts? If you think so let me tell you what happened to me. I was seeking a part time lover, couple of times a month. A young lady wrote me stating her age and said she might be able to help me. Me, being the naïve dude that I am asked her if she knew an older woman who was interested. I didn’t realize she was referring to herself. She was returning to college to complete her studies and would appreciate being taken out and/or receiving any financial help I might offer. She wasn't/isn’t interested in a full time boyfriend as she wants to concentrate on her education. She is doing 3 years in 2 so it’s quite intense.

Anyway, the point being you’ll never know unless you place an AD and it’s free. Can’t beat the price. And you’ll have all the time you need to learn about the female body. In most cases a fixation can be addressed by fully exploring it. Once the mystery is gone (well, it never goes completely as the female body is the eighth unofficial wonder of the world) you will have a greater understanding of how it works.

It may take a few ADS before you find the right person so don’t give up.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 50
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/18/2013 8:05:01 AM
So your problem is no different than any other guy's problem. My mistake. You can attract normal women and hold a conversation. You just haven't found the right gal. Join the crowd.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 52
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/18/2013 8:51:37 AM

Well think of Bob Saget or Niles in Frasier. I'm not exactly like either of those guys, but I'm very quirky like both. "Nerd" and women seems to be the death touch.

There are plenty of women that like nerdy guys. I happen to think Niles was cute, and sweet, and genuine.. so that is way more attractive to me.


Also...like I said back in September, I wouldn't last in a long term relationship unless the woman was interested in playing nurse. I battle heavy depression, which is the bigger problem (and yes I'm on meds for it.)

There are plenty of women that would help you. If I have to be in control over your issues, as well as mine, then we are going to be in trouble. That puts me into "mommy mode" which is not condusive to what you are seeking, a fulfilling sex life.

I'm glad you're seeking help. That's important. My guy flat out refused to do that, and as such we are no longer together. It wasn't an ultimatum or either/or situation, but his issues became overwhelming for him to cope with. There are sexual surrogates/therapists too.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 53
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/18/2013 9:56:36 AM

(Msg #58) Like I said, just not going to pay anyone for it knowing that there are women, however rare, that look decent to me and would like me back even if just temporarily.


If you meet a gal and take her to a movie and dinner how much do you think that's going to cost? If she suggests skipping the movie and dinner and says, "let's just DO IT!" why not give her the money you would have spent on the dinner and movie if it will help her?

Just sayin'........
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 56
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/18/2013 5:04:55 PM

(Msg 61. Moongrove12) People keep bringing up prostitutes, but what about guys like me who want passionate kissing with someone who enjoys it, and not delving into dangerous illegal activity with people in desperate broken lives?


If you are referring to my suggestions I want to remind folks there are single women trying to further their education and others just having a tough time making it in today's economy. Most prostitutes charge a high fee for a limited time whereas offering to help a lady financially is something altogether different.

Sure, everyone enjoys going out and having a great time but imagine the following. You meet a gal who is struggling financially and she watches you lay out money for a dinner and then another $30.00 for movie tickets and snacks when you could buy a couple of nice steaks, have her help you prepare a dinner at home, watch a movie on pay-per-view with soft drinks and chips and, maybe, offer to pay her phone bill with the money you saved. Don't you feel the lady who you chatted with while making dinner together and offered to help would kiss you more passionately? Whether you spend money on her by paying for a movie and dinner out or spend money for entertainment in your home you are spending money on her.

Again, it's not about prostitution. Prostitutes are not going to spend hours with you unless you have a nice, fat wallet. They are expensive.

Lastly, what better way to show you care than to offer? If she's working at a job you know is low-paying or she's unemployed or going to school just come out and ask her. Nohing you say can beat her actually seeing you being a kind, considerate and caring individual. Plus, you will be saving money as you will decide what to give her and you aren't obliged to give her something every time. There's always taking a nice walk now that spring is almost here and checking out local markets for fresh produce. Head home with a bottle of wine and cuddle up on the couch or practice some Kama Sutra to help get the appetite going for dinner.

Just sayin'.....
 stonecastle
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 61
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/20/2013 8:51:50 AM
I think I have mild autism as I have always been rubbish with women and never managed to get a date when I was younger. In fact the only dates I have been on have been with a few women from the internet who I then never heard from again. I never used to think I was autistic until I started reading about it. For example I had obsessions as a child, I didn't know how to hold interesting conversations and I didn't know how the hell to talk to girls in order to get dates with them. For example I read a while back that when autistic people try to chat up girls they will try to deliver a whole paragraph as the opening line and I then realised that was what I was like when I tried to talk to girls. Also I was a very bad conversationalist so hated having to talk to girls for ages before going for the kiss or even being able to hold their hand. Because of this I think I put off loads of girls because they thought I was too forward as I would to get romantic with them far too soon. I am also bad looking and always thought it was just my looks that were putting girls off me, but some friends told me that it wasn't my bad looks that were putting girls off me but my bad approaches to them.
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 66
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/22/2013 2:54:32 PM
Lots of famous eople have or had Asperger's. Einstein, Jefferson, Marie Curie, Paul Robison, there is a book about it, I believe it's calld "Diagnosing Jefferson" They went onto have relationships of all kinds, so can you. Develop yoiur sense of humor, that is very important. It can save face in uncomfortable circumstances. Watch the show "Big Bang Theory" ad take cues from them. Remember- Sense of umor!
 Acehonestlady
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 74
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/23/2013 5:25:33 AM
I am an Aspie and too likely have some form of hyper sexuality. Though I have learned to control it and redirect my thoughts. Luckily my current contraception brings me down to relatively ‘normal’ sex-drive but not make me fidget like the rod in my arm form did. Perhaps this demonstrates that there is perhaps some medication you can take to control yourself – it is just finding the right one maybe.

CBT, as someone suggested, is perhaps a good idea. It can be expensive if you can get it free but I’m sure you can learn some strategies used. – Like the elastic band mentioned. I might try it myself when I think about the man I am still in love with but no longer see!
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 78
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 3/26/2013 4:25:13 PM
Okay, you shoot down any suggestions that people give you.

1. getting out of ruts is hard for you, but you must make yourself do it. Do something to shake up your life. Go skydiving,
enroll in evening classes, join a club like events and adventures.

2. The Big Bang Theory makes the additude that nerdy is cool, isn't that a plus for people with Asperger's??? They use their sense of humor to get through things, maybe you are in deep need of getting one. Don't you dare tell me that Asperger's people can't have a sense of humor. My son is 20 years old and diagnosed with AS at age 6. I made sure he understood humor and sarcasm, and it has been his saving grace.
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