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 whatUneed02
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 144
Open Relationships: The best of both worldsPage 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I've never been in one but I think it's like most fantasies, We imagine the perfect relationship where you're meeting hot girl after hot girl who are okay with a casual relationship, with the best one at home waiting for you to come home after partying all night, and she can't keep her hands off you either. When Reality is closer to you in this open relationship with a nice looking girl, your out here hitting on every hot girl you meet but they don't like the situation, so they're shooting you down like top gun and your one of the russians, afterwards your at home waiting for your girl. And when your girl gets home from partying all night she tells you about the lucky guy she's banging senseless. And when you ask about your sloppy seconds she's to worn out to do you...

I compare the pro's against the con's and I can not see where it's worth the risk fellas. Maybe I'm wrong but give me the one on one everytime. That way I know I can only screw up with one woman at a time.
 bluecurlz
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 145
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/21/2012 7:16:14 PM
Only if you don't have children, or don't plan on having children. Think about it. Marriage is an institution that stabilizes the "family". We know that men have an innate need to spread their genetic material. Where does that leave the women that they have sex with? If they (the women) get pregnant, who helps them? who cares for them? Marriage was set up to protect women and their children, because men are not forthwith on their intentions and their obligations.
 bluecurlz
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 146
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/21/2012 7:23:38 PM
Which is exactly why the institution of marriage was invented...to protect pregnant females.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 147
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/21/2012 7:55:49 PM
^^^^You set yourself up for a smart-ass response to your post Bluecurlz. The OP and others will say "So why exactly was the institution of divorce invented? How does divorce protect pregnant women and children?" Don't you remember the OP professing in a few posts that he will treat his primary woman like gold and she would be very happy, even if it takes another guy who has more to offer her in bed, so that would minimize any chance of divorce? And he will make other women happier by doing the same thing.

I agree that kids shouldn't be in their plans if they're bed hopping. There's always the chance of one of the partners carrying an STD that isn't immediately detected that can affect a fetus. If the OP doesn't think so, think of the situation-you and your partner have multiple sex partners. Those sex partners probably have other sex partners-multiple sex partners-as well. So there are a lot of people who are sharing whatever virus or nasties are going around. You can't make strangers who are sharing your sex partners get testing for STD's and you have no way of knowing for sure if they are or aren't.

And the thought of constantly having sloppy seconds (and thirds and fourths) in itself would be a turn-off.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 148
view profile
History
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/21/2012 8:21:19 PM
consigliore I have not seen your post for a while, your fans missed you so much.


Too much work! One woman is more than enough thank you.


I totally agree on this one.

Vannili
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 149
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/21/2012 8:43:28 PM
Want Open Relationships? Join Mormon or be a Mormon Leader. Haha
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 150
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 1:57:22 PM

Only if you don't have children, or don't plan on having children. Think about it. Marriage is an institution that stabilizes the "family". We know that men have an innate need to spread their genetic material. Where does that leave the women that they have sex with? If they (the women) get pregnant, who helps them? who cares for them? Marriage was set up to protect women and their children, because men are not forthwith on their intentions and their obligations.

If it were true that marriage actually “stabilizes” a family unit, wouldn’t it stand to reason that there wouldn’t be impossible for 1 of 3 children to be living in single parent homes (as is the statistic today) and 1 in 2 children will live in a single parent home at some point in their lifetime. And let’s not forget all of the “baby Mama” and baby Daddy” s out there. There are reportedly 4 out of 10 babies born to unwed women in the US today. Being that monogamy is the only legally recognized marriage in the United States, many think that is the only option for being “married.” I’m not going to venture into Marriage 101 here, but there are many more definitions to marriage (historically and current day) than simple monogamous-marriage.

When my G/F and her Ex were in the lifestyle, she got her tubes cut so as to make sure there would be no kids from it (they already had 3 kids)...
Ultimately it's one of her big regrets too, as it meant we couldn't consider having kids together... which she would have liked...

If that was a regret, they could have reproduced via invitro.

~OT~ I will never understand why topics such as polyamory, swinging, open-relationships, etc., are such hot buttons for so many. While none of those options would work for me personally, this doesn’t mean non-traditional relationships are wrong, immoral, abusive, or even lessor than a common monogamous union. People are so hung up on their preconceived ideologies that their minds completely into shut-down mode. What I don’t get above all else: Why people actually feel threatened when someone opts to live differently than they opt to live. If you don’t want to be in a poly-household, don’t be in one. If you don’t want an open-relationship, don’t agree to being part of one, etc. Why on earth be bothered by that which others choose to do or wish to try. I know we live in a society of Sheeple, but damn, I forget how many Sheeple there are until I read threads of this nature. Weird. JMO
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 151
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 2:27:05 PM
SMH

This topic HAS BEEN DONE AND BEAT TO DEATH so many times here!!!!!!!

OP your not going to get validation here that open relationships are the new norm.

Basically speaking, all that can be said is, FOR A FEW it might work but for MOST, IT DOES NOT.
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 152
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 7:14:22 PM

False... I'm not looking for approval. I'm looking to see if I've missed something here because this makes so much sense to me, and I'm wondering why it's so simple for me to see and not others...


Yea it's all good till you really fall in love with one woman. However she is still digging the open relationship. Meaning she is sleeping with who ever she wants to sleep with. Your rules remember?
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 153
view profile
History
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:14:03 PM
Much of the world is polygamists. However, I am a Christian and they support monogamist relationships. When their are other women involved with one man, there is always jealously and competition.(vice versa) This puts a lot of strain on relationships. Polygamists, who have many wives or husbands have its advantages also. Their are many women to help with chores and taking care of the children and they are like sisters to each other. Usually there is one main wife to the husband and the rest are like sisters or extensions. There is still some jealously and competition there. To have one husband and one wife in a monogamous relationship that is filled with love and committment, where the partner is your best friend can be very satisfying. The man is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Too many men/women have become self-centured and have lost respect and love for each other. They seek after their own lusts and try to fulfill themselves to fill the void in their own lives. Only Christ's love can fill the void----not material things or another person. They need to give their addictions to Christ and let His love fill the void and then you will feel complete to share your life with another person.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 154
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:17:58 PM
I think open relationships are ideal for men, and a nightmare for women. men would prefer to have the harem, but women's needs are not met by this type of arrangement.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 155
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:31:17 PM

Yea it's all good till you really fall in love with one woman. However she is still digging the open relationship. Meaning she is sleeping with who ever she wants to sleep with. Your rules remember?


Too funny. That was the main plot from the movie "The Sex Monster" with Mariel Hemmingway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCKjj4IADMA
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 156
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History
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:32:56 PM
These days Mormons are pretty strict and do not believe in polygamy except for a few sects who violate the law. Mormons years ago believe in polygamy for financial and practical reasons, to help with the kids, chores, and crops and also to act as sisters to eachother.

Today since polygamy is illegal, Mormons no longer practice polygamy and are very strict morally. They do not smoke, drink, drink coffee, have sex before marriage, believe in a one man one woman marriage. They believe in having many children, believe in Temple Ordinances, sending the young men and women to mission field for a couple years, strongly encourage college education or formal school, finding a wife soon after to avoid sexual sin, Family Home Evening (one night a week with your family), Bible and teachings, geneology, using your gifts God gave you.

They believe Jesus appeared to Jews and Native Americans in America. They believe Joseph Smith (a prophet) received gold plates telling of the history of people leading up to Jesus, which incorporate the Book of Mormon.

Mormons, however no longer practice polygamy and it was only for a short time years ago before it was illegal. It was mainly for practical reasons to take care of the women that had no husbands.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 157
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 10:43:33 PM
licoricecat_1, while your information on Mormon polygamous marriages is very interesting, they are not open marriages, they are closed. The husbands and wives are not free to have sex with anyone outside the marriage.

They are polygamous marriages, as you point out, not monogamous ones. But they are not open.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 158
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/22/2012 11:01:53 PM

It's potentially dangerous behavior that can effect other "innocent" people in the long run, from children being raised in a free for all existence to people getting exposed to STDs, which are a big problem in the US. It's interesting that most people understand that jumping out of planes and swimming with sharks is potentially dangerous, but consider a sexual free for all as being ok. More people die from irresponsible (or what they thought was responsible because they didn't know their partner's past well enough) sexual escapades than those that get eaten by sharks or falling out of planes by a huge margin.

Educated people don’t view casual sex lightly and truly informed people KNOW and have known the dangers of HIV/Aids since the early 80’s (if near my age and very likely by their young teenaged years for those the age of my son.) If it’s STDs that makes your case for monogamy, then one would assume you’re a virgin and intend to remain that way until marriage or that if you’re divorced or have had sex with even ONE woman, you’re at risk and are well aware of that fact. If you’ve had unprotected sex with ONE woman who’s had unprotected sex, you are at risk. Like it or not, you may reduce the risk by having one or very few partners, but unprotected sex = risk.

Morals were put into effect for an original reason, normally the safety and betterment of society. It's the same reason we have laws (as you know), to protect the majority of people. Not having a moral foundation of life can be a seriously slippery slope, and seems to me a regression to caveman times. Later on the idea of morals was transformed into a mode of thinking that one person's idea of life is better than another and the original intent of the creation of them is filed in a dark corner. The fact is some people's way of life are better for society than others. It's another reason we have jails, free for all living isn't good for society as a whole.

Your morals aren’t universal, they aren’t necessarily “right” nor are they above anyone else’s simply because you think they are.

As far as divorce in the traditional nuclear family, it is better for offspring to have two good parents in the home who raise the children with set boundaries of what is right and wrong. That's been established I believe. People get married because it's extremely easy to get married, and almost as easy to get a divorce. Morals changing to the free for all mindset have a had a major impact on unwed mothers having children as you have stated. Kids not having both parents is a major detriment to the child, but the wants of the parent to have sex as they wish has negatively affected an innocent, the child. 70-80% of mothers are awarded primary physical custody, their sperm donor is absent, the children are raised to see that is the way of life and they normally continue the cycle when they're adults. The breakdown of morals and the idea of personal self gratification outweighing the needs of anyone else is a slippery slope to the negative.

I’m not even going to indulge in the gender debate you’re attempting to instigate here. It’s been done to death.

Today since polygamy is illegal, Mormons no longer practice polygamy and are very strict morally. They do not smoke, drink, drink coffee, have sex before marriage, believe in a one man one woman marriage. They believe in having many children, believe in Temple Ordinances, sending the young men and women to mission field for a couple years, strongly encourage college education or formal school, finding a wife soon after to avoid sexual sin, Family Home Evening (one night a week with your family), Bible and teachings, geneology, using your gifts God gave you.

While plural-marriage may be illegal in all 50 states, it’s still very much practiced, it’s just not practiced by legally marrying more than one woman. Sister Wives (The Learning Channel) and Our America with Lisa Ling (the OWN Network) are two great examples of shows that are attempting to set the record straight about the Mormon faith and especially about Mormon Fundamentalists and their lifestyles. (Modern Polygamy - Our America with Lisa Ling can be viewed online @ TLC, great information and a bit surprising. Clips are viewable on Youtube as well as the full episode is viewable on the TLC’s website.)

~OT~ Fundamentalist Mormon’s are a very good example of plural marriages working for the women as well as the man they are married to. I was unaware of the inner workings of their beliefs until I got interested enough to watch, read and put aside my own preconceived notions of how/why they opt for plural-marriage. I’m not so sure “open relationships” even belong in the same context as plural marriage, simply because there is no obligatory factor to multiple sexual partners as there is with even a polyamorous household or a plural marriage scenario. The only opinion I have about open-relationships or swinging? As long as it isn’t me or the man in my life and all parties involved are “in the know” it’s really not up to me to judge. What works for me and my SO may be very “unconventional” to most (as we live a very traditional-gender-role existence) and what works for others wouldn’t work for us. It’s another one of those “to each their own” things as far as I’m concerned. JMO
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 159
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 7:37:34 AM
Look up Socipath, I met one got hurt so bad

Sorry to hear that. Did your sociopath lead an open life?

It would be unusual for a sociopath to sustain open intimate relationships with people who knew each other reasonably well.

Perhaps you are viewing ‘open relationship’ as if it means exploitive promiscuity? A number of others here have done the same.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 160
view profile
History
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 8:30:56 AM
Open relationship's are a ticket to cheating.
If you can imagine the person you love having sex with someone else with your blessing then perhap's you should not be in a relationship.
IMO Open relationship's are morally wrong. If you truely loved someone then you would not become intimate with another.
There is so much more to a relationship than sex. Sex is cheap.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 161
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 9:24:24 AM

Educated people don’t view casual sex lightly and truly informed people KNOW and have known the dangers of HIV/Aids since the early 80’s

STDs don't discriminate based on education level. I guess only the uneducated are dying from them or catching them, and there's a lot who have them.

I suppose in this venue, I need to assume some don’t think past the exact verbiage. I should have said, “Sexually educated people…..”


If it’s STDs that makes your case for monogamy, then one would assume you’re a virgin

That's logical, common sense and fact = virginity. Following that "logic" it would mean people who swim with sharks are the only ones who know how to swim, brilliant.

Here ya go ~ let me rebuff your logic for you (even though common sense would tell most that those swimming with sharks are educated on what they’re doing in turn, limiting their chance of death while doing so):

Sharks are amazing and powerful animals. Although sharks are carnivorous, they do not preferentially prey on scuba divers, or even humans in general. Sharks do attack humans, but such attacks are extremely rare. Since 2000 (2000-2010), there were an average of 65 shark attacks each year worldwide, and only 5 of them were fatal [1]. These numbers include attacks on scuba divers, swimmers, surfers, etc.
Many Everyday Activities Are More Dangerous Than Diving With Sharks:
Scuba divers engage in far more dangerous activities than swimming with the occasional shark – such as sleeping in bed. In a single year, 1616 people died by falling out of their beds [2].This means that 323 times more people are killed from sleeping in a bed than from shark attacks each year. …

http://scuba.about.com/od/sharks/p/Is-Scuba-Diving-With-Sharks-Dangerous.htm
So I suppose we should all stop sleeping in beds and start swimming with sharks since the chance of death swimming with sharks is 323 times less likely to kill us than sleeping in beds.

I didn't say any morals were universal, I said they were created for a reason and that main reason was for the betterment of society. The ones who view morals as you do, where one is better than another is the catalyst for getting people up in arms over their perceived personal rights being violated and the original intent of morals gets put by the wayside.

You have NO clue what my moral code/ethical stance(s) is or are. (And where did I state, anywhere ~ EVER ~ that anyone is better than someone else. I do believe that is YOUR contention, not mine!) (And personal rights have NOTHING to do with moral/ethical codes. Personal rights in this country are laws not moral/ethical codes. Completely different concepts.)

Yeah, that "gender" debate is over and is as much a debate topic as the sun being hot. (Unless it's JYO that the sun isn't hot due to your brand of logic.) Now it's called a fact so there's no debate there and gender obviously wasn't the point. The point is that the breakdown of the nuclear family and 1 parent households have led to the detriment of children and has also led to a taught cycle of the breakdown of the traditional American family system. No one can seriously debate 2 good parents being in a house as being the worst family situation for the parents or the offspring.

I didn’t say that debate is over (in case you’re having a wee bit of comprehension issues, let me say it again): That gender debate has been DONE TO DEATH. Vastly different than: That gender debate has been settled.

~OT~ Earlier in my life, I never really used the term “ignorant” or “ignorance” in it’s true and correct context. As I aged, became more aware of the world at large, versus the world I create and live in, I learned the true meaning of that word, as I was quite ignorant to anything that didn't effect/affect me personally. I no longer feel any sense of right or wrong regarding someone else’s religious preferences, political views, lifestyle preferences or how they opt to raise their children (unless there is substantiated abuse of course.) Why is this? Because I don't live in someone else's shoes, nor have I lived in every conceivable scenario known to human kind, which makes me ignorant to a good many things/places/people/beliefs/etc. And? Because my way isn’t likely going to work for the vast majority and the vast majority’s way isn’t likely going to work for me. I don’t believe all people are meant to be monogamous. I don’t believe all parents need to have a co-parent to raise well-adjusted, happy, healthy, productive members of society nor do good parents need to be hetero-monogamous. I certainly do not believe that I have any right to cast stones upon those who are in the adult entertainment/sex trades, polyamorous-minded nor those who believe open relationships may be the way for them to conduct their private life. I do fully believe that those who belong to the Fine Order of the Moral Police are very likely going against their own religious beliefs by judging any and all who don’t subscribe to their ideologies and I find the irony in that quite entertaining. (And on that note? I am judging those who judge, again, the irony is entertaining to me personally.) But that’s just how I view this stuff. To each their own.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 162
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 10:30:07 AM
195: There is so much more to a relationship than sex.


Yes, if the sex conforms to the status quo. If it doesn’t, then it's all about the sex, and the relationship is invisible. They’re just sub-humans coupling. Like gays a few decades ago. Or blacks a few generations before that. Bigotry is bigotry. Different target, same fear and ignorance.
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 163
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 11:17:51 AM
The worst part of having an open relationship, is that at one point, one partner will EVENTUALLY feels like being cheated on... regardless of the rules having been set. At the beginning, it's all nice and dandy, but then come the time, when one partner wants to be with the other, but the other want to be with someone else, that night or that week end.... then that partner, slowly feels left out, then abandonment and jealousy sets in...... And that it the beginning of the end.. then the series of emotional explanations of WHY the other partner "side tracked" for one night or week end. No different than a regular relationship!

IT's only bound for destruction, but at a later time, because of the acceptance of the rules of an "open relationship"!

Someone is bound to feel left out at one point, due to the rules not being followed, or that a planned meeting, is not happening because of a sudden new interest coming along.... Both parties can and will eventually get hurt, and grow tired of this game!

I think It is worth for the original poster to experience it on his own, as he will find out, that it is hard enough to find someone to be monogamous, that the population sample to find someone of the opposite sex available for an open relationship, will become even harder!... at one point, you give up, and see that being with someone trustworthy, is far more better to be with than waiting for Godot! (French play about 2 men waiting for a man that never comes).

You can go and play in the world of open relationship.... in essence, DATI NG is kinda that world! You can go out with as many people as you want, but you simply cannot tell them...cuz many will walk away!... that is a hint by itself!

I say try it, experience it for yourself and you shall see... why it "most likely" will not work, and that you wil be 10-20 years looking for the perfect "open relationship partner"... like Godot... that never comes!... All power to you if you find her/him!
 trueheart_52
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 164
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 3:07:31 PM
I've known 2 married couples that decided they could handle an open relationship. Both couples are now divorced.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 165
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History
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 5:55:26 PM

I've known 2 married couples that decided they could handle an open relationship. Both couples are now divorced.


I've known dozens of married couples that decided they could handle monogamy. They are all divorced now too!

And I know at least two married couples who have been in long term open relationships, and they are going strong.

Some people can't handle relationships of any kind, and some can handle types that most people can't, and be happy doing so.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 166
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 11:04:05 PM
Not for me. Might have considered it in the past. Not my place to judge anyone who does.

If it makes the parties involved happy, none of my business. Even if it does not make them happy, none of my business.
Or anyone else's. Do what makes you happy and find someone likeminded.
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 167
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 11:56:24 PM

It can work as much as the people who make it or don't make it work. You can always go from open to monogamous if you tell her you are open to either should it become challenging emotional for anyone involved. Set boundaries you are both open and both have input into the situation and stick to it an just be honest. I've known some couples that do very well and are still going strong a break up with an open partnership doesnt mean it was the openness that always caused it you can have difficulties no matter what lifestyle you lead.



^^^^ Nailed it hands down.

OP, I have a feeling that you think having an open relationship will somehow end or alleviate all the issues you had with your prior relationship(s) ..... To me, what it boils down to is how much the persons involved are willing to make things work .. whether monogamous or polyamorous ..... each comes with issues of its own.

Again, my major personal concern regarding a polyamorous lifestyle is is the increased risk of STD's .... some of the replies here state that "as long as you are careful" ..... I'm not sure if any of y'alls remember from basic sex-ed 101 in high school where the obvious fact is pointed out: When you sleep with one person, you are also sleeping (exposing yourself) with the rest of the people that person has ever slept with ..... and so on and so forth ...... Thus the obvious condensed risk of STD exposure.

For me, it's just easier to manage my sexual health & well-being (and my partner's) when I sleep with one person at a time over the course of a period of time - VS- sleeping simultaneously with a handful of ppl and trying to maintain my sexual health .... Say IF I caught an STD .. now all those handful of guys I am sleeping with will all need to check themselves (since I am not sure from WHOM I caught this STD from right? ) ...... Besides that, their partners and partners' partners and partners .. and so on and so forth would also need to get checked since now they are all exposed to it at some point ........ But I guess if somehow others can manage that, kudos to them.


 NickCP85
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 168
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/25/2012 12:55:29 AM
Get with people who are down and there'll be nothing wrong with it. There are alot of people like you who don't want to settle down.
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