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Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 160
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Open Relationships: The best of both worldsPage 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Open relationship's are a ticket to cheating.
If you can imagine the person you love having sex with someone else with your blessing then perhap's you should not be in a relationship.
IMO Open relationship's are morally wrong. If you truely loved someone then you would not become intimate with another.
There is so much more to a relationship than sex. Sex is cheap.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 161
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 9:24:24 AM

Educated people don’t view casual sex lightly and truly informed people KNOW and have known the dangers of HIV/Aids since the early 80’s

STDs don't discriminate based on education level. I guess only the uneducated are dying from them or catching them, and there's a lot who have them.

I suppose in this venue, I need to assume some don’t think past the exact verbiage. I should have said, “Sexually educated people…..”

If it’s STDs that makes your case for monogamy, then one would assume you’re a virgin

That's logical, common sense and fact = virginity. Following that "logic" it would mean people who swim with sharks are the only ones who know how to swim, brilliant.

Here ya go ~ let me rebuff your logic for you (even though common sense would tell most that those swimming with sharks are educated on what they’re doing in turn, limiting their chance of death while doing so):

Sharks are amazing and powerful animals. Although sharks are carnivorous, they do not preferentially prey on scuba divers, or even humans in general. Sharks do attack humans, but such attacks are extremely rare. Since 2000 (2000-2010), there were an average of 65 shark attacks each year worldwide, and only 5 of them were fatal [1]. These numbers include attacks on scuba divers, swimmers, surfers, etc.
Many Everyday Activities Are More Dangerous Than Diving With Sharks:
Scuba divers engage in far more dangerous activities than swimming with the occasional shark – such as sleeping in bed. In a single year, 1616 people died by falling out of their beds [2].This means that 323 times more people are killed from sleeping in a bed than from shark attacks each year. …
So I suppose we should all stop sleeping in beds and start swimming with sharks since the chance of death swimming with sharks is 323 times less likely to kill us than sleeping in beds.

I didn't say any morals were universal, I said they were created for a reason and that main reason was for the betterment of society. The ones who view morals as you do, where one is better than another is the catalyst for getting people up in arms over their perceived personal rights being violated and the original intent of morals gets put by the wayside.

You have NO clue what my moral code/ethical stance(s) is or are. (And where did I state, anywhere ~ EVER ~ that anyone is better than someone else. I do believe that is YOUR contention, not mine!) (And personal rights have NOTHING to do with moral/ethical codes. Personal rights in this country are laws not moral/ethical codes. Completely different concepts.)

Yeah, that "gender" debate is over and is as much a debate topic as the sun being hot. (Unless it's JYO that the sun isn't hot due to your brand of logic.) Now it's called a fact so there's no debate there and gender obviously wasn't the point. The point is that the breakdown of the nuclear family and 1 parent households have led to the detriment of children and has also led to a taught cycle of the breakdown of the traditional American family system. No one can seriously debate 2 good parents being in a house as being the worst family situation for the parents or the offspring.

I didn’t say that debate is over (in case you’re having a wee bit of comprehension issues, let me say it again): That gender debate has been DONE TO DEATH. Vastly different than: That gender debate has been settled.

~OT~ Earlier in my life, I never really used the term “ignorant” or “ignorance” in it’s true and correct context. As I aged, became more aware of the world at large, versus the world I create and live in, I learned the true meaning of that word, as I was quite ignorant to anything that didn't effect/affect me personally. I no longer feel any sense of right or wrong regarding someone else’s religious preferences, political views, lifestyle preferences or how they opt to raise their children (unless there is substantiated abuse of course.) Why is this? Because I don't live in someone else's shoes, nor have I lived in every conceivable scenario known to human kind, which makes me ignorant to a good many things/places/people/beliefs/etc. And? Because my way isn’t likely going to work for the vast majority and the vast majority’s way isn’t likely going to work for me. I don’t believe all people are meant to be monogamous. I don’t believe all parents need to have a co-parent to raise well-adjusted, happy, healthy, productive members of society nor do good parents need to be hetero-monogamous. I certainly do not believe that I have any right to cast stones upon those who are in the adult entertainment/sex trades, polyamorous-minded nor those who believe open relationships may be the way for them to conduct their private life. I do fully believe that those who belong to the Fine Order of the Moral Police are very likely going against their own religious beliefs by judging any and all who don’t subscribe to their ideologies and I find the irony in that quite entertaining. (And on that note? I am judging those who judge, again, the irony is entertaining to me personally.) But that’s just how I view this stuff. To each their own.
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 162
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 10:30:07 AM
195: There is so much more to a relationship than sex.

Yes, if the sex conforms to the status quo. If it doesn’t, then it's all about the sex, and the relationship is invisible. They’re just sub-humans coupling. Like gays a few decades ago. Or blacks a few generations before that. Bigotry is bigotry. Different target, same fear and ignorance.
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 163
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 11:17:51 AM
The worst part of having an open relationship, is that at one point, one partner will EVENTUALLY feels like being cheated on... regardless of the rules having been set. At the beginning, it's all nice and dandy, but then come the time, when one partner wants to be with the other, but the other want to be with someone else, that night or that week end.... then that partner, slowly feels left out, then abandonment and jealousy sets in...... And that it the beginning of the end.. then the series of emotional explanations of WHY the other partner "side tracked" for one night or week end. No different than a regular relationship!

IT's only bound for destruction, but at a later time, because of the acceptance of the rules of an "open relationship"!

Someone is bound to feel left out at one point, due to the rules not being followed, or that a planned meeting, is not happening because of a sudden new interest coming along.... Both parties can and will eventually get hurt, and grow tired of this game!

I think It is worth for the original poster to experience it on his own, as he will find out, that it is hard enough to find someone to be monogamous, that the population sample to find someone of the opposite sex available for an open relationship, will become even harder!... at one point, you give up, and see that being with someone trustworthy, is far more better to be with than waiting for Godot! (French play about 2 men waiting for a man that never comes).

You can go and play in the world of open relationship.... in essence, DATI NG is kinda that world! You can go out with as many people as you want, but you simply cannot tell them...cuz many will walk away!... that is a hint by itself!

I say try it, experience it for yourself and you shall see... why it "most likely" will not work, and that you wil be 10-20 years looking for the perfect "open relationship partner"... like Godot... that never comes!... All power to you if you find her/him!
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 164
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 3:07:31 PM
I've known 2 married couples that decided they could handle an open relationship. Both couples are now divorced.
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 165
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Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 5:55:26 PM

I've known 2 married couples that decided they could handle an open relationship. Both couples are now divorced.

I've known dozens of married couples that decided they could handle monogamy. They are all divorced now too!

And I know at least two married couples who have been in long term open relationships, and they are going strong.

Some people can't handle relationships of any kind, and some can handle types that most people can't, and be happy doing so.
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 166
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 11:04:05 PM
Not for me. Might have considered it in the past. Not my place to judge anyone who does.

If it makes the parties involved happy, none of my business. Even if it does not make them happy, none of my business.
Or anyone else's. Do what makes you happy and find someone likeminded.
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 167
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/23/2012 11:56:24 PM

It can work as much as the people who make it or don't make it work. You can always go from open to monogamous if you tell her you are open to either should it become challenging emotional for anyone involved. Set boundaries you are both open and both have input into the situation and stick to it an just be honest. I've known some couples that do very well and are still going strong a break up with an open partnership doesnt mean it was the openness that always caused it you can have difficulties no matter what lifestyle you lead.

^^^^ Nailed it hands down.

OP, I have a feeling that you think having an open relationship will somehow end or alleviate all the issues you had with your prior relationship(s) ..... To me, what it boils down to is how much the persons involved are willing to make things work .. whether monogamous or polyamorous ..... each comes with issues of its own.

Again, my major personal concern regarding a polyamorous lifestyle is is the increased risk of STD's .... some of the replies here state that "as long as you are careful" ..... I'm not sure if any of y'alls remember from basic sex-ed 101 in high school where the obvious fact is pointed out: When you sleep with one person, you are also sleeping (exposing yourself) with the rest of the people that person has ever slept with ..... and so on and so forth ...... Thus the obvious condensed risk of STD exposure.

For me, it's just easier to manage my sexual health & well-being (and my partner's) when I sleep with one person at a time over the course of a period of time - VS- sleeping simultaneously with a handful of ppl and trying to maintain my sexual health .... Say IF I caught an STD .. now all those handful of guys I am sleeping with will all need to check themselves (since I am not sure from WHOM I caught this STD from right? ) ...... Besides that, their partners and partners' partners and partners .. and so on and so forth would also need to get checked since now they are all exposed to it at some point ........ But I guess if somehow others can manage that, kudos to them.

Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 168
Open Relationships: The best of both worlds
Posted: 9/25/2012 12:55:29 AM
Get with people who are down and there'll be nothing wrong with it. There are alot of people like you who don't want to settle down.
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