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 AUTHOR
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 27
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi... this can be a hard row to hoe.
You can file a temp hardship with the family services, to get your payment lowered.
400 a month is already low.... count your blessings.
Hard to see that when you're not making ends meet.

You have some uni so look for work online. One poster suggested his deal- look into that. It's hard to find honest work on the net.... try a forums search for that-idk ...
You can also get into writing blogs or guest posts for different sites. Doesn't take much to get started, and doesn't pay much either. 35 dollars a piece or so... but you can write one a night and get quicker, making a decent dollar amount perhour.

Don't get discouraged. Many hate on this topic and have no idea how hard it can be. Many know just how hard it is and empathize. Do whatever it takes.... the kids deserve this, no matter what your ex spends the money on. Also consider keeping track with records that hold up in court, don't expect the FS to be on the ball.
Beware- some receipts are designed to fade with heat.... so copying is a good idea.

It's easier to get hired if you're already working.... so take any job to get started. Clerical, waitress, bartending, cleaning... anything.

Good luck- TJ
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 28
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/4/2012 7:32:51 AM

I didnt make it to the final hearing. I was in a different state at the time staying with family
.....What a lame excuse for not showing up in court. You generally get more than enough notice to attend court and you could also have applied to have the hearing adjorned.
You sound as if you don't want the parental responsibilities and are peeved off because you now have to pay to assist in supporting your children.

I have gotten tons of interviews (for clerical jobs) but that's it so far.
.....A fussy unemployed person? You will never get ahead with this attitude.
IF you wanted your children living with you then you would do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Why can't you see them on other day's? Your not working so have plenty of time?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 30
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/8/2012 9:39:21 PM
OP .. u r a woman and you do not have custody of your children.


i feel no sorrow for you and your inability to take care of your children...have custody of your children...

nor your inability to take care of your children at best by paying child support...


get your life together and act like a responsible parent...

even if my words are falling on deaf ears...


get it together
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 31
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/9/2012 8:01:58 AM

No offfense to other posters here, but I personally can not stand parents that go after the other for child support
. Fair enough that's your opinion.
I cannot stand parent's who create children then abandon their responsibilities to those children. I do not agree that children should be held to ransom but, I do think the parent who cannot afford $ should make an effort to care for their children in other way's.
I feel that OP is showing the "Poor me" sign's and concentrating more on her own life rather than her children's. It is unusual that the father has custody of their children and not the mother. I feel there is a lot the OP has not mentioned here in her thread.
 RaleighRedChick
Joined: 9/27/2012
Msg: 32
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/9/2012 9:22:31 AM
I don't buy the reason he got custody. You can have child support re-evaluated. It is based on finances and who pays insurance, custody, etc.
 vondy300
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 33
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/9/2012 10:22:12 PM
I understand that $400 a month really sucks, but I really don't fell sorry for you. First of all, your ex-husband did not get custody of your 2 children because he has more money to support them. He was granted custody because you did not go to the final custody hearing. If you were so worried about your children (which should be your absolute #1 concern) you would have made all the effort in the world to get to the final custody hearing NO MATTER WHAT. If you would have shown up, you would have gotten some sort of custody and HE would probably be paying you a large amount of child support and be in your financial situation worrying about making ends meet!!! Woman nowadays almost have to be dealing drugs out of their house or have committed murder to not get at least 50/50 custody of their children. Its almost sad to read your post because it almost seems like you weren't even worried about your children until your ex started getting $400 a month in child support which isn't much at all. I have a couple of friends that are paying $550 plus a month for ONE child and I would have been one of them if I hadn't gotten 50/50 custody. Its all about growing up and taking responsibility as a parent. That might mean working 1 or more jobs, not always getting everything you want because you just plain can't afford it, and always remembering that those 2 little children should be your #1 priority.

Anyways, what I'd do is work my butt off to get my life back together and I'd try to stay in my childrens lives as much as possible. You need to get as many jobs as it takes to make ends meet and save as much as possible so you can eventually get your own place. At that point, go back to court and re-open your custody & child support situation to get at least partial if not half custody of your children. That should either lower your payments significantly or you might be able to get support from your ex. Well, I hope you do get your life turned around and can be a significant factor in your childrens lives because your children do need a father and mother in their lives. Good luck.
 XpressWords
Joined: 10/2/2012
Msg: 35
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/11/2012 9:44:38 AM
So glad I never wanted to have kids after hearing this griping going on. Oh its good to be single...
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 36
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/11/2012 5:16:15 PM
wait.... $400 a month ??

geez I used to pay like $1500 a month for 2 kidos...
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 37
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/18/2012 8:49:26 AM

Hopefully all $400 will go directly to the kids. Not to your ex's cable bill or to pay a babysitter while he goes out dating or to strip clubs.
.....This line of thinking make's me laugh.
"I would like to have my hair done thankyou.....here is $50...Hang on you can't have that $50 cause it's child support, so take this $50 cause I earned it.
2 Children cost MORE than $400 a month to raise. The cable bill, electricity, water, gas, food AND babysitting (A parent has a right to have a social life).
I get frustrated when a paying parent say's....."I paid for her new dress"
It does not matter who's money pay's for what. So long as the children are well cared for then the custodian parent still has the right to be an individual.
For the record, I received $75 per week for 3 children. I supported them by WORKING.
OP.....Where are you?
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 38
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/18/2012 8:56:41 AM

OP.....Where are you?


Hopefully working hard to support those kids!
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 40
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History
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/19/2012 4:40:59 AM
So if it were your husband/ex husband making all these excuses what would you and the courts suggest?


No pass because you missed the most important date ( court) you ever have had in your life.

They are your children.

Get however many jobs you have to.
Do with out a cell phone and whatever else you don't need to live.
House sit, tend bar, dog walking, stock warehouses at night, flip burgers on shifts no one else wants.
Forget dating .

Me thinks there is much more to this tale than you tell.


 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 41
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History
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/20/2012 3:33:59 PM
^^^^ I think she was joking, but it does point to larger issue. Do women feel that they have a built-in income when they have kids and know that the financial suffering or consequence during and after a divorce will never fall into their hands (rare exception excluded)? I wonder how many women hold that thought in their heads as they let relationships/marriages die. Do they hold that over their boyfriend's/husband's head? Do they use it as leverage?
 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 43
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/20/2012 9:24:23 PM

LMAO @ rare exception!! since 60% of single moms don't receive support for one reason or another.. i'd say it's not the rare exception.. lol


I was referring to the rare exception of a woman having to pay a man in child/spousal support. It's pretty rare , I believe.
 ROSEBUD777
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 47
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/22/2012 1:08:29 AM
I am very interested in the job i can do from home. Please could i get some more information about it. Thank you
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 51
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 2/2/2014 5:19:06 PM

which of course I cant afford considering that I was barely making ends meet before the automatic deductions started


Of course, your children can't afford not to eat! Get a second & third job if needed. You are responsible to support your children.
btw, many of us don;'t but into the notion that one gets custody because they have more money. In truth, most often custody is granted based on primary caregiver role. Time to grow up.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 52
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 2/2/2014 5:30:19 PM

^^^Another example of a poor ass mother wishing she could drain your wallet. Pathetic..


puhleeze.. get a sense of humor!
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 53
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History
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 2/2/2014 5:44:11 PM

^^^^ I think she was joking, but it does point to larger issue. Do women feel that they have a built-in income when they have kids and know that the financial suffering or consequence during and after a divorce will never fall into their hands (rare exception excluded)? I wonder how many women hold that thought in their heads as they let relationships/marriages die. Do they hold that over their boyfriend's/husband's head? Do they use it as leverage?


Larger issue? I think not. Those foolish enough to believe that cs is income are fools. It is not women alone who "allow" relationships to die.

There is quite enough gender warfare on this site. This particular thread, however, seems evidence that we all, regardless of gender, believe that two parents should be responsible for their children. Please take your ignorant/misogynistic views elsewhere.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 54
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History
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 2/2/2014 5:48:18 PM

•76% of custodial parents who were due child support in 2007 received at least some support; 46.8% received all of the support due (up from 36.9% in 1993)


Not a number one can suggest is good...but 76% receives some is in stark contrast to some wild suggestion of 60% not receiving anything....but cheap unsubstantiated comments do make for great rhetoric!


Here we go again, Tealwood. I guess you fail to see that her stated 60% is not so far off, is it? She did not "suggest" nothing, you did! Less than 50% received what their CHILDREN were entitled to, correct?

This is not about the woman.man. parent, but the children. No matter how you phrase it, or where you get your stats from, I would say that this is abhorrent.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 56
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 2/20/2014 10:50:10 AM
Child support is NEVER fair for the one paying it, but those paying and trying to do the best they can, can only blame the lame dead beat parents that screwed everyone else over along with themselves. And stating the father got custody because he could more afford to take care of the kids.... I think I did read you aren't in Texas so I guess that's possible. 99 times out of 10 the woman gets custody here whether she has money or not. The less she makes the more she is awarded. If divorce occurred because of a failed marriage then the male has to pay alimony many times as well allowing the lady even less incentive to work herself while keeping custody of the kids (which IMO is all the more reason marriage is a sham). I have worked the 2 and 3 jobs thing back when I was single and non parental and getting less than an hour of sleep every other day does not bode well for maintaining the jobs, even less your sanity and health. $400 a month is quite high also. Typically (and I can only speak from the POV of a Texan) that $150 is the minimum, but anything over that is based around the actual income of the non custodial parent.

Learn to save where you can. Use your brain and learn your own auto mechanics, carpentry, plumbing and what ever else you think you might have to pay someone else to do for you. I can only speak for myself, but I figure everyone is capable of doing most things if they set their minds to it. Barring physical and mental limitations (quadriplegic, down syndrome, insert any other reason you can come up with here ) no one should make the excuse they cannot do something. But I guess many will make them, just because they got an @$$hole too. Eat cheap food, apply for social welfare programs yourself. Many organizations will offer assistance to a woman before they would a man so you got many things working more in your favor than you likely realize. Asking for helpful thoughts here is a good start, as the more brains collaborating and offering assistance in the form of information can only get your rudder steering you in the right direction.

Personally if my son decided he wanted to live with me, I won't file child support against his mother. I can be making negative income and still not want it from her. I would follow the cotton farmers around every year if need be picking up the bits that fall off the trailers and make him clothing, or skin many stray dogs and cats. There are always solutions that don't require money. May not be the most socially acceptable but who cares what society thinks. Society is only a recent human invention and has done far more harm to humanity in the long run as it rewards ignorance.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 57
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 2/25/2014 6:22:52 PM
I have no problem with the premise both parents should be responsible for their children....however unlike you and ohwhynot...I also suggest any custodial parent be held to the same expectation of employment and responsiblity. Your lack of financial capabilities have nothing to do with your ex...they are a result of your choices in the past and I suspect continued choices.


Unlike you, some of us recognize that a parent, of either gender, can not suddenly be expected to earn income that they were not qualified to earn whilst in a relationship with the other parent of their child. The "same expectation" of employment & responsibility does not equate to equivalent dollars, not in the real world. More often than you seem able to admit, forfeited work experience & the resultant lesser income is the choice of both parents. More often than not, one of these parents has the lower paying job which affords them the flexibility to transport children to & from school, activities, doctor's appts., etc.


Yes it is income or revenue coming into the home....you have no problem castrating a guy for not being what you feel is financially responsible.....and yet you defend the part time employed mother as being acceptable and over worked.
I expect either custodial parent...be it a male or a female to be expected to work full time to provide for themselves and their children.
You on the other hand seem to advocate that it is okay for the poor mother to leech off the non custodial father. Or as you whined before...You did not have a career as it was agreed...((supposedly)) for you to stay home and do nothing.


Technically, no. CS is not considered income, neither legally nor by the IRS. CS very rarely covers all of a child's expenses & hardly ever results in disposable income to a cs, even if you are unable to wrap your brain around that fact.

I have never castrated a man, nor would I want to (after all, what else are they good for?! lol).

I would never defend a parent who reduced their work hours to part time (as did my ex, btw, and I am sure you are applauding him, although the only ones who paid for that were our children, who sacrificed time with me, as I had to put in 60 hrs/wk so they had food on the table), but certainly I defend a parent who continues in the same employment situation they were in during a relationships, and certainly in the employment & income level for which they are qualified. You seem to believe that becoming a single parent suddenly makes you qualified for higher income jobs.

Don't twist my words. I certainly did have a career. I earned more than my ex at the time I left my job. He did not want to stay home with our children, but we both agreed that having a parent home was in the best interest of our children. I have never regretted that decision and my children are grateful that I spent my time with them. I take offense at the suggestion that I "did nothing". Not that it's any of your business, but I ran my ex's business as a union contractor, quoting & booking jobs, certified payroll & union reports, receivables collection, etc. & often worked from home performing bookkeeping & accounting for local small businesses as well. All the while taking care of the home, cooking, cleaning, laundry, children's activities, etc. All of my children read before Kindergarten, all were well behaved, and are well adjusted wonderful individuals. Certainly I deserve some credit for that. Still, being out of the full time workforce for several years affected my earning potential, reduced my retirement funding & certainly made it more difficult financially to support our children on my own.

Me thinks you need to redefine whining & take a good look in the mirror.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 58
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 7/15/2014 1:15:25 PM
You will get lots of advice on the forums, from friends and others that you ask. In my opinion, you need to go visit some attorneys. Generally, he or she will listen, give you a bit of advice then tell you how much of a retainer he/she wants. I once read a book on brain surgery but I'm not about to try it on myself. Get a professional involved before you let too much time go by.

I'm a single father who has Joint Shared Physical Custody. I pay more child support per month than you do and have my daughter four days every week. One thing that I'm able to say is that my child support is now and has always been current. It's a badge of honor to me. The child support that you are supposed to pay helps your ex, whom you may not like now, but loved at one time, support your children. When his life is better financially, your children's life is better financially. Get that support current! The last thing your kids need is mommy going to jail because she didn't pay her support.

In my opinion, you made a mistake not being there on the day of the divorce. You were there for the marriage, you should have made it for the divorce. By not being there, the judge saw your lack of interest and gave your husband custody. Why? Because he was there. You can't change what has already happened. Now, you need to figure out how to make it better going forward. A meter is clicking and it is going up $400 every month. The farther you get behind the more chance that your life will be disrupted by jail stays, suspended driver's licenses, court costs, etc.

On your visitation? Why not have a conversation with your ex? If you can put all the feelings aside, and work with facts and what is best for the kids, maybe you can get a better visitation set up. Good luck on this. You've got many years of working with this.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 59
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 7/18/2014 6:07:23 PM
Look into some sort of self-employment which doesn't require a lot of money up front.
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