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 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 4
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POF v Real Life Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So my question is - how many of you think this site has no reflection what so ever on real life?

I've had a very different experience. If my current amour was in a bar I don't think we would meet. He's 10 years older, doesn't 'look' like most of the men I usually go out with. On the other hand, we both answered hundreds of 'questions' on another site and ended up being each others #1 (99.7%) match in North America ( he lives in San Francisco and I live in Toronto) geography aside we're actually a very good fit for each other. The issue of course is that most people zip through the profiles like a menu and the criteria is often somewhat superficial ie looks/height etc. I've gone on a few really great dates...mostly because I've focussed on shared interests/passions (art, politics, etc) and personality traits.

I think it's meaningless to simply focus on the #'s regarding on-line dating. It's about decernment and quality, I'd rather go on 3 great dates with interesting men versus 52 dates with random incompatible men.
 Graffiti_Poet
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 13
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POF v Real Life
Posted: 9/21/2012 4:35:59 AM
One of the big problems you have with on-line dating and messaging in particular is that as humans around 90% of our communications are unspoken, ie, body language. When the OPs friend saw the girl in the bar she will have been able to see so much more than she ever could from his profile or messages. She will have seen how he dresses, his deportment, his behaviours in a social setting, whether or not the people he was with were facing him or if he was looking in from the periphery, how he walked, how popular he was, he would have been able to catch her gaze and hold it for that vital few seconds longer than a casual glance, she will have seen him laughing (always a big turn on) etc. etc. etc. All these things will have sent courtship signals to her long before he ever went over to speak to her. None, or very few, of these things are conveyed well in a profile or message.

Here on POF and elsewhere we men are at the mercy of the girls ability to fantasise and to be successful a chap has to bear some resemblence(s) to the man in her fantasy or be a reasonable approximation to it or at least better than most other candidates contacting her. In our messages we have to quickly accertain what her fantasy is and to maintain and encourage it. We also have to create and build anticipation in her in increasingly large doses to keep her interested. These things are quite difficult to do with the written word, unless of course you write Mills & Boon novels for a living, and is one of the reasons for many of the lack of responses and dating let downs that proliferate these dating sites, all IMHO of course............GP
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 16
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POF v Real Life
Posted: 9/21/2012 12:18:37 PM
you know what mazey, gp and others do have a point.
there are guys that work to a formula and gullible girls fall for it.
the same of course happens in reverse.
and you know what! they're more than welcome to the gullible.
from all i've seen they're nothing but hard work!
 ibakecakes
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 21
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POF v Real Life
Posted: 9/24/2012 6:13:00 AM
The thing that seems to pass so many people by is that POF and any other sites like it are merely a tool. The tool that allows you to possibly filter out people with very different opinions to yours, different interests to yours and who live miles away. At the end of the day though, no matter on paper/screen how perfect we seem for each other, the test will be when that person is stood infront of you..............so you can see them, hear them and realise that actually, anyone can write anything down but IRL, they are totally different. So, a tool it is, to be used to maybe make an introduction..........nothing more, nothing less
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 9/24/2012 6:20:17 AM
I have to admit I have started laughing at the 'poor me' threads. Aww diddums - so some people can't get dates - so what. I think it's called life, but there are those who want to baste in self pity and blame everyone and anyone.

If nobody on here is interested in you then tough luck. So what if they 'might' be interested in you in real life - this is an internet dating site and as such, the same rules do not apply. If somebody isn't interested in you either due to your picture or your profile accept it.

I assume the whingers also do the same if they apply for jobs and don't get a reply - find a site they can whinge, moan and complain that 'if only' the employer met them, they would have a much better chance.

Well done the few people who refuse to feed the sad feckers who feel the need to tell the world about how nobody loves them
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 29
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Posted: 9/24/2012 6:49:22 AM
I'm not working (I'm a professional though when I am) but haven't found it to be a problem either although it's surprising how many people on here have a profession listed but it's the one that they had before they became unemployed, so I ignore that aspect of a profile anyway. Of course, I would only agree to meet someone that could go someplace nicer than McD's, I really wouldn't like to make them feel embarrassed.

I suppose to keep all the whingers happy, everyone who receives a message should chat and then meet since we might like them in real life

I wonder if we can fit in a breakfast date, lunchtime one and then another in the evening lol
 Tillybud1
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 42
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Posted: 9/24/2012 1:37:11 PM
Aww Cinders .... it isnt doomed to fail , its just an basic introduction to somebody you wouldn't normally bump into in the real world and it works !!! :)
 Tillybud1
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 44
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Posted: 9/24/2012 2:33:00 PM
Yeah and sometimes you can set eyes on someone after chatting on here and think ...OH Yes !!! he he
 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 48
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Posted: 11/13/2014 9:58:30 AM
I met someone quite recently and I am mildly interested. She is attractive in real life (to me) but her online business photo is a definite turn off/ And if she had written about some of the stuff she is interested in I most certainly wouldn't have contacted her. But in real life, she's more attractive than I thought she would be and I am interested in her projects. I doubt it will go anywhere but a definite advantage to real life.
 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 50
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Posted: 11/14/2014 7:18:31 AM
The problem with out there is that you probably go to the same old place and for the most part meet the same old people, more or less.

What the internet is good at doing is introducing you to new people although from your viewpoint we boring 56 plussers are leaving you ever so slightly numb.

There are loads of groups on the internet where people do interesting things and get together in real life. I just goggled and found the Cardiff Unicycle Collective - sounds fun. There is Spice Cardiff, supposedly for everyone but mainly singles and they do lots of stuff, Cardiff Social etc.
 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 52
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Posted: 11/15/2014 9:17:13 AM
Sorry Aitche, didn't read your profile. You mentioned lads from the valleys and I assumed you were near Cardiff, just checked and it's actually Swansea.

The further you are from large conglomerations the more difficult it is to meet other singletons. all of the singles groups struggle to get enough people together outside of the large cities. Spice for example is UK wide and very successful but they struggle even in Cardiff.

I've just looked at the figures Cardiff only has 350,000 people, I thought it would be much more. And Swansea 240,000.

The triangle we get our members from includes Gloucester 121,000, Cheltenham 115,000, Tewkesbury 85,000 and quite a lot of villages in between.

You would expect with 1 in 4 households single there would be a mass turnout by single people to singles events and that is just not the case. With a pool of 300,000 to draw from we only have a couple of hundred active members.

I did invite POFfers to our dos a couple of times but mostly they seemed to be just on the pull rather than looking for relationships.

But you never know, why not try running your own POF event in Swansea?
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 53
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Posted: 11/15/2014 12:22:37 PM
"Most of this thread has been having a go at women and their short sighted approach to being too picky on-line versus how they act in the real world."

now come on H don't get all feminist on us :-)

what you mean is most of the posts by blokes.
not a big surprise there is it?
if it was mostly women that sent the first message, it would be them complaining men were too picky.

online has the same problem as phoning for a job, as opposed to turning up and asking in person.
i would phone every few weeks to enquire about one, then one day i finished early so went in person.
on the phone it's just another voice, so easy to find any excuse to say no sorry, without thinking about it, in person things are a bit different, i got passed on to a manager who asked someone else who just happened to know a guy was leaving shortly etc, and yes i got the job.

both sexes are in much the same boat online, they don't know what they may be letting themselves in for, so they need a bit more reason to bother, not all the weirdo's on the net are male ya know!
 GrouchoMinx
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 55
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POF v Real Life
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:32:08 AM
Women are meant to be loved not understood...

I did a search of 25 mile radius for both men and women and PoF delivered exactly same number of pages.

Obviously people are looking for different things, which is fine, PoF is just another tool to use. I've just started going to various events on Meet up which is fun, there is stuff going on around Swansea and all over UK too.

Oi Lightstar

As an "overweight lady from the far side of the galaxy" I do apologise for looking at your profile! Teehee

I didn't message you because you're too far away and don't like fish and I am where I am and am pescatarian. Also I like bootsales and might have mentioned them as a potential source of amplification/electronics/valves and stuff!

Back to subject, real life takes a bit of effort, maybe a lot of PoFers think all they have to do is post a few pics and what they're looking for will come flocking, no wonder there is a lot of disappointment. Perhaps people shouldn't expect too much or take it too seriously?
 GrouchoMinx
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 57
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Posted: 11/18/2014 3:17:36 PM
I've made a note and will keep an eye out for you Lightstar, no promises :-)

Fish are full of omega 3's and good for you, specially the oily ones, reducing cholesterol, BP, etc. Sure I can't tempt you with can of sardines? Teehee

I know what you mean regarding literacy/ability to communicate, but is it worse than real life? Ditto sleaziness.
 gjly2k
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 58
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POF v Real Life
Posted: 12/2/2014 4:56:27 AM
Ive been going out alot a well as fouusing on other thing things. Havent been very lucky and tried my very best to make it happen on getting girls but same outcome. Im easing off now. As for all dating sites. Ive changed a few tims and only get views and no replies so Im wasting my time with them.

Being in your late 20s and having no success with girls you liked till this point is not a great look
 duracell_bunny_one
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 60
POF v Real Life
Posted: 2/13/2015 1:47:39 PM
So (it would help if you read my profile-plug) - I meet a lady from POF
& we go for a meal - fair enough, about a few sentences in she starts
going on about taking weekend breaks - I mean REALLY?
- I work seven days and can take the odd day off, but she clearly
had not read/had chosen to disregard the profile content.
It happens a lot - attention problems at school?

Sigh

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