|girlfriends historyPage 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
who are you to judge her? Especially when it happened 9 years ago? And yes, if you love this girl then why are you on here dating?
Posted: 9/22/2012 5:28:15 PM
|You judge her and hold her past against her, she will never be 'clean' in your eyes. Let her go and find a man that treats her better.|
Posted: 9/22/2012 5:32:49 PM
|1. The human brain isn't fully developed until age 25, so you should consider that before condemning her for something she did when she was 21.|
2. Did she tell you this of her own accord, or did you interrogate her about her sexual history? Dude, don't do that. Loser move.
Posted: 9/22/2012 5:54:37 PM
|Considering her history before this 40 yr old and the fact that you say you love her, I should hope instead of further injuring her psyche by terming her experience disgusting, you'd better come to terms with why she was attracted to him in the first place.|
My guess, after a rape and the feelings I'm sure she had to deal with after - namely trust and violation issues - I would think an older, more established man WOULD appear safe. She might have thought at the time that he, being older and wiser and more experienced, would take care of her - give her security. I'm betting because she now thinks that was a bad choice, that she did sleep with him because that was what that safety would cost (in her experience, men want sex or they don't want to be with you; they'll even take it). She might have considered that this would be a fair trade off, especially if he was kind to her.
If this was the case, you can't look at that and judge her for being 'materialistic' because after what she went through, I would think this is a pretty normal thought process. I bet she dated him/slept with him with the consideration that she might end up staying with him indefinitely.
You're a lucky man that she realized her mistake (not that it WAS a mistake, but that she changed her mind) and she came across YOUR path (since you say she is great). I bet she's learned some lessons and the fact that she is comfortable with having sex with you I would think means she has dealt with her past.
Now, stop judging her for it and give her the love and RESPECT she deserves.
Posted: 9/22/2012 6:33:30 PM
|You have major issues.... the rape and a man cheating on her is nothing... dating a older man lol... why u are here trying to get laid why u live with your gf............. your make believe morals are a joke....|
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:12:59 AM
|one way to look at it... if the situation was reversed twice..that would be like you sleeping with an 8 year old...|
past sexual partners has got to be the top bad thing to talk about...
it's like employees talking about wages...nothing good is gonna come out of it.
You are the one with the problem. Not her.
Why the hang up any way?wtf... you are not above reproach.
That makes you .... a hypocrite? a petty controlling... jealous... insert a term of your choice-
So the next reasonable solution is: if she is making you be this way... yeah- she's got to go.
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:17:30 AM
so judging from all the replies the majority think i should just forget about it and move on ( like its that easy !)
Actually, the majority seem to think you are a hypocritical, cheating, douche bag and she deserves someone better than you.
Posted: 9/24/2012 6:04:54 AM
i know your right but its this one issue thats always put me in 2 minds wheather i should stay or go
You should go.
She deserves someone better then you.
Someone who doesnt try out online dating when he's living with 'the best girlfriend you could ask for'
Posted: 9/24/2012 8:55:52 AM
|You ARE a douche bag patrick0163.....You are more disturbed by this 40 odd year old man than you are about her being raped.|
I cannot stand guy's whom I think I can trust who ask me about happening's in my past and then throw it all back in my face.
These are NOT trustworthy people and YOU my friend are one of them.
Were you born to the Virgin Mary?
You have someone you consider as 'near perfect'....Well buddy when you find the PERFECT one then let us know.
Posted: 9/25/2012 11:20:44 PM
|You have two choices and two choices only. |
1) If you are picky about a woman's past (not saying it's wrong or right), you should break up with her and never date a woman with that type of history.
2) If you love her, then forgive her and let go of her past. Again, if it's too hard, don't force it.
There is no such thing as "I love her" but "I can't forgive her."
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:10:41 AM
the issue its the age differance
Dude, you are downing in your own spit. Whatever your partner did in the past should stay in the past. First of all, many women have dated men double their age. Why? Because while men tend to be boys for a long time, women mature quite early and many times they seek the maturity and experience, particularly in the bedroom of an older man.
If you have a problem with this, it's more really your problem that hers. And it is YOU the one that needs to get over not her.
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:32:00 AM
|Unbelivable. You been dating this lady for a while and been so worried about the age difference. You should be enjoying each others company instead of worrying so much about small stuff. Age difference bugs ya? Then don't be with her! How hard is it really? Send her my way if anything. And besides your on a dating website. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to find that out.|
Posted: 9/26/2012 11:08:33 AM
|I think since you feel she's not worthy of respect from you because of something she did that has nothing to do with you or your judging, that she should move on.|
Posted: 9/26/2012 11:10:13 AM
|Leave her to find a man who accepts her just the way she is.|
Posted: 9/26/2012 12:42:45 PM
im trying to get over it does this not show that i love her ? i never mention this topic as far as she knows im fine. i know that every woman has history and id probably just pick things up about another woman. my past is questionable as iv been married and have 2 children. I know shes never slept about and only had very few partners due to all whats gone on. Im just going to put the issue to the back of my mind and move on she deserves a chance
Personally I think you are just trolling.
regardless, Every 7 years is a cellular cycle where the same cells in your body from 7 years earlier are no longer the same cells.
The body uses the protein chains in the things consumed as building blocks for that cellular replacement process. So yes that blow job she gave someone or that heavy kissing that lots of saliva was exchanged 6 years ago where she swallowed it is still in her body somewhere and she has been basically carrying a piece of him around with her all this time because her body broke down his proteins and used them to create new cells inside of her body.
The man she was with 9 years ago however is no longer in her body. The physical body you see is NOT the same physical body that was with those people. It is all new cells.
If I were you I would worry about how much genetic material of other women YOU are carrying around with you all these years and not worry about hers. Every woman you have had oral sex with or open mouth tongue touching saliva swapping events you have had over the last 7 years is now a part of your body and you are carrying a piece of each of those people with you.
Saliva has some of the most potent genetic material in it dude (It is why they swab the cheek for DNA tests) so all your intimate encounters SHOULD be more significant to you than someone she has been with 9 years ago.
I agree with the ladies here... let her go find someone who will actually care about her... You say you love her but I don't think that is love you are feeling because love means you actually care how she feels.
Posted: 9/26/2012 12:57:22 PM
|Please just break up with the poor girl and let her meet someone who isn't a little childish freak.|
Posted: 9/26/2012 2:51:10 PM
so judging from all the replies the majority think i should just forget about it and move on
I didn't get that sense- but I really think this is all about you trying to justify being on a dating site looking for intimate encounters...you want to be able to blame this on HER. But still keep her as a GF...I can't help but wonder, is your "disgust" keeping you from getting it up with her? You think an intimate encounter or 2 with some other woman will FIX that?
MY REPLY is that I honestly believe YOU need some professional help.
As a footnote-kudos to the guy who made the comment that it's sh*t like this that makes women conceal their sexual history. We feel like we daren't tell the truth because chances are the man in question won't be able to HANDLE the truth. ( I can truthfully say I have never had sex with Jack Nicholson-beyond that my past sexual provenance is NOYB. lol)
Posted: 9/26/2012 3:11:24 PM
|Yup, young guyz like you are the exact reason girls go for older guyz. Dont be fooled, it wasnt a mistake, she probably was tired of all this hypocrisy and double standards and liked the peace that came with a less judgemental mature guy.|
Posted: 9/27/2012 4:39:08 AM
i agree shes even explained to me that she went for safety after what had happened, least your talking sense on here some people are talking rubbish. she said she wasnt even attracted to him really hence she only slept with him a hanful of times, she said she used every excuse not to she just wanted the friendship
Newsflash: she doesn’t have to “explain” anything to you about her past lovers.
Oh, she wasn’t even attracted to him, just wanted friendship but he wouldn’t take no for an answer….let me guess….you badgered the hell out of her for details until she finally had to convince you she wasn’t loving every minute of it.
You are trolling.
Posted: 9/27/2012 10:35:45 PM
ok the question is how can i help myself get over it
Start living in the present moment and not so much in the past. Learn how to tune things out and not make a big deal out of things you can't control. Nothing else matters except how things are right now and IF things can go well in the future. Since you are currently looking for an intimate encounter, I don't see how things could go well in the future. It seems as though you are bound and determined to f*** up your current relationship.
Of course, you would be justified IF your girlfriend currently turns her head anytime a nice looking older guy walks by and then starts comparing you to these well-established guys with lots to offer who are in their fortys... and you are being criticized for your lack of maturity.... well that would be a problem. That's disrespectful to you.
But from the way that you describe her, it sounds as though she was a vulnerable kid who got taken advantage by some creepy old guy and it sounds as though she is a more cautious individual than some of her peers who have slept with 40 people rather than with just one 40-year old.
And, in spite of her difficult past, she still tries to treat you decently. I'm not sure why you have a problem with her. Maybe you just have a problem with being in a relationship and would find problems with whoever you dated.
Posted: 9/27/2012 11:12:59 PM
|Please please please GO, just GO!! This woman does not need the garbage you're bringing to this relationship.|
Posted: 9/27/2012 11:22:21 PM
Why would this bother you?? Are you perhaps feeling insecure about your own abilities after she's been w/ someone more experienced? And believe me, men at 40 know what they are doing and do it well for the most part not like young pups in their 20's. So if that is it, give her a break and walk away. If you are having some other issue psychologically because of her 'history' then you should also walk away, she deserves someone better.
Posted: 9/27/2012 11:41:40 PM
|~OP~ I guess I'll give you bit of reprieve from the POF Public Neutering you're receiving. Personally?? The thought of a 40 year old man boinking a young 20-something makes me scrunch up my nose and gives me a little heebie feeling. BUT? Your interest in that ONE person is quite bizarre to me. Your interest in her past lovers is bizarre to me, to be honest. I think you're looking for validation to leave. I also think you're very likely full of crap ~ but that aside? You just seem off to me. I don't believe you're really in a relationship. I think you're that classic POF troll and you've posted this under an alter-ego profile. The funky spelling, the off-the-wall question, the lack of consistency between your profile and your post #1 ~ well, it's POF Troll 101. But, that's just what I think. As for what you should do? ***shrugs*** Punt. JMO |