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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > What are your intentions for being on this site?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Denise_1954
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 76
What are your intentions for being on this site?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
To find "Friends First"
It's hard, maybe just plain impossible get oneself out the door even! And to just go to places where people of like mind may be? Going with a friend makes it so much easier! My current platonic male friend just isn't interested in "getting out there" To say he's jaded would be an understatement. So I'm still home on weekends! Now, I like the arts, so the chances of finding a friend that shares that interest seems very slim lately.

So, yes I'm looking for a gentleman friend that likes the arts and wants to do those things with a friend even if it's not romance and love. Its been said the "best way to meet someone is when your with someone" and it seems to be true from my experiences in life.

Being left alone without a ride home is another discussion LOL
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 77
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What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 9:43:08 AM

In my view, without marriage vows, there is really no commitment. This is why so many are against marriage, to avoid commitment, right or wrong. But at what cost to the future of the family unit?


Up this way, about 60 percent of "committed relationships" are without the sanctions and strictures of marriage, and the "family unit'" is still pretty evident in society, albeit in forms not like the mythical Mother+Father+Dick+Jane+Spot. Couples are hetro, homo, lesbian, and other arrangements which would hardly be acknowledged in more conservative social scenes. Times have changed.

In my own experience, the "family" is no longer a strictly biological grouping, and the results of its operation are, just as they always were, a function of how the adults that form them manage the interpersonal interactions that happen within the family setting. The news is full of all kinds of examples of how supposedly traditional style families are dysfunctional to the level of being disastrous to its members. We have "families" well and married who kill their children, abuse the members physically, sexually and psychologically and worse, all with nice pieces of paper defining them to be "committed" in the sense you are espousing.

No, there is no relationship between marriage and commitment that I can see. Commitment is how you feel about another, not about how others insist that you feel....
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 78
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What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 10:15:46 AM
Thank you rearguard!

I find it interesting that so far only males seem to feel this way though. The responses saying commitment = marriage have all come from females. I wonder if it's because of the female's internal need to be taken care of that dictates in their minds they have to have a legally bound husband in order to feel safe and secure. Some psychological thing maybe because of societal teachings and history? I do know I am 100% capable of loving someone faithfully without the ring on my finger, but it's highly possible I may never find love again because I just don't want to go the marriage route and apparently that's the only acceptable long term relationship for women. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to be hopeful.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 79
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 10:38:19 AM
OP: Paraphrasing your question as "Could you go out with a woman just to have fun and see if there might be something there?"... no, no way. The reason why, and the answer to your question "What are your intentions for being here?"... are the same: to find someone with whom to spend the rest of my life. I'm all about commitment, dedication, perseverance, and devotion. I don't give a ___ about "going out just to have fun." To Hell with "fun." If that's all a woman wants, she can spend her money (or some OTHER guy's money) at a _________ amusement park for all I care. If there's no potential for something serious with a woman, I have no interest *whatsoever* in going out with her. I haven't dated for years and probably never will again because this is how *I* see dating... but when the "fun/dating" crap comes up, all I hear (or read) is a woman saying "Please spend money on me so I can laugh and have a good time." It just ____ me off. I don't see women writing in their profiles "I want a serious, lifelong relationship" -- I *DO* see them writing "I want someone who makes me laugh." Well, go find a ______ clown or get a lifetime pass at Six Flags. It just seems very, very, very, VERY few people *get* COMMITMENT. They just want to have "fun" dates with no long-term goals in mind. I can't do it. I won't do it.

And to clarify... per the previous couple of posts, *I* equate commitment with marriage. A ring. A church ceremony. The whole deal. I'm old-fashioned and make no apologies about it.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 80
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 11:10:52 AM
Some thoughts...
one,, why hobble yourself by feeling that one MUST have an escort or some other person in order to go out and do things? I've never been denied entrance anywhere because I didn't have an escort. I realize that there are some social settings where it's a social custom, and I'll admit that it just would seem weird to go to a movie alone. But are you saying that a solo individual who wanted to enter a museum,view an art show, enjoy a concert would be denied entrance? Would the other people in attendance gather in a group to point fingers and hiss?


The responses saying commitment = marriage have all come from females.

Well, you didn't hear that from me.
I have to say that I feel for young people starting out with intent of acquiring material goods, assets, and to have children, I think that the structure and the legal protections of marriage are very important. I realize that other forms of pair-bond may not have that option.

But I don't think it's some "internal need" of women to "be taken care of". I think that young women who intend to have children probably consider the mans' ability to contribute to taking care of the children, however the couple choses to allocate those responsibilities.

I can only speak to my own concerns, and when I look at the practical and economic factors of a mans' life, I'm not concerned with being taken care of- I just do not want to enter into a relationship that would be a drain on my resources. I can take care of myself. Of course, any woman who says that is also in the wrong-or so it would seem. Men want women to "need" them-but they cower in terror on dating sites for fear of having their resources decimated by "the females'internal need to be taken care of."
I can't speak for anyone else, but I want a man who will work with me so that we each take care of our ownselves-ANF one another.
In fact, I find my disinterest in marriage or cohabitation can tend to be problematic. Some men cannot function unless they have a woman attached to their hip,that needs to be "taken care of" and directed in how to manage her life. they are not interested in a self-reliant, autonomous woman. Other men seem to think that " I'm not interested in marriage or cohabitation means "Whoo-hoo! Bring on the booty call and the FwB!"


In my view, without marriage vows, there is really no commitment. This is why so many are against marriage, to avoid commitment, right or wrong. But at what cost to the future of the family unit?

I would be inclined to agree with the concept of a formal and official committment between 2 young people who intend to form a household and raise a family-however they go about acquiring said family.

But, for the mature adult who has raised their famly, or for adults of any age who do not subscribe to the path of acquiring assets and raising children, I think that a committment that is a meeting of minds is just as valid.

Basically, depending on one's perspective, marriage can be the epitome of publicly ancknowledging love and committment, or nothing but a legal contract to deal with the wreckage when the marriage fails.


What makes a committed relationship is a decision taken daily, even minute by minute, by both parties to stay together and build a joint future.
And that is the ONLY thing that will guarantee ongoing committment. It's painfully obvious that churches, preachers, judges, lawyers and political jurisdictions cannot force a committment to continue existing...about all they can do is make formally terminating a failed committment a social, legal and economic minefield. Theoretically this is for protection of minor children and the parent who reduced their outside earning efforts to care for the minor children. But all too often it seems like it gets turned into a vehicle of vengeance-and that is why so many people-especially MEN-are afraid of marriage.


^^^Some people still see the value and comfort in a commited relationship even if no kids are going to be produced by it.

Yes, but that "committment" is STILL a matter of mindset...making an official acknowledgement(marriage) of the committment does not, in and of itself, make that committment ironclad and failureproof. THAT comes of 2 people individually making up their minds to keep their relationship alive and healthy. I do not disgree that plenty of marriages are probably only in existence because one or both parties are IN FEAR of the ramifications of ending it.
For myself, I cannot imagine living like that.
Cindy O
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 81
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 1:38:18 PM
I was madly in love with someone I would have married in a NY minute. Alas, *he* was terrified of being a three time loser, and made it very clear that wouldn't happen. I did some hyperventilating (to myself) about it, and settled in for a long haul, that we didn't end up having. His last illness was a horror show because I was "not related." His death cost me a good deal, and I'm sure he did not intend that. In fact, I pretty much think he's be horrified. Since he also died without a will, the State of NY is the big winner, which I know he didn't want, either. Very odd being a widow without *being* a widow.

Still miss him. And yes, I'd do it again, without question, even if I knew the end.
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 82
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 1:52:34 PM
At this point in my life I would very much like to find a life partner. Although posting a profile may or may not turn up any possibilities I am giving it a shot. What the heck, why not?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 83
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 2:02:55 PM
I'm not sure why I'm here, but I suspect it's because I'm up to
no good.

I'm not looking (my profile is hidden) and I'm not so much a
regular in the forums anymore, but my original plan was to
meet someone (and not for friendship).

But we all know what happens to well laid plans.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 84
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 2:13:54 PM
There is no love reason for those not having children to consider getting married these days. Marriage for love is for the young. However there are potential legal reasons:

1) inheritance rights . . especially if your partner dies without a will.
2) decision making rights if your partner is too ill to make decisions for himself (again, absent a living will or durable power of attorney or some other legal document that will allow you to make medical decisions on behalf of a non-relative)
3) Wrongful death rights and loss of consortium rights. If you are not married to the love of your life, and they are killed by a negligent driver, OR seriously maimed so their personalities are not the same or they can no longer have sex, under the law YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS. You are considered an outsider entitled to NOTHING, unless married, and then your rights may be very substantial, to the tune of seven figures or more.
4) Then there are sometimes tax advantages of even SS advantages to being married . . or there can be detriments, depending on your financial situation.

So for legal purposes, marriage can be very important even among older folk. BUT marrying just for love at our age? NAH.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 85
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What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/5/2012 8:34:38 PM
How about to set a good example for our grandkids? Or is that too outdated in this modern society? I'd like to think not.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 86
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/6/2012 1:58:14 AM
1st question: Yes

2nd question: I was thinking about more for the protein but lately I have been repositioning myself on calcium.

That is some really deep humor and I don't expect you to get it..but that's ok.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 87
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/6/2012 6:13:54 AM
I am here because I am lonely; my intention is to have fun; I personally do not believe I will find a compatible woman online.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 88
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/6/2012 2:15:34 PM

I'm not sure why I'm here, but I suspect it's because I'm up to
no good.

you too, eh?


My intentions started out looking for that complimentary personality. A man who accepted me for me but made me want to be better. Met a few decent men but nothing ever clicked. Now, I just read the forums to be comforted. LOL!

and ANOTHER "you too, eh?"
I'm not sure that "comforted" is quite the word I would choose-but I get the drift.
LOL.
Cindy O
 waitingforyoutoo
Joined: 7/19/2012
Msg: 89
view profile
History
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/6/2012 3:39:38 PM
My definition of the word "fun" is for both parties to go out and just enjoy the evening no matter what that might be with no strings attached. If you click you should know by the end or the beginning.
As far as getting married, with the right person that is great. As far as rushing into a marriage that will end in 2 months afterwards no thanks. Males and females at our age ,are or should be, wise enough to watch out for who comes their way if you understand my meaning.
As for the act of marriage, then I'm all for it.

Going out on dates where one or both parties are looking at failure before even giving it a chance is just plain stupid. When you look for something to fail, it will.(murphys law)
 rustednail
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 90
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/7/2012 7:05:06 AM
Well I have to be blunt and to the point Im here to find a home for my penis.
 SmileznChuckles
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 91
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/7/2012 2:38:43 PM

I find it interesting that so far only males seem to feel this way though. The responses saying commitment = marriage have all come from females. I wonder if it's because of the female's internal need to be taken care of that dictates in their minds they have to have a legally bound husband in order to feel safe and secure. Some psychological thing maybe because of societal teachings and history? I do know I am 100% capable of loving someone faithfully without the ring on my finger, but it's highly possible I may never find love again because I just don't want to go the marriage route and apparently that's the only acceptable long term relationship for women. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to be hopeful.


I feel similarly. I am a female, late 40's and do not feel the need for marriage, nor would I want it, yet I would like to meet a man who would like a comitted exclusive relationship. Sadly, all I come across in my area is men looking for a hookup, FWB or 'nothing serious'. To digress, i'm not looking for anything instantaneous, but would like to get to know the man first before determining suitability, but on the flipside of that, would like someone physically and emotionally affectionate, no cold fish for me.
 katie803
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 92
view profile
History
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:23:34 PM
I just had to respond to the comment about only women stating committment = marriage. After a certain age unless you are planning to marry daddy warbucks marriage is not in anyone's best interests financially. The likely-hood of my marrying again is slim to none for a variety of reasons. Which is not a bad thing, additionally the one and only time I did get married the legalities did not keep the relationship together.
The reason I am on here is partly something to do the profiles are interesting to read, and who knows lightning might indeed strike.
 notperfectjustme4
Joined: 10/3/2012
Msg: 93
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/7/2012 10:16:20 PM
To be honest, I'm just enjoying the forums
 Timstr
Joined: 10/3/2012
Msg: 94
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/8/2012 3:27:04 AM
Just got back on POF after a 3 year hiatus, just looking to find someone on the same wavelength I'm on, which for me is very, very tough. For some reason I thought just being successful(nice car, house etc.) would make the difference, it has not. I've found that self confidence is the determining factor.
But yeah, I'm here to meet that cool hippy chick, that doesn't really care that she's not acting her age.
 CasualMe51
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 95
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/8/2012 4:24:32 AM
POF has a specific search parameter for "NON caucasian" I'm outta here
 barraabus61
Joined: 10/2/2012
Msg: 96
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/8/2012 7:24:54 PM
none ,, I'm over it ,, nothing but a load of bullshit
 desert_sunshine
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 97
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/8/2012 9:47:42 PM
I am just replying to the man who wrote than women are not looking for anyone over 50. Oh I beg to differ! I am 49 and just love an older man. At least ten years older is perfect. They are so thankful you are spending time with them they treat you like a queen. I am old fashion. Chivalry is alive! I want the door opened for me. I want flowers for no reason. I want to sit and sip wine and talk about all the stress in the world, then afterwords be thankful I have someone to share it with. I want someone faithful, who is not a skirt chaser. I want the man to pay for dinner without looking at me. I want him to show up for a date freshly showered and smelling good! I can go on and on with my list. All these simple things the younger men have forgotten about. Send me an older man any day! As long as he has no health issues and can keep up we can have fun and romance.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 98
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/8/2012 10:18:16 PM

I want the door opened for me. I want flowers for no reason. I want to sit and sip wine and talk about all the stress in the world, then afterwords be thankful I have someone to share it with. I want someone faithful, who is not a skirt chaser. I want the man to pay for dinner without looking at me. I want him to show up for a date freshly showered and smelling good! I can go on and on with my list. All these simple things the younger men have forgotten about. Send me an older man any day! As long as he has no health issues and can keep up we can have fun and romance.


You must be new on here!
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 99
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/8/2012 10:25:42 PM
^^^^Hahahahaha. Agreed...someone is in for a rude awakening...too bad she is, though. The things she wants used to be the gold standard for chivalry.
 waitingforyoutoo
Joined: 7/19/2012
Msg: 100
view profile
History
What are your intentions for being on this site?
Posted: 10/9/2012 5:43:41 AM
Someone said they were not looking for a "fairytale" and did not believe in them.

I replied "As long as you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and someone you would love to stay cuddled up next too, then that is just as good as a fairytale". Just do not look for a prince to ride up on a white horse= The days of old were long ago.
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