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 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 41
Dating in a recession.Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP When my brother was 25 he quit his job, moved to Alaska and lived in a tent for 6 months. They got a job in Alaska as an aerial photographic analyst. The job he quit was working on a small local newspaper as a photo journalist.

He didn't have much of a plan either.

When you are young it can work out, but your priorities seem to be dating first, finding a job second, and somewhere in that having an adventure I assume.

No doubt you can find someone to go on a date with, but cheap dates from men that aren't employed aren't a girls wet dream either. I often go on cheap dates, the point isn't about the money, it's about having fun.

If you want to have an adventure, get off the computer and do it.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 42
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Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/25/2012 8:09:04 AM

I guess I don't understand what is so wrong with taking some time off to relocate and then do some traveling.


That's perfectly fine. But why are you worried about dating while doing that?

When I "took time off" to hone my art skills, I wasn't actively pursuing dating because a) I was too busy to do so, and b) I had relatively little to provide in a relationship at that time because I, quite simply, wasn't settled yet.

That's basically what people are asking you - why would you be pursuing dating someone where you don't even know where YOU ARE in life yet? It's silly - it's like planning a trip before you have a means of transportation of getting there. Dating is not what you should be focusing on at all, right now.
 tpb03
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 43
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Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/25/2012 8:19:39 AM
abmccray: Just trying to keep my options open I guess. Ya never know.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 44
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/25/2012 2:32:51 PM
OP live the life you think best.
But don't expect most women to think it great.
No matter what you do....
most women would find some fault.
just how most women are.

But not all.
As in any dating circumstance,
you must find the rare gem.

So man up.
Get out there and live!
And if you live well...
your joy will be infectious.
And irresistible to the rare gems that seek ONLY that.

good luck.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 45
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/25/2012 6:14:27 PM
If you are competing with the thousands of men on dating sites, naturally girls will go for the financially solvent guy as they can be choosy.

You are defending yourself and making excuses and that is a turn off. If you are making a moderate living then you will attract girls of your level. WOmen these days have careers and are financially independent so it should not be an issue generally, if you have other things going on.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 46
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Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/25/2012 10:19:03 PM
Stop bringing up the recession since you were the one to quit your job.
Being in between jobs wouldn't be an issue for me. It's the poor planning and not wanting to finish school that would bug me. If a guy had the money to quit his job to travel - but had the education and skills to get a job when he was ready - I'd be ok with that. But that same guy who decided to do this knowing how tough it is for even the most educated /experienced to get jobs right now -well, I'd be concerned about that.
 NickCP85
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 47
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/26/2012 5:41:51 AM
You are not ready to date yet. Wait til you have a focused idea of what you want to do and start putting it into action. I'm with you 100% Tim. I want to tell you my story. When I was 24 I left Massachusetts to play in a metal band in San Francisco, California. I was attending school full time, and although I was a good student I had no definite plan of what I wanted to do. I was also an employee. When I got to California I found out that I was not fit to be the person I dreamed of being, a musician, but I did find out what I was really deep inside... I'm a storyteller and a traveler. I make things up, I make a plan, and I go on adventures. So I'm in Massachusetts again saving money and writing everyday on my 15s, resourcing until the sun comes up, and back to my job again... living the dream.

You already know what you're really good at and I think you're denying it by looking in too many places. There are plenty of women out there who are dying to be with the real you. But you need to live your dream and not live for the glory. Glory isn't the objective. Freedom, building, destruction and recreation... I can do that everyday on my lunch break with an iphone. If I show that to a girl who likes writers she'll be wideyed and not give a damn that I work at a Wal-mart. Do you see where I'm going with this?

As for quitting your job... you made the right choice. You weren't happy where you are. It's nonsense to stay there just because it's... responsible. Some people will disagree, but they're not our type of people so who cares. But you do need to be responsible for yourself. So go out and get it.
 BuzWeaver
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 48
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/26/2012 8:55:46 PM
I wouldn't sweat it one bit. Whether you're working or unemployed Yes is still Yes and No is Still No. If someone is interested they'll look past the temporary set backs.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 49
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/29/2012 10:07:49 AM
Nor would I want to work in an office job for the rest of my life
You seem to be very picky about what you will do or won't do. At this point you have no education beyond high school & no job skills. I strongly suggest you sign up for college classes. You don't have to repay most loans until you graduate, so you have lots of time for that. Don't worry about the debt right now, you need to make yourself marketable so you can find employment.

feel like mainly working and trying to get promotions at this point
You need to find a job first, any job. You aren't going to last long with no income. You don't say if you're renting an apartment from your savings, or living with relatives but you need to get any job so you can survive. It would have helped if you tried to set up employment before you relocated, but it's too late for that now.

Enroll in some classes, at night if you have to, & fill out applications at every temp agency in your area. Even if you get jobs that only last a week, it's money you need.
Get someone to help you make a resume, & send it out. Finding a job is your job now you should be devoting all of your time to finding employment.
Sign up for public aid. Desperate situations call for desperate measures. This will help you with a little money you can use for rent, food stamps, as you need to eat, & a medical card if you get sick. This is only a temp solution, but get down to that office today. Cover your azz! I was on my own at 19, trying not to starve, it's a hard life when you have no family to help you! Moving out of state was a brave act! I believe you will make it if you do not do anything impulsive, & make a plan & stick to it!
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 50
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/29/2012 10:26:06 AM
Deep sigh! I always answer before I read the thread. After going back to read, I have this to add:
You need to get your priorties straight! You need a job, that is more important that dating. You seem like you have no direction in life, your just drifting aimlessly. You're unrealistic about handeling your finances. How can you be existing with no money coming in? You should be collecting unemployment but I have a feeling you don't qualify b/c of the terms you left on, maybe you quit or left under bad circumstancces. Your posts show you are immature. I'm not saying this to be mean. You need to take the advice being offered & don't put your guard up & take it as a personal atack, it's not. Many of us have been thru similiar circumstances.

To modify my question, would any women be comfortable dating someone who has very little debt and is in between jobs in the worst recession since the 1930s? Also, I am not collecting unemployment nor do I expect a woman to support me. Plus, cheap dates can be fun and give us the opportunity to get to know someone who is a good person.

NO! A lady is going to date a guy who has something going for him like a job! You're going be hungry on your free date, & if you have no money, she is going to have to pay, or are you going to let her starve all day b/c you have no money? That will get old quick! So yes, she will be the one paying for everything, or at least "supporting" your dating life. You won't be able to afford to take her an early show for $10!

I am a firm believer in each person paying his or her own way for the early part of the relationship.

A prospective date is going to look at you like an unemployed bum. Good luck getting a girl! I don't care what ppl say about paying on dates, etc. If you expect a girl you want to date to pay her own way, especially in the beginnning, you are going to be alone. Call them gold diggers, whatever. If a girl has to pay her own way, she can go out with her girlfriends. That's also a terrble low class way to treat a lady you would like to know better. It creats a terrible impression & makes you look cheap. Cheap is a bad trait & is an excellant indicator that other bad traits will be showing themselves soon.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 51
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/29/2012 2:56:36 PM
OP:

Lots of negativity on here--much from people who are older than yourself and may have unresolved regrets about their own youth.

If I was 28 (oh, to be again!) dang straight I would travel a bit if I could. You left a long term job and I assume that you are looking for something in a similar vein where you re-located. The only fault I can find of you is not a bit better planning--have the new job lined up before you move.

As to not dating until you are financially better off? Pshaw, go and date. You are only young once. Matter of fact, you might find a great deal more young ladies interested in you if you attend a college and it will be much easier to meet them. Nothing like solving two problems at once. They are more likely to be in a similar place you are--not sure what they want to do in life. Community colleges can give you work skills and even work-experience education and may be free where you now live. You could also get the prerequisites out of the way for a higher degree if you want to.

Hehehe....one word of advice, get off of pof. Online is never preferable to real life if you are young and want to meet people.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 52
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/29/2012 3:51:35 PM
you have to find someone that thinks like you. there are lots of women that would be perfectly comfortable in the lifestyle you're describing. I know a few couples where I look at the woman and think 'what do you see in him?!' - he has a job in a kitchen and makes 14$ an hour. (and he's a lot older than your age, 28) but they are very happy, he treats her well, and neither have very high expectations. obviously my values are markedly different from such a woman. but no big deal. you'd probably think I was pretentious and not be attracted to me anyway :)

don't let anyone tell you that you should be doing this or doing that.... if you are happy doing what you're doing that's all that matters. Isn't it sad when the angry stockbroker glances at the guy working behind the 711 counter and thinks 'I wish I could be that happy?'

btw, my brother in his early 30's was working odd jobs, finishing houses, one of them, and happened to meet an IT guy. my brother taught himself all he could about information technology and because of my brother's work ethic on his building job, landed a year long IT director job for a temp project. now he has his own information technology company. a lot of people don't care about credentials. and things happen in the strangest ways
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 53
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 9/29/2012 5:08:18 PM

Unless you are good looking or earn over $40,000 per year women will not consider dating you.


...and even then, there are no guarantees.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 54
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Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/22/2014 9:38:05 PM
This topic is old
but,
the sentiment isn't.

You're probably long gone, and hopefully doing well.

It would be wise to pursue some type of career direction "sooner rather than later" however, I am realistic enough to know that an relatively aimless young man like yourself, could use the "right" female to, "put some wind in your sails", while you "get yourself together".

In my humble opinion, all of you 19 through 30 year old's are crazy for even being on an online dating site (unless you're stuck in a wheelchair or have some medical condition which precludes leaving the house). Get the hell out from behind the computer, go outside, club something over the head (metaphorically speaking), and drag it back to the cave (metaphorically speaking). You will NEVER again have the opportunity to meet a large quantity of single, childless, undamaged, emotionally available people (in real life), ever again.

I used to be a director of career services at a 2 year college. The average age of our students was 28 years-old. There are TONS of women your age who are dating, banging, and in relationships with, guys who either do NOT work, work "part-time", or are severely 'underemployed'. You need to get your 'career' on, no doubt, but at 28, you can meet 100 single 20-something women in a year, and half of them won't care "if" or "where" you work.

A lot of 20-something women (people) today were raised by single mothers, they have zero notion of the "old school" concept of a man as "protector" and "provider". They seem to be happy with just having a guy to bang and someone who will listen to them. You can easily do it at 28. Not so much at 48.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 55
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/22/2014 10:31:37 PM
tpbo3- Look, it's all fine and well to project how you think others should treat you, but it's not realistic.
You are young, I'll give you that, but..........
You quit college, you quit a paying job without having another in place. Neither of these things speaks to stability or maturity.
Any woman who finds out about your tendency to quit the hard things and follow the wind is going to KNOW that she will have to take up your slack the next time you have a flight of fancy.
Decide what you want to do and do SOMETHING. There are women will overlook your current situation if they know you have a plan and that you are going to follow through.
As far as dating in a recession, there are women out there who don't think a man HAS to spend money on them.
Plan picnic dates, go to movies in the early afternoon when tickets cost less, there are any number of ways to date without dropping a ton of money.
HOWEVER, your priority should be getting your life in order, THEN dating.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 56
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/23/2014 12:22:07 AM
If you are interested in advice, OP, I can offer you an observation: Over the course of my life so far, the times when women have been the most interested in me were the times when I was most engaged in chasing down a goal or a dream.

Take that for what it's worth.
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 57
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/23/2014 3:10:58 AM
Any doubts Just remember the Cee Lo Green song...
'So the change in my pocket wasn't enough ..well then F...k you...'
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 58
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/23/2014 4:57:09 AM
when someone wishes to conduct themselves outside the norm...they have to expect, they are outside the norm.

in other words, they've narrowed down the list of people who find them acceptable. that just has to be accepted.

should the OP ever knock someone up and have a daughter, it would be interesting to see how he feels when she grows up and dates a guy who shares his view of the world...it doesn't matter whether he's right or he's wrong, its outside the norm.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 59
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/23/2014 10:08:25 AM

Being in between jobs wouldn't be an issue for me. It's the poor planning and not wanting to finish school that would bug me.


I think he was smart to quit school for now. I was halfway through a BA in Computer Science before I switched to a non-degre program. After 4 years of college for IT, I'm a truck driver. I think it's more financially responsible to get a foot in the door, be a janitor at the type of company you'd want to work for, communicate with management/HR, THEN go to college. Why be $80k in debt to not even work in that field, just because everyone tells you that when you finish highschool you go to college?

And OP, not having a job is going to be looked down on. I actually had the plan to be self-sufficient once (I still do, but it's getting harder and harder to be able to try to make that move). Solar energy can power a house easily, I can grow my own food, sell extra to cover stuff like cable and internet... When talking to girls about this idea, I was a loser that just doesn't want to work, yet if I worked on someone else's farm doing the same thing, then I'd be working. You'll never get away from that way of thinking. All people see is you're unemployed, and that's all that matters. You moved with money to cover yourself while you looked for a job, but that's irresponsible to them, you have to work 365 days a year. Never win the lottery, because with your millions, you'll probably quit your job and be called a loser.

That said, I'd really rather be unemployed, poor, and happy, than working these 6 day weeks on 2nd shift giving up any chance of a social life, but at least I have an apartment that sucks down my entire pay check. And even though whenever I'm home I have absolutely NOBODY here to talk to and it's BEYOND LONELY here, at least I don't live with my parents so that I'm not a loser. You're right about the materialism part.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 60
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/23/2014 12:21:53 PM

Being in a relationship has responsibilities. You are impacting someone elses life. No one should pick up your slack while you find yourself at 28.
If you think dating is "petty nonsense", fine.
Get your life on track. figure out what you want to do, and do it. Get some money in the bank.
I can honestly tell you, if you have your $hit together, everything else just falls right into place naturally.

Having a relationship is a privilege, not a right. And the sooner you understand that, the quicker you will get on the right track.


Because it says it all :-)

Certain actions can have consequences and it is those consequences that you need to be able to deal with, when thinking of the viability of a relationship. OP cannot deal with his own life at the moment, to attempt to bring someone else into uneven surface.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 61
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History
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/23/2014 2:56:19 PM

tpb03 wrote:

Even when I was employed I realized the level of materialism coming from both genders is alarming.


Actually, I have found that the more severe the recession, the more materialistic people become. Funny how that works.........
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 62
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/24/2014 6:14:31 PM

was wondering if any women out there would be patient enough to grow with someone as opposed to establishing a relationship with someone who has more financial stability.


I believe there are a couple of yak herders in Outer Mongolia who might be so inclined.


After all, the best part of life is the journey and not the destination


"Me and you and a dog named Boo
Travellin' and livin' off the land
Me and you and a dog named Boo
How I love bein' a free man"
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 63
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/26/2014 4:03:54 AM
"Aw, "repression"..."recession"...it's all da same thing, man ..."

;op
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 64
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/26/2014 5:20:19 AM
State Parks in my state of PA have free admission, only cost would be gas which wouldn't be much because it was set up that most people in my state have parks within 100 miles of where they live. There are so many really cheap things to do. Buy your own food and go to the drive in at night this summer, go to a museum ($16) admission to the Carnegie, go to a luncheon buffet, take a walk/bike on a rails to trails, take a swim in many of the lakes in anyone's state, even NV has manmade lakes. The possibilities are endless.
 ace41s
Joined: 2/19/2014
Msg: 65
Dating in a recession.
Posted: 7/27/2014 3:26:14 AM
For first or early-on dates you could do something like take a walk in the park, go down to a public tennis court and play tennis, etc - which doesn't require any money.

More money is definitely a plus - but it's not a dealbreaker (unless a woman is only interested in you for your money; ex a golddigger).
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