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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 17
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
What is the situation to address? She went to the museum on a date with someone she had
just recently met. If he was planning on just dropping her off and picking her up later so she
could enjoy the museum by herself, he should have just said so.

I LOVE musuems, I can go by myself or with others and not have to hang around them all the
time. But a date? Sheesh. Maybe if they're long time buddies and know each other's habits, yeah.
But otherwise, the guy should have stuck around or made his intentions regarding exhibits
known.

I might not have left without telling him, but I can certainly see why she did.
 Cecilly
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 18
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/26/2012 9:18:32 AM
Thanks to all for the responses and input. For those who asked, the museum was free. This guy and I obviously aren't a match and I didn't like his behavior at all. Still, I sometimes let my emotions get the better of me and have to wait to calm down before addressing an issue with someone. I'd like to improve that. Like some of you said, maybe it was a power game, or maybe it's just the way he is and there were no foul intentions on his part. If I could've been calmer at the time, I could've expressed my feelings and then given him an opportunity to explain his.

Stray Cat, thanks for saying I'm attractive. Sometimes I wonder.

Love to all of you!

Cecilly
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 19
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/26/2012 4:43:15 PM
lotustemple wrote:

"I don't consider good museums clingy or chatty occasions."


Guess we wouldn't get along. I find museums a great place to chat, endless new topics and great insight into the other person as art sparks memories, dreams, realities, views on any and everything.



And you are my true nemesis lol. People talk way too much and too loud these days, intectualizing everything and basically killing the ambiance for those who like to "take in" beauty in peace and awe. Discussing it later would be my preference.

Back on topic, it seems a little more communication would have been appropriate on their date. Perhaps the opening poster was too chatty or talked too loud in the museum so he kept his distance. Who knows? He hasn't presented his side as to why on their 2nd date he ignored her.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 20
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:03:38 PM
I think its great that you left him, I would have done the same thing. Good for you. I wouldnt have cared if he paid or not. He was rude. And some answer's in here, were just "amusing" LOL
 Feather21
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 21
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:22:49 PM
He sounds like a jerk, I'd also would've left.

I hope he paid for you to get in, atleast?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 22
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History
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/28/2012 5:42:19 AM
Museums - art, at least - are horrible early dates, but good late relationship dates. If you share different artistic interests, it can be incredibly boring to wait while someone stares and a piece that you find particularly trite and vice versa, which can hurt the first impression.And, also the mentioned difference to taking in art; some like to do it in silence, while others like to share. Too much potential for personality clashes. It's honestly better TO go separate ways and meet later in many cases, if both people can handle it without being offended or bothered, which is easier to get after you know the person.
 Outsideofthebox1
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 23
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/28/2012 6:23:41 AM
Op, you should have stayed and found a real date worth your company and attention... never let a social retard ruin a good day at the museum.. :)
 m8t
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 24
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:52:14 AM
Owh Owh I had a great museum date with a female poster while up in NY~
I bet we will have another one way over yonder in Washington too!
Sometimes its all about the company, and being at any museum is a good day.
With a awesome friend its priceless :)
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 25
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 9/28/2012 1:01:28 PM
grin, I was brought up in NY where museums where a cheap weekend family activity, picnic lunch and all. Ever been to the Museum of Natural History there? You couldn't have a conversation if you wanted to, the noise level is so high.


Just because others are rude and loud at at museums does that mean you follow suit? At an early age I was taught to speak little and very quietly at the museum NOT TO DISTURB OTHERS regardless of the behavior of others, it really wasn't that hard to do as museums are fascinating to experience. And they are not appropriate places to bring infants and toddlers.

Anyone who thinks a museum visit is a "chatty" experience clearly does not have the capacity to appreciate art nor do they have the capacity to respect others around them.
 Coffee4Cream
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 26
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 1/31/2013 12:21:07 PM
Living so close to DC, I've always found museums to be one of the best date spots in town.
Who can argue with a nice, well-lit public place to kick off a new friendship!

Full of culture
Quiet spaces to talk
No pressure, expectations
No dress code

If it goes bad, they have armed guards...
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 27
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 1/31/2013 12:54:19 PM
Museum dates eh? Well is a sure way to kill any potential date or future dates. Dates should be about interaction with two people. At least something fun to do. Game of golf, kyaking, rollerblading, winery tours, cooking together. Don't get me wrong, art and history is amazing to see. That something I wouldn't do with someone new in the dating scene. Unless they have the same appreciation for art as I do, then its a different story
 Orionthehunter9
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 28
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 1/31/2013 1:31:49 PM
I suppose these types of dates are exactly what you make of them. You chose to focus on not being paid attention to and so reciprocated by paying none yourself. Well done. Lol. If you viewed it as a game of follow me that is what you got. It sounds like some are too insecure to handle a date like this.

I just did an art gallery date last weekend. I'd never been before so I'd given it little thought beforehand what might happen. At first it may have looked and felt like a game of follow me. So I followed. And watched. I learned what the other person was attracted to and what she was not. In fact, in all the exhibits neither of us found much to our liking and worth much discussion. So she moved pretty quick from one to the next and so did I.

I'm not sure those places are conducive to the kind of exploration of eachother one always desires on an early date. And somebody here already pointed. Out this type of date may be best for later. The gallery we went to is huge, spacious, and very very quiet. People all around seem to avoid any loud discussion or dialogue. Your date may have just been following what he felt was appropriate museum behaviour.

In the end my date and I had more fun in the giftshop and going for coffee afterwards. I learned quite a bit about her tastes. I also got to see that she is somebody who is quite independent in certain settings and follows hers whims and fancies freely. But will also share the experience later. Our dialogue came later and I had to be patient for it. I would have really lost out had I pulled a Houdini
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 29
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 1/31/2013 1:43:54 PM
I studied art history in college and my ex-husband is an artist and art teacher. We visited many art museums and galleries. We stuck together and quietly discussed the paintings. At a modern art exhibit he gave me an interesting, impromptu lesson on modern art.

The point of a date is to get to know each other.

Your experience reminds me of my mother and father scuba diving. "All I saw of Dad was his disappearing fins," she laughed. Because she loved taking underwater photos of fish, Mom swam slower. Mom switched diving partners, partnering with Dad's best friend who also took photos. Problem solved.
 Back.up
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 30
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:18:55 AM
OP, I do not think you were out of line - that seems like bad manners pure and simple - perhaps he was being mean to keep you keen who knows, either way from what you said, he stuffed. Really, it just comes down to manners. If I was at a museum with a friend and wanted to check out a giant squid exhibbit I would ewither a) say so, or enedsure we had the understanding before hand that we could roam off, any way. Hopefully he has learnt something.

I have learnt something, first date a museum, fantastic idea - go on a date in a setting i;pm actually interested in (penny just dropped) - so from now on those females or that female (lets not get carried away here) who has the fortune of a date with me - bam, you're getting stuffed animals, wrapped engyptians and examples of various minerals - and a commentry by yours truly. Thanks for the idea.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 31
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:58:53 AM
I would have gone home, too.
 MeggieMugster
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 32
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 2/1/2013 3:57:47 PM
I would of been straight forward and been like hey are we playing follow the leader, like are u here by yourself or you with me?

When i was with my ex, we would go out, and i met him off here of course, but we'd go to the movies, and hed play on his cellphone the whole time, so I would be like hey are you on a date with your phone, or you with me, and he would make a sarcastic comment like, well your gonna talk either way. Like guys that do stuff like that are insecure, and wanna make a girl feel like crap cuz they clearly dont feel good about themselves.

Good for you for leaving, dont put up with that.
 niceguyga2011
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 33
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:05:08 PM

It's just rude to wander so far that you can't be easily found.


Thats what they make leather collars and leashes for. Oh wait this isnt a BDSM thread.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 34
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History
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/27/2014 12:12:09 PM
Old topic. Timeless context.

On one hand, having been in sales, in a former life, I fully overstand the whole, "alpha" 'follow the leader', establishing dominance thing. It seems that a lot of women these days (especially those in their 20's and 30's), think that any kind of caring, intimacy, or wanting to be together is, "clingy", "needy", "desperate", whatever adjective is currently in fashion, and therefore, he (or ANY guy miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight) overthink this type of situation, and be of the mindset that, "Oh, if I stand too close to her", or "if I follow her", or "if I act too interested in her", she might be turned off. It is MY opinion, that too many people are scared to death to be AUTHENTIC, for fear of coming across as, "needy" or "clingy". Whereas, I say, "Do YOU, and let the chips fall where they may." Imagine if that other person is relieved to have met someone who is not only authentic, fearless, and open, but also feels the exact same way that they do.

I LOVE museums. Love the idea for a first, second, third, etc. date (of someone you met IRL, I agree that I would NOT tend to want to have a 'first meet' or first date at a museum of someone from online). I really enjoy looking at art AND I enjoy quiet places that are conducive to thoughtful introspection and quiet contemplation, and woman who is not into either of these, is NOT the woman for me. Also, I am HUGE on communication, and I like the idea of having the conversation BEFOREHAND, "Hey, once we get in, how about we split up, view the museum's collection separately, meet up here at 4pm, go eat, and compare our impressions of what we saw?" OR "I know that our artistic tastes may or may not be similar, would you prefer to view the artwork together OR would you prefer to go at your own pace, each of us do our own thing, and then we meet up here at 4pm, go get something to eat, and talk?" That way, we are on the SAME page, from square 1. Again, some women would not want to be "asked", but for the man to make the executive decision. I would be most compatible with a woman who liked to have been offered the choice (and who recognized my thoughtfulness as to how SHE might prefer to experience the museum).

I would have initiated the conversation from the door however, if I had not, I would be turned off that the woman I am on the date with, wouldn't have addressed it (asked me POINT BLANK, "NikonGuy, you invited me here, and now that we're here, you act like you don't want to be bothered. What's up?") I would have CRAZY respect for her forthrightness, assertiveness, and authenticity. That type of woman would already be halfway to my heart (because, otherwise, I would never have invited her on a date in the first place.

MY opinion of dating and relationships today is (and this is a picture perfect example), is that there is far too little substantive communication going on AND far too little authenticity, because too many people are trying to ACT too cool for school and are too afraid to state exactly what they want (for fear of "putting themselves out there").

"Closed mouths don't get fed."
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 35
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/27/2014 4:56:42 PM
What's the point in going together if not to discuss the exhibits? If you were staring at one exhibit for ages it might be ok to look around, but within eyesight -just disappearing seems rude to me.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 36
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History
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/27/2014 6:22:07 PM
^^^^^
Just playing 'devil's advocate'..........................if you're in a large museum, like say for instance, the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Manhattan, depending on how "into" visual art you are, you could easily spend 3, 4, 5, hours (or more) in a museum that size.

Say for example, she is more into more modern art, or tapestries, or whatever, and he is more into, "The Old Masters", you can save a lot of time and cover more ground, by splitting up, and discussing what you saw later over a meal.

I actually prefer to go to museums alone. However, on a date (assuming that she has expressed interest in museums), I do not have a preference either way. I will roll with her preference on something like this. I do know that I have been to museums with other people (not necessarily dates), and they were focused on things that I had zero interest in. I would hate to be focused on a section(s) of a museum, and my date is bored out of her mind.

I also love bookstores, always have. I can stay in a bookstore for hours. Typically, in the past, when I went to a bookstore with a girlfriend, she went to look for what interested her. I went to look for what interested me, and after an hour or two, we just kinda' found each other, but we were not there walking around holding hands. Granted, that wasn't a "date", but the concept is the same: We're here together, we may have different sub-interests, but we are "alone together" or "together alone", we are leaving together, and on the drive home or at dinner, we can discuss what we came across. In MY opinion, I think that facilitates more interesting conversation (than if we have already EXPERIENCED everything TOGETHER).

Kinda' like those couples who do EVERYTHING together. I don't know what they talk about? "You ain't gotta' tell me (again), we were there together, I ALREADY saw/heard it."
 Rensteroni
Joined: 4/28/2014
Msg: 37
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/27/2014 6:47:44 PM
Ideally, it would have been best to have told him to his face. I can certainly understand being upset. If I had decided to leave, I would have found him, given him a firm handshake and say "I'm going to take off. See you later," and walked away.

He would have either asked you about it - which might have opened to door to a discussion - or said nothing.

Either way, you'd have an answer.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 38
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/28/2014 6:44:53 AM
I don't care what the situation is, romantic, friends or with family. I don't go antiquing and to museums with anyone. My thrill is that I can spend the whole day looking and buying what I want. I don't have to worry about someone else energy or boredom levels.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 39
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/28/2014 7:33:19 AM

Posted by NikonGuy007:
"I also love bookstores, always have. I can stay in a bookstore for hours. Typically, in the past, when I went to a bookstore with a girlfriend, she went to look for what interested her. I went to look for what interested me, and after an hour or two, we just kinda' found each other, but we were not there walking around holding hands. Granted, that wasn't a "date", but the concept is the same: We're here together, we may have different sub-interests, but we are "alone together" or "together alone", we are leaving together, and on the drive home or at dinner, we can discuss what we came across."

This is very likely precisely what was happening with the museum date the OP described.
One might find his/her date on the opposite side of the room, yet they are still there together enjoying the art.

Silently disappearing to drive away while the guy is probably searching the museum for her?
What the OP did there is seriously childish. The equivalent of taking her toys and going home in a tantrum.
She could have just as easily said, "Let's finish seeing the rest of this museum together so we can go get ice cream!"
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 40
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/28/2014 10:10:01 AM

What's the point in going together if not to discuss the exhibits? If you were staring at one exhibit for ages it might be ok to look around, but within eyesight -just disappearing seems rude to me.

+1

I love going to museums, art exhibits with others. I am interested in what their opinion of the exhibits are and to some extent what they can teach me about them or perhaps I can tell them something that they did not know.

The way the OP described the guy’s behavior was rude…almost as though he did not want to be seen with her. IMO she was not wrong in walking out; another way I might have handled it would have been to say to him, “Obviously you prefer being here by yourself; I’m leaving”.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 41
Museum dates - a game of Follow Me?
Posted: 7/28/2014 11:32:45 AM
This is largely why I don't much like going to museums and art galleries with other people, particularly people I don't know very well. I'm either being rushed away from something I find fascinating or expected to stand around spending time at an exhibit that doesn't interest me very much. When the people I'm with aren't interested in the things that interest me, I ditch them and meet back up with them later on.

The ideal situation is to go to something like that with someone who has a clue about what you are seeing. Then you can share thoughts, ideas and feelings about the various subjects on display. Sometimes people agree to go to a museum because think they should, then spend the entire time trying to get out again. My guess is that these are the people most often getting ditched and spend their time wandering around looking for their friends.
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