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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...      Home login  
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 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 22
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
It takes two..
I usually leave it up to the men to ask me..if you are interested in a 2nd date suggest it
 noorejustgems
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 23
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 10/26/2012 6:56:51 PM
Just had to comment on what you wrote about the "foot dragging". You are so right, and I too, am learning that lesson every day. It seems like all of those great looking bad boys......fall under that heading of foot dragging LOL. I think the book Hes just not that into you, said it pretty well. If a guy really is into you......you will KNOW it. You don't have to talk a guy through a relationship, if he really is into you :o)
 funandfloating
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 24
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 10/26/2012 9:54:32 PM
I dont think this is the right place to meet genuine people and increasingly am thinking this when I read the forum posts.

You are right in that you do attract what you project and once you realise this you can make improvements. You may have a real commitment phobia and so go for the unavailable and the disaffected. It does all start with family relationships but I would also look at your father and how you related to him. I dont know if you are an alcoholic as well??

As for the bad boy syndrome we are entitled to one or two I say but need to wise up and realise we deserve better as that is at the heart of it all. Masochism...
 jerzee59
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 25
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 10/27/2012 1:33:26 PM
Wow,thats a little harsh,people who have a 12 step program have a design for living,they may have made some poor choices in the past,but it's apparent if they are working a good 12 step program,they are once again on the right path to a happy and peaceful life.

It's a shame we all weren't born as perfect as you!!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 26
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 10/27/2012 3:17:52 PM
LOL
I'm chuckling here at how many people just automatically presumed that BA was talking about dating guys from her 12 step/support group.
I knew from the start that she was smarter than that!
I've had real-life contact a few times with people who formed relationships stemming from meeting in a support, 12 step, or recovery program,even though they were advised against it. Most of these relationships failed and the few that did work, it either was through either a large effort or a small miracle-or both!

All I can say, BA, is just trust your instincts...if he isn't making an effort to respond to your interest, either he's emotionally unavailable...or maybe he just isn't that into you. It's been my experience and observation that if a potential romance is left to "marinate" too long, it just stalls out in the "social friendship" zone.
Cindy O
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 27
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Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 10/28/2012 4:09:52 PM
i'm still not getting "irl". what does this stand for?

as for when to know to give up, or as per the serenity prayer (the wisdom to know the difference between acceptance and courage), you get the wisdom "one day at a time". trust your inner voice when the wisdom speaks.

as to comments on al anon meetings, they vary area to area and meeting to meeting. i have found them to be very helpful over time, as long as the meeting is balanced and has people who have walked the talk. meaning they have gotten help and now seek to give to others.

i also don't take the steps literally. don't have a traditional religious outlook. i just don't see using that as an excuse. i just "get" the underlying principles of the twelve steps which were boiled down by much research into simple steps for simple folk. they take all the intellectualizing out of therapeutic language and make people start doing and questioning what used to be poor auto pilot choices.

OP, however, these questions of yours are more worded for twelve step folk. if you want a picture of what is right or healthy, ask friends with "successful" and existing long term relationships to explain their thought processes to you and how they made relationship decisions.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 28
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 10/28/2012 6:14:15 PM
Was just at a meeting 2nite...had a coffee meet earlier today w/a pof-er.
Was pleasant, but, I don't think anything is gonna come of it...
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 29
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Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 11/1/2012 9:30:13 AM
Good for you, Blonde Angel......keep on working on the things that you need to do for yourself. You're in my prayers.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 30
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Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 11/1/2012 9:37:47 AM

i'm still not getting "irl". what does this stand for?



Stands for in real life sweetie
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 31
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Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women...
Posted: 11/2/2012 10:06:40 AM

BLoNde__ANgeL
Was just at a meeting 2nite...had a coffee meet earlier today w/a pof-er.
Was pleasant, but, I don't think anything is gonna come of it...


Boy, do I know that feeling. Over and over and over again. But do not give up! I had an initial meeting Tuesday evening, and it was magic. Seeing her again tomorrow night. Fingers crossed!
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