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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not getting past the first date.      Home login  
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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 26
Not getting past the first date.Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

No man will miss a SECOND date because a woman is too good.

True.
----
Robin - The guys in your peer group are only a few years removed from being those kids that used to punch girls in the shoulder because they were confused about why they wanted to kiss girls when you could give them 'cooties'.

Guys in their early 20s are pretty much as awkward as teenagers, they just have alcohol now to make them feel like they ARE doing killer dance moves. The more handsome 'players' are hitting on women for 'status', and notches on a bedpost. "Long-term" means nothing aside from 'it's something that girls like to hear'.
----
My best guess is that is you are giving indicators that you are more serious about your relationships - either you don't want to have sex (which is a perfectly fine choice ) or you want THEM to commit to some sort of relationship. If they are amongst peers (out 'with the boys'), you will NEVER get them to admit to committing any such thing. Cut and run is common among plenty of guys not interested in anything meaningful. It all about a maturity level, and unfortunately online dating is full of immature people - of ALL ages.

Weeding out the bad guys is a skill you will develop over time - you shouldn't have to worry about guys approaching you, so it's going to be more about the first couple of conversations / interviews to find out what their level of maturity is at. Instead of just listening to their stories - challenge them - ask them opinion questions that makes them think about more than a two-second 'yes' or 'no' answer. Do that when they APPROACH you - before you give them a phone number or any type of date. Guys that are 'playing' will get flustered quickly. Saves a lot of wasted first dates.
 _gjetost
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 27
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/8/2012 3:00:51 PM

Without actually being there on the date to see how things transpired, it's difficult to say exactly what you MIGHT be doing "wrong", if anything.
However, to speculate, with you being 22 and highly attractive, it could be that the guys you are going out with are hoping/expecting to score with you right away, and, assuming that they aren't scoring and you let them know that they won't be, that could be their reason for passing on another date....


This answer from a previous poster seems a likely candidate. It well could be something else, but it does seem to be a pattern. On occasion, things happen-to everyone. But if it seems to be a large percentage of the time, then take a step back. As a check or sorts, you might consider asking a close friend of yours who knows how you come across to others to see if you are acting in a certain way or saying things in a manner which comes across of off putting to these guys. Listen to what they might say.

If not, then you might want to reconsider how you selecting these guys and work on that a little.

Hope things improve.
 Youn_Santiago
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 28
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/8/2012 7:02:11 PM
I notice it keeps coming up that the men you are dating are possibly confused as to whether you're into them or not and, as a result, don't ask for a second date. We men are often confused... but seriously, who wants to double down on what feels like rejection.
Your dates obviously think you're a pretty amazing woman if they are all planning these elaborate, expensive first dates that you've mentioned... whatever their plans or intentions might be.
I don't think your response has to be sexual... and I don't think you have to get super touchy in the first 5 minutes/5 dates... or whatever. But I do think that maybe you need to work harder to let them know that you find them attractive and want to see them again.
A date that seems like a so-so date can be a real bummer for a guy when he blows $300.00 or whatever on wine and lobster and the woman's total response is... "cool... maybe we could do this again sometime... have a good one."
Try laying more physical compliments down... ask "real" and personal (but not too personal) questions specifically tailored to the guy you're with. Make him feel like you think he's different (and better) than all the other guys. It may be difficult... but at least a little bit of touching is very important to guys in order to allow them to feel like they're breaking through. Try giving a big hug after or even before the date starts. Touch his arm while you're talking to him. Move closer to him while he is talking if you're into him and make sure he notices you doing it. Also, I'm sure you already do this but if you're having a good time... smile... a lot. Laughing at a nervous guys jokes when he knows it's fake doesn't make him feel better... it makes him feel worse... but a beautiful woman's smile genuinely motivates most men.
I agree with the comment on here about men not being able to read minds. If you've met your soul-mate and you've been together for more than five years... maybe. If it's some nervous guy and it's a first date... there's no chance in hell. You need to tell him and you need to show him. It doesn't have to be overtly sexual... but you need to get the message across. Conventional wisdom says that it is, after all, the woman who chooses the man who will choose her.
Good luck. ;)
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 29
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/9/2012 6:59:54 PM


A date that seems like a so-so date can be a real bummer for a guy when he blows $300.00 or whatever on wine and lobster and the woman's total response is... "cool... maybe we could do this again sometime... have a good one.


300.00? are you serious? you save a date that pricey for the night of your engagement. In the meantime, treat your mother or sister to an experience as such. I'd say 30.00 this early on a date..and it can be done...look in local mags and paper for free fun date ideas :-)

Everyone agrees that the correlation between dates and spending is that the guys who spend LESS are most successful and have the most fun.
 Buddy_Love5781
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 30
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/10/2012 12:28:54 PM
No, however i am not there to see what is happening on your dates. If you'd like, I will show up for the next one. Better yet, I'll be your date! haha :D
 Stubidoo
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 31
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/10/2012 12:43:17 PM
For some reason, these guys have decided you aren't worth pursuing. As others have said, that's odd as men are not complex creatures... Clearly, if you are dating guys who can get a girl who looks like you, scoring is going to be pretty easy for them ... and you have said or done something that completely turned them off. Obvious things are references to no pre marital sex, taking things very slowly, not wanting a sexual relationship, etc.... in other words, if you made it obvious that it was going to take a lot of effort to score, they simply moved on ....
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 32
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/10/2012 4:18:30 PM
I had a thread on here asking sort of the same question.
So it is not just your looks or whatever.

Lots of men on here are seeking sex quickly with no extra input.

A first meeting man from last week sent me a text wanting to know.
If I wanted to catch up this weekend;)

Considering he chewed gum, wore his sunglasses, did not smile and told me how he likes geting almost passed out drunk, spent an evening speaking with a woman when he was so drunk that he slept on a park bench and gave up on her because she was a waste of time? And how he broke a chair on or near a 'hobo' who was annoying him.
And popped more chewing gum into his mouth just before trying to give me a kiss goodbye.

He was shocked that I did not accept his invitation to spend more 'adult time with him as he found me reasonably attractive'

And I am 53!!!

There does seem to be a number of men out there who want to 'score' and if you make it clear that you are not 'easy' then they will move on. Basically I think if some men find you attractive they think that you should be grateful that they want to have sex with you.

Getting someone to invite you out, or agree to go out for a second meeting / first date that is a 'doing something' date rather than hook up and have sex is becoming increasingly difficult.

If you or anyone else has the solution please let me know.

 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 33
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/10/2012 4:54:09 PM
I wouldnt overanalyze it. If a man is genuinely interested in you you WILL hear from him!

I've had this happen more often than not..good date, laughs, getting along fine..then I never would hear from them again. I eventually just stopped using online dating services. Most of the guys I went on these dates with are still online, often for years. It seems they dont seem satisfied enough with ANYONE that they eventually move off line. Maybe they are keeping their options open forever, who knows. All it says to me is that they are not interested, so I move on.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 34
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/10/2012 5:00:42 PM
Every single time I think that a guy is really great he disapers even though he tells m kinds same thing had awesome time I'm awesome wow. And never Texts or calls again it s getting very disappointing every time I find someone I kinda like from a get go
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 35
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/10/2012 7:55:07 PM
I find it interesting that some women ( on this thread and elsewhere ) think there wasn't a 2nd date because these men were only looking for quick and easy sex. There are many different reasons why there wasn't a second date. Even the date went well. I mentioned some of them in a previous post.
 chrismac1982
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 36
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:17:00 AM
If you would stop "Dating" this wouldn't be a problem. The great thing about hooking up is that it cuts to the chase, so you don't waste time. I haven't been on a date for years, and I have no plans on going on one either.
 Stubidoo
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 37
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:28:44 AM

think there wasn't a 2nd date because these men were only looking for quick and easy sex

I could be wrong and it's just my opinion but I don't think guys around her age are all that "deep". When I was her age, I was pretty singular in thought...
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 38
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/11/2012 8:08:12 AM

Lots of men on here are seeking sex quickly with no extra input.

Thanks for driving home a terrible stereotype.

By the way; what are guys at bars seeking when they approach you and buy you a drink?
-- When they say 'Hi' to you in the grocery checkout?
--When they greet you with a handshake in the doorway at church?
--When they ask if you want dessert after a meal at a restaurant?

The answer is; YOU DON'T KNOW. Jeezus cripes stop assuming the entire male world is nothing but horndogs.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 39
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/11/2012 10:35:41 AM

Physical attraction is only 20% of the battle. 80% of it is personality and chemistry


My answer to that is.....yeah.....right.....NOT!

Men are looking for Barbie - a nice piece of arm candy right along with a nice piece of ass......nothing more and nothing less......and once they get it, they are out the door so fast it will make your head spin. No strings, no rings, no drama, no recriminations, and on to then next.

Basically, the "first date/meet" is nothing more than a screening to see how "easy" you are.....if you don't pass the screening, you won't get the 2nd date.

The guys out here DON"T want someone who is intelligent, hard working, educated, talented and can hold a conversation. - and trust me.....it gets even worse the older you get.
 snowstorm22
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 40
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/11/2012 10:58:01 AM
guy has the impression that you put out easily?
that can send a guy running if he expects a classy lady
and than he gets some one who is open 24/7 like mcdonalds.
IDK just a guess.
 jazzybabe
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:31:58 PM
People are making judgements on a first date, not taking into account that they are not the only one who may be nervous. 1st Impressions are NOT everything as some people seem to think, especially in this type of situation. I truly believe in trying to get to know someone before making that decision to not see them again. Now on the other hand if the 1st date was truly horrible (one guy put his whole finger one by one in him mouth at lunch) then of course that would be the end. We all try to be on our best behavior during this but nervousness can make a difference. I too have had it happen to me which is ok because if they are that judgemental and intolerant then I don't want them anyway.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 42
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:43:49 PM
Op, your probably intimidating your dates. Your probably doing what I think many do, however I think the younger crowd (under 30) may be worse for this. What I'm talking about is "routine". I often find those dates where you meet at a pub, coffee house or restraunt can be like this. Where you both sit and chat about yourselves and each other almost constantly. In those scenarios, it's like one or both are trying to force that "getting to know each other" concept. It works out better I think if you can do this more so on a casual not so routine basis.
 huskerfanky
Joined: 10/16/2012
Msg: 43
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/21/2012 4:00:02 PM

No, don't resort to physical contact too soon just b/c you want a second date. If he's a gentleman, he won't expect anything on the first date, whether it be kissing, blowing, rubbing or f*cking. People who are worth waiting for will respect your boundaries and comfort.


I totally agree, leaning forward slightly conveys the appropriate message of interest. And no, I do not mean to show cleavage lol
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 44
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/21/2012 5:19:32 PM
The common denominator is you. If these men are distancing themselves from you after one encounter, you are doing something to turn them off. Start being more attentive to these men and see what your doing or saying that makes them not want a date with you again.
 bootiecutie
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 2:26:00 PM
i cannot believe people discussing blowing, xucking and kissing on a first meet. i realise im older than most on here probably but i believe in the old fashioned form of dating. im quite happy to stay on my own until i find a person similar. if they want the blowing and the kissing etc, just think, how many others has he expected and got this off, please respect yourselves and your health. if a man likes you enough he will make the effort simple as
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 46
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 2:46:45 PM

No, don't resort to physical contact too soon just b/c you want a second date. If he's a gentleman, he won't expect anything on the first date, whether it be kissing, blowing, rubbing or f*cking. People who are worth waiting for will respect your boundaries and comfort.


It has nothing to do with being a gentleman. When I go out with a woman I have no expectation. But I read body language and at the end when I get home I ask myself. Is she worth calling again when she kept to herself, didn't seem to be interested in me and I could not sense any chemistry?

The answer is NO.

Chemistry quickly shows when the woman then touches you, laughs with you, looks intently in your eyes and yes, at some point kisses you. She kisses you, not because she is simply looking for a second date, she kisses you because she likes you.
 beneboo
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 47
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 3:58:51 PM
if she's not comfortable kissing you, then she shouldn't. how do you know if someone really "likes" you based on the first date? REALLY liking someone takes more than a 2 or 3 hour first date. on the first date, people shouldn't expect comfort levels to be down anyway. that takes TIME. I've had chemistry with guys that I didn't kiss well until the 3rd, 4th...sometimes 8th date (but that was nerve-wracking). people nowadays expect everything so quick, so easily. I don't kiss strangers. Meeting someone for the first time for a couple hours doesn't mean I even "know" you...let alone "like".

Then again, I'm looking for something long-term so I take things slow. if a guy is quick to cut me off because I didn't kiss him on the first date, then I don't need that.
 sollty
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 48
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 4:59:14 PM

OP, you do have a gorgeous face, but the one full body picture you have makes you look overweight. Many guys complain that the women they meet are heavier in person than they were led to believe.

Only you can know if this is a possibility


This must be it - they meet you and are disappointed to see that you are larger than they expected.

Include one full body shot so that if they see this and still want to meet you then you will eliminate this from happening again.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 49
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 7:15:44 PM
I'm wondering.. is it possible that you look different in person? That is the usual reason why guys pull a disappearing act after the first date- jmo.


When I wasn't interested in a second date, it wasn't always because of looks. Sometimes it was because of their personality / attitude / behavior. I'm not saying this is the case with the OP. But it is a possible reason.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 50
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 8:39:40 PM
From experience if a woman doesn't even hold my hand let alone put her hand on me (not sexually eg hand on my shoulder) I know she isn't really that interested. I had a girl who claimed to love me but even made a big fuss about a hug. When I went as a friend with this one woman she complained I didn't even hold her hand or give her a hug but then again I had no interest with her at all. I certainly wouldn't wait for 8 dates, I am in no rush but I need some of hint she's interested.
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