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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not getting past the first date.      Home login  
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 huskerfanky
Joined: 10/16/2012
Msg: 43
Not getting past the first date.Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

No, don't resort to physical contact too soon just b/c you want a second date. If he's a gentleman, he won't expect anything on the first date, whether it be kissing, blowing, rubbing or f*cking. People who are worth waiting for will respect your boundaries and comfort.


I totally agree, leaning forward slightly conveys the appropriate message of interest. And no, I do not mean to show cleavage lol
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 44
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/21/2012 5:19:32 PM
The common denominator is you. If these men are distancing themselves from you after one encounter, you are doing something to turn them off. Start being more attentive to these men and see what your doing or saying that makes them not want a date with you again.
 bootiecutie
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 45
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History
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 2:26:00 PM
i cannot believe people discussing blowing, xucking and kissing on a first meet. i realise im older than most on here probably but i believe in the old fashioned form of dating. im quite happy to stay on my own until i find a person similar. if they want the blowing and the kissing etc, just think, how many others has he expected and got this off, please respect yourselves and your health. if a man likes you enough he will make the effort simple as
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 46
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 2:46:45 PM

No, don't resort to physical contact too soon just b/c you want a second date. If he's a gentleman, he won't expect anything on the first date, whether it be kissing, blowing, rubbing or f*cking. People who are worth waiting for will respect your boundaries and comfort.


It has nothing to do with being a gentleman. When I go out with a woman I have no expectation. But I read body language and at the end when I get home I ask myself. Is she worth calling again when she kept to herself, didn't seem to be interested in me and I could not sense any chemistry?

The answer is NO.

Chemistry quickly shows when the woman then touches you, laughs with you, looks intently in your eyes and yes, at some point kisses you. She kisses you, not because she is simply looking for a second date, she kisses you because she likes you.
 beneboo
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 47
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 3:58:51 PM
if she's not comfortable kissing you, then she shouldn't. how do you know if someone really "likes" you based on the first date? REALLY liking someone takes more than a 2 or 3 hour first date. on the first date, people shouldn't expect comfort levels to be down anyway. that takes TIME. I've had chemistry with guys that I didn't kiss well until the 3rd, 4th...sometimes 8th date (but that was nerve-wracking). people nowadays expect everything so quick, so easily. I don't kiss strangers. Meeting someone for the first time for a couple hours doesn't mean I even "know" you...let alone "like".

Then again, I'm looking for something long-term so I take things slow. if a guy is quick to cut me off because I didn't kiss him on the first date, then I don't need that.
 sollty
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 48
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 4:59:14 PM

OP, you do have a gorgeous face, but the one full body picture you have makes you look overweight. Many guys complain that the women they meet are heavier in person than they were led to believe.

Only you can know if this is a possibility


This must be it - they meet you and are disappointed to see that you are larger than they expected.

Include one full body shot so that if they see this and still want to meet you then you will eliminate this from happening again.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 49
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 7:15:44 PM
I'm wondering.. is it possible that you look different in person? That is the usual reason why guys pull a disappearing act after the first date- jmo.


When I wasn't interested in a second date, it wasn't always because of looks. Sometimes it was because of their personality / attitude / behavior. I'm not saying this is the case with the OP. But it is a possible reason.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 50
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/23/2012 8:39:40 PM
From experience if a woman doesn't even hold my hand let alone put her hand on me (not sexually eg hand on my shoulder) I know she isn't really that interested. I had a girl who claimed to love me but even made a big fuss about a hug. When I went as a friend with this one woman she complained I didn't even hold her hand or give her a hug but then again I had no interest with her at all. I certainly wouldn't wait for 8 dates, I am in no rush but I need some of hint she's interested.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 51
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History
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/24/2012 10:07:09 AM
Wicked, I agree about 'touch'.

The most positive behavior a woman can do is slightly touch your hand, shoulder, etc. when talking to you for the first time. It's incredibly assuring without being too explicit and gives a guy confidence and a positive feeling. My girlfriend absent mindedly patted down my cowlick and from that simple gesture I knew that it was ok to be just a bit less formal.

Most guys are trying to be polite and not come across as too forward, a simple touch is 'permission'.

Anyways, if a guy doesn't contact a woman after a date it may not indicate he wasn't interested. It's very possible he just didn't pick up positive vibes to give him the confidence to pursue the woman further. A lot of nice guys don't want to feel like they are bothering a woman.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 52
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 10/24/2012 10:33:00 AM
I am so very guilty of this. I have yet to meet someone I felt enough chemistry with after the initial meet to want to go on a date with them. However, I do let them know before the meet ends I didn't feel we were a match. It is the right and honorable thing to do. I have also maintained some friendships from it as well.

No. You are not doing anything wrong and neither did the majority of my meets...they were just not what I am looking for. I want to feel weak in my knees when I see him. I want to feel nervous and wonder if he will like me. I want to feel safe and secure around him. I want him to be interested in who I am, ask me questions about my life. I want to say to myself "Freaking AYE! I like this guy" It has yet to happen. The men I meet tell me they are nervous. I have seen them litterally shake and they tell me their hearts are about to burst out of their chest. I don't know..I just want it to be felt both ways.

OP...stop going on dates with these men. An amazing date should be with a man you like and you know he likes you. A meet is good enough to know whether you want to see one another again and...he will call if he does want to see you and spend time with you. You won't be affected so much by a "meet" that disses you...but I can see why it makes you feel bad when they don't call after an actual date.

Good luck..and I wish you well...I wish us all well.
 imlooking4a_nu_luv
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 53
Not getting past the first date.
Posted: 1/28/2013 5:09:05 PM
I am having the same dilemma, and this thread is giving me pointers. This is good info!
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