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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > About leagues. . .      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 126
About leagues. . .Page 6 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

Well the funny thing is how women constantly say they don't want the nice, timid guy because he doesn't have enough self esteem.
Do you ever consider the reasons behind that low self-esteem? Let's say the guy isn't greatly attractive but has a relatively decent self esteem when he's younger and over the years, after being rejected by females enough times, that self esteem is diminished. Does that make him not worthy of dating? Maybe he had a bad relationship experience where a female destroyed his confidence? Maybe he had a horrible childhood and never attained self esteem.
Alpha males aren't the majority, no matter what people might have you believe. And just because someone has a hard time approaching a woman doesn't mean he can't be a great catch. Some people just aren't comfortable with certain things, kind of like women admitting they're as superficial as men.
sorry that is the biggest cop out , that is the problem with some of you guys YOU BLAME something or someone, instead of taking responsibility and moving forward, When I was younger , I was picked on for my skin colour, because I was shorter, I didn't grow until high school, I was the typical nice guy with low self esteem until my Dad finally toughen me up and taught me some good lessons in life, today my attitude is If someone doesn't like me , so what and Who the f uck cares.

My self esteem is pretty high but I'm realistic as well, I dont blame others for anything, If I approach a woman and she turns me so be it and next, since no one is out of my league and people dont intimidate me and rejection isn't something I fear anymore so what if they say NOOOOOOOOOO, the world isn't going to end , the Mayans were wrong the world is still here and life goes on.

If you're being rejected by a lot of females then you need to figure out what it is that you're doing that making them reject you.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 127
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/23/2012 2:22:50 PM

So men are afraid of saying things, so instead they just say "You beautiful!" "You're HOt!" "You are sexy." "Let me buy you a drink. Let me buy you dinner." They put the woman in the pedestal and now she is bored the shit out of her mind with the guy.


I suggest they’ve put her NOWHERE, because confident women won’t flick an eyelash over that lame-o approach.


And no, this is not about telling the woman what is wrong with her. It's about not putting the woman in the pedestal and then relating, having fun, and trying to connect.


Relating, having fun and trying to connect happens (or doesn’t happen) naturally, without bs games… men lacking confidence in themselves won’t be capable of connecting with a woman, no matter what games he tries to play. Rather than advise game playing; a better solution would be to develop some healthy self esteem.


Do you ever consider the reasons behind that low self-esteem? Let's say the guy isn't greatly attractive but has a relatively decent self esteem when he's younger and over the years, after being rejected by females enough times, that self esteem is diminished. Does that make him not worthy of dating? Maybe he had a bad relationship experience where a female destroyed his confidence? Maybe he had a horrible childhood and never attained self esteem.


And…..?? Who’s responsible for dealing with that? Your date??!

Let me get this straight….women are expected to approach, pursue, and provide therapy for guys with no self esteem?? Yeah, right. If a guy is that messed up he has nothing to offer a woman. And women don’t owe him anything.

Men like you’ve described need to get themselves into therapy and work on themselves, for themselves. It’s not any woman’s job to fix them.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 128
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/23/2012 3:00:16 PM
Leagues exist for the simple reason that the purpose of every living thing on earth, is to procreate. If leagues did not exist, each species would weaken its gene pool. Lowering your standards despite that does help you get more options, just as being attractive does.

That all being said,its not worthless to talk to a woman outside your league. Its good practice talking to women without having the agenda to get laid in mind. Even an ugly woman doesn't want to be talked to as if she's just a future notch on the bedpost.

As for finding a good partner...not all hotties are. If you want a good partner, look beyond looks. Doing so will also answer your question :) Pursue people who are a good fit, and if they don't answer back (for whatever reason), then they were not a good fit b/c they couldn't see you as one.
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 129
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/23/2012 3:20:25 PM

Obviously they haven't been through some of those scenarios you mentioned. Being rejected by females regularly based on looks will have an effect over time unless you have a very non-caring attitude towards what others think. By no means however would such a person be not worthy of dating.
so what ? rejection is a part of life, those that learn from it and accept it does well in life, then there are those that are mentally broken by it, to that I question their mentality.
That is why some "A" students work for " C" students, why a lot of successful people were " C " students, they learned early on that rejection or being told you will never be as good as so and so who is a " A" student.

We hear stories about " A " students working crap jobs because they usually breeze through School, Life etc and the first or second time they face adversity they lose it.

On topic: So what about overweight women with keyboard teeth, do they not deserve to be dating? what about them and the rejections they face?
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 130
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/23/2012 10:18:42 PM

so what ? rejection is a part of life, those that learn from it and accept it does well in life, then there are those that are mentally broken by it, to that I question their mentality.


This might be hard to comprehend, but I know people in their 30s who have never gone on a single date in their lives. To them, rejection isn't a part of life, it's the reason to give up, to get desperate and buy hookers...

Us, we get rejected, but we bounce back, we find someone else. But not everyone has that luxury. There's guys that the 500lb whale with more body hair than me won't even give the chance to, not because they're socially awkward, but because the guy is just ugly. Put yourself in their place and try to understand what life has to be like for them.

We don't live this perfect world where everyone gets along and people aren't unfairly treated like crap from most people out there. Maybe in your world that happens, but in real life, people kill themselves because they can't get a date.... Welcome to reality. There's people our society just labels as undatable.

For a lot of people, rejection does take a very huge toll on your self-esteem. I couldn't imagine having a positive image of myself if I've never had one date. And in reality, you would be just as bad if it was you. People today really lack empathy. You're just not capable of seeing another POV.
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 131
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/23/2012 10:40:15 PM
Sorry Rockstar but I have no empathy for guys that incessantly whine and most of them are hypocrites , There was a few guys on here one guy was terribly deformed but he had a wonderful attitude, that poor guy I have empathy for, there was another guy in a wheelchair from a accident, one with missing limbs and you know what they all had in common, none of them whine.

So when a I see a guy on here with no missing limbs,or deformities etc, whine about rejection , I shake my head and think of those fellows who really have something to whine about but they dont and no one would blame them if they did but for what ever reason they choose not to.

I get it when someone is down, I dont believe in kicking someone when they are down but when they have no reason to be down, yeah they got rejected a few times show me someone that hasn't been rejected at one point in their lives? even the Hollywood beautiful people faces rejection.
 _Kurisu_
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 132
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 2:08:15 AM
Not sure what my position is.... I haven't received any messages from women.

Maybe It's because I'm a somewhat attractive nerd. It's a really niche category that is extremely rare.

I have no idea
 NVcollegeguy
Joined: 9/3/2012
Msg: 133
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 3:15:36 AM

As I said, self-fulfilling..

Suit yourself *shrugs*


Now now he does have quite a valid point, women are largely the ones who hold the power of rejection.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 134
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 8:10:50 AM


So when a I see a guy on here with no missing limbs,or deformities etc, whine about rejection , I shake my head and think of those fellows who really have something to whine about but they dont and no one would blame them if they did but for what ever reason they choose not to.


But how much has he been rejected before? Was he whining because he got rejected one time or because his record so far is 0-100. Hey, maybe he has a social handicap (remember, those DO exist) and he started confident and everything, but over time after rejection after rejection, that attitude changed, because he never got that date.

I guarantee you that if you lived like one of these people, you'd be exactly the same. You don't just have low self-esteem because you feel like it, something has to actually cause that.
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 135
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 8:30:06 AM
Rockstar, those guys with deformities at least on the threads have never whined, they shared their experience and It just makes me smile how positive they appear to be, I'm sure they've been rejected more times than you and I combined and twice on Sundays.

But back to your point, how many times was he rejected before, who knows? but online dating isnt for everyone, no different than in a social situation, how many guys get rejected at bars/pubs/single dances etc.

I was one of those guys that got rejected and kicked to the friendship zone, I think at one time I had my mail delivered at the friendship zone, until one day I woke up because I was sick of it, I didn't become a azzhole and treated women like shit, but I let my balls drop and decided not to be a doormat and to figure out things, I learned how dance, dress better , hang out with positive people and in time my confidence and self esteem grew.

The last time I was at bar with friends we had a good time , met some interesting women while guys with their buddies were in the background giving us the evil eye, because they didn't have the balls to talk to them.

There is a old saying when life gives you lemons you either be sour about it or make lemonade .
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 136
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 1:03:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2vNuaBQNKE
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 137
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 4:01:19 PM

Certainly learning how to dance helps - with dancing you either do it because you're good at it, or you avoid it altogether. However because all girls love to dance, avoiding it is suicide.................I can't dance for shit so I stay my fat ass off the dancefloor. There is no dignity in going up and looking like an idiot.
perhaps take dancing lessons and learn Man, I'm telling you guys that can dance no matter how short, tall, fat he is as long as he doesn't come across as creepy you will meet people .
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 138
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 6:07:23 PM

Maybe understanding that the problem and cause is real and exists and then finding a way to conquer it or manage it?


Just WHO is gonna do that for you? You gotta manage YOUR OWN LIFE.

For the zillionth time, I’m asking just what any of you think you have to offer ANY woman…..besides your arrogant sense of entitlement?
Why would any woman want to date you?

Maybe it’s not too late to ask Santa to leave a woman for you under the tree. Oh and a hand pump.


Actually, it was me when I was younger. I grew up.


^^^ This is the only advice you need: GROW UP.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 139
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 8:41:45 PM

You probably believe that your vagina is made of angels and rainbows that any man would be lucky to get a mere glimpse of..


….don’t forget the Holy Grail!


To answer the question above, I have a good paying job, my own house and respect for people.


Yep, your quote above sure proves that.
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 140
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 9:07:00 PM
For someone to use the analogy of date within your league is soooooooooooooooooooo lame! People that usually use this term are shallow. Basically they are saying the attractive should only date the attractive, mediocre with mediocre, and unattractive with the unattractive. This is all BULL on how society is trying to separate and alienate people! And society has millions of sheep. Don't let a pretty photo dissuade you from trying. Go for it. In life all you can do is try your best, be respectable, honest and sincere with a person, and if they don't get it and can't see it then move on.
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 141
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 9:41:47 PM

I would suppose that the same could be said for all the women on here and in real life that have their lists of what men need to be without telling us what you offer.
Are you trying to tell me you dont have a list or criteria that you want in a woman? if you say you dont you're lying big time, we all have lists most of calls it " standards" or "preference"

I wont date a woman that Lives at home with her parents and sponges off of them, I wont date a woman who is 420 friendly, that is a list.

Second just because you have a good paying job, your own house that doesn't mean you're on the top of the list of quality guys, there is a lot more to the selection process than material things pal.

I know guys that dont own a home, have a crappy job and doesn't own a car and a few of them dates, why? because they have a huge heart , they are deep down inside quality individuals and believe it or not they have confidence.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 142
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/24/2012 11:05:23 PM

My self esteem is pretty high but I'm realistic as well, I dont blame others for anything, If I approach a woman and she turns me so be it and next, since no one is out of my league and people dont intimidate me and rejection isn't something I fear anymore so what if they say NOOOOOOOOOO, the world isn't going to end , the Mayans were wrong the world is still here and life goes on.


This is the same thing claims he doesn't eat alone yet he's online all afternoon and good part of the evening. When I pointed that out to him he logged off for a while. He's so full of shit. Any guy with decent self confidence wouldn't need to come on here to get dates. Just shows he's full of baloney. :P
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 143
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 7:27:24 AM

This is the same thing claims he doesn't eat alone yet he's online all afternoon and good part of the evening. When I pointed that out to him he logged off for a while. He's so full of shit. Any guy with decent self confidence wouldn't need to come on here to get dates. Just shows he's full of baloney. :P
Talking about full of sh1t , you are so angry and bitter about your height you lash out at anyone who has a life , by the way the things you DONT know about dating could fill a book.

Just to make a point any confident man knows that online dating is just a avenue to meeting people, they do meet people in the real world, online dating is just another place to meet someone that you wouldn't get the chance to normally meet, of course if you were intelligent you would have known that but you're just trolling around in the forums.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 144
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 8:45:02 AM
This is for Soul_2000; Your common misconception of women is way out in left field. After reading one of your posts on the previous page about beautiful women being lonely because because their standards are through the roof is a bogus theory. Beautiful women get hit on upwards of 20 times a day, give or take. It's not that they are looking for the latest and greatest, they are looking for someone to stand out. Yes, you will find the ones who have a shopping list that is miles long and will truly never be happy until they let some of that slide.
Also, what kind of women do you know that are raising men? The women I know that have little boys are raising them to be gentlemen.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 145
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 9:47:40 AM

My respect for people (or you) isn't directly linked to whether or not I think you have a high opinion of yourself and your vagina filled with rainbows.


You seem obsessed with my vagina.

I have respect for myself, therefore I am capable of truly respecting others. I don’t need to put conditions on my respect for human beings, and this:


I respect you for truthfully expressing your opinions, I don't respect you for having those opinions; seeing as you come across as very angry at men in most of your posts.


is completely contradictory.

I love men. You may perceive me as angry because I disagree with you. I realize some men aren’t used to women who speak up for themselves with courage and conviction. I suppose if I expressed myself in a quiet, self effacing manner of which you approve for women, I wouldn’t seem angry to you. Oh well….too bad!

 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 146
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 11:22:19 AM

Not "should", just that 95% of the time that's the way it is in the world. Far too many experiences, friend examples and observations to reach that conclusion.


This pretty much sums up the whole thread. There's always going to be exceptions, but most of the time, people know they're attractive, and hold out for the whole package. Why do celebrities keep only dating other celebrities? Why is it so common for two fat people to be married? (and it's not because fat is contagious) Why do the socially awkward tend to end up together?

Look around next time you're out, there's no denying that this is how our society works.

People tend to look at it wrong, it's not that the fat guy has no chance with the supermodel, it's just that that particular supermodel probably isn't interested in fat guys.
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 147
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 11:39:32 AM
Rockstar, there is a old saying water rises and seeks its own level, celebrities date other celebrities generally because they understand the nature of business there in, of course some marry outside but usually they marry before they made it so to speak, no matter what level in life that you're in you will always face rejections and uncertainty, most rich wont marry someone economically below their financial status for fear the person may use them for their cash.

Think about a supermodel, jet setting around the world earning millions of dollars you really think she is going date a average looking fat guy working 40 hours week that goes home with his case of beer and wings and his only means of exercise is going the fridge to the couch watching Monday night football? I would say that the fat guy has no chance with a supermodel ,the exception if he is rich.

You really think half the musicians ( platinum album selling plus ) could meet half the ladies if they were not famous? Although some ultra rich men ends up with trophy wives/girlfriends the reality is most of these guys will never capture her heart, they buy their way in most of the time, Guys like Trump goes through women like the Buffalo Bills going through Coaches and quarterbacks.
 lilsapp13
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 148
view profile
History
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 1:10:13 PM
That's no lie. If your money is correct you no longer have a league, you can have whatever you like. There was one self admitted average dude with limited funding that said he found a very attractive woman relatively quickly on here. In his situation he either has the gift of gab or we might need to see the aforementioned woman as "very attractive" is a rather subjective term.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 149
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 2:20:39 PM

You probably believe that your vagina is made of angels and rainbows that any man would be lucky to get a mere glimpse of..

You mean it isn't? My doctor was very convincing when he told me it was...


I can admit that I don't like smokers or women with bad hygiene, but those are choices not absolutes. Turning someone down because they're not tall enough or aren't the alpha males isn't logical.

Logical? We're talking about attraction, not logic. You would prefer women would date you even if they are not attracted to you? That doesn't make any sense!

This goes down the same worn out path as the "why don't women go dutch" or "why don't women ask men out" threads. You want the women YOU WANT to bend to the rules you think would benefit you instead of going after women who are attracted to you & want what you want. If a woman is attracted to alpha men & you are not an alpha male, then you will have better luck with someone else. Similarly, if I meet a man & he's attracted to tall, thin, young model types he will not be interested in me. It's not that I'm not a sexy or fun or smart woman. I'm just not for him. Please stop blaming other people for what you perceive as your own flaws.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 150
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 2:37:36 PM
My version of leagues is not based on physical attractiveness. It is a 3 tier league of men who love women, those who like/tolerate women, and men who by their words and actions hate women. The man I'm currently seeing is not tall, rich, powerful, gorgeous, or educated. But he exudes happiness about being around women. And they respond to him. He is not PW, he's a former Marine. Most women dont have a clue why they respond to him the way they do. But I do.
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