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 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 23
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what happened??Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Oh brother! I wish I had a nickle for everytime I heard that from a 20 something here in the forums. You obviously were too young to recognize a sh!t when you saw one. THis wisdom only comes from experience.
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 24
what happened??
Posted: 10/11/2012 3:24:48 PM
If you really want to play the age game then here's a comment for you - Oh such wisdom you all must have if you have to result to POF when you are above 40 years old. Such winners.

Now, if you would like to just make comments and opinions on the actual situation rather than just focusing on ages I am more than happy to hear them out and listen to the different thoughts ,which was the only reason I posted this.

I don't need people assuming that they know me...who are you to judge me and tell me I'm not ready for a serious relationship? I have lived on my own since I was 15 years old, I have worked full time since I was 13, I have bought my own house, my own car, I have been engaged, I have been in abusive relationships,etc... I am successful and comfortable where I am at but, I am also ready to settle down with someone for the long run and you have no way of knowing that I'm not so, don't oh brother me and act like you do know.

I have already admitted that I don't know as much as some of you may know and that you may have more experience than I do because that does come with age but, all I am asking is to stop the judging and just give actual comments on the situation otherwise, hold your toungue. Can you at least be mature enough to do that? Let's see.
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 25
what happened??
Posted: 10/11/2012 3:50:12 PM
original posting, paragraphs are your friend.

The follow up postings, went into a rambling which I didn't really even try to follow. You can feel as old as you want or think you are mature. There is still no substitute for experience. If you get advice you don't like, stop asking questions or ask to be lied to, everyone loves that.

As far as why he flaked out on you, immaturity. He probably did find someone else who was closer. Breaking up through a text message, immaturity. See also "spineless". Only he knows why he did what he did. If you choose to drive yourself nuts trying to figure out the what's and the why's that won't change the situation, by all means feel free. It's over, move on he obviously does not want to take this relationship any further and if you give him another chance, I'd bet he does the same thing again at some point only you will be further invested.

Knowing why changes nothing. He's a coward, unreliable, and indecisive. Do you really need to know anything else about this "man".
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 26
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what happened??
Posted: 10/11/2012 3:59:31 PM

If you really want to play the age game then here's a comment for you - Oh such wisdom you all must have if you have to result to POF when you are above 40 years old. Such winners.




I was married longer than you're alive, sweetie, and I chose to end the marriage, so don't you judge ME! You obviously don't know as much as you claim or you would not have posted here in the first place. No one at any age knows all and it might be in your best interest to open your mind to sage advice.
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 27
what happened??
Posted: 10/11/2012 4:15:58 PM
"I was married longer than you're alive, sweetie, and I chose to end the marriage, so don't you judge ME! You obviously don't know as much as you claim or you would not have posted here in the first place. No one at any age knows all and it might be in your best interest to open your mind to sage advice."

I only wrote that so that you can see that you are also judging me and how it feels. So how about we stop that because like I have already admitted way too many times on here that I'm not saying I know everything because I don't and I'm not as experienced and this arguement has really just become quite the bore to me and solves absolutely nothing. I'm just saying that everyone needs to stop judging me and telling me that I am not mature enough and that I am not ready for a long term relationship. You don't know me. Therefore, you can't possibly make accurate accusations like that. I posted on here to get feedback on the situation itselfs and get a variety of different answers and perspectives not to be ridiculed for being 21 years old. You can tell me I'm not as experienced as you because sure, it comes with age but, you can't tell me I'm not ready for a serious relationship. Only I know that.
 123gopink
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 28
what happened??
Posted: 10/11/2012 4:55:25 PM
Takes a while to know what motivates people to do the things they do. I guess I have my own opinion and that is the weekend he mentioned moving in together was more of a way to get a true feeling for how you felt. I think hd was probably surprised that you were willing to proceed and he probably was thinking of ending it even then but you gave him the wrong answer . I think you acted from your heart and have been honest but unfortunately I don't think his intentions were pure.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 29
what happened??
Posted: 10/11/2012 8:35:28 PM
Long distance never works.
You'd have to be dating for about a good six months (BEFORE he left) to ensure that kind of commitment.
Let's face it:
The man is seeing someone else if he's dumping you before you're supposed to see him.
He should be lighting up and excited.
Instead he dumps you.
See the problem?
You both don't know each other well enough
Nor is there any real commitment on both your parts
(at least on his).

Move on.
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 30
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what happened??
Posted: 10/12/2012 11:38:10 AM
He may have felt like moving in at the time, but being fickle, he changed his mind. If it were real, Hell or high water would not have held him back from you. Many men, or people for that matter, say things in the moment, not thinking them through.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 31
what happened??
Posted: 10/12/2012 12:06:40 PM
Reading these forums, I see people doing different "tests" of others in the "seeing where we're at" vein of actions.
What's a great way to either:
A.) Freak someone out, or...
B.) Test their "commitment" to you?

Ask them to move in together!

Any relationship can get to that "point" where you either move forward or split up.
He was testing the "move forward" waters with the move in thing, and he freaked out when you were ready. He apparently was not. Maybe he cheated? Hard to know with a long distance thing. But you went along with everything it sounds like. Maybe be more assertive for yourself next time?

Please, please, please avoid the "why do men do_____..."
I've never done this. I suspect many men also have not done this.
So ask, "why did this guy do this?"
-We have no idea. He's crazy. lol!

Best of luck moving forward.
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 32
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what happened??
Posted: 10/12/2012 12:11:33 PM

Please, please, please avoid the "why do men do_____..."
I've never done this. I suspect many men also have not done this.
So ask, "why did this guy do this?"
-We have no idea. He's crazy. lol


Many people do things to their romantic interests that they can not explain. Maybe when he was alone he realized exactly what he asked you and ran away scared. Sometimes the idea of moving in/getting married is more of a romantic notion than actual reality.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 33
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what happened??
Posted: 10/12/2012 9:51:24 PM
I was actually looking for a thread to disagree with the OP but stumbled here - and while its sucky to side with the hot blonde I have to admit lots of what she's saying makes straight sense.

Now I'm going to try to convince everyone I really don't get her point....

Its seems women tend to head towards nesting a bit earlier than guys. By that I mean that on average their emotional slate hits longer phases of calm earlier, while guys go through a mawkish phase. That's simply the way our species is. Guys tend to flit around more - and that is just part of the deal. We haven't evolved from our pre-historic ancestors because there's been little evolutionary pressure on us to change. So guys are emotionally in the same situation we were in tribes, where younger men were sorta excluded from the game until they developed, but women were part of the situation younger. Women form the centre of communities earlier. Most primitive societies are matriarchies with an average age of about 15.

I'm not suggesting that young women heading towards long term commitments is a good thing - or that they should be running communities when they're young, but that's what our ancestors had going on- so it should be little surprise that some folk head that way now.

On the more real point, long distance relationships can suck. I've a son that isn't that far from the OPs age. His girl couldn't find ways to make reasonable time - so he moved on. We could probably remind him to head home by tossing pebbles at the new girl's window from our backyard. Everyone seems happier-.. well except the ex- she's kinda bitter.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 34
what happened??
Posted: 10/13/2012 9:52:52 AM
IDK... However, I would never be in a long distance relationship because once the sex drive kicks in then it isn't such a good thing to be so far away - a 1/2 hour drive is too long - waiting two weeks is too long to wait. Realistically, if you keep the relationship platonic, low keyed and the sex drive never kicks in you could just date for months and it's no big deal.

Anyhow...He went from the idea of moving in with you and the thought of having sex with you every day but realized that in reality he would have to wait a long time for that to happen (might not happen at all) and since his sex drive was in high gear at the time he thought that there was no way that he could continue to spend time apart like this. Oh the AGONY! He was being logical about the situation and realized the relationship would not work out.

He may not of cheated on you, but he's probably with a rebound girl right now. I'd give that about 3 months.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 35
what happened??
Posted: 10/13/2012 1:13:48 PM

I'm just saying that everyone needs to stop judging me and telling me that I am not mature enough and that I am not ready for a long term relationship.


It's not a "judgement"-its' an opinion. And going by the way you are getting so "flustrated", I think it may very well be a fairly accurate one, at that.

Look, none of us know you or your ex-LDR bf. I seriously doubt that either one of you did anything "wrong"-it just didn't work out. As other posters remarked, LDRs can be difficult to maintain.

Personally, I'd like to turn your "over 40" remark upside down. I UNDERSTAND how people over 40, whether divorced or widowed, may not be living a lifestyle that has lots of free time and lots of other unpartnered people, could find online dating sites to be a very useful tool.
But age 21? A student in a pretty fair sized city? Why in the WORLD are YOU on PoF and involving yourself in long-distance relationships? You should be having no trouble meeting interesting,attractive and reasonably available guys right outside your doorstep! And I have to agree with other older posters...we want to see you focus on your education so that you can get a good career and not be back on PoF at age 29 looking to find a new man to be the meal ticket for you and your kids...because you got divorced and didn't have marketable skills,in order to support yourself and your children.

As to what "went wrong"-it could be any one of a number of things, or a combination of factors. Sometimes relationships-even ones that seem to be very good-just do not work out. One can rack his or her brain trying to "figure it out"-but failed relationships can't always be analyzed.
Cindy O
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 36
what happened??
Posted: 10/13/2012 1:36:48 PM
well, the good thing is you're intuition is spot on .. and the bad news is .. yep he had someone else in the lingerie drawer ready to pull on..,

why does everyone who writes in here try and make this into something complicated.. men are cowards and they don't tell you the truth because if they leave it vague they believe they can reconnect and use your vagina until they do it again.. !!! and as Dr. Drew says .. men are good liars.. no need to analyze and give this dog the benefit of the doubt... he's a liar.. and a CHEATER.. a guy that is worthy is about protecting and providing .. he is about making sure you are okay.. doing things for you and working on the emotional bond so that you are excited about and look up to and respect the person he is for you .. he will make sure you love him by what he does for you.. his time away will still be about YOU BEING HIS PRIORITY .. you are so into him you are part of him and vice versa.. this guy was a dog .. and it's fine he is back in the kennel because you deserve one who wants you .. k.

the number one sign of cheating is that you "feel" they are cheating.. and you trust your gut on this one because he found someone he can play gumby bumby and pokey dokey with while he is away.. now here is the tough part.. the dog will likely return after he's tried on the merchandise and decides after a bit that you were a better fit for his pokey.. now be prepared because you're going to have to tell lover****to hit the road.. dogs always try and go back to the spot especially when you have met someone else who is actually really into you.. will drive poor old pickle nutz up the croik.. I know, I know it is disgusting but that is what trailer trash unevolved monkeys with working parts do.. just be prepared for your send off.. when it happens and it will.
As for the grammar police commentaries on your ability to express yourself here to bully you.. ignore them.. I'm sure they're a real treat in bed.. likely bring a clip board and a score sheet in all they do.. pay no attention, you're not writing a novel your asking for help in a forum..
Anyway beautiful, you've got what it takes for finding a great bondable, loveable man who will be filled with love and excitement and adventure just for you.. you just haven't met him yet.. let nothing stop you from seeking and find that kind of adoration and love..
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 37
what happened??
Posted: 10/13/2012 1:40:56 PM
you're just a beautiful kid .. easy to see .. just keep on keeping on .., you'll find a man who will love you and adore you.. nothing is going to change who you are ... you're the real deal kid.. he ain't for you..
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 38
what happened??
Posted: 10/13/2012 2:59:00 PM
"you're just a beautiful kid .. easy to see .. just keep on keeping on .., you'll find a man who will love you and adore you.. nothing is going to change who you are ... you're the real deal kid.. he ain't for you.. "

Aw, thank you very much! You made my day!
It would be nice though if guys can just be honest and tell you the truth. The relationship is done and I will never go back to that nor will I try to make a long distance relationship work again but, it would be nice if this guy wouldn't have been a coward and was just upfront and told me rather than making up reasons. It's not like we were going to stay friends, and I'm a big girl, I can handle the truth!
 stayinalivefl
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 39
what happened??
Posted: 10/13/2012 11:24:44 PM
Good thing for pof,,,,,,,,,,a psych would charge $50 to listen to all that,lol.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 40
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what happened??
Posted: 10/14/2012 7:45:09 AM
OP, if you're on the rebound maybe now is time to switch from being a Habs fan to the Jets. A basement in Montreal is a fine place to cheer for the Canajans in front of a 90" Sony. But you aren't french Winnipeg has only two types of people, those with season tickets and those without ... switching teams doesn't require much more than glaring makeup in royal blue, silver and red.

Evander Kane, Andrew Ladd, Olli Jokinen - get em' while they're young and hungry.
 Octane_Rush
Joined: 9/22/2012
Msg: 41
what happened??
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:52:48 AM
ou can feel as old as you want or think you are mature. There is still no substitute for experience.


Aren't you assuming a bit? Perhaps she DOES have this "experience", in spite of her age (which is not really relevant or necessary; too much age-ism going on here).


, if you're on the rebound maybe now is time to switch from being a Habs fan to the Jets. A basement in Montreal is a fine place to cheer for the Canajans in front of a 90" Sony. But you aren't french Winnipeg has only two types of people, those with season tickets and those without ... switching teams doesn't require much more than glaring makeup in royal blue, silver and red.

Evander Kane, Andrew Ladd, Olli Jokinen - get em' while they're young and hungry.


X'D Well, I believe Kane might only be found in Russia these days...That's quite the distance..
 6404
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 42
what happened??
Posted: 10/14/2012 11:39:29 AM
I read all the posts on this issue before I responded to your original question. This situation can happen as easily to someone in my age bracket as it happened to someone in your age range. A number of posters pointed out you may never have the real anwer and they are right. You could speculate until the end of time; but its just a waste of your energy. It boils down to someone that should have handled this with you in a much better and honest manner. It would have hurt yes, but you would at least have known. That being said, may I throw something out here for you? Stop and review what you really want and what makes you happy. We, at different times in our lives, change ourselves to adjust to a situation we think we want. You are a beautiful smart girl-take a step back when you meet someone that peaks your interest and take your time getting to know him-the real deal of a guy will understand. Best wishes girl!
 Rock_Lemon_30
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 43
what happened??
Posted: 10/14/2012 5:44:32 PM
Wow, that was really uncalled for!
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 44
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what happened??
Posted: 10/15/2012 12:07:11 PM
Which post are you referring to?
 marybuckeye
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 45
what happened??
Posted: 10/15/2012 5:23:56 PM
...I don't appreciate the sny comments telling me I am not ready and not mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
Sure, you have all known what it was like to be a 20 something year old but, what you don't know is what it is like to be ME as a 20 something year old.


You have a valid point here Habs, and I honestly doubt that Muted's intent was to judge you; not sure why the others waylaid you though, as you were polite in your assertion.

To give you another perspective on your scenario; sometimes men back off when they feel things are getting too life-changing serious. Sometimes they pull back or withdraw to reassess and strategize; my 28 year-old son did this just months before his wedding. Dunno about the text break-up route, I can only assume immaturity. Has he tried to contact you since? No matter... you are a beautiful, articulate, resourceful young lady and most likely can have your pick of any man of your choosing; just chalk this up to experience, as you will likely have others to add to it at one point or another in your lifetime. Good luck sweetie :)
 Aladdinfish
Joined: 8/27/2012
Msg: 46
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what happened??
Posted: 10/16/2012 1:55:15 AM
Habs.

leave that crazy "old" woman alone !

she is just jealous and she can never be as nice as you even when she was as young as you. and she could never be as young as you .
there is just different people in this world .
I hope she could just leave here .

I don't want to see that and try to avoid that kind of women all the time ! they are stink!
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 47
what happened??
Posted: 10/16/2012 12:23:20 PM
I didn't read all the replies so if I trumpet something someone else has already said sorry.........

You can't spend your time trying to figure out what went wrong. You will drive yourself crazy in doing so.
For whatever reason, from your side of things, it seems the guy had commitment issues. Dust yourself off get back up and get back out there.............
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