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 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 58
Final divorce papers...Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

he forged my name on the real estate documents. I ended up with 5k in legal bills, and he ran up all my credit cards upwards of about 40k.


If you didn't sign the documents, the property is still yours. Its between the buyer and the title insurance company at that point. (of course, it depends how long ago this happened)

Did you give him authority to use "your" credit cards? If they were also his, he also is liable for the debt. Who do you think the creditor will go after if that debt is paid? You or the guy making a good living?
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 60
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/4/2012 8:46:43 AM
It has been both sweet and sad reading some of the replies here. What we don't put ourselves through that most times isn't necessary. I believe that once legal gets involved, it turns things nasty and has the potential to draw things out to long, make folks so angry and bitter, then when it ends, legal sucks a vast amount of the monetary assets....Happy to see the ones who have moved on with healthy attitudes, and hope those who still struggle, have a change of heart. Bitterness and anger for others, really only harms yourself in the long run.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 61
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/4/2012 9:28:16 AM

What feelings did you experience when you received your final divorce papers?


Never been married, thus no divorce papers. But, in saying that, it was about 2 years "after" she was locked out that I felt the relationship had finally ended, and all the issues we had finally died. It was the day she walked down the aisle and actually got married to her now, ex. I didn't celebrate,but I did have a sense of relief of some kind.Very hard to explain,but I guess that's what happens when you actually love someone and they end up phucking ya around.

Reading some of the other threads I am somewhat mind boggled that some people have come thru this,,,more than once. Like 3 to 4 times?????? Slow learners?????
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 62
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/4/2012 3:57:18 PM
April 8, 1994 -- almost twenty years ago. I left -- we were incompatible and should never have gotten married -- it was sort of a "forced/arranged marriage" (no, I was not pregnant).

I was relieved.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 63
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/4/2012 4:10:47 PM

The "bias," then, is no such thing--it is recognizing these facts and attempting to even out things enough to keep the kids' lives as stable as possible in what is a destabilizing set of circumstances.


Would you like to hear what the family court judge had to say? You won't like it. He said that initially, family court judges try to be unbiased and look at the best interest of the children. But then they hear hundreds of stories from the women who have no idea how to take care of themselves, and the judges start to develop the mindset that if they don't give the children to the women and order the man to pay, these women will never survive. This is directly from a family court judge! I think I will take his word for it over a woman claiming it is because the woman is the caregiver.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 64
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/4/2012 4:18:46 PM
^^^^Well is that is the case Mr. Joe, tis such a sad sad legal world we live in...
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 65
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/4/2012 6:02:49 PM
I guess this means for me at least.......One marriage, one child, one divorce.......and the mindset can do what they want, and I will do what I should as a Father.

cd
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 66
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:38:57 AM
" ^^Well is that is the case Mr. Joe, tis such a sad sad legal world we live in..."

Judge or jury, decisions are made by flawed individuals, which is why compromise and settlement should always be favored whenever possible.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 67
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/8/2012 9:26:46 AM
I left her after she had begun spending nights "at her friend's house" on a frequent basis.

I went through a lot of emotions, failure, guilt, anger, sadness and it lasted quite some time. Between the time that I left and the divorce went final my mom passed away, her "friend" moved in (come to find out it was a HE), then several uncles all passed within a span of two months. It was like a very bad dream. Add to that our children were very young (still aren't teens as I write this) so explaining the dynamic to them was difficult. I don't recall the exact period of time between filing and the actual divorce, maybe 3-4 months. I left everything except for a bed and my clothes. We negotiated her buying me out of the house we'd shared for 14 years and here I am more than 3 1/2 years later.

Adjusted to life as a single person approaching middle age while being a dad. It's a process.
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 68
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/8/2012 2:16:30 PM
- I left (don't stay with a cheater), and so did most of my belongings.
- I felt sad and empty, and so did my wallet. But I recovered soon.
- It took 5 months for the finalization (perfect timing for most STD tests).

It does make you feel like a failure, because it's not what you wanted when you said 'I do'. In hindsight, I think she said 'I screw', but it sounded close enough.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 69
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/10/2012 7:43:37 PM
agent 86- The end of my marriage had been a long time coming.
I didn't want to give up because I was 22 years in, had three kids and didn't want to give up.
The last year, we lived like roommates, it took an argument that led to him saying something incredibly cruel and untrue to wake me up.
Asking him for the divorce was the hard part.
I was wondering how getting the papers would make me feel, but it was honestly a relief that I was free and could live my life without mistrust and anger.
I am much happier now and have no regrets other than I should have done it sooner.
 RJM1207
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 70
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/11/2012 5:08:35 AM
I was separated for 2 years. Finally was convinced it was not possible to reconcile after our children implied "Do not go back to that woman, you cannot trust her." I ended up writing most of the divorce papers and was happy when I had them signed. However, I did not celebrate. I look at a divorce like a funeral. Respect is due the passing of a life and a marriage alike. I think that attitude helps leave all of the baggage behind.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 71
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/11/2012 10:29:57 AM
My 22 year marriage had ended about 5 or 6 years before at least for me. He was starting a new career in heating and cooling and he worked very slow. Most of my time was spent keeping the family going, working and paying the bills. He was gone a lot, where I don't know, just wantede me working as much as possible. My mom and dad both lived in Florida and needed some help from time to time. I could never go because of course we had our own bills to pay. If there was something going on from his side of the family...he was there in a flash. I stayed longer then I should have my kids were 17 and 19 when I filed. He was totally shocked, yes I had an affair at the end but by then I didn't care about the marriage. My family wanted me out of it, and helped financially. Been out of that 6 years now, the kids are fine and he has a new g/f. I don't keep up with his family, and I don't think I'll ever re-marry.
 HitchHykr01
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 73
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/15/2012 7:45:28 PM
It is interesting reading a lot of these posts, almost therapeutic as a few come very close to my story and how I felt. ''

My wife of 27 years wanted to separate and after 30 days or so after the separation she sent me an email asking me for a divorce. She never gave us a chance to reconcile, she really never intended to.

A couple of months after the separation I found love letters from her to a "wonderful man". Turned out to be someone at work. And yes, in the last couple of months in our marriage she had spent a few nights out with her "friends". It did hurt that she could move on to someone else so easily and that she cared so little about me or the marriage. She had change and was unrecognizable, though she was one that always found it easier to lie and to cover up things.

When I received the divorce papers about 2 months after filing I was sad but didn't cry. I guess I had cried enough by then. This is the saddest thing I've ever gone through in my life, and there will always be a twinge of sadness within me. The one person that knew me the best actually didn't know me at all.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 74
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/15/2012 9:00:57 PM

She had change and was unrecognizable, though she was one that always found it easier to lie and to cover up things.


My ex believed that strip clubs were disgusting and a form of cheating. She swore that she would never, ever go to the female equivalent - the all male review. How many here would like to see the autographed picture I have of her with the men of The Thunder from Down Under? (No, I won't post it, but I do have it - lol)
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 75
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/16/2012 5:43:33 AM
My exhusband and I shook hands.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 76
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/16/2012 1:29:17 PM
Does he have a firm hand?
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 78
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/23/2012 6:54:53 PM
The Case Against Divorce by Diane Medved has some excellent points to make.

I can agree wholeheartedly with her point that in general women's friends while wishing to help by boosting the egos of their friends tend to be a very destructive force in causing divorces. I have seen women get divorced and then their friends egg their friends on to get divorced. It's like a contagious disease.

Personally, I think there is very little in a marriage that cannot be worked out. It does demand a really good mediator though and they're as rare as hen's teeth. There's a ton of so-so and really awful mediators. When divorce was illegal, people worked out their differences. Now they just swear their loyalty to each other before God, forget about that and get a divorce - usually over something really stupid. What's behind most divorces is a lack of commitment.
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 79
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/23/2012 7:47:27 PM



What feelings did you experience when you received your final divorce papers?
- Where you the leaver or the leavee (did you call it quits or did they)?
---- How long from time of separation to receiving your final divorce papers was your experience?



I've actually done it twice; once as the leaver, and once as the leavee. I found the feelings harder as the leaver; much more guilt for being the one to say "no mas". Both times was just a matter of months - 3? for the paperwork, because we were able to agree on everything. My lawyer the first time around gave me some sound advice...she said, "be as generous as you can afford to be". I'd share the same advice with anyone going down that same road. By making that choice, what came later was better, and easier...instead of bad feelings when the papers came, I could look at it as "the divorce went as well as such a thing could"...and that's just about priceless.
 Rexpel
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 80
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:27:19 PM
Never got them. When my ex and I separated, I got on my bike and left. Took nothing with me . Live in a different Country now and I'm happy.
 i_ski_do_u
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 81
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:08:58 PM
One Friday I came home and she was gone and didn't get home until 2:30 the next morning. Saturday afternoon she took off and didn't come home until Sunday afternoon. I didn't say a word, just gor up Monday morning and filed for a divorce. Best thing I ever did.

One evening about half way through our divorce, I got a call from a bar to come and get her as she was too drunk to drive. I can't imagine why she didn't have the bar call her new boyfriend, now her husband. Now she is his problem....... LMAO







OK before you think I am a completely heartless bastard, it wasn't the first time it happened, the second time or even the third time, but it was the last.
 TALLTEXAN2012
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 82
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/29/2012 8:45:39 AM
He cheated...he filed because I went after the "HO" in the small town where he was the CEO...her name was already on the topix forum...I just added my comments...
He actually introduced the "HO" to our grown daughter...saying "oh by the way...DON'T tell your Mother"... Yeah like that was going to happen!!!
DIVORCED August 16, 2012...the same day I turned 62...after 39+years of marriage and three outstanding children...
Ten agonizing months BUT once I signed that final decree...all I felt was FREEDOM !!!
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 83
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 11/30/2012 11:06:40 PM
I was the one that left him , he was the one that filed for divorce. I didn't bother with a lawyer his lawyer said it was the most unusual divorce ever. The judge asked me on the stand if I "realized I could get a lot of money" I'll never forget his face I answered him and said " I just want my freedom". My ex husband and I walked out of the court room together and went down to the basement to pick up our papers. On the way back up the elevator I turned to him as we reached the first floor, well, looks like this is it! He said I guess so. We gave each other a hug and I went my way, he went his.

Later that night I cried quietly in bed. I don't know if it just hit me all of a sudden or if I really was glad it was over. There was no fight no nasty words no bitterness more like two people going through the motions and shocked that it was happening to us. He had to head back to Canada while I stayed for the remainder of my time in Colorado Springs. Funny enough two years later when I was to return to Canada it was my ex husband that drove out there to pick me up and drive me back. All the way home at every stop he said "remember when we stopped here and did this". It felt strange sleeping in the same hotel for three days ( different beds) and it was the first time I noticed he turned around while I was undressing. That actually stung a bit. For the next six years after our divorce every time I saw him/stayed at the house he said " we'd still be together if you didn't leave". Surprised the hell out of me. The neighbors thought we were getting back together. I thought I'm never falling for that trap again. lol FINALLY he remarried!

When I look back I was happy we divorced even though ours was a friendly one it ended up becoming bitter later on. (after he remarried) Not me...him and we don't talk at all now. . I will never looked back with any regret of my divorce. It was my freedom and that still rings sweetly in my ears. I now look forward to the new opportunities a "divorcee" has!
 FML2013
Joined: 11/16/2012
Msg: 84
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 12/1/2012 8:42:02 PM
I felt freedom...was a loooong time coming :)
I left him after 22 years (I was working 60+ hours a week at 2 jobs, he wasn't doing anything other than doubling up the Visas I was working my butt off to eradicate & picking up women on the side, either on the computer or up at the mall..usually with our daughters- 5 & 1 - in tow :S He hooked up right away with one of his chickiepoos and I (having custody) focussed on the kids. No rush for divorce since he was getting his milk for free and I wasn't dating...plus $25 grand in daycare was a higher priority for me than legal fees. Once the kids didn't need daycare I got the ball rolling.. Total time frame - almost 8 fricking years.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 85
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Final divorce papers...
Posted: 12/1/2012 10:44:39 PM
After being married 11 years, most of them not very happy due to his alcoholism and emotional abuse, he actually found the strength to leave. We parted pretty amicably. But his drinking got worse, his relationship with our daughter faltered and has never recovered (she is 21 now). I was pretty messed up from my time with him and had no inclination to date, in fact I took 10 years to bring up my girl, get a degree and a masters and prove to myself I was not the useless piece of crap he had told me I was. When my girl was 16 and got a b/f, I looked at her beautiful adolescent happiness and something changed in my head. I spoke to my ex (and after 10 years apart, he really WAS my ex) and when she turned 18 we signed the papers. 4 months later the papers arrived- March 1st, exactly 22 years and 10 months after getting married. I drank Champagne.

No stories of squabbling over money here though. He never paid one red cent towards his daughter's upbringing after we split when she was 6. On the rare occasions he actually worked, he drank the money away. When he inherited $80,000 after his father's death, he bought her a lap top and a camera and gave her $800 for a holiday. Classy huh! He drank and frittered that away too. I think I am still a little bitter!! It is easy to say 'let it go' when you see your child struggling to make ends meet at University when he could have set up a fund for her. Ahhh well. She knows I am a soft touch at least.
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