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 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 26
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Mr. Right NowPage 3 of 2    (1, 2)
Sex is a very vulnerable thing. Physically, and emotionally... Before I bare my soul, and tender bits, I'd like to know more about the person I'm sharing with... to know if he's worth the exposure. Time will tell.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 27
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/19/2012 2:22:09 AM


If you were seeing someone who you did not see as "the one" (whatever that means, hate that term) would you ask him if he was alright with being Mr. Right Now, until you got to know them better?


The problem I see in the description you gave above is that, right now (no pun intended), you don't see him as "the one" yet, your statement "until you got to know them better", at least, gives the impression that you could potentially change your mind along the way and see him as "the one".

Either way, I think your choice of being honest and laying it down exactly the way it is right now as far as you're concerned, is the proper course of action. Tell him exactly what you want and find out if the two of you are on the same page.

The bottom line is: don't get into a relationship where the potential expectations don't match. That's just a formula for someone to get hurt. If your expectations match, then the outcome doesn't matter, because the two of you knew upfront exactly what you were getting yourselves into along with the associated risks. Tell him exactly what's on your mind and the two of you can make a choice on solid ground.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 28
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/19/2012 9:03:34 AM
No sooner than u get those words out of ur mouth, HE WILL TRY TO MAKE U HIS GIRL!!!!!!!! You have laid down the gauntlet that u can't be captured and now his caveman senses will kick in and he will have to hunt u down and make u his.....MARK MY WORDS!!!
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 29
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/19/2012 12:45:48 PM
See though, if he wants to see me on a Saturday, and I can be working some overitme, it cost me over $300 just to go hang out in his house. If it was every weekend, well over a grand for the priveledge of hanging out with him... He's hot, but not sure he's that hot... well, he is, but I need the money worse than I need to hang out with somone that drives me nuts, lol.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 30
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/19/2012 1:40:39 PM
You have to find out if your boundaries are elastic or not, but gambling your cash is not the way. Work this weekend. You'll come to resent it if you don't.

One more thing...it sounds like you can't "afford" the time, and he can. Why not allow him to walk the walk?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/19/2012 1:41:13 PM

See though, if he wants to see me on a Saturday, and I can be working some overitme, it cost me over $300 just to go hang out in his house. If it was every weekend, well over a grand for the priveledge of hanging out with him... He's hot, but not sure he's that hot... well, he is, but I need the money worse than I need to hang out with somone that drives me nuts, lol.

Even if I was in a serious relationship and it was forever, $300 is a lot to toss aside to spend a Saturday together. I'd be rescheduling that.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 32
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/19/2012 1:53:21 PM
Men, if some woman was honest enough to tell you she felt you were Mr. Right Now material, would you split, or hang around to see if something good came of it?


*shrugs*

If I liked her; I would probably be ok with it. Perhaps I would work to find out how to have her wish to be "Ms Forever", or, I would use her as she uses me; and its a mutual thing. Her actions would tell me everything anyways. Lost of people say things, (and even pay 10s of thousands to re-enforce those words); their actions always end up trumping those words though.

If I liked her, and saw her as worth my time/money/and efforts; sure, lets' do it.

I agree with scottey63 -- what's the point of hanging out while someone tries to decide if they like you?


Isnt that ^ called dating?

Perhaps this philosophy, as you seem to have, is why girls seem to want to marry me (or go nowehere remotely near me) before even dating me once!!

Yikes; on both counts

The whole "Mr. Right Now" thing implies you've already decided there's no future together, so what's the point in hanging around to get to know someone better?


Great question; if I may say!

Perhaps she has decided, but does not trust her own decisions? <--Does happen.

This is typical nonsense that most women try and pull.. keep a guy around as filler until the next one comes along.


Is that a win/win?
A losing proposition for one party?
A lose/lose?

That's sort of how I would gauge and decide my actions, or inactions.

but I need the money worse than I need to hang out with somone that drives me nuts,


So; you're "right now guy" costs you money, valuable time, and drives you nuts. The positive is that "he's hot"? (What do you mean: "drives you nuts"?)

One more thing...it sounds like you can't "afford" the time, and he can. Why not allow him to walk the walk?


Issssss itttt...........because he's hot?

Seems like you wont ask for more, because you're afraid that you're not good enough for him (or know he will say no); so instead, will just pay for his company whenever you can get to it. (men do it all the time)

Hmmm; maybe equality between sexes DOES exist.

I stick to "my" initial answer.

Note; I dont care what you do and expect you will do what you do regardless. (you're both adults, so what business is it of ours right)

Oh ya, my final answer: Is it a win/win?
 untilever
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 33
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 12:49:14 PM

See though, if he wants to see me on a Saturday, and I can be working some overitme, it cost me over $300 just to go hang out in his house. If it was every weekend, well over a grand for the priveledge of hanging out with him... He's hot, but not sure he's that hot... well, he is, but I need the money worse than I need to hang out with somone that drives me nuts, lol.


I have done this! The last guy I dated had a lot more money than I did and his weekends were his own. I turned down a lot of work that I kind of needed to spend time with him. Not too many $300 shifts, but it all adds up.

One year, one break-up and some personal debt later, I realize that I was making decisions with my hormones rather than my brain. I think part of the "driving you nuts" part may be because you know that you can't really afford to see him, but are doing it anyways against your better judgement. So let him know the boundaries and take care of yourself first. Set priorities and stick to them.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 34
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 1:00:52 PM
This is both funny and sad...last time I met a guy and told him we could only be the best of friends we ended up living together for 3 1/2 years...bad romance!!

So this time when a guy told me he thought we would make the best FWB, I told him to go screw himself! He laughed and while we are friends...that is all we will ever be...you can define at the start where a relationship will or wont go..it is just nuts to try..and to DEVALUE a person by saying they can only be RIGHT NOW says more about you than it does them...

Don't limit yourself on what someone can be to you or what you can be to someone else...there are simply no guarantees.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 1:15:59 PM
How many women would be happy being a Miss Right Now while the guy is searching for Miss Right?
 Lilbitofsugaandspice
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 36
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 2:28:48 PM
No thank you. Enough said.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 37
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 2:57:03 PM

It's an art of discretion not to say everything that flashes across your mind,

And going by these forms it's an art that is in serious danger of being lost!

OP, you can't know-usually-within just a few dates that someone is "Mr. Right"

If you are simply looking for social dating/fwb/whatever, just don't let the conversations go down roads about "the future" and "someday" or "forever". I don't think you need to stand up on a soap box and smack a guy across the face with a big banner that says " just looking for dating".
If he starts getting sappy, deflect the conversation.
He'll either get it, or possibly he will try to have a "lets' talk about us" aka a "Come to Jesus meeting"-in which case you may have to say "there isn't an 'us' in the future. Or you may have to speak out to a guy who just doesn't seem to be getting the message.

Look, I can understand to some extent that it can be fun to date and be involved with a guy and know that it's not going to last forever. But I think you have to keep that attitude in the forefront without being GRAPHIC about it.

Before all the guys start screaming at me, let me remind you about how it seems to be a common "guy" thing to let a woman "think what she wants" (by means of withholding information) if it takes you where you wanna go. If its' sauce for the goose it is also sauce for the gander.
Cindy O
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 38
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 3:24:28 PM
Did someone called?? Oh...I thought I heard my name...
 M_Dot99
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 39
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 5:14:28 PM
If she just wanted to hit the sack. That's great for me. No complaints there. :)
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 40
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 5:30:32 PM
OP --


What percentage of men would be honest with YOU if they were just serial dating or looking for FWB?
 Sensualman200
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 41
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/20/2012 6:17:12 PM
The thing is, with both males and females, in early dating people don't tend to be honest about their other dates and so on.

How many people readily admit to their dates how many other dates they have going on and how many of those that they are sleeping with?

What I find is when I bring up the issue (because I want my dates to know where I'm at with our budding relationship) I find that they come clean and tell me what's going on in their camp after I do. Not before. And, to be honest, I don't expect them to be exclusive at the early juncture. I do expect it if they say they are though.


Back to the OP, from what you are saying, that is a nice and honest way to put it. It sounds like you have some logistical issues in your relationship, and you aren't sure yet if the relationship is going to overcome those issues. If I was in that situation, I would discuss the matter in a very similar fashion. Lets face it, not everyone is dating like it was when we were kids, ie carefree, living at home, no kids or responsibilities... Most of us have responsibilities and life that makes it a bit more challenging to date and in some cases makes dating certain people pretty much a non starter.
Such as with me and my custody times. If I meet a gal who has an opposite custody schedule to myself, that pretty much kills the chance of us dating. If we REALLY matched well and hit it off absolutely amazingly, then maybe we could make it work. But that would bring up thoughts like the OP is having.
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 42
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/21/2012 7:38:01 AM
Thanks for your post SensualMan... I don't have kids, but I have animals, that I make $$ with on the side. Not just run of the mill Golden Retriever backyard litter type money... For example, I have a mare I bought earlier this year, and didn't get her bred, due to circumstances beyond my control. She is a world class bred mare. Her father is North American Ch. @ Spruce Meadows. Her mother's father is the highest money earning jumper in North American History, plus he won a lot of other prize money in Europe before he came here. Her mother's mother's sire is one of the most influential European sires of sport horses in the last century, and her mother's mother's mother's sire is the only horse to date to produce two world Ch. and three Olympic horses... So last night, I get a call from the man that I bought her from. He is getting calls since the London Olympics from people who have her offspring already of riding/jumping/competittion age. They want more babies... She is not bred this year. So we talked at length as to how to go about with embryo transfers, which are time consuming and challenging, and not cheap... but totally worth it on a mare of this caliber... This is something I would like very much to pursue, something I am heavily invested in. Not yet money wise, but hobby wise. This will cut even more into my free time and in the coming six months or so, but could pay off in the six figures if I get a few good ones on the ground. When someone sees my profile and sees "horses" they think "Oh, she boards a nag at a pricey stable and goes riding and braids it's mane a lot. Kind of like a My Little Pony that eats and poops real doo doo and costs an arm and a leg." They see the horse as an adversary, emotional competittion... They are NOT my pets. They are a hobby that I am very good at keeping expenses very low, and avoiding costly pitfalls. But I blab too much. Most don't care to read this stuff anyhow, because it is not their area of interest.
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 43
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/21/2012 7:40:49 AM
And not to be ignoring the rest of y'all's comments. Thank you each and every one that posted. Here are a sprinkling of answers to various observations...


Msg # 14... The main problem with being with being Mr. Right Now is if the "relationship" doesn't work out and the two part ways, many women will start whining: "Player. He's a player. I was tricked into liking him".


I am not "many women" and am well aware of the odds of things working out. I take my lumps like a man (should).


Msg # 15... The whole "Mr. Right Now" thing implies you've already decided there's no future together, so what's the point in hanging around to get to know someone better?

To me, Mr. Right Now means slow down bud. If you have a wife sized hole in your life you'd like me to fill... can I try to fill it with a "potential girlfriend" type peg first?



Msg # 22...I agree with scottey63 -- what's the point of hanging out while someone tries to decide if they like you? Unless you're happy with mediocre. It also sounds like you're the back-up plan or the back-burner guy/girl. But in reading posts by most of the men, they don't have a problem with it -- probably because it just implies FWB to them.

1. We have both well established that we like each other.
2. I have been very happy in the past with mediocre.
3. It's not a back burner situation. It's a cook or no cook situation. I'm bustin' ass trying to play catch up for some time off work the past two years due to health problems... And jonesing for a man's company at the same time. I'd have to find one that is okay with me being gone a lot, making as much as I can in the short term, and just coming home late and leaving early. Maybe one day a week to spend daylight fun time with.


Msg # 37(What do you mean: "drives you nuts"?) .

Issssss itttt...........because he's hot?

Seems like you wont ask for more, because you're afraid that you're not good enough for him (or know he will say no); so instead, will just pay for his company whenever you can get to it. (men do it all the time)


Hmmm; maybe equality between sexes DOES exist.

What I mean about him driving me nuts is... when I think of him, I get a warm, electric glow inside, starts at my ovaries, and radiates out toward the thighs, and up clear to my neck. Best I can compare it to is the Aurora Borealis, except in warm tones.
That, and he is a busy professional and our schedules do not leave much free time overlap. We end up emailing more than anything. He is very kind about it though.
Is it cuz he's hot, YESSSS!!!! LOL

Not asking for more... I'm not asking for hardly anything at this point. I am about certain I am not "good enough" for him, but if he wants to settle, so would I.
I will not pay for his company. Did that once. Never again.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 44
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/22/2012 12:18:03 PM
OP
having been in the equine industry and also having encountered someone with whom I had an impressive connection, in the middle of a logistical situation, I think I now have a better comprehension of your questions.

Look, it seems like you have a pretty realistic grasp of the situation, and if the guy is not stomping his foot and throwing a hissy fit because you are not dropping everything in your life to cater to his need for attention or to his vision of YOUR future, then I'd say go ahead and enjoy the guy. If it's meant to be more, it will sort itself out.

In my scenario, he got bent out of shape because I wouldn't just walk away from a house I was putting on the market, 2 horses, a dog and a cat to go work the winter Florida fleamarket/auction circuit with him. Then he wanted to come live with me over the winter...but I'd already decided I did NOT want to wind up in a "relationship by default" with him, so I told him no. It had started out as Mr Right Now ",and it stayed there- I never did or said anything to him to suggest that I did see him as Mr Right, or that I would make any large adjustments to my life to accomodate him. I think at one point there was a part of me that hoped it could progress to "Mr. Right"-but that didn't happen. Nor did the world quit turning because of that.
So I'd say enjoy as much as you can but don't let it deflect you from looking out for your own plans, dreams and security. I think you would be better served in your current situation to have a FwB than to be wandering around jonesing for "Mr. Right"...you need to get your life back on track and I would much rather see you do that by your own efforts in directions other than a mission to find "Mr Right" to fix it FOR you. Always prefer to rely on yourself.

Cindy O
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 45
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/22/2012 2:53:28 PM
No! I would never tell a man that...if I want respect I have to give it in return. That is disrepectful to me.

I would also avoid a relationship with someone I didn't feel I had a future with.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 46
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/22/2012 10:51:53 PM
IMO, as was said by other responders here, "Mr. Right Now" is another term for FWB. If you know you have no future together, but still 'date', then you are at most 'friends' scratching each other's itches. If you're both comfortable temporarily filling the void, that's fine. It's one way of staving off loneliness, especially if you can avoid forging a strong emotional bond.

It wouldn't be my choice, though.
 sexysunfish68
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 47
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/22/2012 11:21:03 PM
I think most men say you are the "one" early in order to get you into bed and if you are willing to do that, even though it is only casual, he would jump at it, is my bet. No one can really say who is right for them until they have known each other a good long while even with immediate chemistry and attraction, that is no guarantee. However most women when they are intimate with a guy for any length of time do get involved emotionally and attached. So FWB does not really work for women in the long run. IMO.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 48
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/23/2012 10:58:11 AM
Are most women willing to date and have sex if they know you are going to be seeing other women, even if the plan to see other women is a month from now?

I don't honestly know, but seems hard to pull off.

What do you people say?
 MrMestophales
Joined: 11/27/2014
Msg: 49
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Mr. Right Now
Posted: 12/11/2018 7:32:57 PM
I would personally have to say it depends on the woman but the conversation needs to be had
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 50
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Mr. Right turn
Posted: 12/14/2018 9:38:00 AM
I'll bet the OP has figured this all out by now. but its an interesting post, since we've been peripherally talking about these topics lately. We have a person who doesn't have time for a relationship, but really wants to feel good. She lusts for a man she keeps labeling out of her league ("Not much future in it, more because of his much higher refinement, education, carriage"). He's in a race to lock her down, since she looks hawt no matter what age is on her profile :) maybe he's got the honeymoon hormones going. she's distracted by his looks to notice she doesn't have time and doesn't have $300 to lose on a hot saturday night.

in the end, how do we ever put the brakes on a relationship? well, we risk the source of our pleasure by...pointing out the truth. but what if our partner steamrollers right over it? how many times do we have to point out reality to them? are we responsible for opening up their eyes while they are in honeymoon bliss?
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