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 MeanBitter
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 48
Does love have to be 50/50 between partnersPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Keeping score huh? That's a problem right there.The other problem is that with 50/50 is that you are both only giving at half throttle. My mother taught that relationships are 100/100. BOTH should give their ALL.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 49
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:03:55 PM

And, most people don't like to feel that they are taking advantage of someone.


I was totally on board with you up until this part. Some people do and they aren't usually very shy about it.

MeanBiter, 50/50 is 100/100. Just like 2/2, 4/4 and 1/1 are all the same. To my understanding 50/50 is supposed to represent equal investment. Of the 100% (which is the maximum btw) each person provides their half. Saying 100/100 is the exact same thing. The only way another number makes sense is if you first assume that fifty-fifty means both people are putting in a half-assed effort and I don't think anyone ever uses it in that way.

To put it another way: Your mom says 50/50 is lazy, so you give 100/100. So I say, Oh yeah, well MY mom says that 100/100 is lazy, so I give 1000/1000.

This is right up there with people who say they give 110%. 100% is everything, it's all there is. If someone ups their game by ten per cent, it doesn't prove that they are giving more than one-hundred, it means they were wrong earlier when they thought they had no more to give. Besides, giving 100% would have to be compared to the history of human achievement in order to be valid. Since the messenger at Marathon dropped dead from his exertions, I find it kind of funny when anyone says they gave 100%.
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 50
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:09:25 AM

I was totally on board with you up until this part. Some people do and they aren't usually very shy about it.


I disagree with your premise in that it's selfishness and denial that causes a lot of the things being talked about in this thread. As men, it would seem that we share experience in our marriages where we apparently gave nothing and took everything...despite the fact that we were always left with very little. I never really kept score but once the score keeping starting flying around there was a whole lot of twisted denial to throw back. The truth is my ex wife and I were both sick. she still is everything is still my fault and I am the dreg of the earth. I don't think about things like that any more but the courts just listen to her of course...so I am still the loser. But the source of the mess is people who don't deal with their resentments and allow love into their hearts. This 100% 50% crap is really meaningless. Again, it's about faith hope and love not score keeping and effort.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 51
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:26:13 AM
^^^You may be _Just_A_Man_ but you seem like a pretty good one to me. I'm glad you disagree with me, if everyone agreed with me I'd probably go do something stupid like run for office.

btw, I'm entirely to blame for everything and all of the world's problems are my fault - or so I'm told. You're golden, buddy!
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 53
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:30:20 AM
yeah but Alie you are so hot that just being there is like giving 70% how hard can it be to muster up another 30%?

And add well the only thing we disagree about is they aren't shy about it LOL. I think they are so shy and unable to be honest with themselves they wallow in denial about their bullsh!t. I have had enough to the point I am ready to be more careful LOL...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 54
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:32:03 AM

If you give because you genuinely love, you will not regret having done so, even if the object of your affection leaves. The act of giving to someone you love, rewards you. If you find that there's a tally running in your head though, then you should admit to yourself that you aren't "giving" a damn thing.

Absofreakin'lutely.

Real love is 100%-100%. There may be times when one is giving 80% and the other is giving 120%, but in the real deal it will tend to balance out. There are also relationships where one is OK with giving more-because like people, relationships aren't perfect. But the real deal doesn't keep a ledger, either. Of course there may be discussions from time time if one or the other feels an imbalance, but again, the real deal understands that relatinships aren't perfect.


We need to remember that one partner's love can be difficult to measure. Perhaps he/she is the more responsible, socially aware, etc. They are the one looking out more for their partner or the family. Perhaps you bring your girlfriend a box of chocolates and bottle of wine but don't reaslize that she's been making sure you eat a healthy meal every day or watches that the car registration is renewed on time.

Anyways, don't underestimate the value of contribution of a partner that day to day is quietly looking out for you. It's easy to take this type of steady person for granted.

Indeed!


was given 80% for everything and he was doing 20%, its hard to date someone with a mental illness...

But you TRIED. Nobody can take away that honest effort from you. And hopefully you learned some things of value without having the lesson(s) twist your soul.

Cindy O
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 56
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:56:00 AM
Well firstly you say you give praise ,love ,and work harder, for the relationship than your partner.
Frankly and honestly we all offer, and GIVE, different things, to each relationship that we encounter/
The vital question here is - ASK her what she feels SHE is contributing, to the relationship.
She will tell you in a flash what she is offering. It will probably supprise you to hear what she offers ,and how it differs drasticly from meeting your needs.
The 2nd Question you ask her is - what she needs that you are NOT giving her.
It's always not about what you ARE giving, it's more often about what you are NOT giving.
You will find the answer very quickly - { then you can decide and I think you will} and you will part company - is my guess, you are both on different pages, in the book's of your'e lives, which is being read now to you now - and is closed.
Also just for some benefit to us here, what makes you give prasie, when you obviously feel it isnt due to her.

You do it because..............//?? someone told you people respond well to praise - well some do some dont, people often feel embarrassed by praise, some people are quite self effacing.
Care to share more deeply.
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 57
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 11:42:45 AM
Tall IQ2 I agree with your thoughts on this subject.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 58
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History
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 12:02:33 PM
In order for love to really last BOTH sides must give 100%.

Times get easier or harder in live , as things happens. There'll be times when one partner needs to take more and the other must give more. Or sometimes the reverse is true.

But if each one is doing his/her best -- they'll both be giving their 100%

If one partner or both partners feel(s) the need to "keep score" and refuses to bend a little (or a lot) at times, it will never work.
 WinterIsComing80
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 59
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 12:06:13 PM
Relationships are never 50/50 100% of the time. Sometimes you give more than you get and vice versa. You just have to realize that eventually it will even itself out if you stick it out long enough. However, if it's always you giving and them taking the dynamics are off and need to be sorted asap before the resentment kicks in.
 YourBrandNewGuy
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 60
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 1:10:56 PM
I think it 's clear by the fact a bunch of middle age people flock to these sites is because someone was just not into you as much as you into them or the other way around. Often the left behind person cries while the leaver is ecstatic about getting out. This started with two people that are all over each other and madly in love.

I think with some happily married people one is deeply in love with the other, and the other is content and thinks their partners pretty good but no big emotions involved after years have past, it's almost platonic. Many are somewhere in between. Then there are those couples that are totally in love with each other till the end.

I've had the two way devotion and the one where I know my love is much bigger towards her and the one where her's was bigger. I don't think I'm going for anything less than total mutual attraction this time. It eliminates so many problems, like trust issues and makes for a perfect partner ship.

I feel that I could always tell from the beginning so if that's the case I'm only going for total two way devotion this time round.
 jetpackflier
Joined: 8/27/2012
Msg: 61
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/7/2012 1:13:40 PM
you answered it already,,,you fell more than he fell for you,,,,he is waiting to upgrade....leave or see you on POF in a year ,,,... you know the answer,, why are you questioning your own good judgement?
 passion2pleaseaz
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 62
Does love have to be 50/50 between partners
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:21:56 AM
if i gave 110% in a relationship and they only gave 50% then i would feel slighted and cheated.this is a dumb question.a relationship is what both partners get out of it.some work better with one partner being the stronger partner or the"rock" of the relationship.others have to be equal for it to work.

i've never been one to keep score when it comes to friendships and relationships
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